[A/N: This is my first take on slash so if it's a bit OOC, please forgive me but tell me! Thank you ; )]

This Ain't Acting.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events Fanfic by Oliver diLustro-Halliwell

WARNING: This fanfic contains slash and is not for the faint hearted. If you do not like slash, please do not read any further.

Beatrice walked down the street and turned left. She saw it in front of her. 667 Dark Avenue. The answer for her quest for love would be up the stairs of the building. She went up to the door, which was quite a feat as dark was in. She waited a moment before going in, contemplating the challenge that lay ahead of her:

Oh my God! What if she changed her mind? What if Jerome's there? Oh God, what am I doing, She thought to herself nervously.

This was her one true love and if she blewit, well, it wouldn't be. She opened the door and went it. The dimness of the room was a blessing, as it didn't show her sweat. She went to the elevator and pressed the button. She waited while the elevator came down. She went into her baq and fished for her lipstick. She found it, thought it can't be seen, it was Flame-Red, and she applied it. The elvator came down, she stepped in and she preesed the button for the penthouse apartment. As the doors closed and the elevator went up, Beatrice thought of the good points:

She loves me. She wants me! I hope she still feels that way! She does, Beatrice. She does!

The doors of the elevator opened and warmth hovered over Beatrice. There were more candles on the penthouse apartment lobby then on all the floors put together. Beatrice took no notice at all of this thought, because she just walked up tot he door.

This is it! My love is behind this door. She will quech my first! Oh God, oh God, oh God. Knock on the door!

Beatrice knocked on the door and waited. It began to open and Beatrice smiled. But, when the door opened fully, she saw Jerome Squalor standing there. She look down and sighed.

"Oh hello Bea', how are you?" Jerome asked smiling. He took two fingers and propped up Beatrice's chin.

"Oh, I'm alright. And you?" Beatrice's response was glum, just like her face.

"Oh, I'm brilliant! I'm going to the stationary distict to pick up some staples! I'll see you soon," And Jerome left, getting on the stairs banister and sliding down, his voice echoing off the walls. Beatrice smiled because Jerome had left her and her love alone. Beatrice walked in and closed the door behind her. She walked into the nearest sitting room.

"Esmé!" Beatrice shouted loudly, leaning out to the hallway, "Esmé! Are you here?"

Beatrice waited for a few seconds and heard a reply.

"Hello? Who is it?" Esmé shouted down the hallway. Esmé walked to the room where Beatrice was waiting, "Oh, hi! How are you, Bea'?"

"Lonely." Beatrice said and she advanced a step towards Esmé. Esmé glanced back at the door.

"Oh, why's that?" Esmé said in a tone which sound like pity. She looked at Beatrice and stepped forward. They were almost touching and Beatrice was shaking slighly. Esmé grabbed one of her wrists.

"Look, can we skip the chit-chat?" Beatrice grabbed Esmé's wrist as they embraced. They were hugging. Beatrice was happy. Esmé was bewilderly happy and liked it.

"Should we...erm..." Beatrice asked hopefully, and was thrilled by Esmé's answer.

"Yes, we should,"Esmé answered and they did. They kissed. It wasn't fiery, passionate or suave. It was romantic. Beatrice could taste the Aqueous Martini on her breath and Esmé could taste the soup that Beatrice had eaten beforehand. The way they both felt was so beautiful that I can't describe it. I can only say it was wonderful. The kiss was wonderful and before they knew it, they heard a key in the door.

"It's Jerome!" Beatrice said, "Quick! Act natural!" Beatrice finished and as soon as Jerome had stepped into the room, Esmé had quickly found a jigsaw and had set it up.

"Oh hello! Must put these in the study! See you," and Jerome was gone.

"I must go but I will see you soon, my dear," Beatrice said and walked into the doorway.

"Wait!" Esmé shouted as she walked up to Beatrice and she laid a kiss upon her cheek.

"That was sweet," Beatrice said compassionately, "toodles!" she said and, with a wave of her hand, went to the elevator, pressed the down button, went in and left.