Hey guy, Zakari here.
This story is just some silly idea that came to me. Hope you all enjoy it.
Somewhere in this rotten, fuck up world, there's a rotten, fuck up town known as South Park, filled with rotten, fuck up assholes. The place is pretty much normal, with occasionally things like aliens wandering around, gnomes stealing your underwears, or death people returning to life … You know. Just ordinary stuffs.
Two years ago, one of the best things had come to this little, crazy town: they had their very first gay kids. Everyone were so thrilled and supportive (too supportive, actually) of Craig and Tweek's 'relationship'. While it was nail-biting when the two boys 'broke-up', they got back and had been together ever since. Things have been going very well.
Yet, here Craig is, in the principal's office, the love of his life sitting next to him, both refusing to look at each other. The two are covering in bruises, with Craig accompanied by a black eye, and Tweek have tissue shoved in his nose to stop it from bleeding.
"So, which one of you is going to tell me what this fuss is about?" PC Principal finally speaks. "Ms. Strong and I were in a middle of a … err … discussion … about … err… education … yeah … and then just barged and started to yell that you two were fighting and that I should do something about it."
"Nothing." Craig glares at the other boy "Tweek is just being a dick. That's all."
"You're -gah- the one that being a -ack- dick. D-Dick!" Tweek snaps back.
"Look, boys." The principal crosses his arms "Conflicts are tend to happen in a relationship. I should know, I've been in tons. Well, none of them involving another men's balls nor penises but still. I've learned that in order to solve the problem, you will need to talk about it. So that's exactly what we are going to do. Ok?"
"We're in a gay relationship, but that is no excuse for him to act like a little bitch."
"Bite me –ngh-!"
Craig, being himself, gives Tweek his middle finger.
"Enough!" PC Principal raises his voice "Now, Craig, let's start with you saying: 'I'm sorry for being an asshole, Tweek.' Try it."
"No." Craig flips him off as well, by now it's just his reflex.
"Damn it, Craig. Don't challenge my patience. I'm doing you kids a favor here." PC Principal stands up from his seat. "Say it!"
"Tweek, I'm sorry that you're being a pain in the butt." Craig uses his flat voice.
"YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU DETENTION INSTEAD?" The man slams his hands on the table. "We will not leave until you resolve this. All night if we have to. Understand?"
Craig groans. He cannot miss Red Racer.
"I'm sorry for being an asshole, Tweek."
"Damn right you -ack- are."
"You are such a …"
"Focus, children." The principal then continues "Next, Tweek, I want you to turn to Craig and say 'I'm sorry for driving you cuckoo banana crackers'. Let's hear it?"
"If he's the -gah- asshole, why should I -ngh- apologize to h-him?" the blond replies immediately.
"Sure, go ahead and make everything difficult why don't you." Craig snorts.
PC Principal rubs his temples. This will be harder than he thought. Cursing Mr. Wackey for taking a day off when this drama is occuring, the man wonders if he should take some aspirin, or better yet, a bottle of xanax. Getting high sounds tempting right now.
"Okay." The caucasian man goes for another approach, because this is getting nowhere. "How about this, you tell me the reason that make you boys throwing fists at each other in the first place. Craig, why don't you tell me."
Craig, finally stops bickering with the caffeine addict, actually starts to speak, not before flipping both his boyfriend and the older man off though.
"Well, you see, last week my guinea pig died." Craig talks about the incident rather calm, then again the boy is not well-known for showing emotions. "My sister's cat, an arsehole much like her owner may I add, decided that she was too good for cat food, and that it would be fine and dandy to have Stripe for a snack. Not cool, man. I had half a mind to throw the piece of shit into the paper shredder. But that would be animal abuse. And since Tricia, my god damn sister, actually said sorry for the first time since ever, I actually chose to be the bigger person and let that go, it's not like she meant it to happen. Anyway, yesterday was my birthday, and someone got me a new guinea pig."
"T-That someone -ack- was me actually -urg-. I bought him the p-pet, seeing that he was -gah- so upset for the l-l-oss." Tweek cuts in.
"Yes, honey, that's very considerate of you." Craig responds in his usual emotionless tone, but for a brief second, he looks at the blond with a hint of appreciation.
"You bet your -ngh- ass it is. Do you k-know how much pressure it was -ack- for me to go to the pet store alone, with people -urh- look at me and keep bombarding me with q-questions about what I was looking for -ack-?" Tweek huffs. "What would have happened if a -gah- robber had decided to burst in and t-take me as an hostage? Oh Gosh! I could h-have been murdered, or -ngh- worse, I could have been sold to -gah- North Korea and spent the rest of m-my life as a sex slave. Jesus! Or what would have -ngh- happened if the pets had b-broken off their cages while I was paying money, b-because they had been angry that I -urh- hadn't bought them, and started to eat my f-face? I don't want to be eaten. YOU HEARD ME?"
"For the love of Big Gay Al. Chill, Tweek." Craig frowns, having been used to this scenario. "And stop yanking your hair."
"After all that t-trouble. The only thing I -ngh- asked from him was to let me name the animal, that's -urg- reasonable, r-right?" Tweek shoots an angry eye at the boy in blue hat. "You know what his answer -ack- was? No! Are you s-shitting me?"
"All my guinea pigs were named Stripe. You know that!" Craigs speaks rather loudly.
"It doesn't even -gah- have stripe. It's spotted -ack-. That makes no s-sense." Tweek counters.
"Just because your name is Tweek and you twitch a lots, doesn't mean everything have to get a convenient name." Craigs, again, gives Tweek the bird.
"Oh -gah- yeah? Well, your n-name is Craig and your -ngh- always … urg … doing … Craigy … stuffs." Tweek stutters, wishing he was better at improvising.
"Oh wow. That really hurt me. You burnt me good, babe." Craig rolls his eyes.
"Kids, kids." PC Principal tries to ease the tension. "Tweek, how about you telling me what name you have in mind?"
"I -ack- want to name him … Creek." Tweek mumbles, pink dusts his cheeks.
"Greek? Like the language?" The man questions.
"N-no. Start with a 'C'." The blond's voice is even lower now.
"What the hell is Creek?"
"That what I fucking said." Craig shouts, as if to say 'thank you'.
"It's the -ngh- combination of our n-names, jackass! C-Craig and Tweek. Creek." Tweeks yells right back.
"How the heck do you even know that? Did you talk to that bitch Wendy or something?"
"She's the reason you and -gah- I are even together, j-jerk!"
"Well, that name is stupid."
"Your face is s-stupid! It's the -ack- symbol of our Bond and L-Love!"
"Symbol of our bond and love?" Craig mimicks Tweek's voice. "Have you been reading stories those asian chicks wrote about us again?"
"N-no …" The way Tweek looks away to hide his blush says otherwise.
"Was that why you started fighting?" The principal raises an eyebrow.
"No. I'm a nice person. So I explained to him that the name was dumb and that there was no way in hell I would name my pet that. But he kept pestering me the whole morning about it, hoping I would change my mind. That was when I told him, very gently, … to fuck off. And he PUNCHED me! You believe that shit? Right here!" Craig points to his black eye.
"I punched you -urg- because you were being a d-douchebag that had something in his -gah- ass."
"We both know from experience that if one of us is going to get something in his ass, it will definitely be y…"
"Boys, boys. Let's keep it clean, shall we?" PC Principal decides to interrupts.
"Anyway." Another middle finger for the principal. "I'm no pussy. So I hit him back right in the nose. And things got out of hand. So, now we are here."
As the two go on assaulting each other with insults, PC Principal tries to take in all the information, not sure what to say about the situation.
That was so … so … childish.
"Why is it so important to you what I name him anyway?" Craig says, getting a little pissed.
He expected Tweek to comeback with some lame, crazy logic. Afterall, that what the blond is known for. Unfortunately it is both one of the thing he likes and hates most about Tweek.
But strangely, that never comes. Instead, the usual clumsy boy becomes quiet and just looks down at his feet, as if they were the most interesting things in the room. And Craig is shocked.
"Tweek?" Craig calls softly, his anger has vanished the moment he catches a glimpse of sadness in those blue eyes.
When the blond doesn't make any movement, Craig inches closer, putting a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder.
"Dude, what's wrong?" He whispers in a very un-Craigy voice.
"I… I just want to -ngh- make sure that it's r-real." Tweek begins trembling a little, and Craig knows, for once, that it's not because of too much caffein.
"Make sure what is real? The guinea pig?"
Tweek shakes his head. "Not -urg- that. Our relationship."
Craig widens his eyes. He has a vague idea what this is about.
"What are you talking about, Tweek? Of course it's real, you and I."
It's true that it was for the sake of the town that they chose to stay as a fake couple at first. But somewhere along the line, they stop pretending. Craig does't remember when. To be honest, he doesn't give a crap. All he know is that what they have is pretty much, in the most faggy way, real.
"S-Sometimes I think I'm just -ack- fooling myself that -ngh- you gives a s-shit about me."
"Tweek, you know that I care deeply about you." Craig's hand reaches for Tweek's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You mean everything to me, babe."
"How c-can I? It's not like -gah- you ever express t-those kind of emotions."
Craig frowns again. He almost forgets that Tweek always has issue about insecurity.
"I'm not good at showing feelings, Tweek."
"…"
Craig sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. Great, now he's the asshole.
After some consideration, he picks out his phone.
"This was supposed to be a surprise, you know." He shows Tweek his phone "Here."
Tweek looks confused. Then he takes time to actually see what on Craig's screen, and gasps.
It was a photo of a thermos, with dark green lid. On the bottle was an image of Craig and Tweek holding hand, smiling. Not some art that drew by the Japanese girls, but a real picture of them. It was on their first date.
"What t-this?" Tweek turns to him.
"That." Craig grins. "Is your birthday gift. It's in my locker, already nicely wrapped. I was planning to give it to you next month. Cost me 2 months of allowance but worth every penny. And before you ask, I had it made 3 weeks ago, so you were going to get it even if you hadn't bought me Stripe."
"C-Craig." Tweek gazes at his boyfriend with teary eyes.
"Hey. What did I say about crying? Come on, you are not a pussy, right?."
"S-sorry." The blond wipes eyes with his sleeve.
"Dork." Craig chuckles, pleased that Tweek feeling better.
"You're the d-dork." Tweek smiles as well.
PC Principal watches the scene in front of him in awe. It's adorable.
And soooooo gay.
"Right." The man coughs to get the boys' attention. "Now, go back to class. And next time, try to use words before violence to deal with your shit. Okay, bros?"
"Sure, whatever." Craigs flips him off out of habit, his other hand never left Tweek's. "Come on, Tweek."
The blond just nods, the smile is still lingering on his face.
As the boys leaves his office, hand in hand, PC Principal gives himself a pat on the back. 'I am just The Best. Good job me. I should do this more often.'
"H-Hey, Craig."
"Hm?"
"We are still –gah- not gay, r-right?"
"Nope."
"C-Craig."
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"Love you too, babe."
A/N: If people actually take time to read this and comment, I would be soooo happy.
Anyway, Thank you for reading. Cya.