CHAPTER 1
Pure silliness, a collaboration between myself and Catherine Spark. If you don't have an indulgent sense of humour, I suggest you don't read. She was Watson I was Holmes. More chapters to come after this one.
Summary:
"Holmes is pregnant. How will Watson react?"
"Watson, you know I think I may be sick."
"Why's that Holmes?"
"Well, every morning for the past week, I've been vomiting uncontrollably. And yet, I seem to want to eat constantly. Meanwhile I am growing ever fatter."
"Oh yes, you're not quite so lean as I recall you used to be. In fact, you have a distinct beer stomach. Are there any other symptoms?"
"Hmm... well... Lestrade doubted my deductions again and..."
"Yes Holmes?"
"I don't know... I suppose I just felt more... emotional than usual?"
"EMOTIONAL? HOLMES? But all emotions are abhorrent to your cold, precise, but admirably balanced mind."
"Yes, but... at this PARICULAR crime scene, at Lestrade's cruel words... I burst into tears!"
"Now...let me see... Have you been having headaches? Faintness?"
"No, not that I can recall..."
"Ah... Could it be...Your time of the month?"
"EXCUSE ME?"
"You heard me, man."
"Well, I suppose- Erm.. NO! That is to say... how could it be?"
"Well that complicates things... Well...how could you? How could you be? That is the same question I ask myself now..."
"How could I be... what?"
"Hmm... Well the deductions I can make from your symptoms all point to the same thing. Holmes...sit down."
"Well, alright. I'm always so tired these days... and yet Mrs Hudson tells me I've got a positive glow..."
"This isn't going to be easy for either of us."
"... You're worrying me Watson. What's wrong with me?"
"Well, that's just it, I don't know HOW it can happen biologically, but practically and chronologically it all fits."
"WHAT all fits? What is your point Watson? Will I... die?"
"Actually Holmes...I think you might be pregnant."
"... Ha ha ha, very funny Watson, now, seriously..."
"I AM serious, I wish I was joking."
"But... how?"
"I told you that you'd better sit down. Do you remember the case I wrote up entitled The Valley of Fear?"
"Yes, that particular romanticised case has not yet escaped my memory."
"Romanticised is the word indeed. Remember how at that inn a double bedded room was the best they could do for us?"
"Yees..."
"Well...I was so happy that you had solved the case...and one thing led to another... And you know how it goes."
"Oh no! You mean, that night..?"
"That night...yes. When you were so drunk on success..."
"When I was drunk, yes, and you informed me afterwards, that you recalled me being... Well I believe your exact words were, "Rather more friendly than usual." What exactly happened, that... night?
"I struggle to remember myself - it's a bit hazy for me too."
"But when we woke up,"
"The next morning,"
"In the double bed,"
"Together,"
"Naked."
"Yes, and for you it seems... impregnated."
"But how are we going to tell Mrs Hudson? She's bound to find out! Unless we...run away?"
"You mean ELOPE?"
"Well... that too."
"But Holmes, what about when the baby is born?"
"Well... I hear the Scots are far more understanding than us English"
"Yes, you're right. They may be tight wads but they're understanding enough. And they're VERY discreet."
"Good. That's just what we need."
"Let's pack our things!"
"Yes. And prepare, for the biggest adventure of our lives."
A/N Please review and leave your comments!