Story: Footprints in the sand
Author: The Evil Pink Squirrel of Doom
Summery: A sequel of sorts to What You Leave Behind, it is at least in that universe. But can be read on it's own. Each chapter is the thoughts of one of the four Pevensies at different points after they return from Narnia's golden age, and what they left there. It's both book and movie based.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, although I wish I did, can you imagine the royalties.
I Swear it Was Just Fantasy
Susan's Thoughts about leaving Narnia years later...
I know it wasn't a game, I know we weren't just playing make believe.
I recall strong masculine arms around my waist.
I recall riding on a powerful back, over the lands of Narnia, just to see the sun set, or spend an evening wrapped in each others arms far from Cair Paravel.
Why wasn't he with us when we went after the stag, he would have stopped me, he would have stopped us, reminded us not of our throne, but the family we have created.
He wouldn't of allowed me to go anywhere, he would not of allowed his high king to go anywhere he did not know. After all he swore on the battle field to be with my brother till death.
Perhaps I have died, perhaps we all have and this is our punishment for leaving those we loved behind that morning to chase a stag.
He would have gone first stopping Lucy and Edmunds movements, the moment his strong legs brushed those dreadful coats.
He would have told us it was too dangerous and for the sake of the children we had to turn back, return to the safe walls of Cair Paravel, then he would have taken me home.
We would have spent one of our nights walking along the Narnian shores, the boys stomping around in the water not far before us, like so many nights in the past.
He wanted to come, I told him to stay back, spend some more time with the boys, our boys.
It started as a simple crush the moment I saw him standing close to Aslans tent,
Back then it was nothing more, he was of a different species, but so strong, so sure, so courageous.
I recall seeing him turned to stone his sword held high, in defiance of a false queen.
His words of love, and claims of the impossible.
I tell myself I dreamed it all, a centaur and a queen is absurd, twin centaur boys that never happened.
I know it wasn't a delusion, it just helps the pain.
I know it wasn't a game, I know we weren't just playing make believe.
I try to tell myself it wasn't real, I lie to my siblings, but how can I pretend that fear in my heart at the thought of my boys not surviving their first few moments of life.
How can I forget sitting on a chair, talking with a another queen, this one a of a distant land wishing to start trading with my kingdom. Her husband and my brothers discussing such a possibility up in the office of the high king.
How can I forget with the head General of the famous Narnian army racing across the grass not far from us, with a small wooden sword in his hand, being chased by two small centaurs, one blond, one brunette, also carrying small wooden swords ( a gift from my brother, King Edmund) and small wooden shields. The false terror in the voice of my lover, begging the twins not to hurt him.
How can I forget the look on the other queens face when one of my sons, pretended to stab their father , Riordan I believe it was, although Gavyn may have done it that time.
The look on her face when my husband pretended to die, in a overly dramatic way, pulling himself on his powerful arms to my side, begging for help, and saying he loved me, before my twins jumped on his powerful horse back, causing him to grunt from the slight added weight. Soon joined by his bold, deep laughter, and the twins young voices following their fathers.
I know it wasn't just fantasy, I know the love was real, I know my husband was flesh, I know my love for him and our sons was genuine.
I must pretend that I do not believe, I must say it was all a game.
I must say I've never been a queen, because if I was a queen then my wedding was real, then the happiness I felt and now have lost would drive me to an end. Aslan told Peter and I we may never return, that we were to old. But I was older as a queen, so why may I not come home.
I cry myself to sleep often at night, after going out with a suitor. I've felt nauseous every time one of them has kissed my lips. I've wanted to scream each time they put their arm around my waist or shoulders, every time I'm close enough to smell there powerful cologne or the scent of cigars. They do not smell like the woods, or battles, or of love. Everytime I accept a date, or accept a dance with another male, I feel betrayal cutting my heart, I feel as if I am betraying my lover and everything we had.
Was it justthree weeks before my siblings and I returned here, that we had decided we wanted another child, for all I know we were already pregnant, and returning through the wardrobe killed that young life.
I know it happened to Lucy.
I say it was all a game, so I don't have to feel guilty about it all, but I still do.
I go to the stables next door to my new home often, I live here to smell the horses, and the out doors.
I sit the porch and pretend for a moment when I open my eyes he'll be there. The powerful majestic centaur, the General I loved.
The twins not far behind him, racing around, and perhaps playing with there faun and human cousins.
I was never one for war, I was always Queen Susan the gentle, but my husband was not a warrior in my presence alone, he was more of a man then any one here in England. He was loyal and graceful.
I wonder what he did after I left.
He and my sisters husband Tumnus the faun I doubt stopped looking for us after many years.
Did he re-marry, I tell myself no, did he allow someone else to raise our young, no I don't believe he would have never done that, perhaps Mrs.Beaver helped him.
Loyal to the end, and beyond he always was.
I know it wasn't a game, I know we weren't just playing make believe.
I tell myself I dreamed it all, a centaur and a queen is absurd, twin centaur boys that never happened.
I know it wasn't a delusion, it just helps the pain.
I know it wasn't just fantasy, I know the love was real, I know my husband was flesh, I know my love for him and our sons was genuine.
I say it was all a game, so I don't have to feel guilty about it all, but I still do.
Aslan forgive me, please take me home, I have nothing left now.
Oreuis I pray forgave me before he passed.
Riordan and Gavyn, I hope you know, how mummy loved you both so.
Aslan please take me home, I cannot go on here. I cannot continue.
Please Aslan, I beg of thee take me back to my throne, to my family, let me ride upon my husbands back once more through the trees.
Let me watch my young sons playing tag withen the corridors of Cair Paraval with there cousins.
Aslan forgive me, let me go home, please, just let me go home.
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