Myriad Subtleties
Lukia Cromwell
She hardly sleeps nowadays. Her dreams and thoughts are always plagued with shadows and ghosts of the things and people that she lost. She stays up late at night, sitting by her window, waiting for dawn to arrive. This must be how he spent several nights, she thinks.
It's hard for her to sleep. Things she'd rather not think about always resurface in her dreams; thoughts not buried deep enough during the day come back and haunt her at night. Briefly, she wonders if all shinobis have trouble sleeping. She thinks that maybe they all do, some just hide it better than the others. Just like some are more skillful than others. The only time she sees them sleep is when she's on duty at the hospital. That doesn't count though because they've been drugged, and essentially forced to sleep.
Tsunade-shishou doesn't have trouble sleeping, neither does Naruto. Maybe that's why they're so great. They can just shrug things off. Sometimes, she likes to pretend that she can shrug feelings off too. She even has the perfect tool - her mask. If they ever had a Ms. Fake Smile pageant, she would probably win, and she's not exaggerating either.
Day comes, and she finds herself in front of the Hokage's office. Tsunade-shishou is saying things that don't really make any sense (She's drinking sake again, she thinks), but she can't hear them. She's too busy thinking about the significance of the day. It's been three months.
Curtly she interrupts her mentor. "I should be going to the hospital. The Anbu team you dispatched weeks ago is due to return today from yet another S-Class mission. I should prepare the whole staff."
Tsunade only nods and slurs out a few indistinct words and waves her off. Sakura bows because she is polite and bids her teacher good bye, with a smile on her face, of course.
Everything is ready at the hospital when she gets there. Again, she smiles because she's proud of her staff. She's only eighteen, but she has accomplished a lot. She's grown up a whole lot too.
------
Several hours pass, and the sun is already starting to set. That's when the patients arrive one by one, bloody and drained off of all their energy. She looks at the unconscious bodies; none of which are dead. No one has reported any casualties. She sighs and somehow, she's glad even though she knows that she will have to work overtime for the next few days.
She feels someone tugging on her white coat, and she turns to meet the person. He's a bit old - probably in his late forty's. He has an iv attached, but he's walking around freely. She knows him, everyone in the staff knows him. He's quite the cheerful old man.
"Hello, doctor pretty," the man greets her. She smiles at him, and it's a genuine one.
"Hello, sir, shouldn't you be resting?"
"Oh bah, resting makes me feel old and tired."
"Oh, I see."
"Yes, yes. So, I was wondering, doctor, when will I be out?" the man asks.
"Oh, in about two weeks time at the latest, one week at the earliest. Don't worry, you'll be fine soon, and you'll be able to spend more time with your family too. I promise!" Sakura replies optimistically.
"Ok then. Well, I'll be going now. Good bye, doctor."
Behind the old man, She spots Lee being rushed out of the ER on a wheelchair to make room for those who have yet to come. She runs to the group of nurses and medics and tells them she'll get him to his room.
"How was it?" she asks.
"Best mission ever," he says tiredly.
"No casualties, just lots of unconscious Anbu members. Yep, it's one of the best missions you've accomplished so far," she says cheerfully.
"Yes, indeed Sakura-san, all that I needed was but a few stitching here and there, and a broken leg. Truly, Gai-sensei will be proud of my valiant accomplishment. I am at the apex of my career!" He was tired, but his voice was always full of energy much like Naruto.
"I see. Well, still, you need your rest, Lee. I think you should take a nap first." She wants to ask him a question, but she can't seem to get it out.
"Yeah," he yawns because he's on the brink of dozing off.
"Naruto's okay, by the way, Sakura-san," he adds, answering her unspoken question, before completely succumbing to sleep.
Sakura nods at this, leaving Lee once again to the hands of one of their staff members waiting for him in his hospital room. She hurries back down by the registry, just in time to spot him leaving the hospital.
'Naruto!' She tries to yell out his name, but it's stuck in her throat.
He turns anyway, as if hearing her call. And, he smiles upon seeing her. She smiles back easily.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself," she says almost inadequately.
"I was going to go visit the old woman, report on the mission and all, you know?" He seems tired, but his voice does not even carry the slightest hint of it. He had grown over the years, matured even. He's not nearly as bouncy as before but his voice still is. It's a bit lighter now though and even masculine. His frame is tall and solid but not completely. He's much more confident but not overbearing.
"So, wanna grab a bite after wards, Sakura-chan?" He grins at her teasingly. He still uses the suffix, but he's always careful not to over use it.
Finding familiarity once again after weeks of not seeing him, Sakura places her arms akimbo on her hips. "Not before I take a look at you, Naruto!" Her voice is stern but soft. "I want to check your wounds," she continues.
"Or maybe you just want to check me out?" he utters mischievously. His countenance now carrying a lopsided grin.
Sakura sighs at this, although she does enjoy his good humor. "Whatever, Naruto. I just don't want Tsunade-shishou thinking that I'm taking my patients for granted just because they happen to have the kyuubi inside them."
"You win."
"I always win," Sakura replies as she grabs him by the arm and drags him to the examination room.
"Remind me to give you your prize later then." Happily obliging to her, Naruto does not hold back on teasing his teammate.
Luckily for her, Naruto does not see her blush. "Oh, well, I just can't wait to find out what it is."
"Oh really now?" Truly, he is testing her limits.
"Just shut up and sit, Naruto!" She snaps, unable to take his playfulness; at the same time, afraid that he might notice another blush creeping up on her cheeks. He does not say anything in response, only following her order.
He takes off his shirt, and she almost gasps at the wounds. Telling herself that this is only standard procedure, she begins her work. Tenderly, she places her hands over his chest. His muscles are taut, his skin cold, and for a second, it seemed like he stiffened at her touch. Careful not to tap or infect the wound, she draws chakra to her hands and begins to heal it.
Neither one of them says anything while she works as if paralyzed by their proximity. The silence lingers on for a few minutes before she breaks it.
"You idiot." She waits for him to say something, anything, but nothing happens. She takes this and continues, "Going over to Tsunade-shishou's first before having your flesh wounds checked out, you could've passed out and caused further complications. Honestly, what's in that big head of yours!" It was not a question, but he answered her anyway.
"You," he says. It sounded like he almost choked it out, almost answered without thinking; it sounded like he answered her almost instinctively. Almost.
"What?" It takes a while for her to register what he said in that pretty little head of hers. She heard what he said, and yet she blurts out the 'what' in disbelief.
"Nothing."
She coughs. "I'll patch up the rest of your wounds with bandages. They're only minor ones anyway."
She'd rather not think about what he said - what it meant, what it could've meant. It scares her, and she afraid of what he truly meant by saying that. He probably wasn't even aware of what he intended to say. She's not ready yet. She does not want to break their friendship, but that's what the two of them will always have, isn't it? Just a simple friendship, although unconsciously wanting more, memories of the past and their irrational fear of what the future holds will not let them.
For their teams misgivings and shortcomings, this is what they have to pay. For his betrayal and abandonment, this is the price they have to pay. And, it's unfair really, but she finds it hard to blame him for leaving them. It's not his fault she can't move on even though she already has. It's not his fault, he's afraid of the fact that maybe any feelings she might have or will project towards him are only misplaced because he's not there.
Again, they fall back into the silence that haunts them. It is neither comfortable nor awkward, it is simply there because one is too busy pretending to be asleep and the other is trying to fix him even though he's all right.
"Sakura." This time, he is the one who breaks the stillness.
She raises up her head expectantly. Her now tired emerald eyes meet his equally tired and confused, blue orbs.
"I meant to say that," he stops unsure of what to say, "I, err, really have to go now."
"Oh, okay," she replies, disappointed. What was she expecting him to say anyway? His undying devotion to her? 'Ha,' Sakura scoffs at the thought. He had stopped years ago, just like she had stopped thinking that Sasuke was the love of her life. So why would he say that now when she had always, always ignored him whenever he used to say it?
"I'll see you later, okay, Sakura-chan?" His cheerful façade is back once again. This time he says the suffix lightly, desperately trying to lift the heavy mood.
"Hmm, yeah."
He departs without a second look at her, leaving Sakura on her own to reflect on what had just transpired.
------
It has only been a few hours after sunset when Naruto gets to the Hokage's office. As usual, he is greeted with an exasperated Tsunade. She has piles of paperwork that were supposed to be finished days ago still sitting on her desk, and she's trying her hardest to finish them. Really, she is.
"Hey there, old hag," He gets greets her good-naturedly, thoughts of his encounter with Sakura well set aside.
"What do you want, boy?"
"I just wanted to check on you," he replies smoothly, hands in his pocket. "And to report on the mission, of course."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm sure it went well. Just write up the report, and I'll read it tomorrow. My hands are tied right now, and I really want to finish at least ten papers today before I get home."
Naruto quirks an eyebrow at this. He would have made a sarcastic comment, but he knew better than to take his chances and risk receiving a powerful punch from the very frustrated Hokage.
"I'll leave you alone then. I'll just go see Iruka-sensei and try to get him to treat me at Ichiraku's. " He turns and heads for the door, but Tsunade calls him back again.
"Naruto, have you seen Sakura?" she asks.
The query catches him off guard. He freezes at the question, but quickly regains his composure. "Nope, not really," he replies, his back still turned to her.
"Oh, all right then. When you see her, tell her to come to me. I have a mission for her."
"What kind?" he asks out of curiosity.
Tsunade sighs for the umpteenth time before she responds. "Just some kunoichi business."
"Just some kunoichi business, huh? Care to elaborate, Tsunade-sama?" He doesn't know why, but he wants to find out. Maybe he really is just over-protective of her. She's not weak, he's know that for fact. But still, that doesn't stop him from worrying. Kunoichi missions are usually highly confidential, and Tsunade rarely assigns them to Sakura. At least, that's what he thinks. So far, she's had three that he knows of. Just three that he knows of.
"No, Naruto, we've been through this before. This is Sakura's mission, and it's between me and her. If she wants to share it with you and Kakashi, although I'm highly against it, I can't stop her," she retorts.
"Fine, I understand, whatever," he replies, traces of anger lacing his voice.
"Well, I'm glad that you do. Goodbye." She dismisses him before he loses his temper. She's not in the mood to deal with him, not when she badly wants to finish the papers and go home as soon as possible.
Wordlessly, he leaves the way he came.
------
The streets of Konoha were still very busy even though the sun has long since set. Sakura walks out of the hospital and inhales deeply, taking in the fresh air. She's off for the night, and she's glad because she thinks she really needs a bath right now.
"Sakura!" A feminine voice calls.
The owner of the name turns her head to greet an old friend.
"Hey, Ino."
"Hey, you wanna go out and eat? It's Friday night, I have no missions, and the flower shop has closed," her friend says eagerly.
"Okay, where though?"
"Hmm, as crazy at it sounds I'm in the mood for Ramen. So how about Ichiraku's?" Ino offers.
Sakura hesitates knowing she will surely meet Naruto there, and she's not too keen on seeing him again so soon. "How about some other place, Ino? Every time someone wants Ramen, we go there."
"Exactly. It's because they have the best ramen out there. Come on, what are you afraid of? Seeing that blonde idiot there?"
That's exactly what she's afraid of and even if Ino has been her friend since childhood, she can't find the heart to tell her.
"Fine," Sakura surrenders, silently hoping that he won't be there.
When the two friends get to the stand, Sakura quickly scans the area. Relieved that he's not there, she sighs. They both take a seat after courteously greeting the stand owner. Sakura was just about to take her ramen when Ino asks the dreaded question.
"So why didn't you want to go here?"
"Just kind of not in the mood for it," Sakura lies. She's good at lying but not around Ino.
"Liar. Tell me, Sakura. I know you better than anyone else. I know something is bothering you. I can read you like a book. I read you like a book. You are a book to me--"
"Yes, Ino-pig, I get it. There's no use lying in front of your all knowing, human lie detector, best friend!" Sakura snaps. No one lies in front of Ino and gets away with it.
"I'm not even going to say that it's that time of the month. I know you better than that. So spill it all out. We'll have an all girls night, just you and me. We'll even have a sleep over if you cry hard enough," Ino jokes, knowing fully well that her best friend's problem has something to do with the Noodle stand and Naruto. She's a good friend, and she understands Sakura better than Sakura understands herself. That's how good of a friend she is. But of course, she won't push Sakura too much right now, not in public.
"I have no problem with any--" Sakura is quickly interrupted when Naruto appears next to Ino.
"The usual, please!" he says eagerly to the owner before he turns to them.
"Hiya, Ino, Sakura!" he greets them with his usual, cheery mask. Ino replies first.
"Hey, cinderblock. Don't you eat anything other than ramen?"
"Nope! Don't you have anything better to do than chase men who don't even want you?" Naruto's reply was just a little too snide than usual, Sakura notes. Thankfully, however, Ino doesn't really know him too well, and their conversations with each other almost always consists of insults.
"You're starting to sound like that jerk, what's-his-face, Sai," Ino comments.
Sakura does not say anything. A bit relieved, though not completely, that Ino was there to divert Naruto's attention. The situation even turned to her favor when not a few moments have passed when a messenger pops right in front of her in a cloud of smoke.
"Haruno, Sakura," the messenger announces. Both Naruto and Ino stop at the announcement of her name. They both hold a curious look on their faces.
"Message from the Konoha Medical Hospital,
An emergency has occurred and they require your expertise. You must be at the E.R. as soon as possible once you receive this message. That is all." Having announced it, the messenger disappears the same way he came - in a cloud of smoke.
"Well, guys, looks like I'll be working tonight." Sakura quickly leaves the two before any one of them could say a word and heads for the hospital.
------
When she gets there, the staff of the E.R. is in a panic. Syringes, bandages, crash carts, and movable beds are in a disarray. Medics, specialists, and nurses are gathered around a man lying on a bed, desperately trying to save him. Upon noticing Sakura, everyone quickly makes room for her to examine him. He was the same man she had talked to earlier that day.
Without wasting any more time, Sakura quickly gets to work. His wounds had started opening up again and there was also some internal bleeding according to the nurse. Apparently, he had been neglected due to the number of anbu members that came in that day with several injuries because of the recent S-class mission.
Sakura tries her best to heal the patients wounds, but she starts to feel light headed. She realizes that she hardly has enough energy to heal him fully, or even to save him. If only she hadn't taken her chances and tried to mindlessly heal Naruto's wound completely. It took a lot of her chakra supply to heal him back and make it look like the wound was never there in the first place. Closing it and a few other sporadic treatments would have been enough, but no, she had to go and make sure that he was perfectly fine. Or, maybe that's not what she was trying to do in the first place. Maybe she's just using that as an excuse to stay close to him for even a few minutes. Why does she care so much about him anyway? That idiot who's always so reckless but always so protective of her. He doesn't know anything.
"Heart rate is quickly going down," announces one of the nurses, bringing Sakura's thoughts back to the current situation.
This time two other medics are helping in, and Sakura starts to draw all of her chakra to her hands. She notices that the wound is barely healing, and that it would take a miracle for her to save him. Tsunade could easily come here and save his life, but he's not her patient; he's Sakura's and therefore, it's up to her to save him. Feeling light headed once again, she shifts her position so she could stand up straight and not have anyone notice her slipping. In the background, a female voice is stating the steady decline of the man's heart rate.
"It's no use," says one of the medics, but Sakura ignores him. Feeling the last of her chakra leaving her body. Sakura tries harder but to no avail. She hears the dull, monotonous beep from the machine.
"Time of death: 9:41 PM," says the medic.
And Sakura stops, breathes, and closes her eyes. Feeling tears welling up, she blinks heavily. She knows she can't always play savior all the time, but she desperately wanted to save him. She had assured him earlier that day that he would be up and about by the end of the week. She even promised him that he would be able to see his family soon. Thinking of all that really made her feel like the biggest liar in the world. Sometimes, she wishes that she could just shrug off these things, but that's just virtually impossible. It would make everything so much easier for her though.
Sakura laughs out loud. The staff gives her a quizzical look, but she ignores them. She's not laughing at anyone in particular. She's only laughing at herself, out of pity. Today really has been too much for her. Try as she might, she can't even remember the last time she went through a roller coaster of emotions. Idiot.
Pulling herself together, Sakura leaves the hospital looking forward to yet another sleepless night. Now would probably be the best time to talk to Ino.
------
A bit unsure of where to find her friend, Sakura opts to check for her at Ichiraku's. It's a bit late, but there's still a chance that Ino might just be there. Sakura stops not a few yards away from the stand, noticing her teammate still hunched over, eating a bowl or ramen. On impulse, she turns her heels to leave, but he notices her. A millisecond later, he's right there behind her, his hand gripping her arm.
"Don't go. Please," he pleads with sorrowful eyes, but she does not see them. She has her back turned to him.
Neither one of them moves to say anything. It's the silence that haunts them. Bred not by their apparent closeness but by years of unfamiliarity. It hangs in the air like a burden, a ghost, that will never leave them, but he wants to remedy that. This time, it's his turn to fix her, to fix himself, and to fix their relationship.
"I'm so sorry, Sakura," he apologizes, "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that."
I was just thinking about you. Is it really my fault?
She stays still for a second too long.
"Naruto."
"Sakura."
They both say the other one's name at the same time.
"Don't apologize. Please don't apologize for saying that. I don't want you to…" she pauses, uncertain if she wants to say it. I don't want you to say that you didn't mean it.
"Sakura," he says her name once again in a gentler and almost pleading tone. Slowly, she turns to him, searching his expectant eyes. What does he want me to say?
"I meant it, you know. It seemed like I just blurted it out randomly, but I really meant it. Sakura, I know that you love him, and that you can't forget about him, and I'm really sorry for saying that. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose your friendship. So please, just forget that I said that." Moving in to close their distance, he takes her by the hip and pulls her into his hold.
"Idiot," she sobs out in his chest. She doesn't want to cry. It makes her look weak even though she's not. She swore to herself that she wouldn't cry anymore, but she can't seem to stop herself.
"You're so stupid. Why are saying that? Why are you telling me to forget when I can't? I can't forget what you said! I don't want to forget, you idiot!" She's crying and yelling, and she doesn't really know what to say. Neither one of them does.
"Sakura, I-I love you," he chokes. "And, I really don't know what to do or say to make everything better. Sasuke…he's…I haven't given up yet, Sakura. I'll bring him back to you," he chokes out the words. It hurts him to say that, but he doesn't care as long as it makes her feel better. And, it doesn't.
"You're so stupid." She's hugging him furiously now, clutching on his bright, orange shirt. She hates him sometimes for not knowing. "Do you really think I'm that blind? I care about Sasuke, and I would be so happy if Team Seven was back together, but I've moved on! I've grown out of that stupid, little Sakura that used to foolishly chase him around. I - he's…he's my past now, Naruto!" Sakura places her hands on his face and makes him look at her. She doesn't care if what he sees an ugly, little girl with eye bags and tears in her eyes, she just wants to look at his face. "….and I want you to be my future, Naruto," she whispers.
His eyes widen, but before he could say anything, she pulls him down and kisses him. And he, in all of his glory, is just so glorious - tasting so sweet, and new, and fresh like apples, and candies, and oranges, and ramen, and all that is good. He eagerly returns the kiss, hungry and ravenous, like a child who has been kept away from his favorite candy for so long.
Moments later, they pull away from each other. With swollen lips and gasping breaths, they exchange such sweet and lovely words and promises that will never be broken or forgotten.
Fin.
A/N:
This was supposed to be a short one shot at first, then it turned into a really long stream of consciousness thing. I decided to make it multi-chaptered to elaborate on showing off Sakura's super awesome kunoichi skills and to add to Naruto's angst. But then, I realized that I wouldn't be able to commit to a multi-chaptered story (I was thinking about three, but that's just too much). So, now, it's just a really long one shot.
The title was taken from "We Wear the Mask" by Paul Lawrence Dunbar, who is such a magnificent poet by the way. I don't want to put the poem here because really, I didn't write it, and this is supposed to be only for what I wrote. So, instead, you'll find it in my profile.
Good day.