A Cracked Fox and a Hobgoblin
Summary: Oneshot from the first person point of view of Ginny during a rather interesting interview. Who wouldn't want to get the latest scoop from the elusive movie star Virginia Weasley, also linked to filthy rich playboy, Draco Malfoy? R for foul language. Not sure if this should be put into the humor category, let me know if you think otherwise!
A/N: The interviewer's questions aren't in the story, but you'll be able to follow through with Ginny's answers.
So.you want to know what I used to do for fun at Hogwarts?
Ha ha ha, you must have the saddest social life.
But to each their own, right?
Hrm, well, here we go for starters.
I see what most others don't, and I file it away for some obscure, probably nonexistent reason.
For example; Hermione Granger Weasley has a razor thin, white scar near her hairline.
Yes, quite the weird observation eh? Well, I took whatever entertainment came my way.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those creepy girls who stalk people for fun. I mean, come on, I'm Virginia Weasley for heaven's sake!
Crap, I knew you wouldn't buy that.
Fine!
Hey, don't get a hissy fit because I lied. You must be remembering the old 'Ginny.' Heh, I remember that meek little mouse.she was a pathetic thing. But not as pathetic as Virginia, now that's where the shrinks flock for money.
Hey, one too many life threatening scenarios can do a little something for your mindset hun!
Oh don't go all frowning like a bitch-with-a-cucumber-stuck-up-her-ass, I personally can't stand those. Have you even looked into the mirror lately? I think a little liposuction, some tightening, and lots of anti-wrinkle potions are in order.
Y'know.Snape used to scowl just like that. Never could beat Draco's though.
Ah now that brings me to the one hobby I enjoyed most during my last few years at Hogwarts.
Draco Malfoy was certainly something else. Sure he was drop dead fuckable, as well as the Slyth- scratch that, he was Hogwarts' man whore. Oh, but he didn't do it for money or for reputation. That's what intrigued me the most.he did it merely because he could.
And damn he was the biggest asshole I'd ever met.
Yes yes, I know I have been linked to Draco Malfoy for years. It certainly doesn't mean my opinion has changed. I mean, have you sat down and talked to him before? Oh wait, you did. Ha Ha, I remember! That interview you did with him had me rolling for weeks! He snuffed you royally! That reminds me; I wanted to ask you something.did you try to touch his dick? He told me you were practically drooling over it!
Wow, that's an awfully bad shade of red, doesn't go well with your eyes at all!
You want me to leave?
Actually, you should be honored that I've even allowed you to come for an interview. Not many people have seen me outside of my movies and television cameos and I know full well that every type of media has been dying to get an 'inside look' of me. Load of shit if you ask me.
So what will it be Ms. Hobgoblin?
Why do I even care so much about this interview if I can get anyone else to do it? Because you interviewed little Dray and it cracked me up. I enjoy a few good laughs.
Close your mouth or I'll find a guy willing to shove his willy in there.
Ha ha, I love the way you glare at me! This is so much fun!
Alright, stop nagging like a sexually deprived middle aged woman. Wait you are one, sorry I forgot.
Yeah, Draco and I saw a lot of each other during Hogwarts, mostly when he decided to snipe with my brother and his friends. I didn't care about the fights in all truth. Ron, Harry and Hermione are good people, just really nosy and overly Gryffindor.
I started to watch him at the beginning of my fifth year, his sixth. I don't think any girl at school didn't notice him. The guy filled out and practically screamed sex toy.
It's funny that when I started to notice him, he deigned to start watching me as well. You see, that's when puberty decided to give me a break. My knockers were pretty good, my body curved perfectly, that's when the guys started to see me. But it was Draco that I wanted.
I decided then to become the resident slut, so I could be his equal.
Stop trying to hide your comments behind coughs you triple chin hag.
Getting on with the story, after I went through most of the male population at school, Mr. Harry Potter decided I was, at last, good enough to fuck. I think I gave him nightmares after our rendezvous. Heh heh heh, can't blame me though, I thought he liked whips.
Well, after Dray heard about that, I guess he wanted to see if I was good enough for him.
In all honesty, I never had as good an all night fuck as that one. He really outdid himself.
You see Ms. Hobgoblin, Draco and I are a couple because we enjoy each other to the fullest.
Oh, so that wasn't your intention? You didn't want to hear about my torrid sex life?
You amaze me with your sheer amount of bull fucking shit. I know that everyone has been tearing apart the wizarding world for juicy tidbits of our 'supposedly falling apart' relationship.
Ah.you think you can get all high and mighty on me bitch?
Don't think for a second that I don't know you were the whore that spread that rumor of me and Colin Creevy. Thought that Draco deserved better huh wench?
Well Seamus was smart enough to leave you and take your three kids with him. I certainly wouldn't want a fat drunk around my children either.
Speechless eh?
Let me ask you, have you gotten laid lately? You know that guy named Gerald that you met a few days ago? The one who slept with you? Here's a newsflash sweetheart, I paid him to get into your granny knickers.
You seem to trust any guy who'd stick his dick in you, not that I blame you. I can see why you would hold on to any guy who showed interest.
Man, that bloke sure as hell made out rich though, he actually demanded more after the first night. I could hardly begrudge him an extra thousand galleons, especially when he was shaking like a leaf.
Damn, my next appointment is in a few minutes.
Too bad, I wanted to spend some time playing with you, but duty calls.
But this was a rather fascinating interview wasn't it? So as a gift, I'll part with at least some news.
For starters, Draco and I have been married for the past two years, but we've been keeping it under wraps. And another thing.a direct quote from my husband, "I can't believe she turned out so bloody filthy, makes me sick thinking that I let her give me a blowjob back at Hogwarts."
By the way Ms. Cho Chang, I have bought out your magazine company. As of this moment, you are now unemployed and if you ever repeat any of the words spoken here today, in any shape or form, you will regret ever crossing Mrs. Virginia Malfoy.
Now go get smashed at the nearest pub, drowning in your own pitiful woes.
Cheers!
Summary: Oneshot from the first person point of view of Ginny during a rather interesting interview. Who wouldn't want to get the latest scoop from the elusive movie star Virginia Weasley, also linked to filthy rich playboy, Draco Malfoy? R for foul language. Not sure if this should be put into the humor category, let me know if you think otherwise!
A/N: The interviewer's questions aren't in the story, but you'll be able to follow through with Ginny's answers.
So.you want to know what I used to do for fun at Hogwarts?
Ha ha ha, you must have the saddest social life.
But to each their own, right?
Hrm, well, here we go for starters.
I see what most others don't, and I file it away for some obscure, probably nonexistent reason.
For example; Hermione Granger Weasley has a razor thin, white scar near her hairline.
Yes, quite the weird observation eh? Well, I took whatever entertainment came my way.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those creepy girls who stalk people for fun. I mean, come on, I'm Virginia Weasley for heaven's sake!
Crap, I knew you wouldn't buy that.
Fine!
Hey, don't get a hissy fit because I lied. You must be remembering the old 'Ginny.' Heh, I remember that meek little mouse.she was a pathetic thing. But not as pathetic as Virginia, now that's where the shrinks flock for money.
Hey, one too many life threatening scenarios can do a little something for your mindset hun!
Oh don't go all frowning like a bitch-with-a-cucumber-stuck-up-her-ass, I personally can't stand those. Have you even looked into the mirror lately? I think a little liposuction, some tightening, and lots of anti-wrinkle potions are in order.
Y'know.Snape used to scowl just like that. Never could beat Draco's though.
Ah now that brings me to the one hobby I enjoyed most during my last few years at Hogwarts.
Draco Malfoy was certainly something else. Sure he was drop dead fuckable, as well as the Slyth- scratch that, he was Hogwarts' man whore. Oh, but he didn't do it for money or for reputation. That's what intrigued me the most.he did it merely because he could.
And damn he was the biggest asshole I'd ever met.
Yes yes, I know I have been linked to Draco Malfoy for years. It certainly doesn't mean my opinion has changed. I mean, have you sat down and talked to him before? Oh wait, you did. Ha Ha, I remember! That interview you did with him had me rolling for weeks! He snuffed you royally! That reminds me; I wanted to ask you something.did you try to touch his dick? He told me you were practically drooling over it!
Wow, that's an awfully bad shade of red, doesn't go well with your eyes at all!
You want me to leave?
Actually, you should be honored that I've even allowed you to come for an interview. Not many people have seen me outside of my movies and television cameos and I know full well that every type of media has been dying to get an 'inside look' of me. Load of shit if you ask me.
So what will it be Ms. Hobgoblin?
Why do I even care so much about this interview if I can get anyone else to do it? Because you interviewed little Dray and it cracked me up. I enjoy a few good laughs.
Close your mouth or I'll find a guy willing to shove his willy in there.
Ha ha, I love the way you glare at me! This is so much fun!
Alright, stop nagging like a sexually deprived middle aged woman. Wait you are one, sorry I forgot.
Yeah, Draco and I saw a lot of each other during Hogwarts, mostly when he decided to snipe with my brother and his friends. I didn't care about the fights in all truth. Ron, Harry and Hermione are good people, just really nosy and overly Gryffindor.
I started to watch him at the beginning of my fifth year, his sixth. I don't think any girl at school didn't notice him. The guy filled out and practically screamed sex toy.
It's funny that when I started to notice him, he deigned to start watching me as well. You see, that's when puberty decided to give me a break. My knockers were pretty good, my body curved perfectly, that's when the guys started to see me. But it was Draco that I wanted.
I decided then to become the resident slut, so I could be his equal.
Stop trying to hide your comments behind coughs you triple chin hag.
Getting on with the story, after I went through most of the male population at school, Mr. Harry Potter decided I was, at last, good enough to fuck. I think I gave him nightmares after our rendezvous. Heh heh heh, can't blame me though, I thought he liked whips.
Well, after Dray heard about that, I guess he wanted to see if I was good enough for him.
In all honesty, I never had as good an all night fuck as that one. He really outdid himself.
You see Ms. Hobgoblin, Draco and I are a couple because we enjoy each other to the fullest.
Oh, so that wasn't your intention? You didn't want to hear about my torrid sex life?
You amaze me with your sheer amount of bull fucking shit. I know that everyone has been tearing apart the wizarding world for juicy tidbits of our 'supposedly falling apart' relationship.
Ah.you think you can get all high and mighty on me bitch?
Don't think for a second that I don't know you were the whore that spread that rumor of me and Colin Creevy. Thought that Draco deserved better huh wench?
Well Seamus was smart enough to leave you and take your three kids with him. I certainly wouldn't want a fat drunk around my children either.
Speechless eh?
Let me ask you, have you gotten laid lately? You know that guy named Gerald that you met a few days ago? The one who slept with you? Here's a newsflash sweetheart, I paid him to get into your granny knickers.
You seem to trust any guy who'd stick his dick in you, not that I blame you. I can see why you would hold on to any guy who showed interest.
Man, that bloke sure as hell made out rich though, he actually demanded more after the first night. I could hardly begrudge him an extra thousand galleons, especially when he was shaking like a leaf.
Damn, my next appointment is in a few minutes.
Too bad, I wanted to spend some time playing with you, but duty calls.
But this was a rather fascinating interview wasn't it? So as a gift, I'll part with at least some news.
For starters, Draco and I have been married for the past two years, but we've been keeping it under wraps. And another thing.a direct quote from my husband, "I can't believe she turned out so bloody filthy, makes me sick thinking that I let her give me a blowjob back at Hogwarts."
By the way Ms. Cho Chang, I have bought out your magazine company. As of this moment, you are now unemployed and if you ever repeat any of the words spoken here today, in any shape or form, you will regret ever crossing Mrs. Virginia Malfoy.
Now go get smashed at the nearest pub, drowning in your own pitiful woes.
Cheers!