Author's note: This is my first time doing a KeikiXYouko pairing. Normally I wouldn't do it, because I'm not exactly a big fan of romantic pairings between kirin and king in 12K, but I needed a serious distraction from my assignment, so here we go! Usual disclaimers apply, I don't own the main storylines, characters, blah. Okay. Enjoy! And please review!
The past week had been a very busy one in Kimpa Palace, owing to the fact that it was the 20th anniversary of Youko's ascension to the throne of Kei. Peace had finally settled in the land, and slowly but surely, prosperity was returning to the kingdom; many of the villages were fully populated as word spread of the improving conditions, aided by the good harvests that were becoming more frequent. The rebuilding scheme of prefectural capitals was completed, leaving just the regional and provincial capitals to be restored (it was her idea to start with the lower levels first), and in general, everyone in Gyouten was feeling confident enough to let their hair down and celebrate.
Everyone except Keiki, of course.
He'd met the mad rush by the palace and city officials with characteristic disapproval. One could even sense an air of mild derision (if one could call it that) around him every time a palace seamstress ran by with yet another bolt of silk, or another servant was dispatched to make an order for peonies, her favourite flower. He viewed the whole fracas, as he called it, as a tremendous waste of resources and wasted no time in making this known to Youko. Never mind that she hadn't been the one to suggest it in the first place; he'd fully expected her to put her foot down and stop all this silliness.
Well, it hadn't. And so in spite of his wishes, the preparations had gone on. Youko did feel a little guilty at first about her lack of effort in trying to stop the whole thing from going forward, but to be truthful, it wasn't as if she really wanted to. The past decade or so had been one of great austerity, even in the palace, which of all places shouldn't have had to, as Shoukei tut-tutted, suffer from a lack of honour. It was time for a celebration. Youko had no intention of permanently living in a grey world where her people were terribly depressed—she'd feel equally depressed, too! So she'd couched the whole thing in terms of how it would boost the morale of the people and the people in the palace and how that could benefit in the long run.
He remained unconvinced.
She tried to remain unconcerned at his lack of enthusiasm, but deep down in her heart, it bugged her. In a way, she'd felt almost as though he still thought of her as that same girl that he'd brought back over 20 years ago, an unremarkable person. Someone who wasn't worth appreciating. While she didn't need his approval, that miffed feeling was there. You'd think he hated having me as his liege.
The celebrations were to be held over the course of three days, with a carnival to be held on the first two days, culminating with a parade of dancing, music and pomp on the third day, which coincided with the exact anniversary of her ascension, to be followed by the pardoning of prisoners and in the evening, they would return to the palace for a banquet, and then a fireworks display.
The first two days went by without incident. It was on the third day that things didn't go quite as planned.
Following the pardoning of the 400 prisoners that she'd chosen on merit of their good behaviour, Youko returned to the palace with her entourage. As she dressed for the banquet in her private rooms, out of the corner of her eye she noticed someone standing by the door. It was Keiki, and he didn't look pleased. Inwardly, Youko frowned. Now what did I do?
"Not getting ready for the banquet?" She asked lightly, trying to diffuse the annoyance he radiated. A maid helped her into a silk kimono that matched her emerald eyes perfectly and reached around her waist to tie a belt. "Surely you aren't going to wear those clothes to the banquet? At least consider changing into your formal robes!" She turned to look at him. Apparently, her tactic didn't work.
"Your highness. What was the public release of the prisoners for?"
Is that what got your goat? She thought incredulously. I thought you were a creature of mercy! "Well, what about it?" One of the maids placed a jewelled necklace around her slender but strong neck. She waved it away and the maid took it off.
"I felt that it was unnecessarily public." There. With characteristic directness, it was said.
"It's over already. I can't redo it in private." So too bad. Live with it.
"Why did you have to do so in such a manner? Why not release them quietly, and let them return to their homes without turning it into an event? They seemed more like captured beasts on display."
All signs of mirth fled from Youko's face. She requested everyone to leave them alone. After the last servant had left the room and shut the door, she waited for half a minute to make sure that they were truly alone before she proceeded to answer him. "I chose to make it public because I wanted to show everyone that if one is willing to put in an extra effort to make a change in one's life, there's always a second chance waiting. These men deserved that recognition for having tried and therefore they were rewarded with their freedom publicly. To release them quietly from their prisons would make it seem like it is a shameful affair, like 'hush it all up, here you go, now get moving'. Why should it be? They ought to be proud of how they've redeemed themselves." Try as Youko might, she couldn't prevent a hard edge from entering her voice at the last sentence.
Keiki pursed his lips, but otherwise his face was blank. "Some may see it as a project of self-aggrandisement on the part of Your Highness."
"That is none of my concern. Let people think what they want. My conscience and intentions are clear." Youko turned away abruptly, not wanting to let him see plainly the clouds that were gathering on her face. She picked up a pair of earrings and placed them next to her ears and tried to focus on whether they went with the whole outfit. In the mirror, she could see Keiki's reflection. He was staring hard at her.
"I'm merely concerned about how this would reflect on you." His dispassionate voice certainly didn't betray the concern that he spoke of.
"Thanks, but no thanks. I can lead my own life and take responsibility for my own actions."
There was silence for a while. Then he said, again in that droll voice that ironically grated on her nerves more than ever, "You should not have made me a part of that display."
Youko could feel her anger leap up. "Why shouldn't you have been there? You are my kirin. I am your queen, if I'm celebrating something, don't you think that you should be a part of that celebration?" She knew that even though they were talking about the release of the prisoners, it had become part of a larger issue now. All the resentment that she'd pent up over the past 3 months welled up. "Why should I have to care about what people think, what YOU think, when I want to make others and myself happy? What is wrong with celebrating a release? Should they have to always live as though they have done something wrong? Why can't they be free, why can't you be happy for them?" Why can't you be happy for me? Haven't I managed to steer this kingdom from poverty? Turned it into the land that the people can be proud of? Our people are happy and maybe they might be proud of me, but why aren't you?
"It's not that I'm not happy for them."
"Then??!?!"
"I still think that it was…this whole thing is unnecessary."
Youko just pursed her lips in a bitter smile. "Are you ashamed of me?"
"Excuse me?"
"You seem to care more about everyone else. What they think of me, whether or not I'm embarrassing myself. Yes, I do things in a different way. I'm not exactly orthodox. But I'm not embarrassed of how I do them." To her horror, tears began welling up. "I have come so far, Keiki. So far from what I once was. I'm not about to turn this into a regular butt-patting fest for myself. I just want to celebrate with friends what I've managed to do. Is that so wrong?" She blinked away the tears. "Maybe you think that what I've done till now hasn't been much to crow about. I suppose that's why you think that all this is just foolishness. That all this is a waste of precious resources, much ado about nothing. 'Wait another 200, 300 years, if I'm still on the throne, running the place well like En-Ou, then maybe I can have the right to say that I've done something'. And if that happens? You'd probably think that unless I make it to 500 years, I haven't done anything yet? It'll just go on and on, I'll never be good enough to…" I'll never be good enough to be your queen.
She smiled thinly.
"You don't have to attend tonight. I'll just say that you felt tired." Youko waved him away.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
All throughout that evening, while she watched the dancers and performances, as the congratulations rolled in from the officials, from Shoryuu and Rokuta, Rakushun… Youko felt as though she had a lump of lead stuck in her chest. While no one commented on the absence of her kirin, that fact raised more than a few eyebrows. When the end of the festivities finally came, and she'd wished the last of her guests a very good night, she trudged back to her own quarters. But just as she shut the door to her chambers, she stopped. On the table that she normally took her tea at lay a single peony. In a daze, she picked it up, and examined it. It was of the deepest ruby, and all its petals were perfect. Lifting it to her nose, she inhaled the gentle scent. She wandered out, as if in a dream, to the pavilion in her room that overlooked the Sea of Clouds. The clouds washed against the side of the mountain, sending up their briny tang, mixing with the fragrance of the peony to form a heady mixture. She looked out across the night sky to the moon, shining brightly onto the world below and sighed, feeling the weight in her heart lifting. Tomorrow, it would be another day. Back to the usual grind, back to being Youko, "trying to save the world…" her words came out as barely more than a sigh.
"…But not tonight." She heard the familiar baritone behind her. She whirled around to see her kirin standing at the door to the pavilion. Her eyes lowered as her face flushed crimson and she turned to look out to the sea, glad for the shadows that she had hoped hid her blush from him.
"If you left the peony on my table, thank you for the gesture." The hand that'd been holding the delicate flower rested on the balustrade.
"It was me." Keiki admitted. There was a long pause. "Did you have fun?"
Youko couldn't help but smile wryly at his direct confession. Typical Keiki. Never one for subtlety, I guess. She nodded quietly.
Still, the fact that he had not been there stung, and tears smarted in her eyes. One escaped down her cheek, but before she could raise her hand to wipe it away, his did. As the touch of his smooth, white hand moved across her face, the blush returned hotly to her cheeks, rushing down her neck. This time, she was certain that he'd seen it, but she did not flinch away. Instead, she found herself leaning into his hand, and then as his palm rested against her jawline, their eyes met, and for the rest of her life, she would always remember that expression of gentleness that seemed so alien and yet so natural on her kirin's face. She was vaguely aware of his hand sliding towards her supple waist, and through her heart pounding, she could barely hear his words, but they were unmistakeable: "You are more than worthy." More than worthy of my celebration. More than worthy of my loyalty…
And as he leaned his face towards her upturned one, as her hand crept up to cradle his face, Youko decided with a smile that Keiki was right. Not all celebrations needed to be public.