Prologue
There are so many things in this world I do not understand, like time: how it moves so quickly and yet painstakingly slowly, how one blissful moment can last an instant when those moments that blossom into horrible nightmares seem eternal. Another is love. How can so many feelings happen at one time and yet only have one name? Why is love so painful and yet we cherish it above all other things? Why do we long for what breaks us?
I still do not fully understand how I came to be this way, stuck in this one form forever. I was never warned, only praised for my power and promised infinite blessings for using it to benefit others. And yet, here I am, part of all that surrounds me, exactly how I had always fought against being, all that I had never wanted to be: alone.
Oh, Lord, when did my life begin to depress me so? You have blessed me with many gifts! I see the sun rise each morning and each day bask in his rays. I am healthy, and strong, and my face is not yet wrinkled. I live in a quiet peace with those that surround me, protected from the world I so recently left behind. And I have been loved greatly by the only man I have ever wanted.
I will watch my children grow up around me, and their children, too. I will witness many generations of my kin grow, and I will love them all with the love that I have been blessed with. My memories of the only one who loved me, and the love I will have for my children will keep me alive forever.
But I cannot help but wonder if I made the right choice. Should I have died then, instead of lived? Could I have saved him if I hadn't chosen this path? Could we both have lived and still be able to hold one another? Yes, I still wonder. If you will listen to what I would tell you, you may decide for yourself, but I am cursed with and eternal "What if?" But I am immortal, now, like my lover's memory, and I promise all will know our story.