Happy Tree Friends in…
St. Patrick's Day Smoochie
Starring Nutty, Spiky, Flippy, and Lifty and Shifty
A/N: Yeah, I know I'm two days late from St. Patrick's Day, but that's not the point. The point is, I got another HTF fanfic which I'm pretty sure all of you will read and enjoy.
Basically, this is like all the HTF smoochies, but with five separate characters instead of only one. Maybe you haven't noticed, but all these characters are GREEN!
Warning: Contains blah, blah, blah, blood, gore, all that crap. Oh, and brief toilet humor.
Nutty was standing in a green deserted background twitching a little bit giggling to himself. He then took a large soda bottle from his pocket and started to chug the whole thing without even stopping to take a breath. It didn't take Nutty long before he swallowed all two liters of cola and began to have a sugar rush like he always does after eating sugary dishes. He was laughing wildly while shaking like a jackhammer left and right, shaking all of the candy off his fur. But sadly, Nutty's hyperactive seizure didn't last long and he stopped shaking like a maniac. Nutty groaned depressingly and looked around to spot anything else sugary and sweet so he could have another sugar rush.
That's when Nutty spotted a large soda stand that was selling many bottles of root beer in authentic glass brown bottles. Nutty gasped happily and ran to the stand, incoherently asking the owner of the stand for some soda. Nutty gave the man a few coins and snatched a root beer bottle off the stand. Nutty bit off (not took off the cap, bit off) the top of the bottle and started to chug the quenching beverage. To his surprise, the root beer wasn't tasty or sweet at all. But that was because it was actual BEER and not tangy root beer. Nutty started groaning and swaying left and right, mumbling random phrases in a slurred voice. He was drunk.
But that wasn't the problem. Nutty suddenly had to pee so he walked over to a large brown structure and started to urinate on it heavily, not stopping to take a look at what it was. But then again, he was drunk, so why should he care? Too bad for Nutty, because the structure he was peeing on was a gigantic brown grizzly bear's tail. The bear turned around towards Nutty and growled at him viciously while Nutty simply laughed and continued whizzing. The bear lashed at Nutty with his claw only once and Nutty stopped urinating. Of course, when he tried to walk away, his body vertically spilt into fifths. Nutty's arm and leg twitched and one of his eyes, which were lying on the ground, blinked.
Spiky was relaxing and drinking a cold one in a deserted background that was similar to the one Nutty was in. Only, Spiky knew how to control his drinking so he wasn't drunk at all. But he was in a festival mood today and how else would he celebrate St. Patrick's Day rather than drinking? So Spiky continued to drink beer until his stomach started to rumble and growl. Spiky grumbled questionably to himself and tapped his belly, which made him release a loud supply of gas. Instead of trying to fan the rotten odor of his flatulence away, Spiky fell to his back and began to howl with laughter. Then all of a sudden, Spiky got an idea. He chuckled to himself before he lit a match on the ground and placed it right next to his butt. Spiky purposely blew another giant fart that turned into a long stream of fire that stretched over a foot in length. Spiky laughed to himself yet again when he performed the same maneuver and made a fire fart that was even longer than the first one.
However, the third time he did it, things didn't end too well. Some of the beer had spilled onto Spiky's fur after he dropped his bottle of beer, so when he farted fire a third time, the flames shot backwards and set the green spiky porcupine on fire. Spiky began to run around in circles screaming in massive pain, when he remembered to stop, drop and roll. So Spiky stopped, dropped, and rolled, but when he rolled, he rolled around in the spilled beer. Spiky was set ablaze and he continued to run around for a few more seconds before he succumbed to his 3rd degree burns and dropped to the ground, dead.
Flippy was standing in a barren green area with three green knives in his hands. As a street performance, Flippy was going to juggle the weapons in his hands and not injury himself at all. Flippy tossed all the knives into the air simultaneously before they came back down from the air and he started to juggle them. Flippy was smiling and humming to himself as he did so, when he suddenly realized that the stunt was too easy. So he shouted a command and some random person out of nowhere threw Flippy another knife so that he was juggling four. But it was still too easy. Flippy shouted another command and a bystander chucked a fifth knife into his hands, making it a grand total of five.
Suddenly, a horseshoe popped up out of nowhere and landed in Flippy's hands. And what made it even worse, was that one of the knives got stuck to the magnet. Flippy hadn't noticed up until the horseshoe landed in his hand and the knife stabbed him in one of his fingers. Flippy stopped juggling and held his hand in pain, screamed and trying to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, Flippy should've looked up, cause the remaining four knives impaled him through his green beret and traveled down into his skull, piercing his brain. Flippy's eyes curled into the back of his head and he fell backwards to the ground, deceased.
Lifty and Shifty were also in a green, barren wasteland grumbling to each other. Only they were ransacking through a field of clovers, looking for a lucky four leaf clover. It was St. Patrick's Day after all, so maybe their luck would finally change. In fact, it did; after searching for a full two hours, Lifty shouted with glee and laughed mischievously when he found the tiny four leaved plant. Shifty saw him with the plant and both of them started bickering over who should have it. Lifty wanted it because he was the one who found it, but Shifty wanted it because he was older (barely) and deserved to have it first. The two raccoons started wrestling with each other and fighting one another when Shifty finally got a hold of the clover, shouting triumphantly and running away from his brother. Lifty growled angrily and started to chase after Shifty, when Shifty ran into a green building and locked himself inside. Lifty began to shout incoherent protests at his brother while banging on the door, but Shifty didn't open it.
Shifty was standing in the room taunting his brother by singing a song that sounded like,
"HA HA! I have a clover and you don't!!"
What made the situation even better for Shifty was that a gold coin fell onto his head and plopped onto the floor. Shifty grunted questionably and looked up only to see a few more coins to fall into the building. Pretty soon, the whole room was filling up with pounds upon pounds of gold coins, compelling Shifty to swim in the coins like it was water. He couldn't be any happier at the moment. But for some reason, the stream of coins wouldn't cease and the room was quickly filling up with coins. Shifty realized he was in danger and he ran over to the door to try to open it, but couldn't reach the knob. Shifty began to scream when the coins began to go over his head and he was slowly getting crushed and/or suffocated by the gold coins.
Outside, Lifty was still kicking the door when the whole thing just busted down, revealing a whole arsenal of gold coins, as well as Shifty's corpse. Lifty turned Shifty's dead body over to see that many of the coins were lodged into his mouth and eyeballs, indicating he probably suffocated on them or might've even tried to eat the coins so he wouldn't drown. It didn't matter though, because Lifty found the four leaf clover and now, he was a wealthy raccoon with billons of dollars worth in gold lying right at his feet. Lifty kissed the clover and laughed menacingly once more as he proceeded to collect all the money. But just as he did, a large shadow showed up and what looked like a frog began to grow in diameter.
"Huh?" mumbled Lifty, scratching his head.
Lifty shrieked when a gigantic frog fell from the sky and landed right on top of him, crushing his body like a pancake and squirting blood and body parts throughout the background. The frog croaked twice before it started to swallow some of Lifty's blood with its sticky tongue. Engraved on the frog's skin were the following words:
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
The End.