Note: A big thank you to Eliza and Sha for giving me helpful suggestions. I hope you will enjoy my first fanfic! :)
She wanted to take a short nap in the cab or at least empty her thoughts, but a line from the news station kept lingering in her mind.
"A Singapore-bound plane has lost contact with air traffic control. Some 150 people are estimated to be …"
She saw him on his bed when she stepped through the door of the trailer, focusing intently on a magazine. As the door swung shut behind her, she stumbled through the trailer and crawled into bed, snuggling up to Owen. She placed her head on his chest, counting the rhythm of his heartbeat, constant and a tiny bit therapeutic. Eyes half closed, she cast a longing glance at the shower, but her legs seemed to have fallen asleep - ten hours on one's feet at an operating table does render one totally exhausted. Maybe later.
"Long day?" Owen asked. He felt the slightest of nods, the barest hum of a response.
After spending 2 months in Zurich running one of the top research institutions in the world, Cristina had been privately asked to recommend a few trauma surgeons to fill up an opening at a nearby university hospital. She had hesitated, unsure whether she should give his name, fearing that she would destroy his life in Seattle but eventually she decided to go with her instinct even though she did give some other names reluctantly, knowing that no one is better than Owen Hunt. Cristina wondered if he will join her in Zurich and she took a chance. She still remembered the day she saw him sitting in a café nearby her institution. Again, she hesitated. It took her everything to go to him and say hello, however, she was glad that she did. They got back together as if they were never apart and both of them were not going to let it go this time.
Cristina had been invited to perform a surgery in Seattle in December and they decided to fly back together and spend the holiday season there. Cristina had not been much of a holiday person, but Owen had managed to talk her into taking a year end break. Wanting to stay close to her twisted sister, Meredith, but longing for some privacy with Owen, they decided to stay in Derek's trailer. (Or previously, Owen's)
It was about an hour before she finally spoke. "Did you watch the news?" Cristina asked. "It's awful."
"The missing plane? Yes it is."
"Probably crashed." Cristina mused nonchalantly, or at least she pretended to be nonchalant. She helped herself up and moved to take a shower before she slept and relived her worst nightmare.
Cristina awoke with a start.
Her eyes blinked drowsily, and she lifted her heavy head off the pillow. She glanced at the clock, had she even slept? The warm rays of sunlight peeking through the trailer told her that time had certainly passed since the night before, although it did not feel like it.
She had not had a good night's sleep, busy keeping herself awake in her dream. News of the missing plane brought back some very bad memories for Cristina—memories she wanted to bury six feet underground and never ever mention again. She wished that she could erase her memory, to forget that incident. Wished she could get on a plane without hyperventilating or flashing back to that week.
Now, when she absolutely has to travel, Cristina opts to take the train whenever she can, anything but the dreaded aircraft. She understood that she could not just avoid planes for the rest of her life, but even the slightest turbulence wakes her up immediately (not that she could fall asleep easily on a plane anyway) and causes her to tense up until the moment the plane touches down on the tarmac, and dashes for the plane's exit as soon as she can, never spending a second more on it than she has to.
She slipped off the bed, and started for the kitchen.
"Good morning," Owen gave Cristina a peck on the lips, "Coffee is ready!" Owen had already woken up and was making breakfast in the kitchen. She reciprocated and turned on the TV to watch the news while sipping on her coffee.
Cristina, preoccupied with her task, had no idea what the news reporter was talking about. Her eyes glossed over the ribbon of words on the bottom of the screen – "Missing plane found crashed." Her heart sank. She got up and headed over to Owen and hugged him from the back. She felt… overwhelmed. Devastated. Heartbroken.
Owen sensed the change in her mood. He set the omelet on a plate and turned around to hold Cristina. He could see the sorrow in her eyes, and knew better than to push her. So he waited.
"They found the plane." Cristina said.
"Yes, they did."
"Why do things like this keep happening?"
Owen sighed. He wished he has an answer. It had not been a good year for the airline industry. He rubbed Cristina's back gently, hoping to give her some comfort.
"It reminds me of that plane," Cristina said, quietly, "and the four days in the forest. I dreamed of it last night. It's like…it's happening all over again."
Owen could feel his heart aching. It hurt to see Cristina like this. It was the plane that crashed. The plane that carried six of his doctors. The plane that he put them on.
"I'm sorry." Owen whispered. For a moment, Cristina thought that he was sorry for her nightmare, until she saw his eyes. Not as bright a blue as they usually were, but a little more dull and empty. Hollow. She knew this. Owen was in his dark place, again. Even after 2 years, she knew that he was still blaming himself for everything.
"Hey," Cristina nudged Owen, "let's eat, the eggs are getting cold." An attempt to divert their attentions from the plane crash. She made a mental note that they needed to talk, but at the moment Cristina herself was not ready for the conversation. We will talk later, she said to herself.
After a very eventful hour in the shower, Cristina and Owen headed off to visit Owen's mother as they planned earlier. They both reached home at night with their stomach full of heavenly delicious food, courtesy of Mrs. Hunt. (Nope, no mother issues here – Cristina likes Owen's mother. They get along just fine.)
Owen looked happy. Cristina hated to ruin the atmosphere. She hadn't forgotten that they have to talk, and they really had to. It was what destroyed them in the past – no talking and only sex. Cristina was not keen to repeat the mistake, no matter how hot the sex is.
"Owen…I hate to do this, but we have to talk." Cristina took Owen's arm and led him to the couch. He looked confused. What had happened? Why did they have to talk? 'We have to talk' had never been a good opening for any conversation. Never.
"Look, I know you are confused-"
"Is it about something that happened at mom's?" A very worried Owen interjected.
"What? No, of course not! It's wonderful over there." Cristina took Owen's hand and braved herself for what she was about to say. "It's what happened this morning. What we talked before breakfast." Cristina said, and that reminded Owen of the conversation. The plane. He nodded silently.
Cristina took a breath, and said what she had been rehearsing silently in her brain. "I know you know that I had a nightmare last night before I even told you. And you probably feel the same thing I do. And I know you still blame yourself, but I need to tell you that none of it was, is, your fault. None. Look at me, Owen, look at me," Cristina touched Owen's face, turning it gently towards her. She looked straight into his blue eyes. It was so easy to get lost in those blue eyes and forget what to say but she was determined that she had to get this out of her mind, "Things happen, and we can't control them. They just happened. We have to move on. We need to move on."
Cristina hadn't realized that she had been holding her breath. She hadn't imagined how Owen would respond and so she was caught off-guard when Owen hugged her so tightly, before she hugged back. Owen buried his head in her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo – he had washed her hair that morning – and they held each other in silence between kisses.
Cristina read on the newspaper that some of the bodies had been found holding hands. She remembered that Owen held her hand all the time during their flight from Zurich to Seattle. It made her feel safe. And now, when Cristina sat next to Owen with his arm around her shoulder, she felt safe too.
Safe. She smiled, to no one in particular.
She felt safe.