At one point in his life, Jim Kirk turned to alcohol for comfort. It may have began after the incident on Tarsus, or after his final stint in juvie, or all the overwhelming emotional baggage he'd carried since birth, but whatever the reason was it had brought Kirk to something that never let him down. As he grew older, any reason became a reason to drink. He would get plastered simply to pass the time and pick up women. Jim Kirk was no alcoholic by any account. He managed more than fairly when he was sober. He simply found enjoyment in drinking. But as of late, the peace he found in each glass seemed to evade him.
He drained the last of his drink from his glass and set it back on the bar with a clink. Jim motioned to the bartender for another round and cast a slow glance for the time. He'd taken up the stool nearly three hours ago and couldn't be considered tipsy by his standards, let alone the other patrons. The bar was nothing like the others he frequently attended. It was more authentically rustic. One of the few remnants of the past of Earth. Stools formed by steel and covered in real leather. Wall panels covered in wood. True neon lights, even a jukebox. The out of place bars such as this one, made Jim feel right at home-as he didn't seem to belong anywhere else. But whatever kept the alcohol from doing what it did best, must have been the same thing that was keeping him from leaving and going home. The bartender refilled Jim's drink and left the young captain to his thoughts.
Since his latest brush with death, where he'd actually been touched and taken, beit twenty minutes of an hour, he had still died. His heart had stopped. Kirk found himself looking at everything differently. But nothing looked different in his eyes. Even in his head nothing made since. His life was the same, but at the same time it wasn't. He had died, but came back. No one else he knew had the luck to do so. Not his father, not Pike. Men who actually deserved to remain with the living. But him, an arrogant Starfleet Captain with no respect for his position, let alone the rules, was brought back. Kirk bitterly drained his glass in one sitting and set it down and called for another. The alcohol burned down his throat more so than usual. Maybe it was time to call it a night after this last one.
"Make it two." called a voice from behind. "On me."
Jim could've sworn he felt his heart stop simply by the voice alone. He hadn't heard that voice in years. He swallowed nervously, unsure whether he hoped he was wrong or right, and looked over his shoulder. Behind him stood another person from his painful past. She stood with her toned arms at her hips, though one seemed to be arched outward. Jim let his eyes wonder, if only to see how much she'd changed. He found himself relieved to see that nothing was different. Her dark green top wrapped around the familiar form of her slim body, hiding her typical black tank beneath it. Her slender hips were encased in her dark pants, and black tactical boots laced to perfection. Strands of chestnuts curls hung over her right shoulder, fraying from a braid that, he suspected, had been placed a week ago. Her mouth was close, but her jaw was unclenched. But it was her eyes, those piercing green eyes that held him steady, that started up his heart once more. It took a nanosecond after seeing her, for Jim to realized that he missed her. God how he missed her.
Jim did know how much time passed as he stared at her. Judging by the way she looked back at him expectantly, it was too long for her comfort. He gave his head a small jerk, as if breaking whatever trace he'd found himself in, and got his brain and mouth functioning again. "Hi, Athena."
Athena gave a curt bod of her head in return. "Kirk."
Jim noted the abrupt and clipped tone in her voice. "I didn't think you'd get my message."
"Well I did and here I am." She replied, taking up the stool beside him. She took hold of her tumbler of alcohol. "Forgive the late response. Six months off-planet will delay the responses."
Jim nodded. "I heard you were on the USS Nova. How'd you like space?"
Athena gave an irritated sigh. "Cut the shit and tell me why you contacted me, Kirk."
Jim winced at her tone. Straight to the point, he wasn't surprised. He was not off to a good start with her. Not that he could really blame anyone but himself. He thought back to when he first met her after the Narada incident. It was a similar bar and both seemed to be in a similar state. Athena had lost several friends in Starfleet and Jim had just faced the man who had killed his father. It had been only a little over a year since Nero had been stopped, and though there was little physical difference in Athena, Jim could see there was more of a change within her. She had taken to her command the way Jim had failed to. She followed the rules, taken orders, stood down when necessary. She had become to her unit, what Jim should have become to his crew. Yes, they followed him, but how many lives had it cost him this time. Athena had soared above everyone's expectations of her command. And Jim couldn't help but admire it. "You look good."
The words escaped him before he could stop himself. He immediately winced at his words. He could hear the 'thunk' of her glass against the counter and the shark intake of breath. He knew all too well the fury that she could unleash upon him. He couldn't blame her for her temper. It was a mix of rightly placed anger toward him and a traumatic childhood growing up abandoned in a shuttle craft.
"Captain," Athena began, her voice was nearly as tight as her grasp on her tumbler. "I've just returned from a mission, I have a debriefing in the morning, and I then clear out my father's belongings. Say whatever the hell it is that you want to say, or I'm walking out right now."
Jim opened his eyes to the counter beneath his arms. And considering she hadn't tried to hit him yet, Jim thought he was getting off fairly decently. He picked up his refilled glass and brought it to his lips. He couldn't fault the hostility in her words, considering he'd contacted her a year, post breakup-or whatever the hell they'd been- in the wake of her adopted father's death, to meet with her. In retrospect, Jim realized that he hadn't really anticipated that she would agree to meet with him. Now he faced a situation that he hadn't fully prepared for, and it left him lacking for words when he needed them. "I honestly don't know what to tell you."
Athena's gaze softened slightly as she snorted bitterly. "That's a first." She lifted her tumbler and finally succumbed to its burning taste. She returned her glass to the counter, but didn't release it.
They sat in a tense silence for several minutes. The bar seemed to continue on with its patrons, but Jim and Athena seemed to be in their own world. Athena stared down at her tumbler, unable to look at the man beside her, while Jim found himself unable to take his eyes off of her. His drink ignored.
"I'm sorry about your father." Jim said, breaking the silence.
Athena turned a heated, yet seemingly broken gaze at him, before returning her attention to her half-empty tumbler. "Adopted father, remember." She tipped her glass and downed its remaining contents. She slammed the glass to the counter and signaled the barkeep for another round. "Is that why you asked me to meet with you? So you could give me your condolences? A message would have been easier on both of us, because I sure as hell don't need any more."
"That's not why I contacted you." he answered quickly. He could feel his own temper rising at Athena accusation. Damn she could still rile him. "It's just one thing we have in common right now."
They lapsed into another heated silence, both looking into their glasses. Jim finally let himself succumb and took a quick shot from his glass. The burn of the alcohol did next to nothing for what he felt. In fact, it almost felt like it was making it worse. He'd made a mistake in asking to meet with Athena. Neither of them knew what to say without starting an all out war between them. There was just too much bitterness and anger between them. Too much grieving on both parties that was too raw.
"Starfleet Command-they said you stopped the man responsible for my-for his death." Her voice was barely over a whisper. So quiet was she, that Jim nearly missed what she'd said. "Is it true?"
Jim nodded slowly. "Yes." But it had cost them much in doing so. Cost him much. But it had shown him more too.
Athena snorted. "You'd think that should mean something to me. But I can't seem to feel anything different."
"I know what you mean." Jim replied, turning to look at her. "You would think we'd feel some sort of retribution or justification at least. But instead it just...empty. Like someone's missing." He finished his drink and called for another.
"I was so jealous of the two of you." She said.
Jim turned to look at her, his brows furrowing. "What?"
"After he convinced you to enlist, you were all he would talk about. Saying that you had the potential to be Starfleet's best captain. How Starfleet now had a bright future. You should've heard the pride in his voice, the day he gave you the Enterprise." She shook her head. "God, you have no idea how many times I felt like a failure for leaving Starfleet. Like it was his way of telling me, I made a mistake leaving and he found a replacement in you."
"He never felt that way." Jim answered quickly. He'd never seen her so bitter before. Her gaze was far off, despite her eyes on the bar in front of her. "He knew your heart wasn't with Starfleet and he respected that. Hell, you have no idea how proud he was of you."
Athena shook her head. "Let's face it, between a Captain of Starfleet, and a Major of the reinstated M.A.C.O. division, I think he'd be more proud of you."
Jim released his glass and pushed himself off the bar. He reached his left hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved a thin, rectangular box. With a simple twist of his fingers, Jim set it on the bar in front of Athena. "I don't believe that for one second."
Athena's eyes lingered on the box before moving up to Jim. "What's that?"
"Proof." was all he replied.
Athena hesitantly reached for the box and lifted it open. She turned the box around, correcting its form. She found herself staring down at two photographs. The photos differed by a few years and uniforms, but Athena remembered reach moment they were taken. The first was of her Starfleet graduation ceremony. She stood at attention, next to her father, dressed in her gold uniform. The second photo was of her graduation from basic training in the MACO regiment. Again she stood beside her father, but in a different uniform. She could still see the disappointment in her father's eyes when she left Starfleet to peruse the MACO division. But he had supported her and even managed to return to Earth for her graduation ceremony.
"I saw that thing on his desk every time I met with him." Jim explained. "You can say he wasn't proud, but if that's true, then why is he smiling like he's having the best day of his life at the MACO base?"
Athena stared sat the photo, taking in every detail. Her fingers traced over the clear casing. Her vision started blurring as tears threatened to fall. "Where did you get this?"
"I volunteered to...gather his belongings. I didn't know how long you'd be off world and I...I thought it should be someone who cared." Jim explained.
Athena nodded, but said nothing. She closed her eyes a several tears rolled down her cheeks She inhaled deeply and wiped them from her face as quickly as they fell. She exhaled and opened her eyes. She shut the photo box with a sharp snap. "Thank you for doing that."
Jim shook his head. "After what he's done for me, it's the least I could do." He lifted his glass and raised it toward Athena. "To Christopher Pike. The best man, mentor, and father we never asked for."
Athena lifted her glass in return. "To the man who saw potential in two lost kids." Their glasses clinked together and both drank to the memory of their fallen mentor.
"Did he ever know?" Jim asked offhandedly. "About us?"
"No." Athena shook her head. "At least, I never told him. And since I don't see you telling your commanding officer that you were sleeping with his daughter, he never knew.
"You make it sound like we were breaking regulations." Jim joked.
"We were." she reminded, but her lips turned, hinting at a small smile. "But then, after we ended things, there were times where it felt like he knew. He would call and tell me some dumbass stunt you pulled, like he was trying to get me to justify my decision. Other times it seemed as if he was too busy with his promotion to notice anything between us."
Jim nodded slowly. Talking about it still wasn't easy. No breakup is easy, but there's had been...different. "If things had been different. If I hadn't...screwed everything up, you think he would've approved?"
Athena was quiet for a moment, her mind intently searching for a response. "I honestly don't know." she answered. "A Part of me thinks that he would act like any other father and threaten to kill you." Jim chuckled at the thought. "But...another part of me would like to think that he would've approved." She looked up at him as she finished, holding his gaze. Jim looked down at her, taking in every shade of green within her eyes. He found himself wanting nothing more than to reach out and feel her skin beneath his finger tips. But the urge, and look, ended when Athena lowered her eyes. She pushed her stool from the bar and slipped off. "I should get going."
"Right, your debriefing." Jim said, lowering his own gaze. "How long are you staying for?"
"I'm not sure yet." she answered. "But I don't suspect it will be long. Believe it or not, we're in high demand now."
"Your squad is the best." Jim stated, turning toward her.
Athena lifted her eyes to Jim once more. Jim saw something in her gaze that he couldn't decipher. Something he hadn't seen before. "It was good to see you again, Jim. Even if I didn't expect to."
Jim nodded. "Thanks for meeting with me, Athena."
Athena extended her hand toward him. "Goodbye Jim."
He took her hand into his. "See you around."
Athena released his hand and turned to leave. Jim watched from his stool as she made her way through the bar, catching the attention of nearly every male patron. Once upon a time, he would've sucker punched anyone who gawked at her. He still felt so inclined too, but he really had no right. He'd given that up when he screwed up. Still, watching her leave now seemed just as painful as it had two years ago. Except their was one difference this time. She looked back at him. Right at the doorway, when she could easily have walked away and never looked back, she did. Her eyes briefly found his, holding that same look she had moments ago. Athena turned quickly, and left the bar.
Jim turned back toward the bar and grabbed his drink. He brought the glass to his lips and stopped. He set his drink down and covered his mouth. Despite what they wanted to think, they were more alike than different. Both were abandoned as children. Athena from birth, Jim only metaphorically-but it may as well have been realistically. Both were fighters, living through two different kinds of hell. Not one could match strategic or physical strength with Athena. She was the best the M.A.C.O.s had. If anything, Jim knew she was stronger than himself. She was the best he ever had. The best he would ever have. So many thoughts flooded his mind, clouding it more than before seeing Athena. Only this time, all his thoughts were about her. Every laughed he caused, every glare, smile, tear, it all came flooding back to him like a tidal wave. Realization dawned on him. He'd seen that look before. It was the look that told him she didn't want to go.
"Damnit." he sprang from his stool, knocking to the ground with a loud crash. He booked it out of the bar after Athena.
Outside the bar was dark and cool. Cooler than Jim thought it should have been. He quickly searched the immediate area surrounding the bar, and found Athena's retreating figure walking down the road, toward the city. Jim sprinted after her, pushing the alcohol out of his system, clearing his mind as he grew closer. He was out of his mind.
"Athena!" he called. "Athena!"
Athena turned sharply, tossing her braid as she faced him. Her brows furrowed in confusion as he approached. "Jim?"
He came to a stop just a few feet from Athena. God he was an idiot. If he was wrong, this was going to end worse than the day Athena left him. His chest beat against his ribs while his gut tied itself in knots "Athena...the reason...I contacted you. I wanted to apologize."
The moment those words were out of his mouth, Athena's posture changed. Her eyes narrowed at him. "Don't." Her voice was hard and cold, but Jim knew her well enough to catch the slight desperate tone hidden away. "Please. Tonight was...surprisingly nice. Do not ruin it by-"
"I can't." Jim shook his head, taking a step toward Athena. "I can't leave this alone.
"Damnit Jim!" she cursed. "Why can't you-"
"Because you were right!" Jim shouted, cutting Athena off. Her lips parted silently. Jim exhaled heavily as he stood before her. It was now or never. "You were right about everything. I didn't take it seriously. Any of it. Not my rank, the enterprise, not even you. I screwed everything up and I didn't care until I lost everything that mattered." Including you, he wanted to say. But Jim kept those words back. His chest heaved as he continued. "I'm sorry."
Athena stood in front of Jim, looking at him for a long while. So long, that Jim began to fear what she would say. "Why are say it now?"
"I don't know." Jim shrugged. "Maybe-"
"Maybe what?" Athena demanded. "We try again? After all the shit that you pulled last time, we try it again?"
"No!" Jim turned his head in defeat. He knew nothing would be the same between them. There was no changing that. He could spend the rest of his life trying to fix the damage and still never come close. He shook his head. "No, I wouldn't ask that."
Athena took a deep, calming breath. "Then what?"
Not for the first time in his life, Jim Kirk didn't think-he acted. In one step he closed the distance between himself and Athena, wrapping an arm around her waist. His right hand tipped up her chin as his lips met hers. His fingers danced across the smooth skin of her cheek. Kissing her felt just as good as he remembered. Her sweet taste tingled over his lips. Athena was stiff, rigid, at first. But as the seconds ticked by and the kiss grew longer, her body grew lax in his grasp. He felt her hand clutched onto his arm and she moved deeper into the kiss. It wasn't the same as their past kisses. They had been great, there was no use denying it. But they lacked something in them. This one, right now, nothing was missing from it.
Jim pulled from her slowly and waited for the worst. History told him that even after a kiss, Athena was, more than likely, going to hurt him. Especially if she was angry. He watched her carefully. Her eyes were partially closed, looking down, as she bit her lower lip. Her hand still held onto his arm, but barely.
"Damnit Jim." Athena said, her voice barely rising above a whisper. "How can you be so convincing?"
A smile pulled across his face. He tipped her chin up once more to face his gaze. "Because I don't believe in 'no win situations'."

so much happier with this revised edition. if you enjoyed Athena, stay tuned, I have a few more fics with her coming. just as soon as I can...