Short, pointless, my friend tells me it's funny. I don't own LOTR, I just write weird parodies and stuff.

––––––––––

Aragorn stood in the throne room of Theoden. An abandoned chess game was still set up on a table off to the side. "I'm going on a quest," Aragorn was saying, "and–"

"A quest?" interrupted Theoden. "Well what ever do you want to go on a quest for? I mean really, where's the logic in that? You don't even have anything to go questing for; you're already engaged to an Elf maiden, you're the long-lost descendant of the King of Gondor, and the only dragon round these parts was slain. So why go questing?"

Aragorn was at a loss. "Ummmm, well, uhhh....."

"You see?"

"Yes–but still I shall go on a quest!"

"Ermph. Well, now that that's settled, why have you come here?"

"Ahem. Yes. As I have said, I am going on a quest–"

"Can't see why," Theoden muttered. Aragorn glared at him but continued anyway.

"–and so I should like to borrow a horse."

"Borrow a horse? Well, I should say you have come to the right place. But what kind of horse? And how do I know you'll bring it back? You'll have to give me a deposit in case you lose it on this quest-thing. I don't want to come out of all this empty-handed."

"Fair enough," Aragorn agreed. "I'll give you this flagon of fine wine."

"Mmmmno. I get terrible hangovers. Have you nothing else?"

"Well–but I couldn't, it's from my one true love!"

"I'll take it!"

"What? You don't even know what it is."

"If you shouldn't give it up, I want it."

The notion that he could give Theoden anything and he wouldn't know the difference crossed Aragorn's mind. It was very tempting, but he told himself he was an honorable, honest man. Reluctantly he pulled the Evenstar from beneath his shirt and handed it to Theoden, who examined it disappointedly. "What, this is it? Just some silly trinket?"

"I'll have you know that's the Evenstar of the Elves, given to me by the daughter of Lord Elrond!"

"Yes, right, no need to shout. Well a deal's a deal. You can borrow–borrow, not have–a horse of your choosing."

"Any horse?"

"There are a few exceptions"

A few minutes later Aragorn and Theoden were walking through a field of horses, Theoden pointing out various available ones and explaining their good qualities. He was busy telling exactly how fast Black Star could go when Aragorn stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the animal in front of him. It was tall, gangly, swaybacked, and of a nondescript brownish-orange color, with a Roman nose and over-long ears that flopped to either side. Its eyes were half-closed and it stood with its legs braced out to the sides, its hooves seemingly cemented to the ground.

Aragorn immediately interrupted Theoden, who was standing by a bright-eyed black horse. "I want that one," he said as he pointed to it.

Theoden's eyes bulged. "I really think Black Star is more suited to your needs."

"No," Aragorn said stubbornly. "I want that one."

"But–"

"I'll call her Sugar!"

"She's a he."

"Oh. Ummm....then I'll call her–him, I mean–Sweetie!"

"Sweetie?"

"Yes."

As Aragorn went to pet "Sweetie", Theoden shook his head. "Why do I bother?"

After an hour of trying to saddle Sweetie and collecting innumerable teeth and hoof marks, Aragorn left, just in time to ride off into the sunset, though he ruined the whole effect by falling off. As the figure on the mule faded out of view, Theoden heard a faint chomp and a yelp. He winced and walked away, telling himself that that was the last he would have to see of the sorry sight presented by questor and biter. He pulled out the Evenstar and looked it over again. Well, at least he wasn't coming out of it badly. Middle-Earth, however, was another story entirely.