But for this Well

by Kanna37

It's been four years since the battle with Naraku ended, and Kagome was returned to her time from the meidou. She hasn't returned to him, though, and Inuyasha knows why... his treatment of her while she was with him. But the magic in the well isn't gone, and it gives him one last chance to fix his mistakes. Tied 2nd B. In Character portrayal for Inuyasha 1st term Fa 2013

But For this Well...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha. But Gawds, I wish I did!

~oOo~

Inuyasha slumped against the seemingly defunct well and sighed, a painful sound that spoke more than any words to his state of mind and heart.

It had been almost four years since Kagome had been taken away after defeating Naraku, and then the jewel, as well, and he was almost positive that she wasn't going to come back. No... he'd done too much damage to her because of his almost obsessive behavior over Kikyou; and as if that weren't bad enough, he'd really treated her terribly on top of that, calling her names and comparing her to his first love all the time. He winced, some of those very things he'd said once more echoing in his ears, and he slumped even further against the well as he realized that it was his own foolish and blindly stubborn behavior that was going to haunt him for the rest of his doomed life.

Yes, Kagome had left him with more than he'd had when she came. For the first time in his life, he had friends – Sango and Miroku, Shippo, and Kohaku. Kaede, as well, and even an entire village called him hero, and savior, and welcomed him openly into their homes and their lives. After all, they knew who'd defended them, who'd gotten revenge for the murder of their beloved Kikyou, and who had protected Kagome, as well. And who continued to watch over them and keep their village safe, when the rest of the country was overrun by bandits, war, swarming youkai, and famine due to the aforementioned threats.

But the one thing that he really wanted, he'd made sure himself that he would never have.

Kagome.

His ears flattened against his head as he let himself take out some of his precious memories of her and look at them again and he stared at the grass between his feet without seeing it as those pictures flashed behind his eyes, those same eyes flooding with tears he'd never have let fall - before. He'd been such a fool! Why couldn't he have just kept his big damn mouth shut, or failing that, told her the truth instead of lying through his fangs? The truth was that he loved her, loved her so damn much, but he'd never told her that, had he? No, instead he'd insulted her, thrown his ex-love in her face all the time and practically ruined her life in her time. And all because he was afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of lowering his barriers all the way – even to her, who he knew would never have hurt him.

Keh. So I do the ultimate stupid thing and basically reject her because I was being a damn coward. All the horrible things I said to her... I wish I could go back and beat the shit out of myself – go back and tell her what my heart was really crying out! And now I'm alone again, and will be forever – and I deserve it, too, for my stupidity; Sesshoumaru was right about that...

"I really do wish I could go back and change the things I did and said to her," he murmured aloud, his voice desolate with the reality that she was gone, forever, that she wouldn't return – and that it was all his own fault. After all, why would she return? He'd given her no reason to give up her family there in her future world to come back to his world. No reason at all... he knew she'd loved him and he'd been too much of a coward to reach out and accept that love and return it right back to her like he'd really always wanted to do.

He was in such a miserable funk that it took him several minutes to realize that something had changed within the well itself. He could feel the magic that had always been within it swelling against his youki, and with stunned eyes he jumped to his feet, more energized than he'd been since the last moment he'd seen Kagome – a moment which was frozen in his memory forever. Tentatively, he set a hand upon the rim of the well and slowly leaned over, praying to kami and holding his breath and every other part of himself tensed as he peered into its usually dark depths, and saw...

Blue skies.

His brow furrowed in confusion. Blue skies? Keh... that can't be right. Maybe... maybe a storm tore down the well shrine, and now it's outside again? It didn't matter, though. Jumping through the well had always taken him to Kagome before, and he was positive it was going to do the same thing now, so without even one single thought to anything else, he jumped, knowing somehow that it was now or never – if he didn't take the well up on its offer right now, it wouldn't ever offer again.

He sighed as the blue lights he'd missed for four long years swelled up around him, wrapping around him comfortingly almost like it was welcoming an old friend, and gently carried him to his destination. Once he landed softly and the lights faded, pulsing with a sense of approval, he gathered himself immediately and leapt from within its depths, landing easily outside it. He looked around, a faint frown on his face as he took in a clearing that looked just like it did in the time he'd just come from.

Well, this certainly ain't her time, he thought, even more confused now – until his ears, perked and listening for any danger as they always were, picked up a loud argument coming his way... and then his eyes widened in shock, just before he realized he'd better hide himself away – fast. In a flash, he was hidden in a tree, and he watched with deep hunger as Kagome, followed by himself, stormed into the clearing.

His starved eyes wandered over her and burned with those damned tears again at seeing her, and he was not surprised to realize that his memory of her hadn't faded one bit – she glowed in them just as she glowed now – for those who had eyes to see it, and weren't being blinded by their own foolishness. He wanted so badly to go out there and grab her and hold her like he'd never had the faith to do before – back when he'd still had the chance to do it.

It was obvious that she was trying to go home and that he was arguing with her, as usual calling her all sorts of names and doing everything he could think of to keep her from leaving – except telling her the fuckin' truth, which was simply that he hated being apart from her and felt empty and cold and like he was slowly suffocating to death when she was gone. It was then, as he wished he could simply fly out there and punch his own face in to get him to shut the hell up, that he realized with a sort of awed shock just what was going on – the well was giving him what he'd wished for when he'd wished that he could come back and beat the hell out of himself for continuously pushing Kagome away. He could use this opportunity to get his hands on, well, himself after she jumped through the well, and tell himself exactly what was going to happen to him... if he didn't stop being a blind, stubborn fool.

His fingers twitched with the thought, his claws lengthening as he listened to all the crap he was spewing at Kagome in his quest to keep her on this side of time. Keh. I told her everything under the sun... but the truth. I was such a damned idiot.

He watched as she slammed him into the ground several times, for once not angry at the thought of that. He could see now what everyone else had seen before – he deserved it. And it wasn't like she was just doing it arbitrarily – she'd needed to go home, and he was trying to stop her. Guilt washed over him as he watched her burst into tears at his nasty insults, before jumping into the well with sad and angry eyes. I can't believe how I treated her, he thought once again with remorse swimming in his eyes – and then they focused on the still grounded figure of himself with vengeance chasing the remorse away.

Now was the time to pound some reality into his own foolish head.

He hopped down from the tree he'd hidden in and let his now much stronger aura flare, and watched with a dangerous smirk as his past self looked up in shock from his spot on the ground. Sauntering out to stand before him, he met his own eyes and the smirk widened.

"She shoulda sat us a hell of a lot more than she did," he finally said, his fangs glinting in the sunlight for a moment before the smirk faded. "We were nothing more than bastards to her – and it was all a damn lie. We love her – and because of our own stupidity in treating her the way we do, we're going to lose her. The well is going to take her away and she's never going to try to come back because well, hell, why should she? Why leave a loving family and loyal friends in her era to come back here to be insulted and treated like shit, to be constantly compared to Kikyou – which we're totally lying when we do, anyway, because there's no comparison, since Kikyou could never be Kagome – and basically be put down every time she turns around? We're condemning ourselves to a long, lonely, and heartbroken life... and all because of the bullshit we do and say – just like the bullshit that just went on here a few minutes ago."

His past self had been staring up at him and gaping like a fish out of water, but he'd reddened at hearing what was being said and immediately jumped to his feet and went for Tessaiga as soon as the kotodama released him. "Oi, fuck you! You must be Naraku, takin' on my form again to come in here and try to cause problems between me'n Kagome!" he shouted, taking a swing at the being that looked and felt and even smelled just like him.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as his temper flared; jumping away from his past self's rather wild swing, he whipped Tessaiga out and as soon as it transformed, he engaged his past self, shocking him at the sight of the sword he was holding – he couldn't deny it was Tessaiga. But it was a Tessaiga that was much more powerful than the one his past self was holding, since it hadn't yet gained all its new attacks. As soon as he could, his past self disengaged and shook his head, stunned and not sure what to think.

"What... how the hell... it's Tessaiga, but it ain't," he stuttered, confused. He blinked at what really seemed to be another him, and asked, "What the hell's goin' on?"

"What's goin' on is that I came through the well from the future – a few years from now. I came back to pound into our stubborn head just what the consequences of our actions are gonna be – keep going the way you are with how you treat Kagome, and she's gonna be taken back through the well – and she won't ever come back. Think about it, baka – a world where there's no more Kagome – ever." He shook his head, eyeing the astounded and belligerent face of his past self with frustration. "Well, at least not for five hundred years. And who's to say we won't die before her era, so it might as well be forever, eh?"

"Oi, fuck off! I don't care if the wench doesn't come back!" he yelled, red-faced and embarrassed – even if this being was claiming to be him. He just couldn't stand hearing his feelings being spoken about aloud – hell, he was too afraid to even think those things openly within the silence of his own mind!

He didn't even have the chance to blink before he was flying across the meadow, a heavy fist having nailed him in the face. The impact was fierce – but the impact with the tree at the end of his short flight was even fiercer. "You bakayarou!" Inuyasha snarled as he loomed over his past self's now groaning figure. "I'm you! I know how we feel for her – so don't bother lying to me!" He narrowed his eyes dangerously at himself. "For all our foolish denials over the years, we didn't even fool anyone else – they all know how we feel about Kagome. So all this flustered screaming you're doing about it, claiming you don't care about her, is wasted effort. You may as well give it up."

His past self was looking up at him with suspicion in his eyes. "Okay, if you're really me, then tell me – what was my mother's nickname for me?" He was still trying to find a way to deny what was happening – and what his senses were telling him, because if he admitted this guy glaring at him was really him, then he'd have to actually think about what a world without Kagome would be like – and face himself and his emotions... which was a thought that scared him half to death.

Inuyasha blinked at that, his eyes going far away as he thought with sad affection about his mother, so many years dead now. Ya-ya... she used to tease me with that stupid nickname all the time. She never let me forget that it was my way of saying my name when I was just a baby, since I apparently couldn't say the rest of it. I miss her so much... just like I miss Kagome...

"Ya-ya," he said aloud, once more meeting his past self's now definitely shocked eyes. "She called us Ya-ya, since that was what we'd called ourselves when we were just a baby and couldn't say our name," he replied, watching the acceptance dawn in his past self's golden eyes - along with a certain worry.

"You really are me," he said after a moment of staring up at his future self, his defensive walls and posture disappearing – since there really was no point.

"Took ya long enough to figure it out, idiot," Inuyasha muttered as he stepped back so his past self could get back up, though he grinned maliciously at the wince as he did.

"Oi, quite callin' me that," he said weakly as he put a hand to his aching head.

"Why? It was the same actions you took just a little while ago that cost me Kagome. It's been four years since the well took her away – and she hasn't come back. You bitch about three days bein' without her, but you always feed her bullshit reasons why you want her to come back. So now think about what I've been through, not seein' or scentin' her in four damn years." His shoulders slumped a little with weariness as his past self stared at him in horror. "Four years. I miss her so much," he whispered, his eyes far away as he looked back over those empty and painful years, and at the ones still stretching out before him – and then he met his own gaze again. "If you don't change how you treat her, your gonna be standin' here starin' at yourself in a few years and yellin', instead of living a happy life with Kagome. Don't stay on this path, baka, or I can promise you positively that you will live to regret it – terribly."

"So... so the well... closes?" his past self asked weakly, staggering under the thought of not ever seeing Kagome again. He didn't think he could live without her anymore – scratch that, he knew he couldn't, and the apparent proof of that was staring him in the eyes right now, looking like death warmed over and with misery and even agony buried in the depths of those half-dead eyes.

"Oh, the magic is still there, still inside it – but it won't let me pass, and Kagome won't even bother tryin' – like I keep sayin' - why should she? As far as she knows because of all the crap we fed her, she's got nothing to return for," he said, looking himself over and actually approving the terrified look overtaking his face. "I've felt like I'm drowning, not being able to find her scent anywhere anymore. It's all faded away, you see, on my side of the well. She's been gone for so long..." he trailed off, his gaze going far away for a long moment, "... when I came out of the well here and caught her scent, I cried. It was the first time I'd felt like I could actually breathe in four years. Didn't get the chance to bask in it, though – because that charming little display you put on interrupted that as you practically ensured that she'd go back home when this is all finished and not return," he scowled at his past self.

He watched the deflated look on his own face as he swallowed heavily and looked from him to the well, and then back. "B-but... but I don't know how to tell her... you know, how I f-feel," he stuttered, blushing deeply at the thought of even trying.

"Well, you'd better figure it out – I mean, what's worse – tellin' her how you feel, or never seeing her again, dumbass?" he asked his now wavering past self scathingly. "It really ain't that hard, ya know. First off, stop callin' her names, don't pretend you think she's ugly - you know she ain't, and don't compare her to Kikyou. Just ease into it – after you actually stop all that stupid crap, and start actin' like you really feel, she'll start to get the message. You don't gotta just come out and start shoutin' that you love her like that fool Kouga, but at least stop treatin' her like worse than the dirt beneath your feet. Actions speak louder than words, right? And someday, I guarantee it, you'll be able to finally actually tell her. Your actions now, if you take my advice, will give her a reason to return, so that I'll have the chance to do that, eh? So... don't be a fool. Do what I'm tellin' ya, and we won't have to spend the rest of our lives alone – like we did before she came along. Remember that life? Do you really wanna go back to that?"

His past self shook his head, abject horror etched into his face as he thought back to the loneliness he'd lived with for uncountable years. No, he definitely didn't want to go back to that... and he really, really didn't want live a life without Kagome by his side. I need her... I've told her that, but then again, he thought, chagrined, I've told her those other things, the bad things, a hell of a lot more than I've told her I need her with me. Guilt washed over him, and he flicked a glance at his future self as he stood there with sad eyes and openly sniffed the scent that was all over the well clearing, inhaling in long, deep draughts that told him more than anything of his future self's desperate need. He shuddered, something in him shifting – beginning to grow up as he contemplated his worst nightmare. I don't want to look like that, he thought, still surreptitiously eyeing his future self, now miserable at thought of his future. A world without Kagome is a world I wouldn't want to live in. I've really been terrible to her, though, haven't I? And it's all because I'm so afraid... afraid that she'll reject me. But really... I know she won't. She's already said before, a couple of times, that she loves me. I know she does... I'm just being a fool. My future self's right about that.

"Bein' without her... it hurts, doesn't it?" he asked his future self sadly, no fight left in him. He could see the answer in his own eyes... eyes that were indubitably his, and yet were so much older and almost broken. Weary and full of pain and loss. He didn't want to look like that, ever.

"Yeah," Inuyasha said, that pain shining through strongly. "It does. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Sometimes... I just wish I could die. I can't stand the thought of all the empty centuries, of wandering lost and even worse... alone. Like before. Even if I wait to see her in her era, five hundred years is a long time to go without a home," he finished, flicking his gaze up to meet his own eyes – but eyes that were uncomplicated with that kind of loss.

His past self just nodded, a morass of emotions suddenly swimming in his eyes. "I... I guess I have some thinkin' to do, eh?"

With a snort, Inuyasha agreed. "Keh. May as well take the three days she's gonna be gone and do that thinkin'. Just make sure you make the right choice," he added swiftly as he felt a pull on himself and realized that he was being called back by the well. Apparently, his time here was up. "Don't screw it up!" he yelled one last time as he watched the surprise on his past self's face as he faded. Nothing but an empty blackness surrounded him for a few moments, echoing how he felt inside with Kagome gone – and then he remembered nothing more as consciousness faded and gave him a little relief from the emptiness inside.

~oOo~

The lights faded from the well and Kagome looked up as a hand entered it with a small scowl. Great. I didn't even get a chance to get out of here, and he's here to start chewing me out about how I took so long and the shards won't find themselves and how Kikyou wouldn't put anything before her duty and why can't I be more like her, she thought to herself with bitterness beginning to ruin the little bit of peace she'd managed to get while at home. She took the hand and allowed Inuyasha to pull her from the depths of the well.

"Don't start, Inuyasha," she warned as she landed on the ground and her scowl deepened. "I really don't need to hear how terrible a screw up I am yet again, so let's just go before I get so mad that I decide to go back home and not come back."

She wasn't looking at him as she said this and so missed the flash of shock and sad realization in his eyes, but her startled gaze flew up to meet his when he started speaking and there was none of the belligerence she'd expected to hear from him.

"I wasn't going to say any of those things, Kagome," he replied, his voice oddly lacking its usual bite or any hint of his normal temper, instead soft and almost sounding sad. "That's not why I'm here." He grabbed her bag from where she'd set it and hefted it over his shoulder and then began to turn away to head back to the village. "I just wanted to help you out of the well and tell you I'm glad you're back."

Kagome stared at him with suspicious eyes and a disbelieving scowl. "So we can go find more shards or maybe that bastard Naraku, right?" she asked slowly, that suspicion heavy in her voice as she basically paraphrased his usual words.

"No, because I hate it when you're gone. I miss you," he returned promptly, a flush on his cheeks but nothing but truth in his own voice. "I hate it when your scent fades from around me – it's like you've disappeared – or like I'm still alone and all of this – the quest, you - are a dream."

Stunned, Kagome came to a halt and stared at his back, blinking shocked eyes as he slowly topped a small rise and started to disappear over it. After a moment, she shook herself and ran after him, leaving the well clearing silent and empty once more, nothing but a seemingly useless and dried out old well sitting quietly at its center.

For just a moment, then, an oddly glowing being of impossible beauty flashed into being next to the wooden structure, an approving and pleased expression on his face.

He'd always known the hanyou had a good heart – it was just deeply hidden by years of pain and betrayal – and loneliness. But now that he'd given him that second chance and he'd taken it, he wouldn't have to be lonely ever again.

He disappeared once more, then, flashing back into his more recognizable form, and the tall grasses in the clearing waved in the breeze as the clearing once more appeared empty and silent, devoid of any life.

But the magic was only sleeping, not gone...

~oOo~

Inuyasha sighed, a grouchy expression on his face as the twins clambered all over him, tugging and pulling on his clothes and hair, and especially his ears. But he couldn't help the painful thought that he wished there was a third child clambering all over him and yelling with happy glee. Mine and Kagome's child, he thought, a slight blush washing across his cheeks as he thought that. But maybe... maybe I'll have that chance now, since I did what that other version of myself told me to do, and stopped lyin' to Kagome all the time. And after that kiss in the meidou, she should know what she means to me.

Keh. Not that I wasn't a little foolish when Kikyou finally died again, but I apologized for that, and I think she figured it out... that Kikyou was only the first woman I loved, not the only. I hope so... He flinched and was pulled back to reality as Shippo arrived and started exhorting the twins to go after his ears, which they did with a vengeance. He flashed a dangerous look at the kit as he grasped the twins and pulled them down, putting them back in his lap.

"Inu, Inu," the little girls chanted amidst their giggles, and Shippo laughed coarsely.

"You're nothing but a toy to them," he sniped gleefully as Inuyasha's expression changed from one of yearning, to annoyance.

"Oi, ya wanna do somethin' about the twins?" he grouched to his friends, who were hanging laundry while he entertained the children in the shade. It had been a relatively peaceful day – until Shippo arrived, that was. He always loved egging the girls on – since Kagome was gone and he couldn't watch her sit him anymore, anyway. Keh. And I'd put up with as many sits as she felt like giving me if she'd just come back.

Just at that moment, a breeze drifted past his nose, and absently twitching it, he noted that the wind was coming from the east, through the well clearing, and that somewhere beyond that clearing, a couple of usagi youkai had set up housekeeping. He wasn't worried about them, though, since they were timid and didn't usually bother anyone. Even humans didn't fear them, and that pretty much said it all, in his opinion, since most humans seemed to fear anything and everything – even themselves.

It took several long moments for what else that breeze was telling him to kick in, and even then, for several more moments, as he stiffened and lifted his nose into the breeze, he thought it was just his desperately wishful thinking tainting the purity of the wind sprite that was still darting past him, and not reality. It... it smells like Kagome... But then, when that scent only strengthened, he shot to his feet, dropping the twins on Shippo in a twisted form of half-thought out vengeance, a, "Go slay the kitsune," popping out of his mouth before he was off and running, completely ignoring the confused shouts of his friends. This scent didn't mean danger for anyone, that was for damn sure, so they had no need to worry.

He couldn't help the thought that he hoped his future self had been right and his changes in behavior and even his words had been enough to make Kagome understand what she was to him, and that she'd actually known she had something to return to, since he did remember that his look-alike had said he'd been without her for four years, and it had only been three – as of today, as a matter of fact, his completely accurate count of all the moons since she'd been gone, down to the last second, told him.

Please... anyone who's listening – let this really be her! His heart was pounding and sending painful needles of feeling through him as for the first time in three years, it truly started beating again, sending life through his veins once more. Everything smelled better, the sun was shining brighter, and even the scents washing past him in the wind of his travel tasted sharper as they drifted over his tongue – his world had always been more vivid when Kagome was near him, a sharp pleasure; when she was gone, however, everything was dull, gray, and even physical pain was blunted. The only thing that was sharp and clear when she was gone was the emotional pain, the loss.

Finally arriving at the well clearing, he slowed and then stopped just before reaching the well, drawing in deep draughts of air – air that was once more just laden with the most beautiful scent in the world. He stepped cautiously closer to the structure, hot blood pumping through his heart painfully and oh, please, please, please echoing through his mind as his madly twitching ears took in the sound of her breathing from inside the well. That sound propelled him the last few feet, and holding his breath, he thrust a hand into the well's dark depths. Unable to stop it, he gasped when a hand reached up and took his...

And just like that, the world burst back into colorful, clear life as he pulled his world out of the well, tears welling in his eyes as he took in the changes - her fully bloomed beauty and taller, more filled out frame – as well as the things that were the same, like her eyes that were still filled with love for him and also welling with happy tears as she looked down at him.

"I'm so sorry, Inuyasha," she breathed, "were you waiting for me?"

He stared up at her with a desperate yearning for several moments and then pulled her down into his arms, wrapping her up and thanking every kami he knew the name of as she settled into his arms as if she belonged there. Keh, and she does, and I'm never letting her leave me again. "Baka," he returned hoarsely, smiling a little against her as she giggled, "what took you so long?"

She never got the chance to answer that question as their friends burst into the clearing behind him, their happy cries blunting his annoyance at their interruptions. Their time would come later on as night inevitably followed day and he could get her alone to tie her to him in a way unbreakable by any. And so he reluctantly let her pull away from him so she could greet the other people that loved her, though none loved her as deeply as he did, and watched with a small smile as his world finally became complete, and that empty, gnawing feeling of pain and loss disappeared as though it had never been.

He couldn't help putting his hand down gently on the well, though, and thanking it fervently in a low voice for the chance it had given a foolish hanyou – a chance to fix his mistakes and change the path he'd been so blindly following to his detriment. But for that deceptively simple well, his hopes of waking and finding Kagome there at his side again with all the vivid color she brought into his life would truly be but a wistful dream...

Yes... but for this well...

~oOo~

Five hundred years in the future, fifteen year-old Higurashi, Kagome stepped closer to the well while looking for her lost cat, her little brother watching from the doorway as the magic in the well began to swell...

~oOo~

A/N: Hope this one shot entertains! Just my ideas on what might have pushed Inuyasha into realizing that his earlier bad behavior might end up costing him his future, since he changed so much from his earlier obnoxious behavior, to his later much more mature and caring self.

Amber