Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto [Author's Note: This is not a rant. I'd rather think that this story has merit, thank you very much.]
Includes character bashing, if you wanna call it that. I call it logic. If you want to leave a comment, tell me your reasons why SasuNaru would never work.
Why SasuNaru Will Never Work
oOoOo
"Hello everyone, and today I am going to give you all of the reasons why the ship SasuNaru would never work out. Please sit back and enjoy," I said.
Thus, it began.
Naruto isn't gay.
Sasuke's already in love with his brother.
Naruto's saving himself for Sakura - who STILL denies her love for him. Oh, wait. She confessed. Ugh, why? Because she loves both of them. Fucking choose already, bitch.
Sasuke's saving himself for Itachi - who's dead.
Ninjas die young.
The shinobi world is shit right now thanks to Kishi. (they hardly have time for ramen, let alone romance)
The manga isn't listed under shonen-ai you desperate fan girls.
Naruto is too stupid.
Sasuke is too stubborn.
Sakura would kill them both if she ever found out.
Shows the audience a bun with two hotdogs lying in it. "Does this look right to you?"
Naruto isn't an adorable sniveling little uke that wants Sasuke to pound him hard.
Sasuke isn't some extra sexy demon of a seme that wants to corrupt his poor lil 'Naru-chan'.
Their fights are just fights. Not a male's way of confessing his male feelings to his very male friend.
The accidental kiss was a fluke. The real faggot is the one that pushed Naruto.
Naruto's attraction for women far surpasses that of even his perverted late sensei, Jiraiya. If this isn't the case, then how the hell could he create such a sexy jutsu?
Sasuke's attraction for women is nil. Can't blame the boy for falling to Orochimaru and his curse hickeys.
Creates Konohamaru's brilliant 'male on male technique' for all the audience to see. 'Nuff said.
Rewinds the whole series back to episode three. Replays slowly. "What did they do after the kiss, hm?"
"Gag?"
"Very well, Jimmy. They gagged."
Naruto flipped when Kakashi said, 'I'm starting to like you' in a friendly way. Imagine how he would react if Sasuke professed his love.
Sasuke's dick jumps for no one. That is the true meaning of asexual, my friend.
Naruto and Sasuke are about to kill each other very soon in the manga.
Mikoto said to Kushina that she would like for their boys to become best friends. Not best lovers.
The time skip has done wonders for Naruto. He could get laid in a second if he just gave up the lingering gayness of his 'bond' with Sasuke.
oOoOo
After the meeting I had a little discussion with Sai backstage. It appears a little specification was in order.
"How would Naruto slam his dick into Sasuke's ass if he doesn't have one?" Sai asked me.
"I never said NaruSasu wouldn't work...dipshit."