Separate
by Desteni
Midna sighed with relief and leaned back on her angularly carved ebony throne as the heavy door to the Twili Palace's Hall shut behind the last of the day's petitioners with a quiet thump. The green and purple glowing designs that were an integral part of this Realm's architecture illuminated the empty hall in shades of twilight. It was a familiar and yet alien atmosphere for the restored Princess. She had gotten used to the bright colors and vibrant sounds of the Light World, and even to the impish form she had so despised. Coming home was comforting in a way, but also a bit strange, as there were many things she had to re-acclimate to.
Not to mention she was now the sole ruler of the Twilight Realm, with people coming to her almost constantly for advice and judgments. And now she couldn't just hide in Link's shadow when she got tired of dealing with stupid people. However, she was finding that she had reserves of (outward) patience and courtesy that she never would have imagined in herself before. Perhaps Princess Zelda had rubbed off on her a bit.
"Did we actually finish before third meal begins today, Xarin?" Midna asked, grinning over at the elderly Twili who stood at the end of the raised dais where the throne rested. She had learned very quickly upon returning that her particular brand of humor was not well appreciated by her pompous Prime Minister, and had long since gotten tired of his lectures on how a princess should behave courteously. In the past she might have teased him more because of it, but she had found him to really be quite the valuable asset where running the kingdom was concerned.
"It would seem so, Milady. A new record I believe," her Prime Minister answered, looking up from the heavy record book placed on a stand before him. "We are finally beginning to recover from the disorder left by that Usurper." An expression of distaste crossed his face at the memory.
"It's about time." Midna yawned and stretched as she stood to her full height, towering nearly a foot over Xarin. Zant had been rather tall too, as she remembered. Few among the Twili could match the tall, lithe forms those related to the royal family seemed to come by naturally. She wondered why that was. Midna had been idly curious about details like this as she observed her people with a new perspective after her visit to the Light World.
"Indeed, Milady. I am sure your esteemed parents would have been quite proud of how you have brought the realm back to order with remarkable efficiency." The Prime Minister graced her with an approving smile.
Midna kept her expression carefully neutral as she bowed her head, doing her best to graciously accept the compliment. She didn't really think her parents would be very proud of how she had left her kingdom behind, running in shame from Zant. True, she could hardly have matched the power of Ganondorf, Zant's "Dark God" and the real strength behind her deranged cousin, and she had found the Hero and fought beside him to make things right, but she still felt ashamed of the way she had just left.
"Come now Xarin, anyone with any sense realizes that I would have been completely at a loss without someone as organized as you by my side. Speaking of which, why don't you go home early and get some rest, Xarin, you deserve a break after all your hard work in helping me make it this far. Anything else we had planned for the rest of today can wait."
Xarin nodded and bowed before parting ways with the Twilight Princess outside the throne room doors. His lack of argument was a clear sign that he too was wearied by the amount of work they'd had to accomplish when Midna returned to claim her rightful place.
She turned away with a sigh and meandered her way to the kitchen. With equal bits flattery and arguing she finagled her way into acquiring a tray so she could take her meal in her suite, instead of in the more proper and rather lonelier official dining room. She couldn't understand why there was so much ceremony attached to her life as Ruler anyway. It wasn't like the Twilight Realm had such a large population that such things were necessary. Secretly she believed it was simply because her people liked playing at importance, even though in reality they were exiles here and except for the incident that had brought her into the World of Light recently, never had an effect on anyone but themselves.
With a sigh of relief the Twilight Princess shut the door to her rooms behind her. This would be her first undisturbed evening since returning to her Realm, and she looked forward to the few precious moments to herself.
She set out her meal on a small, delicately angular breakfast table that was arranged so that one could look out her balcony and view the Twilight sky in all its violet glory. Although she did find the Twilight beautiful, she sometimes missed the excitement of the ever-changing weather patterns in the Light World. True, the first thunderstorm she had experienced there had practically scared her out of her wits, since all the Twili ever received was a light, evening rain. But the sun coming out of the clouds in all its golden glory, and the night sky sparkling with stars and glowing with moonlight had truly been impressive, if a little hard on her eyes.
Even though the green glowing geometric runes that swirled through the walls here were more than enough for her to see by, she lit an oil lamp with actual flame. The warm, golden light reminded her of the world she had left, and seemed to soothe her nerves ever since she had returned. The smell of the smoke and oil reminded her of hiding in the warm shadows in Telma's Bar, listening to the talk of the Hero and the other warriors. True, it had been a time of danger and there had been tension in the air, but she had liked the place. The dim, flickering light and the sweet smells of food combining with the slightly acidic aroma of alcohol had wrapped around her and made her feel quite safe, even though the setting was so foreign to her.
Midna munched idly on her meal. The food of the Twilight Realm was actually rather bland in comparison to that of the Realm of Light, although she still thought nothing she had tasted could top some of her people's wines. But her mind was elsewhere, and she hardly tasted the food as she mentally gathered herself. She finally had time to think, and that meant that she would have to face the feelings that she had conveniently set aside in the flurry of activity since her Realm had been restored by the Hero. But now she had no duties to hide behind, no citizens who required her attention and assistance; it was simply her and her memories.
She smiled as she let the faces of her friends appear in her mind's eye. Sharp blue eyes and blonde hair that fell into them, lit by a wolfish grin. The face of her companion and hero. Deep blue-gray eyes that held secret truths, framed by flowing light brown locks and pale, elegant features. A fellow princess, but even more, the sister of her soul. Surely they too were caught up in rebuilding their country.
Midna hadn't been around to see their faces when she had destroyed their castle in an effort to defeat Ganondorf, but she knew that she had left quite a mess in her wake. In fact, she was always leaving messes for them to clean up. First making Link deal with Zant, then having to have Zelda separate her body from her soul to save her, and after all that she still hadn't been able to take care of Ganondorf for them. Instead, they had rescued her once again by defeating him together. And how did she repay them? By leaving. Some friend she was.
Were they thinking of her as well this night? Remembering the shadow that was bound to their world? If only…if only they could all be together again. If only she could belong with them… but the fact remained that she could never feel right in the Light World. No matter what Princess Zelda said about shadow and light being two sides of the same coin, they were not meant to blend. She might be sad for the loss of her friends' company, but she would never allow harm to come to them through her Realm again. Even though it had been difficult, she didn't doubt that she had done the right thing in breaking the Mirror in the end.
Part of her may be wanting to go back to the World of Light, but when she had been there, she had pined for the beauty of her own Twilight Realm. Perhaps it was a world of shadows, but she was home there. It had been so hard to leave it in the first place, even to look for aid. The Realm of Light was so strange and foreign to her sensibilities, so bright that it burned and nearly killed her before Zelda had sacrificed so much to allow her to function as a native. Even if she had found it comfortable, she could never have fit in there. And she had been fine with that, because she had always known her stay in Hyrule would be temporary.
Of course it had been hard to leave the people she had come to so love and respect, but there was no doubt in her mind that it had been the right thing to do. It had been a hard choice to close the portal that would have allowed them to meet again, but she had never wanted to be responsible for harm coming upon the Light World again. Evil may rise again there, but it would not come through her Realm. The Twili would now stand as guardians for the Light Dwellers. The changes she was making as the restored ruler would ensure that.
What she hadn't been prepared for was how alien she had felt upon returning to her beloved home. Not at first of course, she had been so happy to be back that in the beginning she hadn't noticed how much she had changed. A thousand little details, small things that she had gotten used to in the Light World were surprisingly different here. Not only the light and weather and the buildings, but the very eerily beautiful scenery she had longed for had surprised her. She missed the smell of grass, the feel of the wind on her skin, and the sounds of running water.
Even the people were different. The Twili were people of the Twilight, forever caught between day and night, and as such had a much milder range of the emotional spectrum. They had adapted to always being in between, and the pace of life here was never very fast. Even though she had been working almost constantly, she imagined that Princess Zelda with her Light Dweller advisors could have finished the same amount of legislation in half the time. After adventuring with a Hero chosen by the Goddesses, the pace felt like practically a snails' crawl. And no one would even understand her if she told them that, because they didn't have snails here! Maybe it was nothing huge, but she couldn't escape the feeling that she didn't quite fit anymore, and it was unsettling.
If she were being completely honest with herself, she would have to admit that she had never in her life felt so deeply alone. Even when she had been exiled by that Usurper, Zant, she had had her anger to sustain her, as well as the prospect of adventure in a new place, and the desire for a fight, the hope that she would return to the Twilight in triumph.
Sure, she had had new things to adapt to, but there had been so much to do, and she had had friends with her too, first Link, and then Zelda as well, when she carried the wise princess' spirit inside herself. She had been different, but she had expected that, and it hadn't mattered to them, so she didn't concern herself.
But now she was the Ruler of the Twilight Realm. If she should belong anywhere, it should be with her own people! Yet, she felt so distant, removed. Her experience had changed her, and none of them could understand her truly now, for none had seen the two Realms as she had. It left her at a loss, feeling so separate from her own people.
If only she could ask the sage advice of Princess Zelda, or have the comforting presence of brave Link, but the way was shut, and by her own hand. She had chosen this path, and now she would have to walk it.
And if in the solitary space of her own room, a few tears slid down her ebon cheeks to drop into her lap as she gazed on the never-ending twilight of her Realm, no one would be the wiser.