Now You’re Just Inventing Problems

by Sarah1281

As a Cousland, Anastasia is MORE than noble enough to become Queen and yet Alistair is still muttering some nonsense about duty whenever he's not complaining he doesn't want to be King. Looks like she's going to have to force his hand at the Landsmeet...

Now You're Just Inventing Problems

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

Anastasia Cousland pulled her sword out of Ser Cauthrien's body and wiped it on the fallen knight's clothes before resheathing it and turning to her currently infuriating boyfriend. "Alistair, we need to talk."

Alistair, seemingly unaware of all the stress he was causing everyone around him, merely groaned. "Those are the last words any guy wants to hear."

"Well, I'm sorry," Anastasia apologized insincerely, "but we need to."

"Is now really the best time?" Alistair asked, eyeing the door to the Landsmeet like he was giving serious consideration to just making a break for it and joining the rest of their companions who were already inside. "We're late as it is and the Landsmeet is kind of, you know, important."

Anastasia shook her head stubbornly and stepped in Alistair's path to prevent him from giving into the temptation to flee. "Like you said, we're already late and Arl Eamon's doing his best to stall. Another five minutes won't kill us or damn Fereldon."

"It might," Alistair muttered. "Loghain works fast."

Anastasia rolled her eyes. "If necessary, Arl Eamon can just start monologuing. He's old enough for that to be believable as something other than an obvious delaying tactic."

Alistair shot one last longing look towards the door in front of him before sighing resignedly and turning his full attention towards his fellow Warden. "Fine. What is it?"

"Where do you see us going from here?" Anastasia demanded, stepping closer to prevent him from running away like he had the last three times she'd tried to have this conversation.

Alistair looked faintly panicked. "Okay, we REALLY don't have time for this conversation…"

"Why not?" Anastasia challenged. "Whether we make it in the long run or not, how committed are you to this relationship?"

Alistair looked faintly hurt. "How can you doubt that I love you more than life itself?"

"Well, for one, you won't tell me if we'll still be together once the Landsmeet's over," Anastasia pointed out dryly.

"It's not like I don't want to be," Alistair hastened to explain. "It's just that this situation is really complicated."

Anastasia snorted. "It's really not. If we love each other then that's all that matters."

Alistair frowned disapprovingly. "Is it? What about duty; this isn't just about us."

"What about it?" Anastasia asked, throwing back her head in exasperation. "Feelings aside, if you become King you'll need to get married at some point, right?"

"Right…" Alistair agreed slowly, trying to see where she was going with this.

"And, regardless of personal preferences, if you married Anora all our problems would be solved," Anastasia continued. "You would provide the royal bloodline and Anora could deal with the leadership role you're deathly afraid of."

"Hey, I am NOT 'deathly terrified' of it," Alistair protested. At Anastasia's skeptical look, he amended, "Well, maybe a little. Is this your way of suggesting I marry Anora?"

"You marry Anora, I start sleeping with Zevran again," Anastasia threatened.

Alistair paled. "You brought it up! I'm just trying to see where you're going with this."

"Well I'm not going there," Anastasia told him, making a face. "But would Anora be qualified to be your wife?"

"Is this a trick question?" Alistair wondered. "Because it sounds like the answer is 'yes', but I really don't want you anywhere near Zevran's tent again."

"Why would Anora be qualified to be your wife?" Anastasia asked patiently

"Because she has experience as Queen and everyone seems to want me to be King?" Alistair guessed.

"Very good, Alistair. But why did she qualify as Cailan's wife in the first place?" Anastasia pressed.

Alistair really had no idea. "She's Teryn Loghain's daughter?"

That seemed to be the answer Anastasia was looking for, however, as she smiled at him. "Exactly! Anora has a high enough social status to be Queen because she is the daughter of one of the two Teryns Fereldon has. A Teryn or Teryna, you know, is the most powerful a person can be without actually being royalty."

"I may not have been raised to be royalty, but that doesn't mean I don't understand basic nobility ranks!" Alistair objected.

Anastasia held up her hands placatingly. "I'm just making sure there are no misunderstandings. What am I?"

"My fellow Grey Warden, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and the love of my life," Alistair replied promptly.

Anastasia's smile widened. "Good answer. What I actually meant was that I am the daughter of the other Fereldon Teryn. Prior to her marriage, Anora and I had the exact same social status. Why are you so concerned we can't still be together should you become King?"

Alistair looked a little awkward. "Well, I'll need an heir, right?"

"I'm not exactly anti-baby here, Alistair," Anastasia replied, rolling her eyes.

"Most of the Grey Wardens I knew had children before becoming Grey Wardens and I've never heard of two Grey Wardens having children together. I don't even know if that's possible," Alistair confessed.

Anastasia smacked her forehead. "THAT'S what you're so worried about? Maker, Alistair, as far as I know I'm the first female Grey Warden ever. People seem to treat me as some sort of mythological creature and often don't completely believe that I am a Grey Warden until I do something amazing. Of course you've never heard of something like this happening."

"I just don't know…" Alistair trailed off.

"I swear to the Andraste, Alistair, I'm starting to think trying to explain the concept of monogamy and why I expect it to Zevran would be less hassle than this!" Anastasia exploded.

Alistair looked pained. "Anastasia-"

"I don't want to hear it," Anastasia cut him off.

"You could always make Anora Queen," Alistair soldiered on bravely. "That would make all this a moot point."

"Naturally," Anastasia said dryly. "Seeing as how she'll have you executed to protect her throne."

Alistair's eyes bulged out. "What? But I don't even want to be King! How am I threat?"

Anastasia laughed harshly. "Trust me, she won't care. You may not have grown up among the nobility, but I did. Hint hint. You're a threat to her simply by existing. It might have been okay when you were still just a dirty little secret but now that Arl Eamon has propped you up as a viable option for ruler in your own right, Anora can either marry you, kill you, or face rebellions that rally around you whenever she does something people don't like."

"I...I don't know," Alistair shrugged helplessly.

Anastasia sighed. "And so it falls to me to decide, as per usual." With that, she strode purposely towards the doors and threw them open.

"Stop stalling, Eamon!" Loghain was ordering, rubbing his temple. "You called this Landsmeet for a reason and I for one would like to know what it is."

Eamon blinked innocently at him. "Does that mean you don't want to see baby pictures of my son?"

"Well I for one would love to see baby pictures of Connor," Anastasia said loudly, announcing her presence. "He's such a sweet child. But then again, I'm not a heartless puppy-murdering monster."

"I do not murder puppies!" Loghain insisted, sounding appalled.

"I never said you did," Anastasia assured him. "But since you clearly identified with my statement, is there any reason you didn't deny the heartless bastard part?"

"I felt 'puppy-murdering' was a worse allegation. We do live in Fereldon, after all," Loghain responded easily.

"You're probably right," Anastasia agreed. "If anyone murdered Ichi, I would tell Morrigan he accused her of being an apostate and leave them alone for a week. Anyway, I'm here to accuse you of treason."

Loghain arched an eyebrow. "Really? That's interesting because your status as a Grey Warden means I'm going to have to accuse you of treason."

"Because of Ostagar?" Anastasia asked, annoyed. "Look, I wasn't even at the battle. Alistair and I were off lighting a beacon and killing darkspawn. How is that treason? On the other hand, while we were acting under orders of the late King Cailan, when the beacon was lit it was supposed to be your signal to charge. You didn't."

"Our position was overwhelmed!" Loghain insisted. "The Grey Wardens betrayed us and if we hadn't left Fereldon would be bereft of an army right when the darkspawn are on the verge of an attack."

"I'll grant you that I wasn't there so I wouldn't know," Anastasia conceded, "but even if things did go down the way you describe, Alistair and I were personally assigned our mission from the King. We're no traitors."

"So you say," Loghain allowed.

"And you fail at ruling Fereldon anyway," Anastasia declared boldly.

"How dare you?" Loghain hissed at her.

"What?" she defended. "It's true. Or do you think kidnapping and torturing the son of Bann Sighard and holding the brother of Bann Alfstanna prisoner and forcing him to undergo lyrium withdrawal because he was one of the templar sent to track down the blood mage you hired to poison Arl Eamon is proper ruling behavior? Because if you do then let me tell you: you're even less fit to rule than I originally thought, which is really saying something."

"To be fair, I only asked that Bann Alfstanna's brother and the other templars be waylaid so I could speak with the blood mage. Blood magic is abhorrent but the opportunity to understand what drives mages to it and thus prevent such problems in the future is a rare one indeed," Loghain claimed. "That he got it into his head to try and thank me for staying his execution by poisoning a political rival of mine is regrettable, certainly, but it all worked out in the end and it was not my doing."

"So you just handed the templars over to Howe and never bothered checking in on things?" Anastasia demanded. "Or even visiting his Denerim estate? Some friends you guys are. The man had two dungeons! Possibly more but I didn't exactly have a floor plan when I…visited."

"You mean when you murdered Arl Howe?" Loghain shot back.

"He murdered my family first," Anastasia countered. "And don't even pretend you didn't know this as you were right there when King Cailan asked where my father was and I had to tell him that he wasn't coming on account of his being betrayed and murdered by his best friend. The King promised to deal with it after Ostagar but you haven't even addressed the issue! Besides, I was only there because of Queen Anora in the first place."

"Ah, right, Anora. The Queen of Fereldon and my daughter. While we're on the subject of who wronged whose family, let's get into the fact that you've kidnapped my daughter!" Loghain retorted.

"I haven't been kidnapped, father," Anora informed her father as she stepped into the room. Her timing seemed to indicate that she was just waiting around outside for her name to come up and Anastasia was glad she had remembered to bring her up. "Or at least not by this Grey Warden. I WAS being held hostage by Arl Howe but that didn't seem to bother you, did it? I had to rely on your enemies to save me."

"No," Loghain shook his head vigorously. "I trusted Howe. He wouldn't have…this Grey Warden has turned you against me!"

"I assure you, Anastasia Cousland has done no such thing," Anora said coolly. "I love you dearly, father, but you're so set in your ways and convinced that you know best that you're hurting Fereldon. You need to step aside. Please, you've done enough."

Loghain shut his eyes. "Enough. I call for a vote."

Leliana cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Anastasia.

"Oh, right," she said. "Don't forget, everyone: the Blight is coming, it's going to be really bad, and if you piss Alistair and I off you're all going to die."

"I meant that you should mention the slave trading in the alienage," Leliana explained.

"Wars don't pay for themselves, you know," Loghain told her. "It was either that or killing every other person we met, robbing their corpse, and then pawning all of their things."

"That's my method of choice," Anastasia announced.

"And the Antivan leather boots were only a little bloodstained," Zevran noted.

"Have you people decided who you're going to vote for yet?" Loghain demanded.

"I vote for you!" a bald bann said loyally.

Every single other vote cast was for Anastasia.

"I knew my eloquent speech and charm would win them over!" Anastasia said happily.

"Or maybe it was the part where you threatened to leave them to die if they didn't pick you," Morrigan suggested. "I know that was my favorite part."

" 'A man is made by the quality of his enemies' Maric told me that once. I wonder if it's more a compliment to you or me," Loghain said quietly. "Still, I refuse to let a bunch of fools destroy this country. Men, on my signal-"

"Oh, don't be like that," Anastasia entreated. "We can handle this in a more civilized manner, surely."

"A duel to the death, then?" Loghain suggested.

Anastasia shrugged. "Why not? Alistair, you game?"

Alistair had his sword unsheathed and was standing in front of Loghain almost before she finished speaking. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I love you."

" 'Don't take this the wrong way'?" Anastasia repeated incredulously. "We're dating! How could I take it the wrong way?"

"I would never say something so foolish if we were to date again," Zevran informed her.

"Me either," Leliana added.

"Not now," Anastasia snapped. "Since I'm clearly biased, would you like to officiate this, Arl Eamon?"

"I would be honored to," Eamon said graciously. "You may now commence attempting to kill each other."

Loghain was good, very good. He was probably better than Alistair, in fact. More than once, Alistair had slowed down or received a serious injury only to suddenly recover as if nothing had happened.

Since Anastasia knew that Morrigan would mourn her beloved Ichi more than she would Alistair, she eyed Wynne suspiciously. The old mage merely shrugged and remarked casually, "It's a sad, sad day when the ex-templar is more pro-mage than his opponent."

Finally, Alistair had forced Loghain to his knees.

"I yield," Loghain murmured.

"Okay, now that that's settled-" Eamon began, but Alistair wasn't finished.

"This is for Duncan, you heartless puppy-murdering bastard," Alistair said fiercely as he plunged his sword into Loghain's chest.

There was a shocked silence for a moment before Anastasia broke it with a cheery, "The good news is that Anora will never marry him now."

Eamon cleared his throat. "As I was saying, now that that's done, it seems that we have two worthy contenders for the throne. Alistair, of course, is the son of King Maric, an ex-templar and a Grey Warden who seeks only to better Fereldon as a whole and can save us all from the Blight. Did we really fight so hard to free ourselves from the Orlaisian to lose the royal bloodline after only one generation? And on the other side, we have Anora. She married Cailan, you know."

"I admire your objectivity, Eamon," Anora sniped.

"I'm just doing my job, Anora," Eamon replied modestly. "So who will it be, Lady Cousland?"

"You're leaving it up to me?" Anastasia asked, unsurprised.

"Why not?" Eamon asked rhetorically. "You won the Landsmeet after all."

"First things first: why do you feel qualified to rule?" Anastasia asked diplomatically.

"I have experience on my side and everyone knows I'm the one who was really running the country these last five years," Anora replied promptly.

"Then why did you let daddy take over as regent when Cailan died?" Eamon muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"I don't really feel I'm qualified," Alistair confessed. "I'm no good at leading people. Mostly, I just kill things. I've gotten very good at killing darkspawn and I'm pretty decent at tracking mages down."

"You both have excellent points. Well, since Howe's dead and my brother – should he live – will be Teryn of Highever even though I'm totally the one who got our title back for us, I might as well be Queen," Anastasia reasoned. "Plus, you're all going to die without me. Therefore, Alistair is going to be King and I will be his Queen."

"Do I have to?" Alistair asked.

"YES," Eamon said firmly. "So, Anora, will you swear allegiance?"

"Death first," she spat.

"That can be arranged," Eamon said, trying not to sound too cheerful.

"Maker, Anora, does an inability to accept decisions that don't go in your favor run in your family or something?" Anastasia wondered.

"You promised you'd support me!" Anora accused. "You wanted to be Queen all along, didn't you?"

"I lied," Anastasia said simply. "And kind of, yeah."

"Hold on, that's hardly necessary," Alistair said quickly. "I understand why she's upset."

"We've got to do SOMETHING with her," Eamon pointed out. "Otherwise we'll have a rebellion on our hands rallying around her every time you do something people don't like."

"Can't we like, I don't know, imprison her until the Blight is over and then figure out what to do?" Alistair asked.

"You're the new King, Alistair, if that's what you want then of course we will," Eamon replied. "Guards!"

"I so would have killed you," Anora said, shooting him a withering glare. "You'll regret this when that first rebellion rallies around me."

"Probably," Alistair agreed, sighing heavily. "I think I already regret this. Listen, Anastasia…can we talk?"

"Sure," Anastasia agreed neutrally. "If you'll excuse us…"

With that, she and Alistair quickly retreated into the hallway, which was free of people but not of the bodies of Ser Cauthrien and her men.

"Do you mind telling me what that was about?" Alistair demanded. "One minute I'm Alistair the Grey Warden who also happens to be the bastard son of King Maric and the next I'm the new King AND engaged? Couldn't you at least have made those two separate sentences?"

"Surprise?" Anastasia said sheepishly.

"Are you sure?" Alistair asked seriously.

Saying she'd wanted to be Queen since she was four was probably not the right thing to say. She had a feeling she knew what would be, however. "Am I sure I want to marry you? Absolutely," Anastasia said warmly.

"This won't be easy," Alistair cautioned. "I meant what I said before: we don't know if we can have kids."

"Well it won't be for lack of trying," Anastasia vowed.

Alistair's eyes lit up. "There is that. And really, we can't go back on what you said now. It will undermine our authority during the Blight. Besides, it will just make you look really stupid and that usually ends violently…"

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