A/N: Hey guys! A new oneshot by yours truly. I had this idea in my head for awhile, but was deeply inspired by Long Winding Road and the Wedding Mini. No spoilers, it's relatively generic so if you haven't seen either, it shouldn't matter. Running Back fans, be on the lookout. I have a half finished update I'm going to shoot to have up between tonight and Tuesday (yeah, large window) depending how homework involved I get. HA!
Disclaimer: I own nothing; only the ideas. The song, What About Now, is on Chris Daughtry's CD and is owned by him and his people. Don't sue, I'm a poor college kid and I just like to borrow things to make a ficlet.
What About Now
Shadows fill an empty heart,
I stepped into the bar, hearing the door slam shut behind me even over the noise. I barely noticed the looks that cast my way as I rushed over to the bar like my life depended on it. It probably did.
As love is fading,
I nearly fell into the closest barstool and ordered a shot of my old friend, Jack Daniels.
From all the things that we are
I held up the shot in the air, toasting to an imaginary person and downed it before signaling for another. I downed the second, barely feeling the burn of alcohol as I signaled for a third. I needed to get drunk and drunk fast. I needed to feel as bad as my soul felt and get lost in the alcohol-induced bliss. I was served the third and I threw that back with a wince. The taste of alcohol beginning to burn my throat, but I didn't care.
But are not saying
The bar tender watched me and I ordered a beer knowing I had to slow down before I ended up puking.
"What's your story kid?" Someone asked me.
I laughed bitterly, watching the tender pour the beer.
"The love of my life is getting married."
The beer was set before me and I took a long drink of it before setting the glass down before me.
Can we see beyond the scars
I stared at the amber liquid before me, as if it held all the answers. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let her get away like that?
And make it to the dawn?
"Whatcha gonna do kid?" I heard the older man ask me. I frowned and turned to look at the guy. "You gonna let her get away?"
Change the colors of the sky
I shrugged in response.
"She's happy." I muttered, taking another drink.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
And open up to
"It's true. I only end up hurting her." I stated, if only logic could fix the ache in my soul.
"Whoever said love was easy?" The man asked and I felt my grip tightening on the glass before me.
The way you made me feel alive
The old man got up and moved closer to me and sat down next to me.
"It's too late."
"It's never too late."
I laughed bitterly. "She's fucking married to Josh Eric Michaels!" I yelled and took another drink. That's right, my girl, was marrying a guy named Josh Eric.
"Is her heart?"
"You don't know Jude." She never did anything without her whole heart. It was one of the many things I loved…love about her.
The ways I loved you
"Do you?"
I didn't answer, just chugged the rest of the beer. Getting drunk wasn't working as well as I thought it would. I should have stayed home and did the job with my private supply. At least I wouldn't be having old-man-logic pestering me. I sighed and signaled for another.
For all the things that never died
"Do you still love her?" He asked.
"With everything." I answered, feeling pathetic. Here I was, getting drunk over some girl. An action I never thought would be possible. Ha, alert the media and mark the headlines for tomorrow, Tom Quincy has finally been had by none other than Jude Harrison…Michaels. Oh the irony I thought as I drank to that thought.
To make it through the night
I heard my cell chirp from my pocket and I ignored it. I didn't need to hear people telling me how beautiful my girl was. How I should be there. How happy she was. I know all the reasons I should be there and the one reason I can't; It hurt too much to let her go.
Love will find you
I never would have made it through the "speak now or forever hold your peace", so I didn't go. It's her day and I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it. Even if I was miserable. I came here to forget and I was damn determined to do it by the end of the night. Even if it was only accomplished by a few too many and an alcohol induced sleep.
What about now?
I know this is my fault, I know this all could have been avoided if I hadn't been stupid and screwed up what we had. If I would have realized that time wasn't on my side. That I can't live without her beside me.
What about today?
I remember the day she told me she was getting married like it was yesterday. We were in the studio and had just finished another one of her hits.
What if you're making me,
We listened to it and she was happy with the finished version. Her whole being was glowing with happiness. The grin on her face lit up the dank studio. She told me how the song sounded perfect and how much she loved what I did to the acoustics.
All that I was meant to be?
"I've got to tell you something" She blurted out suddenly. I remember her grin getting wider – a feat I never thought possible. I felt intrigued and couldn't wait to hear the news that made her so happy.
What if our love, never went away?
"Josh proposed!" She squealed out. I remember my eyes widening. I think my jaw might have dropped too; my heart sank to my toes. She was happy and waiting for my response, anything to show I was happy for her, and I could barely get passed the words "proposed" and "Josh" in the same sentence.
What if it's lost behind
The more I sat there, the more her words echoed through my brain. Josh proposed. She was happy. She had to have said yes.
"Jude…I…"
Words we could never find
"I…congrats." I managed to say as she beamed at me and through her arms around me. I don't ever remember doing it, but my fake smile fell from my face when she wasn't looking at me anymore.
Baby before it's too late
I should have said something then. Told her how I felt. Part of me wished this was all a dream and I'd wake up and she'd be marrying me. But it wasn't a dream; this was a waking nightmare and I have no escape from it.
What about now?
I sighed heavily and took another drink of my beer. I heard a bunch of guys catcalling and I turned my head to see the object of their attention and froze.
In the doorway of the bar, Jude stood awkwardly in her wedding dress. Her hair was pulled back into a fancy twist with loose, curled trendles hanging beside her face. Little flowers were decorating her blonde hair. Her dress, a pure white and seemed to be made of satin with a small train that followed her as she walked. She had to be a figment of my drunken imagination. Maybe I had too many shots.
The sun is breaking in your eyes
Her soft blue eyes met mine from across the room and she moved closer to me. Somehow, she seemed to have her own angelic glow in the darkness of the bar. Or maybe it was the alcohol, but I was captivated by her. And was reminded another reason why we weren't compatible; I was way darker than she was.
To start a new day
She stopped right next to me and I turned away from her.
"Don't you have a party to be at?" I asked, lifting my glass. "Ya know, to celebrate your marriage?" I took a long drink as she sighed.
"I wanted to see you." She told me and I scoffed. More like witness the fall. I turned to meet her gaze and I saw…something there. A tenderness that had been missing in her eyes for a long time.
This broken heart can still survive
Her soft hand lay on my arm in a gesture to keep my attention on her. I looked down at her hand and back into her eyes.
With a touch of your grace
"Dance with me." I stated boldly as I slid off the barstool.
"Tommy I-"
"Jude," She stopped trying to fight me and looked into my eyes. "It's just a dance."
She sighed and nodded her head. I smiled and took her hand and led her to the dance floor.
Shadows fade into the light
I took her into my arms and she wrapped hers around me. We were close, but not as close as I would have liked. Baby steps, I reminded myself.
I am by your side
The song playing in the background was one I knew all too well. Sang by one of my artists, wrote by me…about Jude. The irony was not lost on me at all as we swayed together to the music. I couldn't help but wonder if she knew I wrote it for her.
When love will find you
"I wanted you to be there today." She whispered and I sighed.
"You know I can't, Jude." I stated for the millionth time. I knew she wanted me there. Expected me to be there. It had been the cause of many arguments over the past 8 months. I was even asked by Josh Eric to be a groomsman, but I couldn't do it. She knew. She just refused to acknowledge the reasons why.
What about now?
"I needed you there." She said, her voice shaking.
What about today?
I didn't say anything to that; I couldn't. What could anyone say?
What if you're making me,
I could think of 1000 reasons to not go: all of them probably useless to her.
All that I was meant to be
"Why did you leave your own wedding party, Jude?" I asked her. She looked down at the floor.
What if our love, it never went away?
"Jude?"
What if it's lost behind,
"Can we just…dance?"
Words we could never find?
I sighed and nodded. She smiled gratefully at me and we danced in silence.
Baby, before it's too late,
I noticed several other couples dancing around us and I couldn't help but smile. This all…felt so…right. But…
What about now?
Jude's head fell to my shoulder and I pulled her closer to me, loving the feel of her body so close to mine.
Now that we're here,
I bent my head down and lay it on top of hers, a soft smile playing across my lips.
Now that we've come this far,
I felt Jude's hand tighten around me.
Just hold on.
I smiled as we continued to sway in time to the music. Before I knew it, I was singing along with the song, softly, just so she could hear.
"There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you,
For all my life,
I am yours…"
Jude lifted her head at the lyric and pulled back suddenly and stopped dancing. I sighed and felt my heart sink.
What about now?
"I couldn't do it." She said, tears stinging her eyes.
What about today?
"Do what?" I asked, feeling confused.
What if you're making me
"I…I just…I couldn't." She said, tears falling down her face, looking as defeated as I felt earlier.
All that I was meant to be
"Jude, what are you talking"
"The wedding!" She practically screamed at me as realization hit me like a speeding passenger train.
What if our love
"I couldn't…I couldn't marry him." She said, softer this time. Her voice broken.
Never went away?
I was stunned into silence. She was always so set on marrying him.
"Why?" I managed to squeak out.
What if it's lost behind,
"You know why." She whispered, not meeting my gaze.
Words we could never find?
Because she loves me. "Do I?" I asked, not wanting to get my hopes up.
What about now?
"Don't make me say it." She said, looking into my eyes, tears falling unchecked down her face.
What about today?
"I think we need to talk." I stated and she sighed.
"Tommy?"
"Yeah?"
"We" She stressed, "Can't happen. You've said it yourself. Many times."
What if you're making me, all that I was meant to be?
She couldn't have hurt me more than she did at that moment. I suddenly was very aware of what I had put her through all those years ago. My biggest regret; breaking up with Jude when she was finally mine.
What if our love, never went away?
"I shouldn't have come." She said suddenly, shaking her head.
"You came fro a reason."
"An illusion of a reason." She told me and I was instantly confused. What? "Tommy, God! Why couldn't I see it before!" She yelled.
What if it's lost behind
"Jude,"
"No, Tommy." She said, her voice breaking. "No."
Words we could never find.
She turned sharply and rushed out of the bar, leaving me stunned. What just happened?
Baby before it's too late…
"You goin after her?" I heard someone ask. I felt a smile come on my face.
"Of course."
Baby, before it's too late..
I broke into a run and rushed outside.
"Jude!" I yelled and she stopped and turned around to face me. I quickly caught up to her, slightly out of breath from the run.
Baby before it's too late,
"I still love you." I stated, staring directly into her eyes.
"Tommy-"
"No, Jude, it took me almost to lose you to realize you're everything I ever wanted."
She looked like she was going to say something, and I sighed. I took her into my arms and pulled her close to me and kissed her with everything I had, all the love I felt for her.
What about now?
Finished!