So this is my first fan fic, so when you review please be kind.
I don't own any of them, no matter how hard I wish on my star.
So here it goes.
She stood there watching the clock, her heart was beating so fast she thought it would beat out of her chest.
Was she really about to do this, was she really about to tell them all what she had been doing behind their backs for the last year. The work, the play. Everything she had been up to? It was hard to think that she would do all of what she had done, let alone tell them after the fact. She should have confided in them, at least one of them. They were her friends. They were her family.
It should have been such a bigger burden than it was, so much harder to bear. She should have come back to them sobbing each night over what she had done, over the things she had seen. And yet they never knew. They asked why she was tired; she just told them she was up late studying, or working on head girl duties. Anything but the truth, anything to save them the horror that had become her nights, her weekends and her holidays.
She took a deep breath and twisted the ring on her left hand. She smiled at the diamond encircled with emeralds. None of them had noticed until last night, it had taken them a month to realize she had it on, and week after that to pick up on the significance of it. It wasn't until they were in potions and Pansy saw her taking it off so she wouldn't ruin it that anyone had noticed what it was. Pansy threw a huge tantrum when she recognized the ring and what it meant. That it was an engagement ring, and that upon closer inspection it was a snake curled around the diamond to hold it in place. Her heart warmed a that thought of the one who had given it to, of the hours he spent calming her each night when they got back, of the man he really was when no one was watching him.
He was hers, heart and soul just as she was his. Everything they had been threw together bound them closer than anything she had been threw with Harry and Ron, anything they could ever do together and all the years of school, the last year had overruled all of that. They missed a side of her that only he got to see. She smoothed her midnight blue dress and pulled her black robes around her shoulders as she stood. She heard them coming, she had given them the latest password to the head chambers. He kissed her neck, she smiled at the small action. "Thank you." She told him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, drawing comfort from his embrace. He warmed her and soothed the butterflies that were in her stomach, her worry over the confrontation to come. When she opened her eyes they were there, all three of them, standing in the doorway to the common room, looking at her with so much emotion in their eyes. Pain, betrayal, hurt, confusion, anger, compassion, pity, and so much more. "Come in, sit down." she told them. "We don't have long."
"What do you mean? " Harry asked her as they sat across from her on the couch.
"We have to leave in about an hour, we have a meeting to be at." She said, he squeezed her hand in support; he knew how hard this was on her.
"What kind." Harry asked, he was apparently speaking for the group, he tried to keep all emotions from his voice, he had promised that he would hear her out.
"You already know what kind, don't make me say it out loud." She said, her voice soft and strained with pent up emotions.
"I want to hear you say it, make it real Hermione, make me believe it." He looked her in the eye as he spoke, wanting but dreading the truth of what she was going to voice.
"We have a Death Eaters meeting." She said it with her head held high.
They sat in silence as the three on the couch tried to take it all in, tiring to see why and how she would have done it.
"How long?"
"A little over a year."
"I don't believe you" Ron said, speaking for the fist time.
"I wish you didn't have to." She whispered.
"Why?"
"Someone had to, I was the best choice. Harry obviously could not, you weren't the right one, he would never have let you in. But I could, I had enough of a reason."
"Why not me?" Ron asked.
"Because of who you are Ron, it was not something you could have handled. You didn't have it in you to betray anyone, and they would have seen that."
"You don't know that." He told her indignantly, but part of him knew she was right.
"What gives you the right to do that on your own Hermione?" Harry asked. "What gave you the right to do it with out asking, with out telling, what gave you the right to go at all. Why would they accept you over one of us?"
"Because I was an outsider. Because of my. because my" She stopped, it was to hard to say.
"Its ok love, take your time." He whispered in her ear, his hands soothing her shoulders, trying to calm and reassure her.
"Because I was adopted, my parents were killed when yours were fighting. A battle back at the beginning of the war and your father killed them on sight. He didn't ask who or why or anything, he just killed them to save you and your mother." She looked the boy who lived in the eyes. "I had every reason to join them, every reason to watch you fall and they accepted it."
"I"
"Don't say anything, you could never have known. Dumbledore would never have told you, Black would never have made the connection. Your father took me to the orphanage and left me on the door. I'm not bitter at you, neither of us are our parents, and I wont hold his actions against you. But I will use them to there fullest. I did, I am doing what I have to, to end this whole thing."
"But why this way, why with him." Harry asked, pointing at the man sitting next to her.
"Because I asked her to." He said, speaking to them for the first time.
"What?"
"I asked her to. I knew she could do it, I could see the power in her. I needed her help, on way or another."
"I don't understand. How can we trust you?"
"I'm not my father any more than you are yours Potter. I can't stand the way he treats others, the way he looks down on everyone, the way he beats my mother and me. I can't stand and fight for a world like that. But what you have with your friends, that type of life I can fight for. And I knew she would want to as well. I talked to Dumbledore and Snape about it before she was ever brought up. When she was informed of her parents, she agreed."
"I still don't understand."
"You don't have to Harry, and I hope you never do. I never want you to. Never wanted you to know, but you need to now, you need to know what is coming. It will be soon." She told him.
"How did he find you?" He asked after a few minuets silence.
"I was talking to Dumbledore and Snape one night about needing release from the pressures of my double life. Dumbledore recommended the Room of Requirements. I found it, but it was already occupied. She was in there, reading as always. But she was reading books on the dark arts, not simply defense but the arts themselves. She was startled to see me, tried to hide the books. I asked why, I knew if you were going to defeat them, you needed to know them. She smiled, said that was her reasoning as well. I asked how much she knew, she showed me just how much, or as much as was allowed. And then I saw it, that pain, that hurt in her eyes, she hid it so well but in that instant I saw what I needed to see, that same thing I saw in the mirror. I asked why, she told me about her parents, I told her about mine. I told her I needed help, dealing with it all, she offered. And then it grew from there."
"I cant believe you would do this to her." Harry accused, getting angry at what was done to his friend, what had been asked and taken from her.
"I did it to my self, I knew exactly what I was getting into, but Harry you have to understand this was the only way I could do anything about it. You would never have let me fight any other way. You and Ron both are so protective, so brotherly and I love you both dearly for that. But I needed to fight, I have my own daemons to recon with and my own reasons to end this, and this was my action, this was my place. I can't sit by and let you both risk your lives knowing I could have made a difference if you would have let me." There were tears in her eyes now; she was trying desperately to blink them away. Crying wouldn't help anything right now, it would only make it worse.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Ginny asked, it was the fist time she had spoken since entering the room.
"What would you have had me say? How would it have made it different?"
"I would have been there to listen, to help ease the burden, I know you carry all that inside, it cant be good for you that is what you told me about when i."
"I would not tell you that for anything, I couldn't let you bear that burden for me, yours was different Ginny, you didn't choose that. I chose this, and he was there for me, he knew already, he saw it all. I didn't need words with him."
And on and on the questions went, many times in circles. With fifteen minuets left she stood, putting a stop to all the questions.
"We have to get ready to go. I'm sorry we don't have more time, but this is all that can be said for now, take heart in knowing I choose this, I choose the way I could help and I will face everything that goes with it."
"But you said we had an hour, and why do you have to go at all?"
"He will be suspicious if we are late, and if I don't show. I can't let it all be for naught now. We have to get ready, I can't go in this state."
"What do you mean get ready?"
"Close, attitude, mind set. So many things have to" She was cut short, the pain in her mark was starting to intensify. She took a deep steadying breath.
"Are you ok?"
"It's nothing really, I knew it was coming. You have to leave, now." She said.
"I want to know." Harry stood his ground.
"I don't think that's a wise move Potter."
"Stay out of it Malfoy, you got her in this, don't make it worse."
"I was just warning you, if you don't leave, you wont like what you see, and she may regret what she does. I wont have that on my head."
"I want to know."
She looked her three friends in the eyes, they nodded slightly, they would stay. She waved her hands over her close. Her midnight dress became tighter, a slit ran up the side right to her waist. The back dipped down to the bottom of her back and the front dipped to show a good deal of cleavage. Her heels became silver and strappy, adding a good three inches to her height. Her hair was black with silver chunks in the curls. Her makeup became dark, eyes and lips in a deep burgundy color. Her nails to match. She drew her dark black cape over herself to hide her body from their roving eyes. She turned to her fiancé, he was dressed to match, blue silk shirt, black suit pants. His cloak was in his hands.
"As soon as they drop." He said.
"I know." She whispered.
"You don't have to do this."
"For the last time, shut up Potter. I made the choice and now I will play the game to the end. I have had enough of your constant bickering and your constant berating me. It took you a year to realize something was off; I went threw the worst of it without your help. I have Draconis now, and I am fine. The game is almost up, I wont let you ruin it now." The last was said as a hiss as the burning became to intense for words.
She took his hand as they disapperated with a pop.
The three friends sat there looking at each other, not knowing what to do, what to say. They stayed there, silently for hours until the two returned. They looked at her, the way she held herself as she apperated. She was strong, she was capable, but she was still there friend.
She stopped when she saw them still sitting there. "I should have known you would stay." She said.
"We want to know it all." Harry told her.
"I cant believe this, why cant you leave well enough alone?" She asked. It was so hard to hold back, so hard to not let them see, but she wouldn't she wouldn't let them bear that, it was her burden. "Leave." She whispered, pointing at the door.
"I want to see." Harry said.
She caught his eye, he knew. He knew from the way she was holding her robes about her, the way that she was leaning on Draco. Something had happened.
"No." She told them. "I wont let you." She turned to leave, heading for the bathroom so she would wash away the blood. Harry stood, trying to catch her arm. She turned on him, wand drawn.
"Don't make me use this Harry, don't make me do it." She told him, her voice deathly calm. Her eyes were still locked with his when her wand went flying from her hand and her robe was torn from her body. Anger welled in her as she watched the objects fly into the hands of Ginny and Ron. She listened with closed eyes as they took in her clothing. The rips, the tears, the blood that covered her.
"Are you happy now?" She asked. "Does it make it better now that you have seen it, now that you know my deepest secrets. Does it make you more of a man to see me like this?" She stormed from the room, leaving the tattered remains of her friendships behind her.
"It had to be real to me." She heard him whisper. "I needed to know what I was fighting for, and against. I needed it to be real so when I need a mental image of what I am fighting for I will have one so vivid that I cant stop until it is finished. I need to know what I am saving you from."
"You have your picture. Now leave." Draco answered for her. "I have to go clean her up, to clean up this mess as a whole."
"Is there?"
"No, you've done quite enough for one visit Potter. Go." Draco pointed at the door as he walked into the bathroom to comfort her. She heard the door close after them as she sank down the wall she had been leaning on.
He gathered her in his arms, peeling the cloths off her and sliding her into a hot bath. He slid in behind her and began to scrub the filth away as tears ran down her face.
"Let it all out." He told her as he washed her. "It wont be long now, we both know that." He whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder, crying into his chest. He rubbed her back and rocked her until she drifted to sleep in his arms. She didn't need words for him to know what was wrong, she didn't have to tell him what she felt, what she did, what she was fighting. He helped sooth the daemons back in place into the box in her soul where she kept them.
The confrontation was over. Everything that needed to be said was said. The one day she had feared had come and passed and her friendships while strained, were still in tact. They may not have understood, but they accepted her choice, knowing she was strong enough to make it and stick with it. She rested that night better than she ever had before, all she needed was the confrontation, the final confrontation and her life could be normal again.
I don't own any of them, no matter how hard I wish on my star.
So here it goes.
She stood there watching the clock, her heart was beating so fast she thought it would beat out of her chest.
Was she really about to do this, was she really about to tell them all what she had been doing behind their backs for the last year. The work, the play. Everything she had been up to? It was hard to think that she would do all of what she had done, let alone tell them after the fact. She should have confided in them, at least one of them. They were her friends. They were her family.
It should have been such a bigger burden than it was, so much harder to bear. She should have come back to them sobbing each night over what she had done, over the things she had seen. And yet they never knew. They asked why she was tired; she just told them she was up late studying, or working on head girl duties. Anything but the truth, anything to save them the horror that had become her nights, her weekends and her holidays.
She took a deep breath and twisted the ring on her left hand. She smiled at the diamond encircled with emeralds. None of them had noticed until last night, it had taken them a month to realize she had it on, and week after that to pick up on the significance of it. It wasn't until they were in potions and Pansy saw her taking it off so she wouldn't ruin it that anyone had noticed what it was. Pansy threw a huge tantrum when she recognized the ring and what it meant. That it was an engagement ring, and that upon closer inspection it was a snake curled around the diamond to hold it in place. Her heart warmed a that thought of the one who had given it to, of the hours he spent calming her each night when they got back, of the man he really was when no one was watching him.
He was hers, heart and soul just as she was his. Everything they had been threw together bound them closer than anything she had been threw with Harry and Ron, anything they could ever do together and all the years of school, the last year had overruled all of that. They missed a side of her that only he got to see. She smoothed her midnight blue dress and pulled her black robes around her shoulders as she stood. She heard them coming, she had given them the latest password to the head chambers. He kissed her neck, she smiled at the small action. "Thank you." She told him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, drawing comfort from his embrace. He warmed her and soothed the butterflies that were in her stomach, her worry over the confrontation to come. When she opened her eyes they were there, all three of them, standing in the doorway to the common room, looking at her with so much emotion in their eyes. Pain, betrayal, hurt, confusion, anger, compassion, pity, and so much more. "Come in, sit down." she told them. "We don't have long."
"What do you mean? " Harry asked her as they sat across from her on the couch.
"We have to leave in about an hour, we have a meeting to be at." She said, he squeezed her hand in support; he knew how hard this was on her.
"What kind." Harry asked, he was apparently speaking for the group, he tried to keep all emotions from his voice, he had promised that he would hear her out.
"You already know what kind, don't make me say it out loud." She said, her voice soft and strained with pent up emotions.
"I want to hear you say it, make it real Hermione, make me believe it." He looked her in the eye as he spoke, wanting but dreading the truth of what she was going to voice.
"We have a Death Eaters meeting." She said it with her head held high.
They sat in silence as the three on the couch tried to take it all in, tiring to see why and how she would have done it.
"How long?"
"A little over a year."
"I don't believe you" Ron said, speaking for the fist time.
"I wish you didn't have to." She whispered.
"Why?"
"Someone had to, I was the best choice. Harry obviously could not, you weren't the right one, he would never have let you in. But I could, I had enough of a reason."
"Why not me?" Ron asked.
"Because of who you are Ron, it was not something you could have handled. You didn't have it in you to betray anyone, and they would have seen that."
"You don't know that." He told her indignantly, but part of him knew she was right.
"What gives you the right to do that on your own Hermione?" Harry asked. "What gave you the right to do it with out asking, with out telling, what gave you the right to go at all. Why would they accept you over one of us?"
"Because I was an outsider. Because of my. because my" She stopped, it was to hard to say.
"Its ok love, take your time." He whispered in her ear, his hands soothing her shoulders, trying to calm and reassure her.
"Because I was adopted, my parents were killed when yours were fighting. A battle back at the beginning of the war and your father killed them on sight. He didn't ask who or why or anything, he just killed them to save you and your mother." She looked the boy who lived in the eyes. "I had every reason to join them, every reason to watch you fall and they accepted it."
"I"
"Don't say anything, you could never have known. Dumbledore would never have told you, Black would never have made the connection. Your father took me to the orphanage and left me on the door. I'm not bitter at you, neither of us are our parents, and I wont hold his actions against you. But I will use them to there fullest. I did, I am doing what I have to, to end this whole thing."
"But why this way, why with him." Harry asked, pointing at the man sitting next to her.
"Because I asked her to." He said, speaking to them for the first time.
"What?"
"I asked her to. I knew she could do it, I could see the power in her. I needed her help, on way or another."
"I don't understand. How can we trust you?"
"I'm not my father any more than you are yours Potter. I can't stand the way he treats others, the way he looks down on everyone, the way he beats my mother and me. I can't stand and fight for a world like that. But what you have with your friends, that type of life I can fight for. And I knew she would want to as well. I talked to Dumbledore and Snape about it before she was ever brought up. When she was informed of her parents, she agreed."
"I still don't understand."
"You don't have to Harry, and I hope you never do. I never want you to. Never wanted you to know, but you need to now, you need to know what is coming. It will be soon." She told him.
"How did he find you?" He asked after a few minuets silence.
"I was talking to Dumbledore and Snape one night about needing release from the pressures of my double life. Dumbledore recommended the Room of Requirements. I found it, but it was already occupied. She was in there, reading as always. But she was reading books on the dark arts, not simply defense but the arts themselves. She was startled to see me, tried to hide the books. I asked why, I knew if you were going to defeat them, you needed to know them. She smiled, said that was her reasoning as well. I asked how much she knew, she showed me just how much, or as much as was allowed. And then I saw it, that pain, that hurt in her eyes, she hid it so well but in that instant I saw what I needed to see, that same thing I saw in the mirror. I asked why, she told me about her parents, I told her about mine. I told her I needed help, dealing with it all, she offered. And then it grew from there."
"I cant believe you would do this to her." Harry accused, getting angry at what was done to his friend, what had been asked and taken from her.
"I did it to my self, I knew exactly what I was getting into, but Harry you have to understand this was the only way I could do anything about it. You would never have let me fight any other way. You and Ron both are so protective, so brotherly and I love you both dearly for that. But I needed to fight, I have my own daemons to recon with and my own reasons to end this, and this was my action, this was my place. I can't sit by and let you both risk your lives knowing I could have made a difference if you would have let me." There were tears in her eyes now; she was trying desperately to blink them away. Crying wouldn't help anything right now, it would only make it worse.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Ginny asked, it was the fist time she had spoken since entering the room.
"What would you have had me say? How would it have made it different?"
"I would have been there to listen, to help ease the burden, I know you carry all that inside, it cant be good for you that is what you told me about when i."
"I would not tell you that for anything, I couldn't let you bear that burden for me, yours was different Ginny, you didn't choose that. I chose this, and he was there for me, he knew already, he saw it all. I didn't need words with him."
And on and on the questions went, many times in circles. With fifteen minuets left she stood, putting a stop to all the questions.
"We have to get ready to go. I'm sorry we don't have more time, but this is all that can be said for now, take heart in knowing I choose this, I choose the way I could help and I will face everything that goes with it."
"But you said we had an hour, and why do you have to go at all?"
"He will be suspicious if we are late, and if I don't show. I can't let it all be for naught now. We have to get ready, I can't go in this state."
"What do you mean get ready?"
"Close, attitude, mind set. So many things have to" She was cut short, the pain in her mark was starting to intensify. She took a deep steadying breath.
"Are you ok?"
"It's nothing really, I knew it was coming. You have to leave, now." She said.
"I want to know." Harry stood his ground.
"I don't think that's a wise move Potter."
"Stay out of it Malfoy, you got her in this, don't make it worse."
"I was just warning you, if you don't leave, you wont like what you see, and she may regret what she does. I wont have that on my head."
"I want to know."
She looked her three friends in the eyes, they nodded slightly, they would stay. She waved her hands over her close. Her midnight dress became tighter, a slit ran up the side right to her waist. The back dipped down to the bottom of her back and the front dipped to show a good deal of cleavage. Her heels became silver and strappy, adding a good three inches to her height. Her hair was black with silver chunks in the curls. Her makeup became dark, eyes and lips in a deep burgundy color. Her nails to match. She drew her dark black cape over herself to hide her body from their roving eyes. She turned to her fiancé, he was dressed to match, blue silk shirt, black suit pants. His cloak was in his hands.
"As soon as they drop." He said.
"I know." She whispered.
"You don't have to do this."
"For the last time, shut up Potter. I made the choice and now I will play the game to the end. I have had enough of your constant bickering and your constant berating me. It took you a year to realize something was off; I went threw the worst of it without your help. I have Draconis now, and I am fine. The game is almost up, I wont let you ruin it now." The last was said as a hiss as the burning became to intense for words.
She took his hand as they disapperated with a pop.
The three friends sat there looking at each other, not knowing what to do, what to say. They stayed there, silently for hours until the two returned. They looked at her, the way she held herself as she apperated. She was strong, she was capable, but she was still there friend.
She stopped when she saw them still sitting there. "I should have known you would stay." She said.
"We want to know it all." Harry told her.
"I cant believe this, why cant you leave well enough alone?" She asked. It was so hard to hold back, so hard to not let them see, but she wouldn't she wouldn't let them bear that, it was her burden. "Leave." She whispered, pointing at the door.
"I want to see." Harry said.
She caught his eye, he knew. He knew from the way she was holding her robes about her, the way that she was leaning on Draco. Something had happened.
"No." She told them. "I wont let you." She turned to leave, heading for the bathroom so she would wash away the blood. Harry stood, trying to catch her arm. She turned on him, wand drawn.
"Don't make me use this Harry, don't make me do it." She told him, her voice deathly calm. Her eyes were still locked with his when her wand went flying from her hand and her robe was torn from her body. Anger welled in her as she watched the objects fly into the hands of Ginny and Ron. She listened with closed eyes as they took in her clothing. The rips, the tears, the blood that covered her.
"Are you happy now?" She asked. "Does it make it better now that you have seen it, now that you know my deepest secrets. Does it make you more of a man to see me like this?" She stormed from the room, leaving the tattered remains of her friendships behind her.
"It had to be real to me." She heard him whisper. "I needed to know what I was fighting for, and against. I needed it to be real so when I need a mental image of what I am fighting for I will have one so vivid that I cant stop until it is finished. I need to know what I am saving you from."
"You have your picture. Now leave." Draco answered for her. "I have to go clean her up, to clean up this mess as a whole."
"Is there?"
"No, you've done quite enough for one visit Potter. Go." Draco pointed at the door as he walked into the bathroom to comfort her. She heard the door close after them as she sank down the wall she had been leaning on.
He gathered her in his arms, peeling the cloths off her and sliding her into a hot bath. He slid in behind her and began to scrub the filth away as tears ran down her face.
"Let it all out." He told her as he washed her. "It wont be long now, we both know that." He whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder, crying into his chest. He rubbed her back and rocked her until she drifted to sleep in his arms. She didn't need words for him to know what was wrong, she didn't have to tell him what she felt, what she did, what she was fighting. He helped sooth the daemons back in place into the box in her soul where she kept them.
The confrontation was over. Everything that needed to be said was said. The one day she had feared had come and passed and her friendships while strained, were still in tact. They may not have understood, but they accepted her choice, knowing she was strong enough to make it and stick with it. She rested that night better than she ever had before, all she needed was the confrontation, the final confrontation and her life could be normal again.