Elena didn't want to think about it today. She didn't want to think about the mock funeral she had for her old self. She didn't want to think about how she was left crying on the bridge that killed her parents the night before. She didn't want to about Klaus or Damon or Alaric or…Stefan. She just didn't want to think today.
And with thoughts wants, she got out of bed on that Sunday, hoping that it would be a quiet day. A normal day. She thought of the songs that could be playing on the radio or how nice the water felt on her skin as she took a shower. She thought of the small things. Not Jeremy being sent away by compulsion. Not the kiss she shared, and kept wanting to share, with Damon. Not the frightening night of Stefan almost making her a vampire for his revenge at Klaus. She refused to let those things crowd her mind.
If she couldn't be happy today, she would at least try to be content.
She dried her hair quickly and walked to her room, dressed for the day, her bare feet padding along the floor. She paused, however as she notice a piece of paper on her bedside table that wasn't there when she got up. She quickly looked around, immediately noticing the open window.
I knew I should've locked it last night, she criticized herself, knowing it was stupid to keep it even slight opened with all the supernatural creatures in Mystic Falls. She couldn't help but think of the irony of the town's name as she picked up the letter. She hesitated for a moment before opening it. She relaxed before instantly tensing at the familiar script. Her hand shook as she touched the words on the paper. Stefan. She immediately recognized the fancy handwriting as his and wondered at it. She looked around for any possible sign but the air felt empty and lonely as she settled onto her bed. Elena sighed, shaking the small glimmer of hope she had despite everything, and read.
Dear Elena,
You know, I always believed in reincarnation when I was human. I always thought of a person coming back to the world. I always wondered, what if they didn't finish their purpose? They couldn't just go to heaven, kick their feet up and say "Oh well," right? They had to come back and finish, right…? ThenI found my purpose, or at least one of them, and realized that maybe they did. Maybe they raced the other way, no looking back, to avoid the painful ending. I know did. I didn't want to look at the end result of mine. It was daunting and painful. But then I realized how much pain I was causing by being that selfish. More importantly, I saw the pain it caused you. So, now it's time that I finish my purpose.
Elena, this is the last of my humanity. I can tell as I write this and wonder what you're doing right now as you read this, this might be the last time I wonder or care to wonder about anything like this.
The other night…I don't want to talk about it, honestly. I'm cringing as I think about it right now. I cringe at how much I didn't care as you cried and how I drove off without a trace guilt or looking back. You're right when you said that I was trying to push you away. I am. I have to. I know you hate me for making you fall in love, for risking everything for what I am…for I was. I took away everything from you. And that may be so mad at Klaus.
My biggest regret for you was that I could never be human for you. While the supernatural stuff was fun and cool, I would've given it all away just to be normal for you. The only thing I had was the humanity that I refused to switch off until now. Until I was forced to. I'm angry that he not only took away everything from me but he took everything from you too. I mad that he killed the person I use to be. He killed the old me, the human me. I'm gone, Elena.
You may burn this after reading it or hide it or even loose it as you go through life but I want you know that right now, at this moment as you're reading, I'm giving you all the humanity I have in these words. It's not coming back, Elena. I'm going to walk away from this with my switch off, maybe for the rest of my existence. Maybe one day it'll work again but not soon. No time soon.
I just wanted you know that you were worth it. You were worth every risk that I went through. You were worth every struggle. I wish I could've been worth for it for you. Again, I'm sorry. But this little piece of humanity, this last piece of my heart that beats, loved you. It still loves you…I love you.
This is me giving you that piece of my heart to keep. It's yours now, Elena. It always was. It's right here, wrapped up inside this letter, beating for you. Even if you never see it inside me again, it's truly yours to keep and hold. Goodbye, Elena. And to kind of quote of man of great words: ado, ado, this parting is such sweet sorrow.
I'm sorry, Elena. I love you.
With all my heart,
Stefan
Elena took a shaky breath as tears fell out her eyes. Seems like all he can do now is make me cry, she thought as she sighed. She looked at the words again but they blurred in front of her eyes. She tried to breath but her chest was tight as she clenched the letter in her hand. She read the words over again and again. The words hit her the same each time, making her remember every feeling she ever had for him. But the one that remained constant was the one she wanted to forget: love.
She remembered how he stroked her face as he kissed her, his smile being the first thing she saw when she woke up, the spontaneous moments when he would dance with her or take her on a secret date...the way he whispered I love you during a quiet moment. All he did was try to make up for what would always separate them, always being more human than the ones around her. He cared more, he protected her more, he fought more…he loved her more.
And now he was gone.
Elena sank down until she was lying down. She sobbed quietly as she folded the letter up, placing it back in its envelope. She hid the letter under her pillow and placed her down over it, letting her tears sink into the soft fabric. Stefan was right when he said that she might not keep this letter. She may hide it forever or burn it when she got mad and couldn't take looking at it or lose it as she moved through different stages of her life.
But for now, she laid her head down. She held the letter tightly as she cried herself to sleep, mourning the loss of Stefan's heart as the sunlight covered her.