Disclaimer: I don't own any of 'em.
Starve a Cold
Kid Flash sniffled and blew his nose, tossing the dirty tissue into the garbage can. "Please, Uncle Barry," he pleaded. "Let me come with you!"
"No way, Kid," the Flash said, patting his new sidekick affectionately on the head.
"But why?"
"Because—" Here Kid Flash sneezed loudly. "—That's why. I have to go after Mirror Master now, so you stay right here and take a nap. Green Arrow will give you your medicine in half an hour." Glaring at the Emerald Archer, who was leaning against the doorway of the Flash's quarters on the JLA Satellite, he added through gritted teeth, "At least he'd better."
Green Arrow raised his hands and said, "Chill, Zippy. I wouldn't dare disobey the order of a man who will catch up with me before I even begin to run."
"Good. Batman's going home in a few minutes… I'd appreciate it if you'd ask him to call Iris and tell her that the Kid's sniffle is now a full-blown cold; he'll be home in a couple of hours, as soon as Mirror Master is taken care of." Flash told his junior partner, "You behave yourself. GA isn't that great with kids, so don't try to push any limits."
"Okay, Uncle Barry," Kid Flash nodded.
"Hey, who says I'm not good with kids?" Green Arrow protested.
"You did," Flash reminded him.
"…Right."
"Be back soon."
The Scarlet Speedster left the room, heading for the transporter. As soon as he was gone, Green Arrow and Kid Flash simply stared at each other for a minute. Green Arrow was not the best babysitter around and everyone knew it, but at the moment he was the only one available for the job. Kid Flash blew his nose again before continuing to stare. Finally, Green Arrow broke the silence by saying, "Take a nap or something," and leaving the room. Kid Flash blinked and stared after him. Maybe Speedy, the jerk he'd met last week, would stop in for a minute. It had been less than thirty seconds since Green Arrow's departure, but the Fastest Boy Alive was already becoming bored.
With a dejected sigh, Kid Flash was about to reluctantly take a nap when someone walked straight into the room. "Hi, I heard you were sick," Speedy, carrying a tray with a cup of microwavable soup and a glass of orange juice, greeted him. "Whatsamatter with you?" Before Kid Flash could reply, a sneeze escaped. "Cold, huh? Guess I'd better return this food then," he joked.
"Why?" Kid Flash wondered. "I'm getting hungry."
"I'm just kid—" Speedy suddenly stopped and a sly smile crossed his face, undetected by KF. "You know the drill: Starve a cold and feed a fever. You'll never get better if you stuff yourself."
"Really?" asked Kid Flash, eyes widening.
"Sure. Why do you think people in the old days died of colds so often?"
Kid Flash hesitated. "Because they starved because of the colds?"
"No, dummy, because they did eat since they didn't know that you were s'posed to starve a cold yet!"
"Really?"
"Yeah," Speedy nodded. "You'd better drink this, though." He handed the orange juice to Kid Flash. Trying not to smirk, he added, "…No matter how bad it tastes."
"What do you mean?" Kid Flash asked. He'd been about to drink the juice, but had stopped after Speedy's last sentence. "It's just orange juice."
Speedy snickered. "So that's what they're telling kids in Nebraska these days, is it? They tell everyone else what it really is, now."
Kid Flash gaped. "You mean… it isn't orange juice?"
"Orange juice—ha! There really is a sucker born every minute!"
"If it isn't orange juice," Kid Flash said slowly, "then what is it?"
Speedy opened his mouth, but then closed it for a moment. "I'm not sure that I should tell you…"
"Tell me," pleaded Kid Flash. "What is it really?"
"Well," began Speedy, "it's a mix of things created by a mad scientist… from, uh, Pluto… who was… uh, was trying to find a cure for… for… uh—oh, it's too horrible to even say! But don't worry—hardly anyone has ever died from drinking it."
"'Hardly anyone'?" Kid Flash echoed with a gulp.
"Yeah. This is the same stuff that killed the cat!"
"I thought it was curiosity killed the cat."
"Oh, you're a riot!" Speedy laughed. "Curiosity killed the cat, huh? Heh. Well, I'd better get going. See you later… maybe." He smirked and left, leaving a wide-eyed, horror-struck speedster behind.
A few minutes later, Robin entered the room. "Hi," he grinned. Having expected to be asked why he was still on the Satellite, he continued, "Batman wanted to stay a little longer to upgrade and check security. I heard you caught a cold. How're you doing?"
"Not too good," Kid Flash said weakly, placing the glass of orange juice on the nightstand.
"You don't look too good, either," Robin replied, frowning. "Do you want something to eat, or maybe—"
"No!" Kid Flash yelped. "Nothing to eat!"
Raising an eyebrow, Robin said, "Okay, but you don't have to get so upset over it."
"That's easy for you to say!" He paused and pointed at the orange juice. "What is that, really?"
"…Looks like orange juice…"
"Nooo, I mean really."
"…Mango juice, then?"
"Yeah, right," Kid Flash snorted. "They don't have mangos on Pluto. …Do they?"
"Of course not!" Robin exclaimed. "Why would you even think something crazy like that?" Kid Flash shrugged. "Do you want me to ask Batman if you can come home with us? Maybe being in space has done something to your brain."
"Which is farther from Pluto—here or your place?"
"Um, I don't know. Why?"
"To-get-as-far-away-from-the-mad-scientist-on-Pluto-as-possible-an'-I-don't-want-that-orange-juice-or-whatever-it-is-an'-I-don't-wanna-die-so-I-can't-eat-but-I'm-already-really-super-really-hungry-an'-an'-an'-I-WANNA-GO-HOME!"
"Whoa, calm down!" Robin said. "I barely even understood one sixteenth of that! What's with you and Pluto, anyway?"
"It's-that-mad-scientist-that-Speedy-told-me-about-I-dunno-if-he's-angry-or-crazy-I-mean-the-scientist-not-Speedy-but-either-way-I-wanna-be-as-far-away-from-that-Pluto-guy-as-possible!"
"Slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying!"
After taking several deep breaths, Kid Flash finally said quickly (but comprehensibly), "Speedy told me that I had to starve a cold and so I couldn't eat until I was well again and he said that orange juice wasn't really orange juice but that it's some weird thing made by a mad scientist from Pluto!"
Robin, who'd previously been sitting on the edge of the bed, now stood up. "Oh, he did, did he?" Kid Flash nodded rapidly. "First of all, I think it's 'feed a cold, starve a fever… maybe…. Er, anyway, it isn't true—any of it. He was just trying to creep you out."
"He succeeded!"
"Well, he was just being a dork, okay? And I'm going to have a little talk with him."
"Meaning you'll beat him up?" Kid Flash asked excitedly. "Wait for me! I wanna punch his brains out, too!"
Robin paused thoughtfully. "Maybe that isn't such a good idea… beating him up, I mean. Why don't we get revenge on him some other way?"
"Like what?" wondered Kid Flash. "Like a joke? I-like-jokes-an'-it'll-be-really-fun-to-trick-Speedy-an'-boy-oh-boy-this'll-be-great!"
The Boy Wonder's mouth curled upward. "I've got just the trick. Now listen up…"
-
Next day, Robin ran into Speedy in the Satellite's cafeteria. Literally.
"Hey, watch where you're goin', Bird Brain!" protested Speedy loudly, apparently not having appreciated being knocked into one of the cafeteria tables.
"You've gotta hurry, Speedy—Dr. Pluton is holding Kid Flash hostage in the gym!" Robin exclaimed animatedly, bouncing impatiently on his toes.
"Doctor who?"
"No, not him! Dr. Pluton!"
"What the heck is a Dr. Pluton?" Speedy demanded.
"A mad scientist from Pluto! You oughtta know—you told Kid Flash all about him!"
Speedy laughed. "You think you're so smart. You're just trying to get back at me for Fleetfeet," he accused. "Well, dream on, Bat Boy, 'cause I ain't falling for it!" He gloated at Robin and sat down at the table he'd fallen against, leaning backwards against the table surface and resting his elbows on the edge of the table.
Robin shrugged. "Suit yourself. Pluton is still gonna come after you next for making fun of him."
As Robin left the room, Speedy called after him, "Yeah, and you're still a few ashes short of a chimney!" The archer snickered and shook his head. "Amateurs. Rank amateurs." A moment later, he decided that he had nothing better to do and so, with a smirk, he walked over to the gym to see what they had been planning to do to him. What he saw as he stood in the gym's doorway rooted his feet to the spot.
Robin was talking to some really tall… thing… dressed in stiff robes. The thing's right arm was above its head, and it had several round rock-like objects swirling over it. Robin was saying in a weird, mechanical voice, "I tried to lure him here, Dr. Pluton, but he does not believe me. Your Earthling disguise does not convince him that I am the real Robin."
Dr. Pluton declared in a deep, menacing voice, "We must terminate him, Minion!"
"Eep!" Speedy squeaked. The aliens seemed to hear him and they both turned to the doorway. Speedy ducked behind the door and clamped a hand over his mouth, terror gripping him. It's gotta be a trick, he tried to convince himself. It's just a dirty trick!
He tried to keep out of sight but, alas, Dr. Pluton ordered, "After him, Mi—"
Speedy arched an eyebrow, wondering why the mad scientist had suddenly stopped speaking. Deciding to risk his life, Speedy peeped around the edge of the doorway and stared at the people from Pluto.
"After—him—ah—ah—ah-CHOOOO!" The rocks suddenly fell down, bombarding Dr. Pluton as they obeyed the laws of gravity. "Hey!" Pluton screeched in a much higher-pitched voice. The scientist stumbled and fell backwards onto his posterior, revealing a box which he had apparently been standing on. Now that he was really staring hard, Speedy realized that the rocks weren't actually rocks at all, but pillows in gray pillowcases.
"KF!" Robin exclaimed, beginning to throw the pillows off their victim. "Are you okay?"
As Kid Flash took off the cardboard Darth Vader-style helmet he'd been wearing and shook his head dazedly, he said slowly, "Yeeeeaaaahhh… I think soooo… oww…"
Well, Speedy just couldn't resist—he began howling with laughter. Walking up to the two other sidekicks, he hooted, "You guys are hilarious! You actually thought you could pull this off? Amateurs. Rank—yipe!" Kid Flash looked on curiously as Speedy began backing away. "No! I made you up! Stay away! Stay—eek!" The archer turned tail and sprinted out of the gym.
Kid Flash turned his head to see what had scared Speedy so badly. "AAAAGH!" Kid Flash screamed upon seeing something alien-like floating ten feet above the ground a yard behind him. Robin laughed as the Fastest Boy Alive scrambled to his feet, quickly shedding his cardboard overcoat. "C'mon-we-gotta-get-outta-here-it's-the-real-evil-mad-scientist-from-Pluto-hurry-up-hurry-up-why-are-you-laughing-let's-go-before-he-kills-us!"
"It's not Dr. Pluton!" Robin chortled, reaching a finger under his mask to wipe away a tear of joy. "It's Wonder Girl!"
"Wha—?" Kid Flash whipped his head around again and stared as the hovering creature pulled back the hood of its cloak. It really was Wonder Girl!
"You couldn't've timed it any better!" gurgled Robin, struggling valiantly to suppress his laughter.
"What is happening?" Wonder Girl asked, landing lightly.
"We were playing a joke on Speedy," Robin chuckled, "and you arrived at just the right time!" Still sniggering, he added to Kid Flash, "I think she scared you more than she scared him!"
Cocking her head to one side, Wonder Girl mentioned, "I don't understand any of this."
"I'll explain later."
"You'd better explain now!" yelled Speedy, storming back into the room. He suddenly smiled. "That was great! You gotta teach me that one so I can scare Ollie! This'll be perfect for the day after tomorrow… he'll be gone all day Friday and then he'll be back all day Saturday and—ah-CHOO! Oh, no!" Speedy glowered at Kid Flash. "You gave me your cold!"
Kid Flash threw an arm around Speedy's shoulders and grinned, "Don't worry; we know just what to do. Let's see… it's starve a cold, isn't it? And you'll need plenty of Dr. Pluton's OJ to keep up your strength…"
The End