Trainspotting:
As usual, I am waiting for my train in this subway. I couldn't help but remember all the memories I had in here. This is the subway, which I took everyday when I was still in college. This is the subway where my loved one and I met and where we parted. This subway has too many memories that up to now I still cannot let go. I clearly remember it was the 1st day of college. I was rushing to go and catch the train. I cannot afford to be late the first day. I wanted to have a good image to my professors and good seat of course. I finally arrived at the station and rushed on the platform. Waiting for the train, I saw this rebel looking guy staring at me. I felt kind of uncomfortable because the guy kept on looking at me. He had long dirty blonde hair up to his ears, blue-green eyes; he was wearing a tight blue muscle shirt (or baby tee that's how we girls call it) with a "Rebel" Printed on it. He also had torn jeans, and black sneakers. To me his whole fashion concept was really strange. "Hey girl, mind if I stand next to you?" The guy asked me. "Um, no I don't really mind," I replied. Deep inside I really did mind. I didn't want to stand next to him. I noticed that the guy wanted to say something but for some reasons he couldn't figure out the right words to say it. He just stared at his shoe and scratched his head. Finally, he came up with something to say. "So the train is a bit delayed eh? I have been waiting for about 10 minutes now. The bloody train isn't here yet." "Yeah, I know I think I'm going to be late for school. Gosh!" I answered annoyed. He just gave me a smile. "There's no need to be grumpy early at the morning ya' know. You might be a grumpy 'ole woman one of these days," he said with a smile. "My name is Ewan by the way, I just moved here from Scotland about a year ago." He added. Oh that explains his accent. I'm a sucker when it comes to that stuff. Scottish accents especially. I just gave Ewan a smile and introduced myself. Finally, my train came and I told Ewan that I am going to go now. He just laughed and said, "That is my train too, sweet cheeks" So then, we both boarded the train and the guy completely hit on me the whole time. I was wrong about my first impression about him. He turned out to be the nicest guy ever. I soon reached my stop and told Ewan that it was nice to meet him. I kind of didn't expect that he was going down this stop too. Well yeah, he did go down in my stop. It turned out to be that Ewan was also going to my college. We had the same course, which is; fine arts. I don't know if destiny made it this way but we turned out to be in the same class too. How freaky is that? At least I know someone from my new college. Ewan and I only had one class that morning so he asked me whether I wanted to go with him for coffee. I said yes, he seemed a nice guy after all and he is really a gentleman. "So Ashley, is it okay if we meet some of my friends?" Ewan asked me as we left the coffee shop. Well its not too much pain if I did meet some of his Scottish friends, after all how bad can it be? Ewan and I arrived at the park and I saw this weird looking bald headed guy. He had the same fashion sense as Ewan but I could say Ewan is cuter than him. He approached us and gave Ewan a big brotherly hug. "Hey mate, what's up?" He exclaimed. "Hey Spud, where is Begbie?" Ewan asked. "He left right away, yah know, business. He told me to tell you that he is fine." The guy replied. "Oh and by the way, this is my friend Ashley," Ewan said as he introduced me to the guy. I shook the guys hand and he introduced himself. "Hello my name is Spud. I am one of Ewan's best mates." So the day went so fast. I ended hanging out with Ewan and Spud. They were a very funny team once you get to know them. Especially Spud, he would make fun of everything he sees. He once told me that Ewan and himself went to a park and started chasing birds. That was kind of mean but hey, once you think about it. It is so funny. It was around 7:00 pm at night and it was time to go home. Ewan volunteered to walk me home. I could feel that there was some kind of physical attraction between the two of us. I don't know I felt that I like him. We rode the train to my stop and he walked me home. He asked if I could give him my number and whether he could pick me up tomorrow morning for school. I agreed and thanked him for this wonderful day. He just gave me a smile and said, " Thanks to you too sweetie, you made my day." Well as much as I don't want to admit he made my day too. I entered my apartment and my roommate was sitting by the couch watching T.V. "Ashley, where the heck have you been I thought you were going to come home early?" She asked. "Diane, long story okay, but I just want to tell you. I met a guy." I answered. "A guy, DETAILS!" she squealed. I told her the details about Ewan and she totally freaked out on me. "Dude, you better introduce me to that Ewan guy. I will tell you if I like him or not." The next day I told Diane to wake up early so that she could meet Ewan. She was so psyched about this whole Ewan thing. Anyways, I went out of the house and I saw Ewan standing by the steps. He kinda dressed the same but he looked better. His pants were not ripped apart, his shirt was not really tight, and his hair was combed. I introduced him to Diane and he acted so polite. Diane nudged me by my side and smiled at me. He approved Ewan. Ewan and I arrived the train station and we played this game called trainspotting. Every train that we see we have to criticize it. Hey, it was a bit fun especially when you are out there waiting for a train and bored. When Ewan and I arrived school he told me that I was so fun to be with and all that package that comes with it. I kinda think that he wants to ask me out but I don't wanna assume that. At the end of the class, Ewan approached me and asked me out. Well, I liked the guy so obviously I said yes. But I had a condition that the both of us should get to know each other more before we can say that we are a "couple". Ewan agreed with what I said. 3 months have passed by I knew Ewan by heart, and so did my friends. I knew his friends to but never met his friend Begbie. Ewan and I was officially a couple. It was spring break then, I decided to throw a party at my apartment with a couple of friends and Ewan of course. He brought Spud with him in the mission to pair him up with Dian. I of course waited had Ewan by my side the whole time and drank beer. He warned me not to get so fucked up. Well I did. I obviously did not know what I was doing. I only remembered Ewan telling me not to fuck myself up. Without any warning started to do crazy stuff and according to Ewan I wanted to get it on with him. So he did. We entered the room. My heart was racing so much of excitement. I wanted Ewan by my side and just hold me and caress me. Ewan was carrying me by his arms and kissing me. He laid me on the bed and started making out with me. I just hugged him as I felt his lips caressing my neck. I tried to take off his shirt but I was too drunk to do it. He took it off for me and I hugged him even more. Especially now I could feel his body heat through my skin. I kissed him and he started to undress me. We hid under the covers and started to get it on. I mumbled the words "I love you" and so did he. He was so good at it that I cried and kissed him. He hugged me and said, "Shh baby, I love you, I hope that you will remember that, I am doing this for you" I looked at him and he just looked like an angel. His piercing blue green eyes made me melt. I just puckered up and kiss him. The next morning I saw him beside me. I was wrapped inside his arms and I just put my face on top of his chest and started caressing his hair. He woke up from my actions and kissed me good morning. Ever since then Ewan and I became even closer. The spring break was over, I was again back to school. The first week of school. Ewan and I were always together. When the second week came, he had some absences that he didn't want to tell me why. He didnt even bother to call me. When I try to call him he doesnt pick up. This made me really worried. The next week Ewan finally showed up for class. He acted kinda different he looked so stressed out and looked like he was so spaced out. During the break, I taled to him and asked what was wrong with him. "Ewan, what is wrong with you? I tried to get in touch with you this past few days and you dont seem to remember that you have a girlfriend or whatever you call me. You just made me so worried its not even funny" I said trying to control my temper. He just looked at me and explained his side. "Listen, both of my parents got laid of at work. I need to find a job last week or else I would not have the money for school. I need to support myself as of now and be responisble. Well, I am sorry for not telling you I just dont want you to feel sorry for me. I found a job already. I will be working for Begbie's company as a messenger, you know delivering stuff to his clients." I wanted to feel sorry for Ewan that intsant, but I didnt want to show him because he didnt want me to feel that for him. Instead, I just hugged him and told him that everything will be okay. On our way home, he explained that we might not spend more time together because he had to work and his work was at night or at the afternoon. Eventhough I was againts it I couldnt do anything because it was for his future. We were on the train and he was just cudling me and telling me how he will miss me. I told him that once his crisis was over, everything will be back to normal. I also mentioned to him that I never got to meet his friend Begbie. He just laughed at the thought and told me that I would get to meet him soon. Ewan offered to walk me home that day and after, he would go to see Spud and proceed to his work. We reached my apartment I gave him a kiss and he left. He even said I love you to me. Which for me is so sweet. Weeks have passed Ewan and I only see each other at school. He kinda looked different for me. He once again looked so stressed and I could tell by his eyebags. Ewan also has this strange mood swings he would get irritated at me for no reason, one day he would be so sweet to me and kiss me all the time. One more thing that is so wierd is that he was always constipated. I guess he i just so tired of his job. One day, I was doing my report at home. When suddenly someone knocked at my door. I answered it. Ewan was there looking so strange and troubled. "Baby, you have to help me, Im in a fucked up situation right now. They will go after me" He said, his voice was so nervous that I could tell he was trembling. "Why baby, what wrong, who is after you? and why do you look like that?" I asked concernly. I led him to my room, gave him a glass of water and calmed him down. He was in the verge of crying. "Ashley, I did not tell you because I did not want you to know. I was dealing drugs for Begbie for money. But something went terribly wrong. Spud and I failed to deliver the goods to Begbie's top costumer. Instead we used them, to forget my problems. Im so sorry I hope you forgive me. I didnt mean to get into drugs but I was really troubled and confused. I didnt want to tell you" He explained as he broke down into tears. "Ewan, why did you do this? You lied to me. I cant deny that I am not angry at you. If you were trobled and confused, you should have told me in the first place I can help you. But doing drugs isnt the answer. See, there is money in that business but you are going to fuck yourself up." I said looking straight to his eyes. "Baby, I didnt mean too, I just dont want you to feel sorry for me. I love you so much and please dont leave me beacuse of what I did!" he choked out. "Who told you I was gonna leave you? Im just saying that what you did and what you entered was wrong. Its illegal, you could get killed. Ewan, I dont wanna loose you. I love you so much that I wouldnt know what Ill do when something bad happens to you." I relplied as I cried. He motioned me to come over, I huged him and the both of us cried. He was just mumbling the words "I love You" and "Im so sorry" over and over. I just ran my hand through his hair and tried to calm him down. He was really scared. "All I need is one final hit baby, and that's it I will give Begbie back what I have earned and I will quit." He said bravely. "Ewan, one final hit? I dont think so, you are not taking drugs anymore." I said letting out a restricting hand. He begged me, and promised me that after this he would change. He even asked me If I want to get high with him. I knew that it was wrong, but what the heck! I will try because I love him. He took out two pills I wasnt sure what it was. I knew that I was doing something illegal. I swallowed the pill and waited for a few minutes. Ewan did the same. When the pill finally worked, I was in euphoria. I felt like I was flying and that I loved everyone. Ewan was just laughing his ass off and kissing me. "See baby, I told you this felt good, thanks for doing it with me, I love you!" He shouted at me. I just kissed him and felt my hormones raging. That wasnt normal. I never felt so good in my whole entire life. I hugged Ewan and he hugged me back, before I knew it we were on top of each other making love. It was the best thing ever and I just hugged and hugged Ewan and kissed him. I wanted to feel his body next to me and just lay my head on top of his chest while he plays with my hair. I was peaking like crazy, that I started to see cartoon characters pop out of nowhere and talk to me. I looked over Ewan and he was just staring at me and wanted to hug me. I hugged him back. He told me that we should go check out the train station to see what kind of people we would see there. I agreed and laughed at the thought that i would get to see my favorite actor there and actually kiss him. Ewan felt bad but I just hugged him and told him I was kidding. He just laughed. We were still on ecstacy when we went to the station. We went down and played our game of "trainspotting", but now it was more better for the trains had different designs and color and stuff. I was hallucinating. So we finally got bored and the drug was wearing off. On the subway steps, back home Ewan and I walked out laughing. Suddenly, a rush of pain filled Ewan's face. He fell to his feet and begin to clutch his chest. "Ashley, I need water. Give me water. I cant bloody breathe" HE shouted. I didnt know what I should do, I cried and looked for someone who could help us. I tried to look for water but I couldnt find any. "Baby, help me walk back up." He requested catching his breath. I did what I was told and helped him up. "I need you to bring me to Spud's flat, I feel so bad and I want to go home" Ewan added. I helped him, he leaned on me and I walked with him going to the platform. As we were waiting for the train his conditioned worsend, although he did not want to show me. I think that it was because of the drugs we took. I could tell that his heart was skipping a beat and he couldnt really breath well. I tried to loosen up his button-down shirt and I started to rub his chest in order that he would feel better. He just hugged me and our train came. On the way to Spud's house Ewan was really in a bad shape. He needed water but all the stores at the subway were closed and there were no drinking fountains in the vicinity. Crazy me I should have brought water in the 1st place. Ewan looked so dehydrated. We finally reached Spud's place. If this is not a fucked up situation yet, all thing became so worse. Begbie was there together with his bodyguards questioning Spud where Ewan is, but it was too late. They already saw us. "So I guess we dont have to ask you no more Spuddy-Boy, your ever so great partner has arrived" Bebgie said as he approached Ewan. "Begbie, Im so sorry for screwing you up. I promise I will pay you. I just need water" Ewan said again, catching his breath. I managed to reach for a glass of water and let Ewan drink. "I guess this is your girlfriend eh? Ewan yah know I dont like people who screw me over, I might as well have to get rid of you." Begbie threatened him. The look on his eyes was really freaky, you could tell that he was going to kill Ewan for what he did. I looked over and Ewan looked like he was really sick. Everyone just stared at one another until Ewan mentioned me to run out of the door. I did and he followed me. "Get them!" Begbie commanded, "I want Ewan here dont kill him, I will do the honors" Ewan and I ran and we entered the subway. The bodyguards was after us and we had to loose them 1st. We went inside the train tracks and hid on a small compartment there where It was so hot and the air smelled bad. Ewan was again in a bad shape. "Whatever you do, dont come out of here, wait for tommorow. We both could come out here alive. As of the moment Begbie will do everything to kill me, and I dont want you to get into this mix up" He whispered. He gave me a kiss and I hugged him. I was so scared I just want things back to normal. Ewan hugged me so tight and said, "Baby, I took heroin and ecstacy at the same time, I feel so sick, I dont think I could take it" That explains it all. I did not want to get mad at him but I hugged him and told him that tommorow, everything will be okay. He just smiled at me, and after he started to catch his brath again. He really couldnt breath. I had to take him to a hospital and I had to take chances whether those bodyguards were there or not I dont care. I got out of the compartment and told Ewan that he needed to go to the hospital he disagreed but I managed to get him out of there. We saw those two morons waiting for us and we ran again. We ran as fast as we could but Ewan collapsed on the floor. He couldnt get up. I tried to get him up but I couldnt. "Baby, run, dont mind me, run..." He shouted. "No Im not leaving you here, I am getting us outta here" I answered. It was too late the bodyguards were feets away from us. Luckily one train came and we boreded it. The bodyguard were not too fast to catch up with the train. Inside the train Ewan was hugging me. He was now really in a bad shape that he even cant talk well. "Baby, just stay here with me. Hug me until I fall asleep" He said. "Lets go by the trainstaion were we met and play our game" he added. I did what he had requested and brought him to the trainstation by the school. We played but Ewan was really sick and I just held his hand. A last train came by and Ewan whispered "That is my train. Im leaving now. I love you so much baby and Im so sorry for screwing things up...im so sorry...i love you so much." "Dont talk like that Ewan, I love you too" I sobbed. He was just holding my hand and suddenly, his grip got weaker and weaker. His breating became slower and slower. I kissed him on the lips and cried. I could see that his blue green eyes were now a weak gray. He was just staring at me and trying to smile. Without any warning, he closed his eyes and his breathing stopped. I cried and cried. I just had lost my love. Weeks after Ewan's death, Begbie was prosecuted for drug traffic and attempted murder. He is serving a double life term. Spud on the other hand was a recovering drug addict and he is now confined to the rehab center. It has been a year or two since Ewan left me. As for me, I wait for my train in this station, hoping one day that I would get to see Ewan again. Well not really, I met a guy who kinda reminds me of him. His name is Mark Renton. Dont worry, there is no drugs involved this time.
--the end--
As usual, I am waiting for my train in this subway. I couldn't help but remember all the memories I had in here. This is the subway, which I took everyday when I was still in college. This is the subway where my loved one and I met and where we parted. This subway has too many memories that up to now I still cannot let go. I clearly remember it was the 1st day of college. I was rushing to go and catch the train. I cannot afford to be late the first day. I wanted to have a good image to my professors and good seat of course. I finally arrived at the station and rushed on the platform. Waiting for the train, I saw this rebel looking guy staring at me. I felt kind of uncomfortable because the guy kept on looking at me. He had long dirty blonde hair up to his ears, blue-green eyes; he was wearing a tight blue muscle shirt (or baby tee that's how we girls call it) with a "Rebel" Printed on it. He also had torn jeans, and black sneakers. To me his whole fashion concept was really strange. "Hey girl, mind if I stand next to you?" The guy asked me. "Um, no I don't really mind," I replied. Deep inside I really did mind. I didn't want to stand next to him. I noticed that the guy wanted to say something but for some reasons he couldn't figure out the right words to say it. He just stared at his shoe and scratched his head. Finally, he came up with something to say. "So the train is a bit delayed eh? I have been waiting for about 10 minutes now. The bloody train isn't here yet." "Yeah, I know I think I'm going to be late for school. Gosh!" I answered annoyed. He just gave me a smile. "There's no need to be grumpy early at the morning ya' know. You might be a grumpy 'ole woman one of these days," he said with a smile. "My name is Ewan by the way, I just moved here from Scotland about a year ago." He added. Oh that explains his accent. I'm a sucker when it comes to that stuff. Scottish accents especially. I just gave Ewan a smile and introduced myself. Finally, my train came and I told Ewan that I am going to go now. He just laughed and said, "That is my train too, sweet cheeks" So then, we both boarded the train and the guy completely hit on me the whole time. I was wrong about my first impression about him. He turned out to be the nicest guy ever. I soon reached my stop and told Ewan that it was nice to meet him. I kind of didn't expect that he was going down this stop too. Well yeah, he did go down in my stop. It turned out to be that Ewan was also going to my college. We had the same course, which is; fine arts. I don't know if destiny made it this way but we turned out to be in the same class too. How freaky is that? At least I know someone from my new college. Ewan and I only had one class that morning so he asked me whether I wanted to go with him for coffee. I said yes, he seemed a nice guy after all and he is really a gentleman. "So Ashley, is it okay if we meet some of my friends?" Ewan asked me as we left the coffee shop. Well its not too much pain if I did meet some of his Scottish friends, after all how bad can it be? Ewan and I arrived at the park and I saw this weird looking bald headed guy. He had the same fashion sense as Ewan but I could say Ewan is cuter than him. He approached us and gave Ewan a big brotherly hug. "Hey mate, what's up?" He exclaimed. "Hey Spud, where is Begbie?" Ewan asked. "He left right away, yah know, business. He told me to tell you that he is fine." The guy replied. "Oh and by the way, this is my friend Ashley," Ewan said as he introduced me to the guy. I shook the guys hand and he introduced himself. "Hello my name is Spud. I am one of Ewan's best mates." So the day went so fast. I ended hanging out with Ewan and Spud. They were a very funny team once you get to know them. Especially Spud, he would make fun of everything he sees. He once told me that Ewan and himself went to a park and started chasing birds. That was kind of mean but hey, once you think about it. It is so funny. It was around 7:00 pm at night and it was time to go home. Ewan volunteered to walk me home. I could feel that there was some kind of physical attraction between the two of us. I don't know I felt that I like him. We rode the train to my stop and he walked me home. He asked if I could give him my number and whether he could pick me up tomorrow morning for school. I agreed and thanked him for this wonderful day. He just gave me a smile and said, " Thanks to you too sweetie, you made my day." Well as much as I don't want to admit he made my day too. I entered my apartment and my roommate was sitting by the couch watching T.V. "Ashley, where the heck have you been I thought you were going to come home early?" She asked. "Diane, long story okay, but I just want to tell you. I met a guy." I answered. "A guy, DETAILS!" she squealed. I told her the details about Ewan and she totally freaked out on me. "Dude, you better introduce me to that Ewan guy. I will tell you if I like him or not." The next day I told Diane to wake up early so that she could meet Ewan. She was so psyched about this whole Ewan thing. Anyways, I went out of the house and I saw Ewan standing by the steps. He kinda dressed the same but he looked better. His pants were not ripped apart, his shirt was not really tight, and his hair was combed. I introduced him to Diane and he acted so polite. Diane nudged me by my side and smiled at me. He approved Ewan. Ewan and I arrived the train station and we played this game called trainspotting. Every train that we see we have to criticize it. Hey, it was a bit fun especially when you are out there waiting for a train and bored. When Ewan and I arrived school he told me that I was so fun to be with and all that package that comes with it. I kinda think that he wants to ask me out but I don't wanna assume that. At the end of the class, Ewan approached me and asked me out. Well, I liked the guy so obviously I said yes. But I had a condition that the both of us should get to know each other more before we can say that we are a "couple". Ewan agreed with what I said. 3 months have passed by I knew Ewan by heart, and so did my friends. I knew his friends to but never met his friend Begbie. Ewan and I was officially a couple. It was spring break then, I decided to throw a party at my apartment with a couple of friends and Ewan of course. He brought Spud with him in the mission to pair him up with Dian. I of course waited had Ewan by my side the whole time and drank beer. He warned me not to get so fucked up. Well I did. I obviously did not know what I was doing. I only remembered Ewan telling me not to fuck myself up. Without any warning started to do crazy stuff and according to Ewan I wanted to get it on with him. So he did. We entered the room. My heart was racing so much of excitement. I wanted Ewan by my side and just hold me and caress me. Ewan was carrying me by his arms and kissing me. He laid me on the bed and started making out with me. I just hugged him as I felt his lips caressing my neck. I tried to take off his shirt but I was too drunk to do it. He took it off for me and I hugged him even more. Especially now I could feel his body heat through my skin. I kissed him and he started to undress me. We hid under the covers and started to get it on. I mumbled the words "I love you" and so did he. He was so good at it that I cried and kissed him. He hugged me and said, "Shh baby, I love you, I hope that you will remember that, I am doing this for you" I looked at him and he just looked like an angel. His piercing blue green eyes made me melt. I just puckered up and kiss him. The next morning I saw him beside me. I was wrapped inside his arms and I just put my face on top of his chest and started caressing his hair. He woke up from my actions and kissed me good morning. Ever since then Ewan and I became even closer. The spring break was over, I was again back to school. The first week of school. Ewan and I were always together. When the second week came, he had some absences that he didn't want to tell me why. He didnt even bother to call me. When I try to call him he doesnt pick up. This made me really worried. The next week Ewan finally showed up for class. He acted kinda different he looked so stressed out and looked like he was so spaced out. During the break, I taled to him and asked what was wrong with him. "Ewan, what is wrong with you? I tried to get in touch with you this past few days and you dont seem to remember that you have a girlfriend or whatever you call me. You just made me so worried its not even funny" I said trying to control my temper. He just looked at me and explained his side. "Listen, both of my parents got laid of at work. I need to find a job last week or else I would not have the money for school. I need to support myself as of now and be responisble. Well, I am sorry for not telling you I just dont want you to feel sorry for me. I found a job already. I will be working for Begbie's company as a messenger, you know delivering stuff to his clients." I wanted to feel sorry for Ewan that intsant, but I didnt want to show him because he didnt want me to feel that for him. Instead, I just hugged him and told him that everything will be okay. On our way home, he explained that we might not spend more time together because he had to work and his work was at night or at the afternoon. Eventhough I was againts it I couldnt do anything because it was for his future. We were on the train and he was just cudling me and telling me how he will miss me. I told him that once his crisis was over, everything will be back to normal. I also mentioned to him that I never got to meet his friend Begbie. He just laughed at the thought and told me that I would get to meet him soon. Ewan offered to walk me home that day and after, he would go to see Spud and proceed to his work. We reached my apartment I gave him a kiss and he left. He even said I love you to me. Which for me is so sweet. Weeks have passed Ewan and I only see each other at school. He kinda looked different for me. He once again looked so stressed and I could tell by his eyebags. Ewan also has this strange mood swings he would get irritated at me for no reason, one day he would be so sweet to me and kiss me all the time. One more thing that is so wierd is that he was always constipated. I guess he i just so tired of his job. One day, I was doing my report at home. When suddenly someone knocked at my door. I answered it. Ewan was there looking so strange and troubled. "Baby, you have to help me, Im in a fucked up situation right now. They will go after me" He said, his voice was so nervous that I could tell he was trembling. "Why baby, what wrong, who is after you? and why do you look like that?" I asked concernly. I led him to my room, gave him a glass of water and calmed him down. He was in the verge of crying. "Ashley, I did not tell you because I did not want you to know. I was dealing drugs for Begbie for money. But something went terribly wrong. Spud and I failed to deliver the goods to Begbie's top costumer. Instead we used them, to forget my problems. Im so sorry I hope you forgive me. I didnt mean to get into drugs but I was really troubled and confused. I didnt want to tell you" He explained as he broke down into tears. "Ewan, why did you do this? You lied to me. I cant deny that I am not angry at you. If you were trobled and confused, you should have told me in the first place I can help you. But doing drugs isnt the answer. See, there is money in that business but you are going to fuck yourself up." I said looking straight to his eyes. "Baby, I didnt mean too, I just dont want you to feel sorry for me. I love you so much and please dont leave me beacuse of what I did!" he choked out. "Who told you I was gonna leave you? Im just saying that what you did and what you entered was wrong. Its illegal, you could get killed. Ewan, I dont wanna loose you. I love you so much that I wouldnt know what Ill do when something bad happens to you." I relplied as I cried. He motioned me to come over, I huged him and the both of us cried. He was just mumbling the words "I love You" and "Im so sorry" over and over. I just ran my hand through his hair and tried to calm him down. He was really scared. "All I need is one final hit baby, and that's it I will give Begbie back what I have earned and I will quit." He said bravely. "Ewan, one final hit? I dont think so, you are not taking drugs anymore." I said letting out a restricting hand. He begged me, and promised me that after this he would change. He even asked me If I want to get high with him. I knew that it was wrong, but what the heck! I will try because I love him. He took out two pills I wasnt sure what it was. I knew that I was doing something illegal. I swallowed the pill and waited for a few minutes. Ewan did the same. When the pill finally worked, I was in euphoria. I felt like I was flying and that I loved everyone. Ewan was just laughing his ass off and kissing me. "See baby, I told you this felt good, thanks for doing it with me, I love you!" He shouted at me. I just kissed him and felt my hormones raging. That wasnt normal. I never felt so good in my whole entire life. I hugged Ewan and he hugged me back, before I knew it we were on top of each other making love. It was the best thing ever and I just hugged and hugged Ewan and kissed him. I wanted to feel his body next to me and just lay my head on top of his chest while he plays with my hair. I was peaking like crazy, that I started to see cartoon characters pop out of nowhere and talk to me. I looked over Ewan and he was just staring at me and wanted to hug me. I hugged him back. He told me that we should go check out the train station to see what kind of people we would see there. I agreed and laughed at the thought that i would get to see my favorite actor there and actually kiss him. Ewan felt bad but I just hugged him and told him I was kidding. He just laughed. We were still on ecstacy when we went to the station. We went down and played our game of "trainspotting", but now it was more better for the trains had different designs and color and stuff. I was hallucinating. So we finally got bored and the drug was wearing off. On the subway steps, back home Ewan and I walked out laughing. Suddenly, a rush of pain filled Ewan's face. He fell to his feet and begin to clutch his chest. "Ashley, I need water. Give me water. I cant bloody breathe" HE shouted. I didnt know what I should do, I cried and looked for someone who could help us. I tried to look for water but I couldnt find any. "Baby, help me walk back up." He requested catching his breath. I did what I was told and helped him up. "I need you to bring me to Spud's flat, I feel so bad and I want to go home" Ewan added. I helped him, he leaned on me and I walked with him going to the platform. As we were waiting for the train his conditioned worsend, although he did not want to show me. I think that it was because of the drugs we took. I could tell that his heart was skipping a beat and he couldnt really breath well. I tried to loosen up his button-down shirt and I started to rub his chest in order that he would feel better. He just hugged me and our train came. On the way to Spud's house Ewan was really in a bad shape. He needed water but all the stores at the subway were closed and there were no drinking fountains in the vicinity. Crazy me I should have brought water in the 1st place. Ewan looked so dehydrated. We finally reached Spud's place. If this is not a fucked up situation yet, all thing became so worse. Begbie was there together with his bodyguards questioning Spud where Ewan is, but it was too late. They already saw us. "So I guess we dont have to ask you no more Spuddy-Boy, your ever so great partner has arrived" Bebgie said as he approached Ewan. "Begbie, Im so sorry for screwing you up. I promise I will pay you. I just need water" Ewan said again, catching his breath. I managed to reach for a glass of water and let Ewan drink. "I guess this is your girlfriend eh? Ewan yah know I dont like people who screw me over, I might as well have to get rid of you." Begbie threatened him. The look on his eyes was really freaky, you could tell that he was going to kill Ewan for what he did. I looked over and Ewan looked like he was really sick. Everyone just stared at one another until Ewan mentioned me to run out of the door. I did and he followed me. "Get them!" Begbie commanded, "I want Ewan here dont kill him, I will do the honors" Ewan and I ran and we entered the subway. The bodyguards was after us and we had to loose them 1st. We went inside the train tracks and hid on a small compartment there where It was so hot and the air smelled bad. Ewan was again in a bad shape. "Whatever you do, dont come out of here, wait for tommorow. We both could come out here alive. As of the moment Begbie will do everything to kill me, and I dont want you to get into this mix up" He whispered. He gave me a kiss and I hugged him. I was so scared I just want things back to normal. Ewan hugged me so tight and said, "Baby, I took heroin and ecstacy at the same time, I feel so sick, I dont think I could take it" That explains it all. I did not want to get mad at him but I hugged him and told him that tommorow, everything will be okay. He just smiled at me, and after he started to catch his brath again. He really couldnt breath. I had to take him to a hospital and I had to take chances whether those bodyguards were there or not I dont care. I got out of the compartment and told Ewan that he needed to go to the hospital he disagreed but I managed to get him out of there. We saw those two morons waiting for us and we ran again. We ran as fast as we could but Ewan collapsed on the floor. He couldnt get up. I tried to get him up but I couldnt. "Baby, run, dont mind me, run..." He shouted. "No Im not leaving you here, I am getting us outta here" I answered. It was too late the bodyguards were feets away from us. Luckily one train came and we boreded it. The bodyguard were not too fast to catch up with the train. Inside the train Ewan was hugging me. He was now really in a bad shape that he even cant talk well. "Baby, just stay here with me. Hug me until I fall asleep" He said. "Lets go by the trainstaion were we met and play our game" he added. I did what he had requested and brought him to the trainstation by the school. We played but Ewan was really sick and I just held his hand. A last train came by and Ewan whispered "That is my train. Im leaving now. I love you so much baby and Im so sorry for screwing things up...im so sorry...i love you so much." "Dont talk like that Ewan, I love you too" I sobbed. He was just holding my hand and suddenly, his grip got weaker and weaker. His breating became slower and slower. I kissed him on the lips and cried. I could see that his blue green eyes were now a weak gray. He was just staring at me and trying to smile. Without any warning, he closed his eyes and his breathing stopped. I cried and cried. I just had lost my love. Weeks after Ewan's death, Begbie was prosecuted for drug traffic and attempted murder. He is serving a double life term. Spud on the other hand was a recovering drug addict and he is now confined to the rehab center. It has been a year or two since Ewan left me. As for me, I wait for my train in this station, hoping one day that I would get to see Ewan again. Well not really, I met a guy who kinda reminds me of him. His name is Mark Renton. Dont worry, there is no drugs involved this time.
--the end--