I stared at the beach, at the water coming and going. My heart clutched so painfully in my chest that it hurt and burned just to breathe looking out among the vast space. The sun was setting, setting the skies ablaze with different colors. Gold wrapping around the ocean and clouds. I tried not to cry out in any more anguish than I already had. I tried holding my tears in after so many had fallen. I even tried not to let the overcoming urge to throw myself in the water consume me. The greatest friend, love I ever had, knew I ever would have was lost to me. Impossible to ever see me again, impossible for me to ever see him again…
The sun was lost beneath the water to me… That one word. Impossible…Nothing was ever impossible. The Doctor taught me that. Made my eyes open to the world around and above. Universes galore, space never ending, species of aliens everywhere. Died out, new, presently somewhere out there thriving.
I turned from the ocean, the tide making it's way around me. If I didn't leave soon I would become trapped under the breaking waves that came and went… So much like the Doctor. Would he be happy? Would he be safe? Would he move on?
I tried thinking like him for a moment. He always seemed happy, but there was just a surface of that, what was held underneath… I could see it swirling indefinitely inside him, in his eyes. Powerful than most could ever dream to bear the price of. The last of his kind… Two hearts that beat so loudly… I had to swallow a bit of air. Mind on different levels at all times, I had wished I could take away all his pain. All the pressure and guilt he put on himself. … I had answered my own questions. The Doctor would move on, he may keep his happy façade but there was always going to be what was brewing underneath. The Doctor would most certainly never be safe…
Our Doctor… No… I felt heat. Suddenly. Enveloping me. Heat and sparks under my skin.
Something awoke inside me I hadn't felt in some time. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to settle myself. My heart still ached but I felt that I would howl across the sky with all the hurt that I did feel before pushing it aside. I walked across the banks of the sea and back to the jeep that I had taken out again after Mum, Pete, and Mickey were at the B&B a bit away.
I smiled softly, sadly at Bad Wolf Beach, and to myself, to what was inside me.
Bad Wolf…I hummed getting into the vehicle and sat a moment, a little surprised because in my own mind I had received a response from what was inside me.
Rose Tyler… I gripped the steering wheel with one hand and turned the key in the ignition.
Why was I getting a response? Why was the Time Vortex still there? Inside me? Again I received an answer.
Rose Tyler. Impossible doesn't exist. Impossible is something that minds make up. Impossible is something that we don't believe in. I hissed at her, tears threatening to fall.
Everything seemed impossible now. Absolutely everything. I sat back in the jeep and closed my eyes. I could see the stars behind my eyes light up, glowing.
"I'm burning up a Sun just to say goodbye…"
My eyes opened again as I followed what Bad Wolf, my alter Time-Vortex-Self, was thinking.
It was true. Nothing was impossible, I just had to believe that nothing was impossible.
I looked at the ocean in the dark one last time before I took a deep breath.
I began to think to myself.
I would move forward, I would make myself the impossible because in a way I already had when I pulled, or was given the Time Vortex to save the Doctor and it was still there. He hadn't taken all of it away from me. I would make the Doctor proud. I would be able to find away to do…the Impossible.
I stared at the sky.
"By everything I have, " I spoke to the universes around me," I will do the Impossible. I will make this all right, I will do everything I can to get back to where I belong. I am Rose 'Bad Wolf' Tyler, and I will do the Impossible."
It had felt like forever, but only yesterday she had promised herself this. That she would stare into the world around her and find herself back to her Doctor because, she thought, she was his and he was hers. Something that she could never ever doubt.
xxxx
Over the few years I had taken charge of my own time, my own world. Torchwood became what I made of it, what Pete had help make it, and Mickey and Jake. This was were we brought Torchwood. We saved this Universe's Earth and met new aliens on a weekly basis. I grew stronger and ran.. I ran like the Doctor, because that's the very first thing he has ever told me, the first word ever spoken and that's exactly what I got the best at. I ran back to London from Bad Wolf Beach, I ran to my family and friends that grew with each passing day. I ran to knowledge and everything that I could get my hands on.
Everything I ran to made myself grow into what I had control over, over what I could handle. Bad Wolf grew with me, integrating herself into my being, linked closed and harder than ever before. There hadn't been a day I didn't think of my Doctor of what he may or may not be doing.. Such adventures.. Would they mirror my own? … I frowned, my mind going every which way. Most days I could go with it, let my mind wander as it so often did on it's own to different heights.
Bad Wolf buzzed and hummed around my head.
Is this how the Doctor feels connected with TARDIS?
My fingers flew across a control panel. An old control panel across from a large white wall. The wall that tore the Doctor and I apart.
Bad Wolf calmed herself and huffed. I would imagine so…I would imagine so indeed Rose Tyler.
I smiled, stretched out my fingers and bit my tongue.
So much time of research, so much effort just for this one moment in time where she felt she could do anything. Her family was at home, unsure where she had run off to… God this was almost as painful as when he first had been ripped away. Failure was not an option.
A few more buttons and she could do it. She had to do it. They had to do it.
I took a step back from the control panel and walked up to the wall before me, set my hand upon it and hummed in anticipation. I closed my eyes and pushed with my mind, a force I had been learning to use.
The Time Vortex was apart of TARDIS, was in her, had been taken into the Doctor… She wondered if the time she had tried to talk to him he had received any message, any inkling of her thoughts…
For the last time she tried again…
"Doctor, my Doctor… I've tried so hard. Felt so much…." I licked my lips, throat and mouth going dry. "I'm standing at a gateway, once open, closed for what has seemed forever ago. I wonder if you can hear me, I wonder if this works." Gold sparks and swirls lit in her eyes. " Doctor of Gallifrey, of TARDIS… I love you."
I stood back again went to the control panel trying to gather my thoughts. Trying to reign in everywhere my mind was trying to run off to. Surprisingly it wasn't as difficult as normal. Bad Wolf knew what this meant, knew what had to be done.
I stretched my back and grabbed my backpack of the best things from this time and universe. Looked myself once over. Jeans, shirt, jacket, and even the best pair of converse shoes I had taken to wearing since losing the Doctor.
Are you ready? We nodded at the same time, my hand hovering over a blue button. There was only one chance to get this right, and if not then… At the very least I had written a letter to everyone I was attempting to leave behind, for their own good. There was no going back after this and that I was okay with because I had my decision -forever ago.
Wolf and I took a deep breath, eyes fully opened and my hand pushed the button.
One moment you're standing on solid ground and the next… Well it felt like being ripped apart, being put back together at once. The wind knocked out of me, eyes hazy, skin on fire. Tears burned down my face, but I could feel myself floating away into nothing-ness, almost I could feel myself gone.
Hold on to the Impossible, Rose Tyler, or we will both be gone forever.
She was right, I inhaled and screamed out till my throat felt raw and ran out of breath. My body was all in one piece again. I could feel air pass around me, everywhere. Body felt so in tune to our surroundings. My eyes locked into a clear view of color, ears trying focus in on one thing but there was everything to hear. I smiled softly as best as I could; I could hear my own broadcasted message of what I had said to the Doctor moments before hitting the TARDIS colored button.
The world was locked around me. I was fine, peachy, still hotter than mum's tea, but not disappearing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath feeling the fabric of time and space between my fingers and flowing everywhere.
Almost there… Almost here..
Then all of a sudden I felt the fire of the beginning and dropped into a heap somewhere. I hurt everywhere and couldn't help but feel too empty and too full all at the same time. I was deaf, mute, blind… I didn't hurt, but I could feel vast amounts of pressure… God… Would it stop?
Rose Tyler… Hold on… Onto what? Myself? I'm desperately trying.
We are here, we have made it…Bloody hell that was good, if we've made it why can't I breathe? Why can't I move?
Stay calm…I've lost all sense of calm. Calm is impossible right now. I told her.
I could feel her smiling at me and she let go of her protective embrace of my mind.
It felt like I was snapped back into my body. I could breathe, inhale exhale. Sounds raced into what wasn't filled in my head, I screamed, I could hear that. Then color… Color everywhere. Blurry shapes at first and now… Oh everything was falling into place. Bad Wolf guiding whatever it was that needed to be guided back into the right places. I could barely function I think without her.
I spread my fingers and hands out, got my balance and foot into how I was positioned, where I was.
I inhaled… Winter weather, ice cold air - but I felt on fire. Covered greenery. A humming noise… Foot steps… No.. To fast for walking.
I was sitting down fingers over hanging on the balance of an empty water fountain in the middle of some park. It was dark out but the stars still glittered.
Screaming had stopped as I grasped for my bearings and I started to smile, to giggle and to laugh. I would look like a mad woman to however would come by. They would come by…
Familiar presence Rose Tyler, we know this being. We did too. I could feel the energy, or something akin on the other side of the fountain. I closed my eyes and listened, carefully, a grin still on my face.
I turned around feeling ready to do anything. To do the Impossible! We had just done the Impossible.
My grin couldn't have gotten any bigger as I turned to see big flirty eyes, dark hair like the night sky of Earth and that jacket…
I cooed. Bad Wolf cooed. We hummed together and stood on two feet, solid ground, still new, my body still on fire. The face that stared back at me was too shocked to breath for just a moment. I wiggled my fingers around next to me, stretching them out, a new habit, my toes doing the same, like testing the ground and air around me.
"Jack!"
"Rose?" I nodded. He looked wary for a moment, confused, but altogether happy.
"Hello Rose Tyler!" He swept me up in a hug and I laughed as we spun around. More footsteps came into range. I felt fantastic. Brilliant even. "The Doctor said you were safe. Where have you been?"
I smiled and looked over his shoulder at the few new faces, not one I recognized, not one looked like harm or felt like it. I looked back at Jack as he set me down.
"I have so much to tell you, but first… CHIPS!"
xxx
I was floating. Felt that I had been floating. I was staring at the ceiling, wishing I could see the night skies everywhere and in a way I felt that if I tried hard enough I could see all the stars that I ever had seen in the past and currently in the present.
Jack had taken me in, lonely pack, bad wolf and all wrapped into one package of me. I was grateful. There wasn't much to go back to since everyone thought I was dead, I had died a few years back. As it seemed, time ran the same way as it did in the other Universe.
I had cried the night I got back here. In happiness and in loss. Jack had introduced me to his new friends.. His team. They were about ready to go on a mission somewhere on a different continent, I had been spacing out on any details that I could over hear with a nice book. Something that I had brought a long. A copy of Harry Potter, a favorite since a while ago.
A figure stood at the doorway.
"Yes Jack?"
"How did you find me?" I frowned and looked over to him and shrugged.
"Place had nothing to do about it really. We were just hoping to get back here in general." He nodded having fully accepted Bad Wolf and I. He looked uneasy for a moment.
"Now you're going to be off trying to find the Doctor?" I nodded. I wanted to be back to where I belonged. Even if the Doctor has moved on to another person, Bad Wolf needed to be reunited with TARDIS, completely. Or so that is what I believed and she hadn't told me any differently.
Jack handed me a thing of chips as he sat next to me.
"We've been through a lot Rose, all of us." I nodded wondering why he had handed me some of the best comfort food in my memories. "I know where the Doctor is." My eyes lit up, Bad Wolf cooed and hummed.
"Where?" Our full attention was on him. No where but Jack waiting his response.
"He's not that far and really I think that he's on his way." My toes and fingers stretched out, tongue between teeth, and breath coming and going faster. "The amount of energy and different waves of it that you sent out. God Rose! How did you do it?" I blinked slowly. "How did you do the Impossible? Coming back without an open rift? Still no open rift?!"
xxx
Impossibility number one Time Lord. Impossibility number two, TARDIS. Three, traveling to the end of the world. Four the Face of Bo. Five The Devil. Six Daleks. Seven a parallel universe. Eight my da' being a live. Nine Bad Wolf. Ten finding a way back.
My life was filled with impossibilities. So this is how I stood the very next night, contemplating the complexities that have became a part of my life. The so called impossibilities. I was outside, staring at the stars again, something that had become part of my life over the last years a important part of my nights. I was laying in the snow, whatever under around me melted. My body temperature had not yet gone down, so I let it be, I hadn't felt anything wrong and after talking to Bad Wolf how had refused to answer why I still was on fire I really let it be, finally.
I was humming to myself, something new on the radio when I heard a familiar sound I never thought I'd ever hear again. Bad Wolf howled in me.
TARDIS! My heart pace sped up and I ran… like the Doctor. Like Me. I ran faster to the sound. Barefoot, leaving marks in the snow instead of just plain melting it. Wolf ran with me, in a different way toward the Time Vortex inside the TARDIS, helping direct my feet to the correct position of it's counterpart.
I stopped in the same park I had landed in, longs heavy, feeling impatient, hopeful and largely out of tune with the world around me.
That blue police box stared at me. I could dance, I could scream, I could cry. Bad Wolf pulled me.
I had never given back the TARDIS key, I never had the chance to. It hummed in my pocket. The light on top of the TARDIS was bright gold. The key now in my hand unlocking the door.
I was nervous now, every doubt I ever had filled my being. Bad wolf took control and pushed everything out the way, being this close to the TARDIS had connected them together.
Rose… Hurry… He has been waiting.
The door swung open and I felt tears burning down my cheeks, not for the first time that day.
Impossibility number eleven, staring at the Doctor after having lost him.
Dark brown eyes, hair everywhere but still perfectly in it's place. I smiled, grinned, giggled, laughed, cried, everything flew out of me. I hummed in delight, Wolf did as well.
I could feel shock from the Doctor, seeing it written on his face clear as the anguish when he had tried saying good bye. When I had told him that I loved him.
Oh. My. Doctor.
"Rose Tyler? My Rose?" Pin-stripped suit, jacket over a chair. My heart flew. I flew into my Impossible Doctor. I cried into exhaustion as we held each other. I could hear his heart beats, feel him, for real. Not just a part of my imagination but really, here, really there around me.
I could feel him swallow and pull me tighter.
"Rose Tyler…I never thought I'd see you again."
"You can't keep me away forever." I bit my cheek, suddenly unsure of myself. Of being back here in his arms.
"If it had been my choice I never would have lost you." I felt myself hiccup.
"I had to try…I love you. Always. Forever. Till the very end of life itself and into the next, Doctor." I pulled back. He had never said he loved me back, just my name on that beach so long ago.
"Oh Rose Tyler, my Rose Tyler. We have till the end of the time." The TARDIS door closed, and I was being pulled in a new direction to where we would discuss everything and keep going…
xxxx
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