Title: Dear Rachel
Words: 1426
Spoilers: The Last Nine Episodes of Glee
Summary: 'Rachel Berry didn't get upset. The reason she yelled and cried weren't sadness, they were anger. She wasn't hurt. No. Not at all.' In the aftermath of Regional's, Rachel receives a letter from one Jesse St James.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting my plots on here; I'd save them for TV.
A/N: This is my first glee fanfiction so please be nice. Just a little idea I got while re-watching the last few episodes of glee. I already miss it so much. I always thought that we didn't get to see the whole story with Jesse. This idea pretty much stemmed from the line 'I loved you.' In the episode 'Funk.' Hope you enjoy it!
Rachel Berry didn't get upset. She just smiled and moved on. The show must go on after all. If she was going to be a star one day then she couldn't let these emotions affect her. She was superior after all. She doubted the rest of the Glee club had been in theatre training since they could walk. Yes, she was above these emotions. Well at least that was the case before him.
Jesse St James. He'd burst like a shooting star into her life with his dazzling smile and a passion for music that only she could match. They'd seemed like the perfect couple. They'd gone from Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers to McKinley High's power couple. She'd thought he was the one. Her soul mate. She'd thought they were destined.
But she'd been wrong. Of course he was lying. Why would someone as special as him want to be with someone like her? She was being delusional. Living in a fantasy world where she was desirable. Where people liked her. Where someone like Jesse St James would actually want to date her because he liked her, not to sabotage New Directions by breaking the heart of their lead.
Rachel Berry didn't get upset. The reason she yelled and cried weren't sadness, they were anger. She wasn't hurt. No. Not at all. He didn't make her curl up into a ball and cry at night. She was a star. She didn't cry. Certainly not for him. Not when he betrayed her or when he lured her to the parking lot to get egged. And definitely not when he managed to snatch the victory at regional's from her grasp. She didn't feel broken as he cheered along with his team. Didn't die inside as he was hoisted onto the shoulders of his team mates and carried off the stage. Rachel Berry didn't cry!
Distracted by her thoughts, Rachel didn't see a certain Vocal Adrenaline member approaching her until she crashed straight into them. 'I'm so sorry I...' Their eyes met and Rachel had to use every acting technique she knew not to burst into tears right there in front of him. He just stared at her before placing an envelope in her hands and walking away.
Rachel turned the letter over in her hands. Should she open it? Eventually, her curiosity got the better of her as she tore open the envelope. She took in a deep breath before opening the letter and reading.
Dear Rachel,
If you are reading this letter, then I guess it means that for once in my life I managed somehow to pluck up the courage to do the right thing. You probably think I'm a jerk. A ruthless heartbreaker. Well... I guess you're right. I never wanted to be one though. You probably think that I did this to sabotage your team at Regional's. Well in this case, you're wrong. I guess I owe you an explanation of my behaviour. As to why I betrayed you. Well, here it is.
When I first met you, I lived my life on autopilot. I allowed others to manipulate me. One of these people was Shelby. Head of Vocal Adrenaline or better known to you as your birth mother. No, she didn't want to destroy New Directions. All she wanted was to meet you. She'd wanted to find you ever since she'd lost you. She said letting you go was the biggest mistake she ever made. My mission was to help you to find her as she wasn't able to approach you until you had turned 18. She told me to gain your trust in any way I could think of. I guess dating you was all I could think of. I never was that creative. I guess that's what happens if you allow others to dominate your life.
As I got to know you, things started to change. Firstly, I started to respect you as a performer. Your voice has and always will be beautiful, never doubt that. I admired the way you shone when you performed. I was overwhelmed by your emotional depth, something I've never been capable of. Then it grew deeper. You were always so loyal. You defended me against the whole of Glee. Stood by me. You made me smile. Made me laugh. You understood my passion for music. You shared it. You became my one and only true friend. And you loved me. Before long, I began to realise that honestly, I loved you too.
Then came that song. I'm sure you remember it. Run Joey Run. Your attempt to become popular. To make people accept you for who you were. I remember how I felt at that moment. Betrayed. Hurt. Heartbroken. I thought you didn't see me as good enough for you. And as I told you these things and saw the hurt in your eyes I realised, I'm not. I was never good enough for you. After all, I'd originally come here because of orders from Shelby. You deserved better. You deserved Finn. From then on, I decided to back off and let you and him fall in love. You deserved that much.
But of course, that wasn't the end of it. Shelby 'kindly' reminded me that my mission wouldn't be complete until the pair of you had finally met. So I forced you to listen to the tape. I felt like such a cruel person to force that upon you when you weren't ready. I kept telling myself that in the long run, you'd benefit. You'd find your mum and finally be happy. I never hated anyone more than her when I heard that she'd abandoned you again. Claiming she 'wanted the baby'. How could she look at you and hear your incredible voice and not want you? You're perfect Rachel. Don't listen to what Shelby told you. Any person would be privileged to have you as their daughter.
Then comes the part of this story that I wish didn't exist. I betrayed you. Hurt you. For that, I will never forgive myself. You meant the world to me Rachel. I was a coward. Vocal Adrenaline offered me a contract to a music college. An almost guaranteed future. And I leapt at the chance. I'm not like you Rachel. You are the most talented person I know. Broadway is waiting for you. I'm not like that. My range is limited and I lack the emotional depth that you never fail to deliver. Without Vocal Adrenaline, I'd end up a nobody. I can't live like that... So I betrayed you. And by doing so I broke your heart.
I know that saying sorry doesn't mend what I've done to you but I needed you to know how truly sorry I am. I also needed you to know, I meant what I said. I loved you. I still do and I probably always will. You're an incredible person Rachel. A stunning performer and a fiercely loyal friend. New Directions are so lucky to have you there to guide them and support them. You're a star. You tore across my sky and now nothing can compare to the bright light that you give. You're not even aware of it but Rachel, you shine. I will always be grateful to you Rachel because until you, I had no heart. I didn't care about others and only thought of myself. Now I realise that my actions have consequences. I'm far from being a good person but I hope someday I will be. Someday I hope to be truly worthy of someone like you.
Please don't cry over me. I'm not worth it. Be happy. Smile that beautiful smile that I always loved. Don't cry. I will always love you, my shining star.
With love always,
Jesse x
As Rachel clutched the letter close to her chest, she saw something shiny fall from it to the ground. As she bent to pick it up she realised what it was. Dangling from a chain was a golden pendant in the shape of a star. She smiled as she fastened the clasp around her neck. The smile was bitter though. He'd loved her. He'd really loved her. She felt the tears she'd been holding back for so long now spill over. She hung her head and cried, in the middle of the corridor. She cried for their broken relationship and for the guilt she felt at forsaking him so easily. Maybe, she thought, just maybe sometimes Rachel Berry does cry after all.
A/N: I hope to do some more glee fics in the near future. I love Kurt which is why I'm honestly surprised that my first glee fic was about Rachel. Still, I always loved Jesse and at some point during the series, I began to love Rachel as a character too. Please let me know what you think of this. Thanks for reading!