Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

A warning now. This will be heavy ZADR slash, and strangely enough, sexually one-sided. What does this mean? Well, you'll have to read to find out. I hope you like long chapters, so please enjoy this first one, and comments are always welcome. Thanks.

In the Grey

by: flying metal child

Chapter 1

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It was the end of their sophomore year in high school when something went horribly wrong. Dib could tell something was amiss when Zim became strangely quiet about a week before summer vacation. The alien sat in class and stared vacantly at the teacher and it seemed that nothing registered in his mind. Whenever Dib approached him, Zim would say nothing and walk on by without so much as a blink or a sneer...nothing.

When summer came, Dib became even more worried when Zim showed up on his doorstep, no disguise, and just stood there frowning and silent as if he were expecting Dib to do something or that he was supposed to know what to do, but Dib didn't and kept asking the boy what was going on, where was his disguise, what did he want, and "If you're not going to say anything Zim, then just go home!"

But he didn't go home. When Zim didn't budge from the Membrane doorstep, Dib whined furiously and slammed the door in the alien's face, yet two minutes later, the doorbell rang and Dib once again found himself face to face with his nemesis.

Dib groaned and eyed Zim once again, finally saying, "Zim, you shouldn't be walking around without your disguise," Dib folded his arms, "what if a human sees you?" The human grinned evilly.

"You see me," Zim said softly, looking up at Dib with deliciously red eyes. He didn't like that look and he cringed.

"Yes," he replied slowly, "I see you Zim, but I already know you're an alien. Now go home, seriously, I don't want to see you until you try to take over the planet again." Dib began to shut the door once more, but Zim grabbed it quickly with his three-fingered hand and pushed it open angrily.

"What's wrong with you Dib, don't you want me?" Dib pried the alien claw from his door and shoved it back at its owner. "You're crazy Zim! I don't want you!"

"Yes you do! I'm here Dib and I'm giving myself to you!" Zim roughly forced himself by Dib and into his house where he backed up onto the sofa and sat down. Dib slammed the door and was confused, more than angry, at Zim's intrusion, but he was even more confused by Zim sitting casually on his sofa, his hands folded as if he was waiting for something. That empty look had graced his face once more, but somehow it was sad and Zim seemed smaller than usual.

"Zim you can't just come into someone's house you know? Don't you have any manners?"

"You come into my house all the time."

"Well...I do that to save the world, this is just rude." Dib walked over to the sofa and grabbed Zim's arm and tried to force him to stand, but Zim was dead weight and didn't seem to care that someone had a painful death grip on his arm. No, he didn't care at all. Dib pulled harder. Zim was so tiny and it should have been easy to just lift him up, but Dib was pretty skinny himself and not very strong so he gave up and simply stared at the alien who seemed rather nonplussed by the whole thing.

"Zim, get off my couch."

"No."

"Fine. I guess I'll just have to call the earth authorities and have them take you away in chains to be cut up into tiny pieces." Dib said jokingly with a little truth in his words as he walked slowly to use the kitchen phone.

"Good, that's why I came here in the first place." Dib froze and turned around.

"I thought that you would have at least taken advantage of me the first time, but you're dumber than I thought." Zim stood up and approached his human enemy passively. "I never expected that I would have to beg to be taken." Zim was very close now, very close. Dib could smell his clean skin, lightly fragrant, and he realized that this was probably the closest he'd ever been to Zim aside from when they were fighting.

Dib swallowed hard when Zim came one step closer so that their chests touched.

"I'm giving myself to you Dib." Zim whispered and closed his eyes slowly and then opened them once more to reveal their vivid redness.

"I don't understand Zim," Dib took a small step back, "you want me to turn you in? Why, after all this time...after...you're giving up?"

"Yes."

Dib narrowed his eyes and took another step back. "No, this is some kind of trick. You don't give up so easily. What's your plan Zim?"

"I have no plan, only yours. I'm unarmed and the only things in my pack are the necessary bio-chips that keep me alive. If you don't believe me then look for yourself."

Dib laughed and pointed at the alien, "Oh no, see that's your plan. You want me to look and something horrible will come out and do more horrible things to me. Please Zim, I'm not that stupid."

That set Zim off into a rage and his face contorted into a scowl that Dib had never seen before. "I'M NOT LYING STUPID EARTH MONKEY!!!" He yelled and angrily detached the pak from his back and in a fit threw it at Dib. He caught it, barely, and instantly looked inside the openings to see that indeed, only a few chips were inside. No spider legs or hidden laser guns. It was completely hollow inside. Dib knew Zim would die without it in ten minutes so he looked at the clock on the wall. 5:09 p.m. The countdown began.

Zim merely stood while Dib handled the pack nervously--what game is the alien playing?

Zim didn't ask for his life. The pack was his life and he was just standing there. 5:13.

Strange, the pack wasn't seeking a new host.

The alien faltered where he stood. Dib watched him cautiously. 5:15. Four more minutes.

5:16. Okay, Dib was a little scared now because he really didn't want Zim to die!

5:17.

Two more minutes and Dib couldn't take it anymore. He quickly walked up to Zim who was nearly ready to fall over and gently placed the pack in its rightful place. Thankfully, it grabbed on and Zim quickly regained himself and instantly seemed ashamed at what he had almost done to himself...in front of his enemy no less. He shook his head and closed his eyes and begged Dib to take him.

"You believe me now," he directed those ruby orbs in Dib's direction, "end it."

"End it? What's wrong with you Zim?" Dib hissed and grabbed Zim's shoulders, shaking him hard. "What you just did...that was suicide!"

"NO! That's not suicide!" Zim broke away from Dib's grasp and with shaky hands removed his gloves and pulled back a sleeve to reveal a network of light green scars on one arm. The wrist was the most scarred, but many more ran up his arm and over his hand like thick veins.

"THIS!" Zim yelled and thrust the arm at Dib, "This is suicide...and I can't even do that right." The little arm was held out for Dib and it shook terribly. Dib took it because he felt that Zim was offering it and as soon as he did, he felt the warm skin in his palm and the smooth scars like velvet under his fingers. He traced the scars carefully, wondering if they were still painful, wondering why Zim would do this to himself.

"Did you really do this to yourself Zim?" Dib looked down at the alien for answers, gripping his thin arm tighter. "Why would you try to kill yourself?"

Zim barely smiled as a tiny tear ran down his face, "Because." It was all he had to say. He couldn't tell Dib the real reason because it hurt him too much, just like the self-destruct mechanism had hurt, but sadly, it had malfunctioned and left him maimed and still alive.

"I need to finish it Dib. Finish it for me." Zim was shaking with new tears and his body was wracked with a sadness that he didn't know he possessed. He didn't want to have any anger or sadness or pain...he just wanted peace after the truth.

It was all a lie.

Dib still held onto the scarred arm that trembled with the shaking sobs of the body it was attached to. Those tears on Zim's face, they were so crystal clear and pretty and they made Dib feel sympathy when he didn't want to and for a moment, he forgot that Zim was his enemy. It was decision time. He could either turn Zim in or he couldn't...those were the only options he had, but there was only one clear choice after he took one last look at the silently crying creature in front of him.

"Come on Zim." Dib took Zim by the hand and led him to the couch, ordering him to sit.

"Are you going to call your authorities now, Dib-human?" He said passively, sinking into the soft cushions, and wiping the wetness from his face with the back of his hand. Dib laughed a little and got some tissue to take over wiping Zim's face and surprisingly he didn't flinch at his gentle touch.

"No, I'm not turning you in."

"Why?"

"Because." Dib threw away the tissue.

"Because why?" Dib sighed. Zim wasn't going to let him live this one down.

"Because," Dib began as he sat himself next to Zim, "you want me to turn you in, which isn't a good thing. Plus, you tried to kill yourself and I want to know why." Dib faced the alien and caught his eyes with his and he would not let him look away, but he smiled tenderly to let him know that he wasn't in any danger and that for once, he could trust him.

"Zim, just tell me...I won't judge you or anything, okay?"

"I don't want to say. It's too..." his antennae lowered and he put a scowl on his face. "I don't understand why you won't take advantage of this situation Dib-human. I thought you wanted to dissect me," Zim finished with a hiss.

"Geez Zim I already told you. You're not yourself, that's all."

"That doesn't sound like a good reason to me."

"Well that's all you're getting, Zim so deal with it." They stared hard at each other, not angrily, but stubbornly. Zim didn't want to reveal an embarrassing secret and Dib wasn't about to let the alien get away without an explanation.

"I don't see why you won't say anything Zim. I can already figure that something bad happened to you, I mean, I has to be pretty bad for you want to kill yourself right?" Zim nodded at that. It was pretty bad. He was stranded, alone, banished from his people, and utterly afraid of what might happen to him next. The Tallests had been so cruel to him and when they finally told him that he was never wanted, that he was a nuisance, Zim's world shattered. What was he to do but die by his own hand, but even that hadn't worked, so he chose the next best thing...he would die by his enemy's.

He had thought Dib would be himself and do what he always did, but he was wrong.

"Dib," Zim said after a few silent moments, "I can't tell you what happened to me, but if you must know, your planet is no longer marked for conquest. The earth is safe for now."

"Really? Were you ordered not to take it over? Huh?" Dib was excited now. If Zim was telling the truth, then his battle with the alien was finally over.

"Yes human I was ordered, there, that's all I'm saying. Now," he stood and looked down at Dib, "what are you going to do with me?" Dib laughed at that because it sounded like he was his slave or something.

"I'm not doing anything with you. Won't you go back home, to your planet, now that the earth isn't your, uh, job thing anymore?"

"No," Zim said softly, "it doesn't work that way. I'm supposed to stay here."

"Oh" Dib said simply and looked up at Zim, and he looked sadly, but surely, down at the human. "So you were ordered to live here, on earth, forever?" Zim nodded. "What will you do now?" Dib asked also and questioned if he were going to stay in school.

"I haven't figured that out yet. I need to think." Zim began to make for the front door when Dib remarked, following close behind, "If it were me Zim, I'd just not go anymore. No one would care."

Zim froze when he got to the door and he swallowed hard and tried not to think of those horrible words the Tallests had said to him.

No one cares. No one cares about you Zim. No one.

Zim steadied himself and looked over his shoulder at Dib, "I know." He began to turn the knob when Dib's hand landed strongly on his shoulder.

"How do I know you won't try to hurt yourself again?" Dib demanded.

"I won't you stupid monkey." With a swat of his hand, Zim knocked his hand away and said very snobbily, "Don't touch me."

"Oh please Zim, just five minute ago you were begging me to take you."

"I changed my mind." Zim said through clenched teeth and opened the door. Dib couldn't do anything but watch him walk away and without a disguise. Stupid alien. He was out in the open, so Dib ran upstairs and grabbed one of his hooded pullovers, soft and grey, and rushed out of his house and quickly caught up with Zim who was walking slowly towards his base.

"Zim, here." Dib called out to him a little breathless, man he was out of shape! Zim turned at the sound of his voice and looked at the wadded grey mass of fabric being offered to him.

"And what is this?" he asked.

"It's a sweater with a hood. I think you should wear it home because you have no disguise and even though it's a little hot out, it shouldn't bother you too much…here." Dib pushed it at Zim who only backed away.

"I don't want your clothing Dib, now leave me alone!"

"Dammit Zim stop being so stubborn!" Dib hooked Zim with the neck of the pullover and forced it over his body. The little Irken's arms were trapped under the cloth and he wiggled which caused the arms of the shirt to flap around. It was pretty funny to see Zim like that, but Dib quickly remedied it by helping him pull his arms through and flipping the hood over his head.

"There." Dib said proudly and took in Zim's appearance. For someone who had just refused help, the alien seemed reluctant to fuss about what the human had just done. Maybe he was grateful, who knows, but Zim would never say. It didn't matter now, he'd get home just fine if he lay low.

"Well?" Dib questioned because it seemed that Zim wasn't going to say anything, but he did shrug his shoulders and stick his naked hands into the pullover's warm pockets.

"Okay then. Bye Zim." Dib figured that was it for his encounter with Zim and he turned to go back home. Zim too turned and walked away, confused as to why the human was so eager to help him. Dib had said that he wouldn't take him because he was...what? Something about not being himself. He was out of character? Maybe the human really did have an intuition that something had gone wrong with him and maybe he sensed his grief. Zim frowned. If Dib had a partial idea as to his situation and refused to harm him because of it, where did that leave Dib in the scope of things, because Zim knew that even if he dropped out of school, the human would show up on his doorstep asking about him. Humans were so sympathetic.

As his odd green house appeared in the distance, Zim realized that it was Dib's sympathy that allowed him to go home alive tonight, and home was his base on planet earth now. There was no question about that, but what about himself? Zim walked up his sidewalk and thought about his life without Invading. Could he live with that?

He didn't know yet, but for now, suicide was not the answer. He opened his door.

But how to handle Dib...Zim eyed his house from the inside and pondered moving to a new location, far from Dib, and perhaps even making a holo-disguise like Tak had used. Hell, he could even get a human house and Dib would never know him if he were sitting on the front porch sipping lemonade! That would be the easiest solution. Yet so many more problems arose, like, what was he supposed to do? How would he keep busy? Maybe if he actually took over the earth and presented it to the Tallests, he would be welcomed back...

All this ran through his head when Gir bounced up from the labs and plopped himself in front of the Scary Monkey Show, completely ignoring his master, but Zim in return ignored the robot to sit at the kitchen table and think.

The afternoon waned and summer clouds conspired to birth a tempestuous weekend...

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