June 3rd 1864

A Miss Katherine Pierce is staying with us, she seems like a breath of fresh air within the walls of the suffocating house I have returned to on leave from fighting in this war that if I am honest I enlisted in to escape the overbearing pressure my Father has placed on me and the hatred I feel for him, and his adoration for Stefan.

The prodigal son and the only one I would sacrifice my life for... until now.

With her dark curls and eyes that I could drown in when she lets me close enough to see within them, Katherine is exquisite, she is the epitome of what a true lady should be in company but alone... Oh I swear no other shall captivate me the way she has. Her laughter fills my soul and her smile has made my heart clench within it's cage. I plan to ask her to be mine before the summer ends which my Father will no doubt disagree with but I would give it all up for her.

I fear though that Stefan is under her spell but she has told me over and over when we've held one another as the sun has risen through my thick curtains that she loves only me, my heart soars at those simple words I my head as I recall only this morning the heated illicit kisses in the morning room.

She will be mine I swe...

I stopped reading.

I knew I should never even opened up the damn leather bound journal that had fallen from the first edition of Jekyll and Hyde that I'd wanted to curl up by the fire with. Damon was dealing with running the council. The irony of a vampire running the newly formed council to protect the town from vampires as other super-naturals wasn't lost on me. It had caused much amusement between us I'd lain against him in the darkness of the early hours of the morning.

My mind wandered back as I closed the journal and wiped the solitary tear away from cheek, I would not cry crying over this was pointless, he didn't love her any more he wanted me, and I chance to live again not be used, be tormented and played like a puppet behind a screen.

'I'm the bad one Bonnie, I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and yet here I am, I'm the one called upon to protect this town from the bogeyman and his cohorts? Liz has lost it this time as has Carol. I mean, what do I know about helping anyone any way?'

I'd laughed and kissed each tip of his fingers as he'd pulled me closer, the fire burning low in the hearth finally as the moon glittered through the window casting silvery trails over the bed we lay in hiding from the world.

'You may not see it Damon Salvatore, but you're far from the monster you seem to think you are. You're the man... and the monster I love deeply so less of this maudlin talk and go kick ass and save us from this new threat from the hunter. He isn't just here for hunters we know that he will hurt anyone who protects... who loves them.'

His lips had possessively claimed my own at that point, when I'd shown my insecurity at being without him.

Now, I was facing the ghost of his humanity of the one great love he'd had. I could not compete with Katherine Pierce and how he'd loved her for over a hundred years. She was his great love and I was nothing but a fragile mortal he could cast aside when boredom hit. The book in my hand almost seemed to burn my palm as I looked at it once more. I shouldn't read more, it was private, it was Damon's memories but... and there was the but I knew would enter my resolve. I was afraid, I needed to reassure myself that I wasn't second choice to the past to Katherine, to Elena... to the dark hair and captivating eyes of the doppelg ngers.

She will be mine I swear. It is time I thought of my own future and not of my brother or worst still my Father, since the day I was born and I resembled the family of my Mother I was a disappointment. A 'richiamo del Diavolo - un pagano e non un signore' how could I ever forget that I am not a gentleman when I am educated to be like my Father and behind closed to doors he is naught but a monster.

Katherine sees me as more, she sees me as I see her, as an equal and she talks of such things as walking in the hot sun of the East and travelling through Europe together seeing the world with fresh eyes.

September, she will be my bride I even have Mother's ring from the vault. She gave it to me to place on the hand of the woman I would take as my own and there is none who deserves, nay, who I desire to have as my own as Katherine.

My Katherine. Mine, and the Devil himself may try to separate us.

The diary entry ended there and I dropped the book to the rich oak desk, unsure as what to think. I paced the study, my eyes drawn back to the old diary over and over. Did I know Damon after all? Did I really know the man who I had given my heart and innocence too? I needed to do something, to get away from this room and the suffocating sensation the oak and leather bound books was creating around me. I ran from the study, slamming the door as my feet pounded on the stairs and into the room I'd housed all my magic the Grimoirs were on the floor, scattered from when I'd tried to help Elena on the day of her transition to becoming a vampire.

Here.

Here might be an answer to my problem, to my doubt and curiosity. Maybe... my mind wandered to the possibilities. I knew I'd seen something but it would be risky I could try an old spell of my Great-Grandmothers to see the past. It sounded like something from a fairy tale, you would cover the looking glass that now hung in this room I water and the reflections would change. I squatted on the floor, reaching for the book and began to flick through the heavy set pages intent on finding the spell I would need. I could hear Damon in my head.

'Using Witchy Ju-ju Bons be careful what you wish for'.

Be careful what you wish for?

I'd wished for Damon even when I hadn't even realised I was in love with him, I'd wished for the presence of the man I had found myself drawn too and we'd ended up in love. No one believed us when we'd told everyone we were together but the six months living in the boarding house had changed that. Until now my fragile human nature, my insecurity had surfaced. Taking a breath, my lungs aching from the pressure I'd put them under by withholding the oxygen they'd been craving as the trepidation had swept through me, ghosting over my thoughts, my instincts to know the truth about how Damon loves.

He loves with all of him, with his body... and what a beautiful sculptured body it is, how it makes me feel like I am Goddess in need of worship. My mind has wandered to dangerous grounds, I can feel his fingers skimming my hips, pulling him to me, the velvet soft sensation of his lips down my neck as he murmurs his love and need for me.

I feel the ache he causes within me, the need for our two bodies to be one, as I close my eyes to the memories of the way he made me call out his name but it's not our bed I see, it's a simple yet exquisite room and the hands touching my lover are porcelain, the voice isn't my own whispering for Damon. She was invading my dreamlike states now Katherine! My eyes flew open, determination running through my chocolate brown hues as I poured water over the mirror, urging the candles in the room to light creating an almost ethereal sanctified look around me. The Grimoir once discarded now rests on my knee as I reassure myself of the Latin verse before me, the sliver of doubt curling around my gut. Damn it, if I could bring Klaus to his knees then I could do this, I could see into the past and calm my fragility, my cursed humanity. I was tired of feeling like this.

Vulnerability was Caroline. I was the calm one, my emotions stayed beneath the surface. I was unwilling to let this destroy me, even though deep down I knew it had done... I just wasn't willing to accept that fact just yet. Accepting the truth would make me feel unable to focus.

'Per pulvis et aurora

(Through dust and dawn)

Per sidera et lux solis

(Through the stars and the sunlight)

Obsecro autem eos qui adsistebant illi qui iam paginis

(I call upon those who stood before, those who held the pages of time)

Dirige servum tuum contra per umbram

(Guide your servant through the shadows to the other side)

Quod unus habitus ex se ostenderet

(Be the one to show me what was held from within)

Qui dicis non te invoco

(I call upon thee who I dost not know)

Qui me duce amisso et dilexi

(Of those who I loved and lost to guide me forth)

Per tenebras aliquid apprehenderis,

(Take me through the darkness into light)

Ubi cor meum iacuit et anima eius implicabitur in mea'

(To where my heart lay and his soul entwined in mine)

The candles seemed to glow just that much brighter before flickering out and the darkness swirled around me like a mist as my body fell forward slowly to the oak floor and Persian rug beneath me, I lay unconscious as the magic worked around me.

X

Be careful what you wish for, sometimes you get more than you can handle than you truly want.

There maybe a time I remember to listen to that advice but until then, I will force my eyes to open and face the accusing blue eyes of my vampire because he's close not close enough because his arms aren't around me but he's here at least.

'Miss Bennett? Please be careful, you seem to have taken a fall, the maids will be scolded I assure you for their carelessness. Stefan, call Father, tell him we need the physician to be sent for.'

I was swept up into the warm arms of someone who sounded like Damon, who looked like him but.. no, this person holding me like I was a china doll, was very much human as I could feel his heart through the several layers of clothing that looked perfect for a museum and not the twenty first century. Breathing in deeply I thought of the words I'd just heard this doppelg nger had called for his Father to arrange a phyician? Giuseppe Salvatore was long dead, killed by Stefan although that part of the transition from human to vampire was often quietly left out as neither brother was proud of that time.

I was lowered into a bed, my fingers clutching the shirt of the man I loved it had to be Damon, no other man had the power to make my heart pound in my chest, my eyes never opened the entire time, they were too heavy and I was finding it all too hard to breathe when had my jeans got so tight?

'Not getting in Damon, you know I sleep better when I lie on that alabaster chest of yours that rivals the sculpture of David.'

My hands skim his chest and I hear the ragged intake of breath as he grips my wrists to stop me, this isn't Damon. He would never stop me touching him, we're always letting our bodies invade the other' personal space, something is wrong my eyes fly open and widen in shock. The man before me is Damon Francesco Salvatore there is no denying that but the way he's dressed is wrong or right... he's dressed as he would be in 1864.

Fuck.

The look in the eyes of the elder Salvatore is one of interest and horror at my words, of course he wouldn't want me, even the nineteenth century me dressed in midnight blues silks and delicate white lace gloves that a maid is removing from me now that my hands have left the stiff linen shirt and black cravat that Damon was wearing, it was askew and yet that seemed so very much Damon, any excuse to not be perfectly attired.

'Miss Bennett, the physician will be here shortly I assure you. It would appear you hit your head when you fell, it was quite the tumble and I am so very sorry I walked away as you took your step otherwise I would have been there to catch you and prevent such an accident.

You seem delirious, and confused Miss Bennett but all will be well or Father will surely have my head upon a post.'

Miss Bennett? That seemed so wrong falling from his lips and I didn't like it.

'Bonnie. My name is Bonnie, please Damon, stop being so formal with me, it's not you... none of this is you, or me. Or right. No, none of this is right.'

I was babbling and didn't even make sense to myself now, I was trapped in the nineteenth century, and it appeared was staying with the Salvatore family which begged one question.

Where was Katherine?