Tabula Rasa
" I…heard…that you..settled down…"
Cameron stood before the apartment door. He sighed as he entered the apartment. The radio seemed to spell out the mood with its current song. Alot of good memories were had here in the apartment. A tear formed in the corner of his left eye and he wiped it away quickly. The radio had been turned up and was blasting an old but familiar song. Damian sat on the couch, staring at the blank tv screen. He didn't speak as Cameron walked in. He was still trying to adjust to the news. Cameron looked over at Damian. He sighed heavily and started to walk towards the couch but stopped midway. This wasn't something he could change so easily. A picture of he and Macy was very much visible on the refrigerator and the words written under it hurt Cameron even more.
Cam and Macy. "Baby you're MY firework."
"That you..found a girl and you're..married now…"
Silent tears fell down Damian's face as he stared at the blank screen. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about anything at all. His thoughts were not his own. The feeling he had buried when he and Cam moved in together arose over the past few weeks. Cam's plans of he and Damian staying together…had been dashed.
"I heard..that your dreams..came true. Guess she gave you things..I didn't give to you.."
Cameron continued to sigh as he walked out of his room and watched silently as tears fell down Damian's face as he stared blankly at the screen. He didn't want things to be this way. He didn't mean for this to happen at all..but it did. He wanted to run over to Damian and hold him tight. Tell him that everything was going to be alright..but he couldn't. He knew that if he told him that..he'd be telling the biggest lie ever to his best friend. Damian's mind was racing and his heart felt heavy. Way too heavy for this.
"Old friend, why are you so shy? It ain't like you to hold back and hide from the lie…"
Cameron carried his box of belongings down to the car and then came back up. Damian continued to sit there on the couch. He just couldn't believe that this was all really happening to him. Tabula Rasa. Tabula Rasa. Tabula Rasa. Damian couldn't think of anything else except those words. The words told to him by Cameron when they moved in. The words meant blank state, which meant erasing what has happened and forgetting about it. Cameron told him these words as a way of getting Damian to forget what has happened in the past and focus on the two of them being together…as one.
"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I..couldn't stay away. I couldn't fight it.."
Damian's heart hurt. He finally turned his head in the direction of the silent moving Cameron. "Ca..Cam..," Damian croaked. Cameron stopped moving things out and hurried over to Damian. "What is it? What's wrong?" Damian shook his head and stood up. "I..I just wanted to talk to you. I..I just wanted to sa..say..that I'll always love you..no matter who you end up with." Cameron stared into Damian's blue eyes and felt his heart officially break. Tears began falling down his face as he watched the tearful irish lad. He grabbed Damian's face and pulled him into a kiss so ferocious that even lions would cower.
"I had hoped you'd see my face..and that you'd be reminded that for me..it isn't over…"
Damian was stunned. It had been weeks since he last tasted Cameron's lips on his own. He placed his hands on Cameron's face and started to kiss back, with fire. Cameron's hands began to roam the irish lad's body and Damian's hands did the same. They fell backwards onto the couch, moaning and gasping the entire way. "I love you so much. So..so..much. No one and nothing should ever let you think I don't." Cameron said in between kisses. Damian smiled as tears of joy fell down both their cheeks. "I know."
"Nevermind I'll find..someone like you. I wish nothing but the best..for you…too…"
Damian began to pull Cameron's shirt off him but Cameron's hand stopped him. Damian looked up since Cameron had fallen on top of him on the couch. "Damo…Damo…we can't." He said with defeat. Damian looked away and let go of Cameron's shirt. Cameron began to sit up. He had packing to finish and a fiance' to go back to. He stood up and fixed his hair. Damian continued to lie on his back as the tears began to flow once more. The sudden realization of Cameron's statement brought him back from that special moment he and Cam were sharing. "I know. I know."
"Don't forget me..I beg..I remember you said..sometimes it lasts in love…"
Cameron finished packing up all of his belongings and went back up stairs one final time. Damian was staring at the blank television screen again. Cameron came over and grabbed Damian's face and crashed his lips into the other boys. Damian closed his eyes and pictured the kiss lasting forever in his mind. With his eyes still closed Damian ran his fingers through Cam's hair. Such a tangled mess of blondish locks. He smiled when he opened his eyes. Cameron's smile greeted him happily yet sadly. "I gotta go." Cameron said. He took Damian's hands into his own and kissed them. Damian nodded as Cam let go and headed for the door. "I'll call you when I get to Macy's place. I love you Damian Joseph McGinty." And with that he was gone. Damian looked around at the half empty apartment. He went to the kitchen to grab some of his favorite ice cream when he noticed a picture still stuck to the fridge. A deep sigh escaped his lips when he recognized the pic.
It was the picture they took in the photo booth months ago. The picture where he jumped on Cam's back and they're both wearing black framed glasses. They had this particular picture enlarged. It was Cameron's way of trying to forget about things between him and Macy despite the fact that the picture of he and Damian sat stuck next to the picture of he and Macy. Attached to the picture were the words, "I'm gonna do anything for you to show you that my love is true." Damian broke down and started crying. He felt lost without Cameron there. He lay back down on the couch and curled into a ball and cried himself to sleep.
"And sometimes..it hurts instead…"