"My legs are burning! Why did we make chilli paste?" I scream asking my bosom (friend) Katie.
"Well instead of a face mask, it's a leg mask." Katie says putting cucumber on her knees. Yes she must off been dropped out of a window as a baby. Or yesterday…..
I'm April and I'm not born in April. My mad muppet mum planned all her children's name. I love being away from my family- seeing as there is seven off us. Mum, dad, Sam, Christine, Maria and Summer and don't forget me! I'm not related to my dad (YES!) seeing as my mum was a bit slutty and ended up with a baby. Then married that maddest man around and next four kids turned up.
"Should we use this for our hair?" Katie says lifting a spoon into her hair.
"Naaaa! Do you want to be ginger like me?" I moan about my ginger hair for the next lifetime.
It's like so overrated if you have ginger hair. Everybody loves my hair (I know). Katie has poo hair, smells like it too!
"Girls I'm going to the sho-"Katie's mum sees Katie with the spoon. The spoon full of chilli paste. The spoon in Katie's hair.
"I'm becoming ginger!" Katie shouts and I tell you know she is not four! She's fourteen.
I slip out and nip home, my ping-pongs need rubbing. I want big ping-pongs….Then my mum walks in while I'm Ping-Pong rubbing. She's drunk.
"OOOOO the girrlie is being a man! Todd get your fat bum in here and spend some time with my daughter." Mum says rubbing herself.
Thank god Todd isn't drunk. Oh no he is! Now mum and he are doing some dance. In front of my siblings.
My life people! Just wait till I'm famous and singing my heart out. Yes because I'm April and I will be big! Not big like fat people more big as in famous. JUST YOU WAIT!