Chapter one : Victory

"Hey Tifa."

Cloud's words have been directed to beautiful dark haired girl who was sitting across of the little camp fire that has been set up just beyond outskirts of Midgar following the defeat of Sephiroth and miraculous salvation of the planet. The airship was safely anchored near the cliff overlooking the city and group members were comfortably seated around fire, and for the first time since they started travelling together in the quest of saving planet this was fire that had them celebrating around its warming flames instead of usual camp fires that warmed them during countless other nights. For on those other nights fire was source of comfort and means of preparing food for battle weary group but this fire was a symbol of a new life, life free of nightmares and constant readiness to fight. The celebration was small though, because all were still quite exhausted from theirs final battle and no one objected when Cloud suggested they should land close to Midgar to rest. For him it was also fitting that he chose this spot to mark end of their struggle because one huge part had started here – it was this place that Zack died and passed his sword to him that set him on course to the epic quest with other Avalanche members. And now that sword was firmly placed into the ground while the flames erratically reflected from its shiny surface, it was not longer a needed weapon in the fight against evil but a monument now, a monument to one of many friends that has fallen during those dark times they all faced together.

"Umm yes Cloud?" - Tifas` eyes slowly raised from the dancing flames that she was looking at, somewhat lost in her thoughts it seemed to Cloud, and somehow dimmer than usual glow that adorned her crimson eyes. But also the others have fallen in short silence with similar expressions on their faces and eyes, and he wasn't too much surprised about it. Considering amounts of exhaustion from final fight with Sephiroth and amounts of food and drinks that Cid managed to scrounge form Higwind`s stores that they consumed during this little celebration Cloud was actually amazed that they all did not fall asleep already around fire, for once not needing to worry about being ambushed in sleep by long silver haired madman.

"What are you planning to do, are you going to stay with Barret after he gets Marlene from Kalm, or..."

He let his voice trail off, for he really did not know what she wanted to do next, but he knew that where ever she went he wanted to go with her too. Everyone else already stated their plans, and it was not surprising – Yuffie said she needs to go to Wutai to see if everybody is OK, Cid to Rocket town – just to check is that # !% Shera safe and at that statement most of the group silently chuckled which brought only more nasty words from Cid`s embarrassed face which in turn brought even more open laughter that caused him to just shut up abruptly and just light another cigarette of a burning branch from fire while small smile hung in the corner of his lips. Reeve wanted to go to Midgar and help organize some kind of relief for survivors in the town that were now practically left to their own devices since Shinra has collapsed and Barret said that he will help too after he gets Marlene. Nanaki felt need to return to Cosmo canyon and others just nodded to that but when Vincent declared he will stay and help survivors everyone just smiled, the vampire will probably never stop making amends for his past. Only ones that still haven't said their plans were Cloud and Tifa. Both had no real homes now, and Cloud silently hoped Tifa will want to stay in Midgar to help too and he will happily state the same, for all that he ever wanted is to be by her side. He was hiding his real feelings for such a long time that he thought they are going to explode from him and terrify everyone, especially Tifa. He had to hide them, from group members, from Tifa and from world, for his biggest fear was that Sephiroth is somehow going to find about them and then steal her from him, like he stole Aeris and he could not do anything about it. It was a nightmare that was he forced to live in, guilt about loosing dear friend and fear from loosing another, that he cared so much more than just normal friendship or even sisterly love he probably felt for Aeris. No, what he felt for Tifa was something much more, she was his guiding light through everything they gone through, he loved her more than his own life and it was killing him that he couldn't ever show even a hint of those feelings. So he played the part of silent and sombre leader for their group and watched over them, over Tifa more than anything, all the time hiding his tender feelings buried deep inside his heart. But his heart was now swelling out of control, now that threat to all and Tifa was gone, his heart was urging him to scream out of top of his lungs – "I love you Tifa" but he was scared. Scared again, but for different reasons. He was not sure that Tifa feels the same for him, sure she was always the one that was trying to boost everyone's morale when times got darkest, especially Cloud`s, she managed to help him piece his memories back and guide him to proper path but he wasn't sure it was out of love. He hoped more than anything that love drove her to such lengths to help him, much more than she ever helped others, he hoped but he couldn't be sure. But he was determined to find out now that all is over and wanted a chance to let her know what his true feelings for her are. So he just decided to ask her about her plans and agree with her plans and stay near her waiting for opportunity to tell her how he feels...

Tifa`s crimson eyes that he loved so much found his over the fire but she did not answer his question immediately, she first glanced around others eyes that silently waited. Then her eyes dropped to fire again, hiding behind long dark lashes and he couldn't help but feel that something is terribly wrong.

"I..." she started in a bit shaky voice but soon began speaking more firmly. "I know we won and saved the planet and everybody but somehow i don't feel like celebrating, in fact i feel even that i helped save so many lives that i took so many others during our fighting. Yes, i am aware that we all wanted to save planet and stop Sephiroth and Jenova from taking countless lives but sadly many lives were lost through our actions and more importantly to me, by my actions."

No one said a word and they just sat there silently looking at Tifa while she spoke, knowing well what she was talking about, their fight was righteous one and it was needed to fight for greater good but lives of many innocents and much more other lives were part of Lifestream because of their actions. Nobody couldn't help but ask himself were deaths at Sector 7 avoidable, at whole Midgar, Junon and many other places their struggle carried them. Even Shinra soldiers that they faced and killed, most of them were only doing their jobs, oblivious to the greater battle of good and evil that was going on around them. To them the Avalanche members were just a terrorists that needed to be stopped and they charged them blindly. And died, never knowing the truth...

"So" continued Tifa, "even if i know our actions were dictated by events around us i still cannot forgive myself so easily or forget about it." She slowly raised her eyes again and once more looked all of them while she talked. "That is why i decided that in order to have any chance of leading normal life after all that i have done i need to start anew, i will try and help survivors as much as i can but i want to do it alone, i think that fate brought our group together for a reason but now that reason is over and fate wants me to find way to live again, to continue from where my childhood was interrupted and brought into chaos of war. I want to try to find a new life alone and i cannot promise we will stay in touch but i promise i will never forget any of you."

The sense of dread that was slowly building up inside Cloud while he was listening with others has now risen to horror levels inside him while others voices sprang to life around the fire. Yuffie was up on her feet and was stomping angrily while shouting words at Tifa, Barret and Cid were cursing at new found levels about what has gotten into that girl while Nanaki paced around with unusual stiffness in his limbs. Reeve and Vincent remained silent until vampire decided he needs to stand up and calm others a bit "Listen Barret, Cid and especially you Yuffie" – she was now done yelling and started crying freely without shame with her arms wrapped around her, "If Tifa thinks that is the way that she will find peace with herself and hope in new life then we need to respect her decision as true friends need to do, she is not crazy, drunk or mind controlled by Sephiroth" – he flashed menacing glare to Barret who stated such ridiculous thing in his attempts to bring some sense to Tifa. But Barret wouldn't let it go so easily as he returned angry stare at Vincent "Are you crazy now too?! Why she can't find comfort and new life with us, we all share same responsibilities for what happened in the past, this is just exhaustion and sadness talking from her now. Yo Spike, snap out of it and talk some sense into this girl!"

Cloud was paralysed through all of it his mind racing frantically trying to sort this mess out but he was left clueless. All eyes now fell upon him, even Tifa looked straight at him, like in old times everyone once again looked to him for leadership, for guidance, for help. But no one knew that he was not objective on this subject, that his world was crumbling around him, that his only thoughts were that Tifa wants to go away, from everyone and most importantly away from him. He felt darkness once again starting to surround his reality but he had to fight it, he had to try and stop her, tell her everything... He had to fight once again, but this was his most important battle so far, he had to fight not to lose Tifa forever, not now when happiness seemed so close. Cloud mustered all of his will to talk to her :

"Tifa i know you think you are doing the right thing and i respect that but why won't you stay and try it with us, you can stay for a while with any of us, Barret and Marlene would love to have you with them, you can even stay at Cosmo for a while if you like, you and me can go visit Nibelheim or help others in Midgar, i want to..."

But Tifa cut him off before he could continue, before he told her what his heart was screaming for, she did not wanted to listen any more – "I know Cloud, i know all of that, i thought it through, i seriously think this is best for me, all of you have someone or place to go to, to build new future, but i honestly feel that my future is elsewhere. We are all good friends and it will stay so even if we are not in touch, i am sorry but i need to go away from everything that reminds me of the past if i ever want to live normally, i do not know yet where will i live but i do know i want to do it alone.." With those words she stood up and said short goodbye to all and started walking towards Midgar while others just silently looked at her, it was final – Tifa is going away and they all need to accept that.