Disclaimer:
Contains suicide, cutting and blood. If you are under 16 and find this disgusting, please heed this disclaimer and DO NOT READ!
NB:
This story has nothing to do with my other story and the character can vary depending on your personal understanding of a character. (I picked Goten because I like to compare him to myself.)
NOTE:
The poem/song is a AngeeMoon original, you won't find it anywhere else but here!
PS:
For those who want to know, I am not suicidal, I just felt this way when I wrote this… as you can tell by the fact that iv published this, I am alive!
It was the waves crashing through my mind, daring me to jump
I'm standing on a cliff
The waves crashing below
They call out to me
They dare me to jump
It's dark, it's raining, it's hopeless in the world. I sit on my bed, playing with the small razor blade. Playing with it in my hands and thinking about what I want to do with it. It glitters up at me and every spark of light reminds me why I want to do it. Every time it glitters, it's like it's waving at me. Calling me, daring me, commanding me.
I've been having these thoughts a lot lately. Every time I was pushed around. Every time my mom phoned to tell me how great life was without me. Every time dad yelled because I'm not the way I should be.
They are the thoughts
The ones that are bad
They are all those times
I thought to cut, smoke or drink
I feel the pain return. As I think about it, I feel the desire to cut again. The desire to do something irreversible to myself. I look down at the glittering blade. Its sparkle is so addictive. It wants me to do it. I can feel it call, dare, command. I can feel its powerful grip on me
I think about my dad cursing me for being myself. Only ever myself. I feel the pain I felt when he told me how I will never be good enough. It's a chilling thought, the man I call dad, no longer recognisable to me. I think about how I stole this blade from his razor so I could use it. I look back down at the beautiful blade.
The waves are crashing below
They are daring me to jump
To be swallowed, to be devoured
To give in and allow my thoughts
To consume me
I decide this pain has to end, I take the blade in my hand and press it into my wrist and slide it down. Blood follows my hand and I realise I did it. I lift my wrist so I can see the cut better in the dull light of my room. The blood runs down my arm, a few drops stain my bed.
The pain vanishes, my thoughts subside. The waves have calmed enough for me to see clearly. To see the damage I've done. To see exactly where I have slit. As my vision begins to fade, I think about how it used to be.
Was it really that bad?
It's the waves that crash though my mind
They dare me to take the plunge
They dare me to give up my life
They dare me to jump
I can't tell. I lie down and listen as my heart begins to slow down. The blood is still running out of my wrist. I know what I have done. I know that I will go to hell for it. I don't care though. I feel too tired to care. Too tired to worry. I close my eyes because with them open, I still can't see. And I listen. I listen to the sound of my heart and I know, I will die tonight.
So, yea. We've all been there, our lowest low, when we consider ending it, but just don't. yea, so I was there a couple days ago and in the midst of feeling shitty and suicidal, I wrote this. It's a one shot and it has no real significance except that I felt exactly like that at the time of writing it. I very much compare myself to Goten. I mean, he's sweet innocent and slow to catch on. Me? I'm sweet (anyone who objects is gonna feel a sharp pain between their eyes) I'm innocent… and yea I'm slow to catch jokes or innuendos … sadly. So yea, the character in this is gonna be Goten… of course you could choose to use any character you desire as well though, be it Trunks or Uub or whatever