Love and War: Part 1
Justin stepped off the plane in Colorado Springs and pulled his coat tighter around him as he walked through the airport. He knew it was going to be cold but he wasn't expecting a wind chill of below zero when he arrived. He had decided to come with his friend Michael while he visited his boyfriend Ben at the Air Force Academy. Justin knew Ben and liked him a lot, and he wasn't going to pass up a week of skiing and snowboarding besides Ben had also promised to bring one of his friends along that way Justin wouldn't feel like the third wheel the whole trip.
"Ben, over here," Michael shouted as he saw his boyfriend step around the corner of the baggage claim area.
"Hey," Ben said walking over and planting a huge kiss on his lips.
"Are they always so rude," a voice came from behind and startled Justin, and when he turned around to defend his friends he came face to face with the most handsome man he had ever seen, "you must be Michael's friend Justin, I'm Brian."
"Nice to meet you," Justin said as he balanced his bag against his leg and reached out to shake hands.
"Come on boys, break it up. Ben you can fuck him later we have to go we have hotel reservations," Brian shouted. Justin just grinned. One thing was for sure that this guy had balls.
"Damn it, Brian," Ben said with a smile, took Michael's hand, and pulled him over to claim their bags.
Once outside the airport Ben and Michael piled into the backseat of the Jeep leaving Brian to drive and Justin up front to talk and get to know one another better.
"If you two get to hot and bothered I will pull the car off the road and toss you out," Brian smirked. He really didn't care if they fucked in the back of his car but he did care if he wasn't going to be getting any himself.
"Yeah," Justin said just smiling at Brian. One thing was for sure that they at least had one thing in common. The hour drive to Snowmass was quiet. About ten minutes into the drive Michael and Ben fell asleep in the back seat cuddled up in each other's arms. Brian and Justin sat up front and chatted about school and about what professors they hated the most. Brian talked about how he loved the Air Force and Justin talked about his art and his love for photography. They soon both realized that photography was something that they had in common besides being gay, and they struck up a conversation totally related to photography, and just as they had run out of things to say they pulled into the front of the Snowmass Inn.
Brian parked the jeep and left it running outside the lodge. He went in and confirmed their reservations and grabbed the keys then went back to the jeep. Once Brian parked the jeep at the garage, he tossed Ben a room key then grabbed his stuff.
"What are the sleeping arrangements," Justin asked he had really taken to Brian and was looking forward to some time to get to know him a little better.
"I got us a double and the two love birds a single, but they are adjoining so we can go between the two rooms whenever we feel like it," Brian said.
"That's awesome, let's go unpack. I want to hit the slopes early this time," Justin practically shouted as he grabbed his duffel bag of ski gear out of the back of the jeep.
Two hours later once they had all their gear unpacked and equipment rented, Justin threw on his boots and coat. He was starving and since it had started snowing, they had closed the lifts so there was no skiing until the snow stopped.
"Jeez, you are in a hurry aren't ya," Brian said as he pulled on his boots and coat.
"Just really hungry, do you think we should ask…,"Justin began, but his thoughts were cut off by a crashing sound and laughing coming from next door. He began laughing, and watched as Brian walked over, knocked on the door twice, and then walked right on in.
"Dammit Brian," Ben and Michael shouted, "Get out."
Brian walked back into his and Justin's room with a smirk, "I'm guessing that is a no, and forgive me for trying to be polite" Brian said grabbing Justin's hand, "let's eat and give them some time, besides who wants the rabbits to tag along."
Justin doubled over in giggles, and before he knew what hit him he allowed Brian to pull him out the door towards the pub. They spent the better half of the afternoon eating overpriced burgers, and walking through the mall that sat right next to the inn. The more they talked the more they realized how much they had in common, and they were getting friendlier as the hours passed.
"Hey, it stopped snowing, we have at least an hour to hit the slopes," Justin said as he looked down at his watch.
"Sounds like a plan," Brian said, and as he watched the blonde walk off he began to figure out how he was going to kiss those lips, and stare into those ocean blue eyes.
"Brian, don't you fucking lie to me. I've known you since we started going to school here, and I've never seen you this smitten with someone," Ben stated as he munched on some chips while they waited for their food to arrive. Michael and Justin had woken up early and hit the slopes, so Brian and Ben had decided to have an early lunch at the café next to the mountain.
"What, okay so he's charming, he makes me smile, and did I forget to mention that he's drop dead fucking gorgeous," Brian said smiling as he reached across for a celery stick and dipped it in ranch dressing.
"Take him to dinner tonight. There's that great Chinese place at the top of the mall area, and if you go right at sunset the bar offers a spectacular view of the mountain. Besides I can tell he likes you too, and you two are perfect together," Ben said as he sipped his ice tea.
"I guess I'm just nervous. You know me and relationships," Brian said bluntly as he sipped on his beer.
"Yeah but this one's different."
"Michael, shit, I really hurt my ankle coming off that jump," Justin said as he unlocked the ski boots, and slid his coat off.
"Shit let me see it," Michael said walking around the corner of doorway between their two rooms.
"Here," Justin said as he slid of his ski suit and socks and exposed a very swollen and obviously bruised ankle.
"We need to ice that down," Michael said as he grabbed some pillows and propped Justin's leg up on them then grabbed a plastic bag, poured ice into it then wrapped Justin's ankle in a towel and covered the swollen area with the makeshift icepack, "how are things going with Brian?"
"We are just friends and I'm sure that's all we will ever be."
"Don't lie to me, you so like him. Your whole face lights up when he walks into a room."
"Okay I admit, I want him, but how am I going to get him."
"There's that Chinese place at the mall area, and the bar is awesome it offers a spectacular view of the slopes at sunset."
"Sounds like a plan."
"And, just think of it this way, you will be in those arms before nightfall since he's going to have to help you walk everywhere since you aren't coordinated enough to use crutches."
Brian slowly slid his key card into the slot on the hotel door and then quietly entered the room. All the lights were off, Justin was sleeping on the bed closest to the bathroom, and his ankle was wrapped in ice. Brian studied his breathing closely for a moment to make sure he was out then he stripped his coat off, threw it on the bed closest to the door, and flipped on the TV.
Two hours later Justin awoke to the intense throbbing in his ankle. His toes and the top of his foot were extremely swollen. He attempted to stand up on it, but was immediately hit with intense pain, "Fuck," he hissed.
"You okay," Brian asked as he watched the blonde's blue eyes furrow in pain.
"Yeah, just sprained my ankle on that world class jump I was telling you about, but at least I landed. By the way, what are your plans for tonight? Ben and Michael have a date, so I was thinking that you and I could go grab dinner," Justin said as he limped into the bathroom.
"Sounds good, Ben was telling me about this really good Chinese restaurant. Want to check it out."
"Sounds good."
"Yeah, but if you are going to be able to walk over there we should probably go get that ankle looked at."
"Probably right," Justin sighed as he pulled on his sweater and boots and allowed Brian to help him out the door.
"Hey guess what," Brian called to Michael and Ben as he knocked on their room door.
"What happened to you," Ben asked as he swung open the middle door and walked inside.
"Michael didn't tell you? We went up to that triple diamond jump today with the snowboards and when I landed I twisted my ankle. I didn't think it was that bad until I woke up and my toes were swollen. Brian insisted that we go get it x-rayed. I'm going to be on crutches for two weeks."
"Damn, sorry that's killer on a ski trip."
"Yeah, but they gave me prescription strength Aleve and one things for sure that stuff will make the best of anything," Justin said grinning.
"Hey, I know it's not Chinese but I'm back with the food," Brian called as he sat the pizza boxes and soda on the table.
"Awesome, I'm starving," Justin said as he sat propped up against the headboard of the bed with his ankle on some pillows with another ice pack on it.
"How's the ankle?"
"Hurts like crazy I just took some of that medicine so it's probably a good idea that we decided to stay in." Justin replied as he adjusted his leg to sling it over the side of the bed.
"No beer for you then," Brian smirked as he handed Justin his pizza box and a soda, "So I know you are gay and like photography. I also know a lot of other stuff other than how long you've known Michael," Brian said as he sipped his soda.
"Almost a year, we met in Comic art class at Carnegie Mellon. I took the course because I thought it would be interesting to work with a different medium of art. We hit it off instantly when we had a mutual love of comic book art, and about a week after that I started to realize he was gay. How long have you known Ben, and what made you decide that you wanted to join the Air Force especially considering when we were younger the military didn't look favorably on homosexuality?"
"That's cool; I've known Ben as long as I've been going to school at the Academy. I knew from the beginning of high school that I wanted to join the service no matter what the view on homosexuality was. When I was a senior I had decided to enlist in the army when my other scholarships fell through with the major ROTC schools. However a really good friend of my grandfather's gave me a scholarship form to fill out for the academy and little did I know that at the time I would actually get the appointment."
"Cool, I'm actually working on my art degree. I'm hoping that I can get a contract with a gallery wherever I decide to settle down."
"Well you know that Denver and Colorado Springs have some really nice art galleries if you wanted to get into the scene out here. They could really use a touch of new blood."
"That is so cool. It's so nice out here I should really consider it. If not for the work the people," Justin said smiling.
Brian caught himself before he could spit out his coke. That was an obvious hint that he was definitely hitting it off and he needed to get a breath of fresh air, "I'm going to go grab some more soda do you need anything else."
"No I'm good thanks though," Justin said smiling once again as Brian slipped out the door.
Brian sat quietly sipping his coffee and eating a muffin. He had woken up early that morning and looked over at Justin and the overwhelming sense of uncertainty came flooding back. He had immediately showered and headed out to the coffee shop before Justin had woken up. Last night had been wonderful conversation and a great start, but he was still nervous to face him.
"Brian," Ben said as he walked into the coffee shop, "I thought you would be out on the slopes early also. How was last night, you look like you've been through the ringer."
So tell me what happened last night, Michael said as he flicked on the lights and tossed a bag of bagels at Justin.
"We talked, and were having a really good conversation, but when my possible moving to here came up he got really nervous and went out to get more soda. Unfortunately by the time he got back I was sound asleep and I don't even remember him coming back in."
"Wow, that surprises me that with his big shot attitude that he clammed up," Michael said as he continued to fiddle with the bagel bag as Justin threw on some jeans and a jacket.
"Yeah, I think I'm going to get him to go with me shopping and that way we can talk some more. Let's go get some coffee." Justin said grabbing his crutches and opening the door.
"I clammed up. He smiled at me and I thought I was going to suffocate, so I bailed," Brian said as he took another sip of his coffee.
"No way," Ben said as he grabbed his own coffee and sat down at the table.
"Yup what should I do," Brian asked as he continued nibbling on his muffin.
"Go talk to him. If anything he knows how you feel. Leave it to the Air Force guys to not be able to show their feelings," Ben said as he stood up and zipped up his coat.
Brian sighed he was totally kicking himself in the ass. He knew Justin was someone special but now he just needed to get past the fear that was gripping him.
"Michael, Justin," Ben shouted as he caught site of Michael walking through the mall area with Justin following steadily behind on his crutches.
"Hey what's up baby," Michael replied wrapping his arms around Ben and kissing him deeply.
"Not much I was thinking you and I could go hit the slopes then grab dinner."
"Awesome idea, let's go."
"See you both later," Ben called as he walked off hand in hand with Michael.
Brian stared at Justin for a few minutes then stammered, "About last night, I just want you to know that it won't…."
"Brian, don't worry about it. I was going to go to Aspen and do some shopping then see a movie and grab dinner. One of the parks has a fantastic view of the slopes, and I would love to go take some pictures and sketch a little bit. Would you like to join me?"
"Sure, I need to go grab some of my extra cash and bus pass then we can go."
"Okay, I will go ahead and head on over there and wait on the bus. If I were to try to go back to the room with you, I might not make it. These crutches are a killer."
"Do you need anything from the room?"
"No I'm good thanks though."
"No problem, be back in a bit."
The day went by very quickly. Both men enjoyed each other's company, and there was never really mention the awkwardness from the night before. They went to the park where Justin drew and Brian shot photos of the breathtaking mountainside. They didn't even notice how late it was getting until Justin was interrupted from his art by Brian's hand making contact with his shoulder. He turned to face him and smiled, "what's up?"
"I officially need to thaw out. Why don't we go grab some dinner at that place right across the street then catch a cab and go to that movie," Brian said as he picked up Justin's bag and threw it over his shoulder.
"That sounds nice," Justin said as he slid his sketchbook into the bag then reached down and grabbed his crutches.
The restaurant Brian had chosen was gorgeous. The decor was artistic and the bar was dimly lit with candles on each table. It was rustic yet romantic, but many groups were gathered so it wasn't too romantic.
"Brian this is awesome," Justin whispered, "where did you find out about this place."
"The visitor's guide that we picked up at the shuttle stop had info about the restaurants in the city. I wanted us to go someplace quiet to talk and it caught my eye since it's artistic," Brian said grinning, "let's eat I'm starving."
Dinner was spent enjoying one another's company. The food was delicious and both men ate until they were stuffed.
Once dinner was over and they had paid the bill Brian had become a lot more comfortable, "Why don't we forget the movie and head back to the hotel. I have something I want to show you," Brian suggested
"Okay, I'm ready whenever," Justin said as he slid out of the booth and balanced on one foot.
"Ok let's go," Brian said as he slung the messenger bag over his shoulder and leaned down to give Justin a hand to pick up the crutches.
"Brian it's gorgeous," Justin whispered as he looked out over the mountain pass into the star filled sky, and leaned back into Brian's arms.
"I found this place last night when I bailed on you. I'm just really nervous about what I'm feeling," Brian whispered as he wrapped his arms around Justin's shoulders.
"We can get through it," Justin whispered as he leaned further into Brian's embrace, "let's go warm up."
Once back in their room, Brian pulled off his coat and threw it over the chair. As he sat down on the bed to remove his boots he trembled slightly as a chill rushed through his body. Justin noticed his nervousness and limped over to the bed. After he removed his own shoe he placed his hand gently on Brian's and asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah," Brian whispered as he slowly brushed his fingertips across Justin's face as to memorize every inch of his profile, "we don't have to do anything that you don't want."
"I know," Justin mumbled as their lips met in a soul-searing kiss.
A few hours later Brian stirred and checked the clock. He quietly untangled himself from Justin's grasp, and stumbled to turn out the lights. After slipping on his jeans and boots he gently kissed the sleeping blonde and stepped out into the morning sun. As he took in the view off the pass, he couldn't help but think how wonderful the evening before had been.
"It's gorgeous now too," Brian jumped when he felt one strong arm wrap around him, "I'm going to the clinic to grab a walking brace, and then I figured we could go get breakfast. Want to come?"
"Sure," Brian replied.
How are you two doing," Ben asked as Brian held the door for Justin as they walked into the cafe
"We are really good," Justin replied before Brian could even answer.
"What do you want to eat," Brian asked.
"Bagel and large cappuccino," Justin said handing Brian a few bills allowing his hand to linger a little longer than normal, which caught Ben's eye.
"What was that all about," Michael asked.
"Just paying for my breakfast," Justin said smiling a coy smile.
"Michael don't we have a date with the slopes," Ben asked giving his boyfriend the hint to give them some time alone.
"Yeah, talk to you later."
Justin sat quietly while Brian stood in line. His thoughts quickly returned to last night and how amazing their time together had been. Brian's taste and the touch of his skin against his own were still fresh in his mind and on his body, and he knew that he was feeling something more than he had with anyone else.
3 MONTHS LATER
Brian nervously glanced at the arrival board in the baggage claim area. It had been three months since the ski trip, and he and Justin had spoken every night since. They were determined to make their newfound relationship work, and in order to see where it was going to go Justin had booked a summer internship at a gallery in Denver. Brian was taking summer classes 3 days a week at the Academy, and in order for them to spend as much time together as possible he had found them a small-furnished loft apartment in Castle Rock.
"Hey, ready whenever you are," Justin said as he walked up behind Brian causing him to jump.
"Hey," Brian said as he grabbed one of Justin's bags, "let's get out of here I have something to show you."
"Brian, it is absolutely gorgeous," Justin said as he stood in the doorway of the loft. All of the walls were red brick and the living area was open with a large sectional black leather sofa and matching oversized chair. The kitchen was fully stocked with black appliances, and a small island countertop with barstools for seating. As they walked further into the room he noticed a small corner perfect for working on his art along with a large picture window overlooking the back terrace, "I love it."
"Need any help unpacking," Brian asked as he walked over and pulled some water out of the refrigerator.
"I got it. Thanks though," Justin called as he walked into the bedroom. He was immediately drawn to the king size bed which was covered in a deep navy duvet. The pillowcases and sheets were light blue, and the throw pillows were white. A modern oak dresser sat in the corner next to a large walk in closet, and a joining door led into a modern bathroom with marble counters, two sinks, and a large walk-in shower with brushed steel fixtures.
"I can't believe I got such a deal on this place," Brian said as he walked up behind his dazed boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him.
"Hmm," Justin sighed as he leaned into the embrace, "it couldn't be more perfect."
"Thanks," Brian whispered as their lips met in a kiss.
Later that evening Justin sat in the middle of the couch putting some final touches on a sketch that he had to complete before his gallery meeting the following Monday.
"What are you working on," Brian asked as he switched off his laptop and walked over to the sofa.
"A gallery sketch that I have to have done for my internship meeting on Monday. Want to see?"
"Sure," Brian said as he reached over for the sketchbook. The image on paper was two left hands entwined. Then hand on bottom was slightly smaller than the other was but still obviously male, and out of the detail stood two wedding bands. He shivered slightly at the thought of him possibly marrying one day, but not out of fear but mostly anticipation of what it meant.
"What are you thinking about," Justin whispered pulling Brian from his thoughts as he caressed his skin softly.
"How beautiful your work is," Brian replied as he relished the gentle strokes.
"Hmm," Justin whispered in Brian's ear as ran his hands underneath his shirt, "I want us to be close again."
"I do to," Brian whispered as he guided Justin into their bedroom.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
The lyrics of Chasing Cars woke Brian causing him to stir slightly. He turned down the volume on the radio so it would not wake Justin. He then stumbled to the shower. As the hot steam and water rained down on him the ski trip and the night before came flooding into his head. Justin's touch and the taste of his lips on his own had been beautiful. He couldn't help but think what was yet to come. In fact he had just the plan to tell Justin how he felt.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Justin turned over and stared at the bathroom door. He had an overwhelming urge to go join Brian in the shower however he was still nervous. The ski trip, and the evening before had been wonderful. The skin on skin contact, and Brian's taste had been amazing; however, he was confused how being in the same room with and kissing alone could take him to that level of commitment. He had never felt this close to anyone before, and he felt now was the time to tell Brian how much he was changing his life.
"How's are things going," Ben asked as he walked up to Brian and handed him a coffee, "I can tell just by looking at you that Justin got in safely."
"That obvious," Brian asked as he accepted the hot drink.
"Considering that you don't look like you slept at all, and if you did it was very little," Ben said smiling.
"Don't go there," Brian, countered knowing where Ben's thoughts were going, "We haven't done anything yet, and I don't think we are going to do anything."
"Hold up, you told me when we got back from Aspen that the two of you had gotten very close, and I had assumed that since you were living together for the summer that you were definitely going to be sleeping together."
"Shit, I don't know," Brian sighed, "don't get me wrong, I want to sleep with him so bad I can taste it. Ben you should see the piece he's working on for his gallery meeting on Monday. He wants marriage, and I don't know if I can give that to him. Being a military spouse is hard work, and I don't want him to feel like an obligation. Besides I think I'm falling in love with him, and I don't want him to get hurt."
Ben almost spit out his coffee, "Did you just say that you think you are falling in love with him?"
"Yeah," Brian said as he flipped open his books, "how did you know you were in love with Michael?"
"I don't know how to describe it, but I knew I had never felt that way about anyone before," Ben answered as he opened his own books and prepared for another boring history of flight lecture.
"How was the flight," Michael asked as he walked to his class at Carnegie.
"Tiring," Justin sighed as he sat down on the large sofa, "I will have to send you pictures of our place. It's amazing."
"I'm going to try and get out there at the end of the session. Ben isn't taking classes next month, and he wanted me to come out there and spend a few weeks."
"That would be awesome. I really want you to come and see the gallery I'm working at as well."
"Cool, you sound like you have been awake all night so I'm assuming that means things are going well with Brian?"
"Don't think it. We haven't slept together. I showed him that piece with the hands. He stared at it for a long time, but it was almost as if he was thinking what it meant for us. I know it didn't scare him but it made him think; besides I'm falling in love with him, and the last thing I want to happen is for him to get hurt. How did you know when you were falling in love with Ben?"
"Let's just say that you know, and you are willing to turn the world for that person. I just got to class and you know how Dr. McKenzie is about cell phones. I'll call you back." Michael said as he sat down in lecture.
"Later," Justin said as he heard the phone click shut. He had no idea how he was going to tell Brian.
As soon as Justin had gotten off the phone with Michael, he had decided to check in with the gallery while Brian was in class. The layout had been all wrong than he had expected for his first show, and he had at least 3 hours of layouts to do if he wanted to spend anytime with his boyfriend. He sighed as he walked in the loft. Traffic had been hell, and all he wanted to do was eat dinner and sleep in Brian's arms.
"Hey, why don't you go change and meet me on the terrace. The burgers are done, and it's such a nice night I thought we could eat out there."
"Okay," Justin replied. Once he had finished changing, clothes he was joined Brian on the terrace. The evening was cool, and since they had not had a chance to buy a table and chairs Brian had taken a few blankets, a large futon cushion, and some throw pillows and made a sitting area. "What goes along with the burgers," he asked after meeting Brian on the porch.
"Chips and soda," Brian smirked, "Grab a plate."
After they had finished eating both men settled into a routine. Justin went back out to the porch to work on his layouts, and Brian finished his flight history assignments. About midnight, Justin was standing looking over the railing into the night as Brian wrapped his arms and a blanket around him from behind and whispered, "Are you okay?"
"Just thinking about how wonderful it is to be in your arms," Justin replied as he leaned into Brian's warm embrace. "I already wish I could stay longer than the two months."
"Why don't you," Brian asked, "You have more than enough places that you can finish school, and the gallery is most likely going to want to keep you on full time."
"But what about…," Justin was cut off.
"Just think about it," Brian whispered as he guided Justin to face him. "I want what is best for you, and I don't want to force you into anything."
"I know," Justin sighed as he brushed his hand along Brian's face.
Brian shivered slightly at the touch as he pulled Justin closer to him and whispered, "I want you close to me."
"I want you completely, but let's go slow" Justin replied as he kissed Brian deeply.
I promise," Brian whispered.
They continued to kiss softly and passionately as they undressed one another. They had only seen each other halfway naked, and they both tenderly caressed each inch of unseen skin as if to understand one another's bodies inside and out. Justin continued to run his fingers down Brian's spine as he felt his erection grow harder with every kiss Brian gave him. He let out a soft moan as he felt Brian's own hard on brush against his as he laid him back onto the bed. They kissed and touched every inch one another for what seemed like hours savoring the tastes and absorbing the feel of each other's bare skin. Justin moaned softly and gripped the pillow with his hands as lubed fingers gently opened him up.
"Ready?," Brian said only to be met with Justin thrusting his hips toward him. He shivered, and slowly entered Justin who tensed slightly with the intrusion, but quickly relaxed as Brian's eyes met his own as if to ask if he was okay. He massaged Justin's hips slowly giving him some time to adjust before he gently placed one hand on his and sighed. As they got into a steady rhythm, Brian kissed Justin's neck as he leaned into him. As Justin met each thrust, Brian began to speed up ever so slightly. Justin sighed as he felt Brian's fingers run through his hair and caress his skin. His own fingers grasped Brian's as one hand casually caressed his skin. Their rhythm together was perfect each matching thrust for thrust. Brian sighed as he continued to thrust deeply into Justin hitting his prostate stroke for stroke plunging his boyfriend into ecstasy. Justin mumbled incoherently as his orgasm shook his body pulling Brian over the edge.
As his breathing slowly returned to normal Brian whispered, "I love you."
"I love you," Justin whispered as he snuggled into Brian's grasp.