Notagainnotagainnotagain
Tony's thoughts blur together and focus only on the plasma. His stomach drops to the floor and he feels like vomiting. He can't do this again. This can't be happening again.
But there it is, in full glorious HD, Ziva's farmhouse up in flames.
He doesn't remember standing up from his desk. Or finishing McGee's question.
Everything fades away to background noise as his eyes widen and focus completely on the news report.
Notagainnotagainnotagain
Fucking Trent Kort.
He'll kill him.
Strangle him with his bare hands. Set him on fire. Shove the glass eyeball down his throat.
It doesn't matter how, as long as the end result is a dead ex-spook.
Tony doesn't realize he's vibrating with anger until Bishop's voice cuts timidly through his fury.
"Tony? Tony, are you okay?"
"No!" He snaps, completely unaware of all the eyes on him. "I'm not okay, Bishop. I'm living my worst nightmare, again!"
Bishop flinches back again Tony's tone. She's never seen him this angry.
"What's her number, Tony?" Tim asks, concern and fear lacing his own voice. He has to repeat the question twice more, finally snapping, "Tony!" before the older agent looks over.
Tony rattles the number off, the fourth of Ziva's numbers that he's memorized.
Gibbs watches as McGee does his thing, as Tony begins to yank his hands through his hair, as Bishop's eyes ping-pong between the two men, a worried, confused crease forming between her eyebrows.
His own heart is pounding in double time.
Notagainnotagainnotagain
They've lost her too many times.
Tony's hands have moved from his hair to his desk drawer. The drawer where Ziva's necklace has resided for three years now.
Gibbs knows what's coming when Tony pulls the gold Star of David from its place and wraps his hand around it.
Tony snaps. The hand not holding Ziva's necklace slams down on his desk with a bang. Bishop and McGee both jump.
"I have to go." He says to everyone and no one.
"I can't stay," he says plaintively, looking at the team.
"We know that," Gibbs says simply. And they have. They've known that Tony would not be in DC long after Ziva's connection to Scott came up.
"I need to find her," Tony says, trying to convince - who? They don't need convincing.
"She'll be okay, Tony," Tim says quietly, firmly, hopefully.
"I don't know. We don't know," Tony sighs, looking like he's aged ten years in the past ten minutes. "I have to try."
Tim stands from his desk, trace on Ziva's phone having long hit a dead end, and strides over to embrace Tony. Tony's arms come up to hug him back.
"You'll find her, Tony," he mutters to his friend. "If anyone can find her, it's you. After all, you did it once."
Tony manages a weak smile and nods. It all looks so bad. So, so bad. But his gut is nagging him. He can't - won't - believe she's gone.
Tony's lost in thought when McGee breaks the hug and is replaced by Bishop. The tiny blonde is deceptively strong, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
She says nothing, but Tony knows what she's not saying.
Be careful. It'll be okay. We're here for you.
She breaks the hug with a supportive smile.
Tony shares a nod and a look with Gibbs. Steely blue eyes meet frightened hazel ones and Tony knows that Gibbs' gut is telling him the same thing.
Like Bishop, Gibbs doesn't have to say a word. But he does anyway.
"You find Ziver and keep her safe."
It's fatherly concern for a daughter that causes Gibbs' voice to crack slightly.
Tony nods, "Got it, Boss."
With those last words, Tony takes his gut feeling and her necklace and bolts for the elevator.
He's not losing her again.
A/N: I wrote this sort of before and sort of as the first two sneak peeks for tomorrow came out, so some of that is included. I really have nothing to say. I'm sad and hopeful and sad again. Drop me a review, let me know what you think.