Tears In Heaven
Feeling the burn in his throat, Naruto leaned over and vomited harshly into the toilet, wishing that he could be done with this treatment. You, Naruto had cancer and he had been fighting it off and on since he was five years old. Naruto gagged and groaned again forcing his head deeper into the bowl, he didn't think it was possible to feel much more miserable than he did at that moment. Tears filled his eyes, he almost wish that this nightmare was over and done with, he shouldn't have had to suffer so much.
Once Naruto was finished, he felt someone gentle wipe at his mouth with a rag, before the comforting hand returned to rubbing circles into his back in small gentle movements.
"Are you finished?" a soft voice asked, and Naruto nodded before leaning forward and pressing his face against the chest that he knew would be there.
"I'm so tired of being sick" Naruto mumbled "I wish I didn't have to keep going through this."
"One day you are going to beat this and you won't ever have to worry about getting sick again." The voice whispered, pressing his own face against Naruto's bald head.
"I hope so" Naruto mumbled, moaned softly when his stomach gave another violent turn, but this time Naruto swallowed the bile back refusing to release it so he could give his already sore stomach a break.
"I know so" the other whispered, fighting his own tears back. It hurt him just as much to see his young lover feeling so miserable. He wanted to do something to make Naruto feel better but the truth was he had no idea how. Cancer was something that Naruto had to fight by himself, and he could only stand by and watch.
"Is he ready to come back to bed?" A dark haired man asked from the doorway. Sasuke looked up at his brother and nodded, he was pretty sure that Naruto wasn't going to get sick anymore. Itachi entered the small bathroom, and gently lifted Naruto up, making sure to be careful of the chemo port that was embedded in his chest. Naruto groaned at the sudden shift of movement, and clutched at Itachi tightly, silently protesting being moved.
"It's okay" Itachi told the younger boy "I'm just getting you back to your bed." Naruto moaned and pressed his forehead against Itachi's chest. He hated the helpless feeling that having chemo had always left him with.
Once Naruto had been settled back into bed, Sasuke climbed into bed beside Naruto and gently pulled the other into his arms, with his chest against the sick boy's back. Closing his eyes, Sasuke placed his forehead on the back of Naruto's neck. He hated how much Naruto suffered after each treatment, each one seeming to make him sicker than the last. Sasuke wondered how much longer Naruto could go on like this. Naruto was only suffering and it hurt Sasuke to see it. The two hadn't been lovers long, but they had been best friends since they were about three years old, so Sasuke had watched Naruto suffer through every round of chemo and every relapse.
"Keep fighting" Sasuke whispered against Naruto's skin. "Keep fighting because the doctors will find a way to cure you, I know they will."
"Sasuke" Itachi said softly seeing how badly Sasuke was hurting by looking in his eyes. He didn't think it was fair of Sasuke to ask Naruto to keep fighting when it was clear to him that the chemo wasn't doing anything for Naruto, only than prolonging his suffering. "One day you are going to have to let him go. He's in a lot of pain and it's only getting worse." Itachi knew the doctors would likely be bringing bad news whenever they came in to check on Naruto. Itachi could sense that Naruto was only getting worse instead of better.
"I don't want too" Sasuke insisted "He's not ready to die yet, he still has so much to live for."
"I agree he has a lot of life left, but look at him" Itachi said "he's hurting and he's miserable, it's not fair to him to ask him to keep going through this."
"He's not going to die" Sasuke denied "the chemo is just taking it's time working, but its going to kick in soon."
"I wish it was little brother" Itachi whispered "I wish it was." Itachi reached out and gently placed his hand on Naruto's forehead, he had a small fever and shivered under his light touch. His own heart hurt for the boy who had already suffered so much from his fight with cancer. He wished he could ease both Naruto's and his little brother's pain. Because what happened to one always made the other suffer and it was just as hard to watch it happening, knowing that you couldn't do anything to stop it.
A few minutes later, Dr. Tsunade entered the room with Naruto's medical file in her hands.
"How is he?" she asked Itachi.
"Sick and miserable" Itachi replied "he has a small fever."
"Hey, doc" Naruto said weakly opening his eyes upon hearing the door open.
"Hey kiddo," she said, hating to see how sick and thin looking that he was. She had been Naruto's oncologist since he had been first diagnosed, she had watched him suffer through each round of chemotherapy and then bounce his way back from depression each time he relapsed. It hadn't been an easy ten years for either of them and with the news that Tsunade had now, it was bound to get even harder.
"You really shouldn't be that close to him." Tsunade told Sasuke, finally noticing the dark haired teen wrapped around the other one. "He could very easily catch something since his immune system has been compromised because of chemo."
"I needed to hold him" Sasuke said "and I think it's helping him just as much."
"I don't think it can hurt much now anyways." Tsunade murmured, reaching out and grabbing and chair and sitting down, facing Naruto who looked like he could barely keep his eyes open.
"I have some bad news for you kiddo." she said hating that she was about to tear his and Sasuke's world apart. She had come to like Sasuke who always insisted on being with Naruto when Naruto was getting his treatment, she could appreciate how protective of Naruto that he was.
"What is it doc? I'm kind of sleepy." Naruto asked. Tsunade took a deep breath and wondered how she would be able to deliver this kind of news? It shouldn't be that hard but she found it difficult to inform this small group of people that had come to mean the world to her.
"The chemo is no longer working, and since you are already on the strongest dose, I really don't think adding to it is going to help you any."
"How is that possible?" Sasuke asked, letting go of Naruto and sitting up. "How can the chemo not be working anymore."
"It happens." Tsunade replied "He's fought cancer for ten years, his body has gotten used to the chemicals making them less and less harmful to the cancer cells. Kind of like how you take so much of alieve and it doesn't work as well for you anymore. That's how Naruto is responding to the chemo."
"What can be done?" Sasuke asked, hoping that there would be something that could be done for Naruto, he didn't want to lose his lover, not now.
"There are experimental trials going on" Tsunade said "but He will still get sick and be as miserable as he is now. I think whether he should continue should be up to him no matter how hard it is for you to take, Naruto is the one that is suffering after all." She turned to look at Naruto who appeared to be thinking about what she had said.
"You don't have to decide right this second, but it would be wise to do so soon." Tsunade said softly hating that this had been the kind of news that she'd had to deliver. Standing up, she gently squeezed Naruto's hand.
"Make the decision that is best for you, not anyone else." she told him, knowing that he would want to do whatever made Sasuke and Itachi happy even if it increased his suffering ten fold. Naruto nodded and closed his eyes, still feeling sick to his stomach, even so he longed for Sasuke's arms to be wrapped around him again.
"He wants to live" Sasuke told Tsunade as the doctor headed towards the door. "Why would he not choose the option that would allow him to live."
"Because it means his pain will only get worse," Tsunade replied "and he has fought hard enough as it is. He should be allowed to rest, to not allow him to do so is to be selfish." Sasuke glared at her knowing that she was saying that he was being selfish for only wanting Naruto to live.
"To allow him to rest means to let him die" Sasuke said turning to face Itachi once the doctor had left. "How is it selfish to want him to live."
"Because Naruto has already suffered so much" Itachi replied "why would you want that to continue, just so you can have him by your side." Itachi knew he was being harsh but he needed Sasuke to understand that Naruto physically couldn't handle much more, he deserved to let go and not be in pain anymore.
"You want to live don't you?" Sasuke asked Naruto, turning to face the smaller boy. Sasuke didn't want to Naruto to die, they hadn't had nearly enough time together. Sasuke wanted them to live until they were old. He didn't think that that was selfish.
"I'm tired, Sasuke" Naruto answered "I will admit that the thought of not having to fight anymore sounds appealing. I'm so tired of fighting so much, even if I somehow manage to get into remission again, I doubt I would stay."
"You have to keep fighting." Sasuke said, his heart feeling like it was breaking in his chest. He couldn't believe that Naruto was even considering not fighting anymore.
"I don't have the strength to fight anymore." Naruto said, struggling to turn over so that he could face Sasuke. "I know it's hard for you to understand, but I can almost feel the cancer taking my strength from me. It's time to admit that the cancer has finally won this battle."
"No" Sasuke said climbing out of the bed, "You can't be that tired, you've been fighting for so long that you should have the upper hand by now."
"Sasuke" Naruto pleaded, hating that he was causing his lover so much pain. "please understand, I can't do this anymore, I'm tired of being sick all the time. If the chemo isn't doing anything why should I continue to take it?"
"Because it gives me more time with you" Sasuke answered weakly, tears filling his eyes. "I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you not after all that we have been through."
"Sasuke" Itachi said softly his heart hurting for the boy. He knew Naruto's decision wasn't easy for him to make knowing that it would only hurt those he loved. "Naruto deserves to be at peace."
"No, I don't want to hear this." Sasuke said as he turned and exited the room so that Naruto wouldn't see the tears falling down his face. Once out in the hall, Sasuke collapsed to the floor, sobs tearing through his body. He didn't want to say goodbye, he shouldn't have to. Life wasn't fair to take Naruto from him. Naruto had never done anything to deserve what he had been dealt. Sasuke didn't think it was possible for his heart to hurt so much, he couldn't imagine what it would be like after Naruto was gone. Closing his eyes, Sasuke placed his head in his hands and he tugged at his hair, the cries coming so fast that they nearly choked him.
"Sasuke" he heard a weak voice say from the doorway, before he felt more than seen, Naruto drop down on the floor beside him. "I'm sorry." the other boy whispered as he tugged Sasuke into his arms. "I wish I could make you understand what it feels like to be me right now. Maybe then you would understand why I feel like giving up on treatment."
"I understand that you don't want to be with me." Sasuke cried "you want to leave me just like my parents did." Sasuke closed his eyes hating to remember that his parents had been killed when he had been 10.
"That's not true." Naruto said "I wouldn't ever leave you unless I didn't have a choice."
"You do have a choice" Sasuke cried out lifting his head from where it rested on Naruto's chest. "you are just choosing to do what's easiest for you."
"Why shouldn't I do what's easiest for me after all that I have already been through. None of this has ever been easy, leaving you will not be easy." Naruto said.
"Couldn't prove it by me. You made the decision to end your life easy enough." Sasuke said pulling away from Naruto.
"If you had ever gone through cancer you would know that nothing ever comes easy." Naruto said "not the chemo, not the remissions nor the relapses, why should I have to continue to suffer when I can finally be at peace."
"He has a point Sasuke" Itachi said from where he stood behind Naruto, knowing that he would need help getting back in bed. "You can never truly understand what his life has been like unless you have lived it and you have only watched him go through it."
"Which by the hurts like hell knowing I can't do anything for him." Sasuke snapped, wiping his red rimmed eyes on his arm. He was suddenly filled with so much anger that he didn't know how to hold it in and keep it from hurting someone.
"Yes, well that might be true" Naruto said "but it's not the same pain that I feel going through treatment."
"You want to have peace so much than fine." Sasuke snapped turning away and leaving Naruto kneeling in the middle of the hallway. Tears filled Naruto's eyes as he watched Sasuke leave.
"Did I really make the right decision?" Naruto asked softly, looking up at Itachi.
"Like Tsunade said you have to make the right decision for you, not what Sasuke might think is the right one. Besides as soon as Sasuke's temper cools, he'll be back begging for forgiveness." Itachi said as he bent down and gently picked Naruto up. "he doesn't like being away from you for long." even as he said that Itachi got the feeling that something bad was going to happen and it made him feel more than a little uneasy.
Once he got Naruto tucked into bed and made sure that he was resting comfortably. Itachi pulled out his cell phone and called Sasuke. Normally whenever Itachi called Sasuke, he always answered this time however it went straight to voicemail.
"Get your ass back here. You need to apologize to Naruto, he's in tears because of you." Itachi said into the phone while watching Naruto softly cry into his pillow. "stop being an ass and get back here." Itachi hung up and walked over to the bed, sitting down he proceeded to rub Naruto's back, knowing that that's what Sasuke normally done for him. Itachi hated that both boys were hurting so much, it wasn't fair to expect either of them to have to go through this. He hoped that Sasuke would come back soon, because Naruto needed Sasuke more than Sasuke realized.
Feeling the phone buzz in his pocket, Sasuke frowned as he headed out on the sidewalk, needing some air. Pulling the phone out, Sasuke noticed that Itachi had left him a voicemail, holding the phone up to his ear Sasuke proceeded to listen to the message not seeing the car that was barreling towards him swerving all over the road. Frowning at Itachi's message, Sasuke had just hit the call button when he felt the car strike him throwing him against the concrete wall of the hospital building, pinning and trapping him there. Sasuke cried out in pain as his head struck the wall, making him see stars. Tears formed in his eyes, as Sasuke coughed harshly and blood flowed past his lips. Agony tore through his broken body, as the car slowly backed away, backing into another person. Tears filled Sasuke's eyes, as his pain filled body dropped to the ground. He could hear the sounds of screaming around him, but as his consciousness began to leave, Sasuke had only one thought on his mind. Naruto. He had been a complete jackass to Naruto and now it didn't look like Sasuke was going to get to make it up to him. As Sasuke lay there he wished that he could feel Naruto's back pressed up against his back. What he wouldn't do to be able to hold and kiss Naruto just one last time. Sasuke moaned as he felt his broken body get lifted, felt a soft mattress underneath him.
"Naruto" Sasuke whispered before falling into the darkness that was calling his name.
"We are losing him!" a doctor yelled, as he tried to keep Sasuke's heart beating. "We need to get him into surgery."
"He's going to bleed out before we get there." another doctor said grimly, hating when it was someone so young that was on the verge of death. "His body has been crushed, I don't think there is anything we can do to save him." sure enough a few minutes later, Sasuke's heart stopped beating and no matter what the doctors tried, they could not start it again.
"We should try and find his family." the doctor said sadly staring down at the face that was too young for death to have claimed. "Someone needs to know about this."
Two hours later, Naruto lay in the bed, his heart hurting over the fact that Sasuke had willingly walked away from him and had yet to return. Was Naruto's decision to live out his final days in peace that wrong? Naruto's heart had nearly broken when he had found Sasuke sobbing out in the hallway, Naruto hadn't thought that anything could be anymore painful but that had been. He just wished that Sasuke could understand how much Naruto had gone through and knowing the chemo wasn't working anymore, there wasn't really a point in continuing it. Naruto hated getting sick after the treatments, normally Sasuke was always there for him even when he was taking it. Now the room felt empty except for Itachi's presence as he paced the room, holding his phone up to his ear. Naruto wondered if Sasuke was that angry that he would ignore his own brother, fights rarely ever happened between the two brothers. But since Itachi had taken Naruto's side this time, he could see where Sasuke would be upset.
"Why isn't he coming back?" Naruto asked Itachi weakly as tears flooded his eyes again. He wanted nothing more than for Sasuke to be lying beside him holding him.
"I promise he's going to come back if I have to drag him back" Itachi said softly, reaching out and gently squeezing Naruto's thin shoulder. Naruto had once been healthy looking but the cancer had taken that as it had taken Naruto's hair. It had been a long hard journey for the Uzumaki and Itachi firmly believed that Naruto deserved some peace in his final days. Cancer was going to win anyway you looked at it, but Naruto shouldn't have to be sick the entire time he was dying.
Suddenly, Itachi's cell phone rang breaking the silence in the room. Itachi immediately hit answer and slammed the phone against his ear.
"Sasuke.." Itachi started but paused when he was clearly interrupted, Naruto watched sleepily as Itachi's face grew paler than his bed sheets. Naruto frowned at Itachi, wondering what was going on.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." Itachi told Naruto after hanging up and before running out of the room. Naruto closed his eyes and hoped that whatever was going on would be okay.
"Sasuke, please come back to me" Naruto whimpered, feeling lonelier than ever. He was starting to wish that he had kept his decision to himself, if he had Sasuke might have been here with him still.
Twenty minutes later, a pale red rimmed eyed Itachi returned to the room, he stood beside Naruto's bed for several minutes looking like he was struggling with what to say.
"What's going on?" Naruto asked fear beginning to fill him, it had never taken Sasuke this long to cool off after a fight before. Something had to have happened if Itachi was this speechless. Itachi stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting several times before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"It's Sasuke" Itachi finally said opening his eyes to see the fear in Naruto's blue eyes. "There was an accident when Sasuke went outside to get some air."
"Is he okay?" Naruto asked, shock filling his eyes as he struggled to sit up in the bed.
"He's dead.." Itachi said looking down at the floor, his own grief filling his eyes as he dropped to his knees, unable to stop the tears.
"No" Naruto shook his head "He can't be dead. He said he would be with me until the end." Tears filled Naruto's eyes as he stared at Itachi's weeping form. "Sasuke can't be dead, you are lying to me!"
"I'm sorry" Itachi whispered "I'm so damn sorry."
"You said you would bring Sasuke back, so do it!" Naruto snapped, his heart racing as panic filled him. There was no possible way that Sasuke could be dead, Sasuke wouldn't leave him alone like this, no matter how angry he was.
"I wish I could bring him back" Itachi said, guilt colored his voice as he regretted how he had last spoken to his little brother.
"Bring him back!" Naruto yelled, tears streaming down his face. "Get out and bring him back, his place is beside me!"
"Naruto..." Itachi said softly, his heart hurting even more for the boy that couldn't accept his lover's death.
"Get out" Naruto sobbed "bring Sasuke back to me, please." Naruto turned over on his stomach, sobbing into his pillow.
"I think it's best you leave him for now." Tsunade said softly, as she entered the room upon hearing Naruto shouting. Her heart broke for the boy lying on the bed, Naruto hadn't deserved anything that life had given him. Itachi nodded. He really wished he could have brought Sasuke back for Naruto, he would have done it in a heart beat if it meant that Naruto didn't have to grieve.
"Keep a close eye on him for me." Itachi told Tsunade softly "he's going to grieve hard."
"He'll want you back as soon as he accepts that Sasuke is gone." Tsunade said hurting for the other man. Itachi couldn't have been in a good position at that moment, grieving his brother and feeling like he was losing the other teen that he thought of as a brother. Itachi was going to be in for some lonely days that was for sure, and they would only get worse after Naruto left.
"I'll do anything for him, even if it meant taking my brother's place in the morgue." Itachi said "he needs Sasuke more than he needs me."
"I disagree" Tsunade said "he loves both you and Sasuke, you've been a big brother to Naruto when he really needed one. Go, I know you have to make arrangements for Sasuke's funeral." she gently shoved Itachi towards the door, knowing that Itachi was reluctant to leave Naruto alone.
"I'll take care of him tonight." Tsunade promised as Itachi finally left. She turned her attention to the bed, where Naruto continued to sob quietly. She walked over and gently rubbed his back.
"I'm sorry kiddo." she said softly, wishing she could ease the hurt that Naruto was feeling.
"It's my fault he's gone" Naruto spoke in broken sobs, "If I hadn't told him about my decision to stop treatment he wouldn't have gotten mad and walked off."
"It's not your fault that he couldn't understand your decision to be pain free." Tsunade said softly hurting that Naruto had decided to go this way, but not blaming for going that route. He had been through hell and back in the ten years that he had been fighting cancer.
"I need him" Naruto said slowly raising his eyes to meet Tsunade's. "I need him so bad, I never even really told him that I loved him."
"I have no doubt in my mind that Sasuke knew that you loved him." Tsunade said "and he loved you just as much as you loved him. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at you."
"I want him back" Naruto said "I don't think I ever understood loneliness until he left."
"I know you do, but you will be seeing him again soon, since you aren't continuing treatment, I promise you he will be right there waiting for you."
"You think so?" Naruto asked, sounding hopeful. Tsunade nodded and rubbed Naruto's head gently.
"I know so, he wouldn't want to spend eternity without you. Do you think you can sleep?" Tsunade asked and Naruto shook his head no.
"I'll get you a light sedative for you" Tsunade said, and Naruto nodded. Tsunade left and few minutes later returned with the medicine that she inserted into his IV. As she watched him to go sleep she couldn't stop the memories of a five year old orphan being brought into the ER after having passed out at school. When his blood tests had come back abnormal, Naruto's case had been transferred to Tsunade. She could remember the bright blue eyes full of life that had laughed as she joked with him as she had run her tests. She had hoped that she wouldn't have to diagnose the cheerful boy with cancer, but she had and she had become determined that Naruto wouldn't die from it.
Unfortunately it looked like that would be happening despite everything she had done in her power to save him. She hated when her cases turned out like this, but considering what had just happened she hoped that Naruto would go peacefully and find Sasuke in whatever afterlife there was. The two deserved to be together for ever.
A couple days later, Tsunade released Naruto to go to Sasuke's funeral, only if he attended it with Itachi. Naruto of course had agreed though he knew that facing his lover's older brother was going to next to the hardest thing to do next to burying Sasuke.
"You don't look so good" Naruto told Itachi as Itachi pushed Naruto's wheelchair towards the car that waited for him. It was the truth, Itachi was much paler than Naruto had ever seen him, and he looked like he had lost a few pounds in the few days it had been since Naruto had seen him last.
"It's been rough" Itachi admitted upon reaching the car, his driver stepping out to help load Naruto into the car. Once settled Naruto's wheelchair was placed in the trunk and they were on their way.
"How does he look?" Naruto asked breaking the silence after they had started towards the church where Sasuke's funeral was to be held.
"Like he's at peace, finally" Itachi answered after a few minutes. "he looks much better than he did when I had to go identify his body."
"I don't want to believe that he's gone" Naruto said as tears welled in his eyes at the thought. "I don't want to let him go, even though Tsunade says it probably won't be too much longer until I get to be with him again."
"And then I will have to bury another brother." Itachi murmured wishing that that could have been avoided. "I don't want to lose you, you are now the only thing connecting me with Sasuke, once you're gone I won't have anything." Naruto closed his eyes, he loved Itachi as a big brother and he hated that he was being faced with this situation.
"I'm sorry" Naruto said "I hate that this is even happening. I wanted nothing more than to beat cancer, instead I've lost that battle."
"I know you did, and Tsunade was right about one thing, it is selfish of us to ask you to continue going through chemo when it wasn't doing anything." Itachi said "I hate that I am losing you, but I think you will be better off once you don't have to be sick anymore." Itachi reached over and gently tugged Naruto towards him in a hug.
"I'm scared." Naruto admitted "I want the sickness to be over with but at that same time I am not sure of what's going to happen after I leave."
"Sasuke and your parents will be waiting for you" Itachi murmured "I don't imagine that you will have anything to fear. Sasuke will not doubt be waiting at the gates for you."
"I hope so" Naruto murmured falling silent until they reached the church. After they had parked Itachi had helped Naruto out, and into his wheelchair before rolling Naruto into the building.
"Do you want to see him?" Itachi asked softly, and Naruto nodded. Dreading it, but needing to see his angel, who was now an actual angel. Itachi pushed Naruto into the room, where Sasuke's body lay in the casket at the front of the room.
Tears formed in Naruto's eyes as soon as his eyes landed on Sasuke's body.
"You don't have to do this" Itachi said softly when he saw the tears.
"I have to say goodbye." Naruto said softly and Itachi nodded and continued pushing Naruto until he was beside the casket, from there Naruto pushed himself to his feet and stood over Sasuke. His tears falling harder and dropping down on the face he loved.
"I'm sorry" Naruto mumbled, feeling Itachi's hand on his elbow, helping keep him steady. "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. If I hadn't been a jerk and sprung my decision on you the way I did. You would still be alive. I need you Sasuke so much, I'm scared of facing death on my own, I always imagined that you would be by my side when the time came. Now I have to be the one to say goodbye to you. It's not fair, I need you, I can't say goodbye because my heart isn't ready to let you go. I don't think I will ever be able to let you go, my angel. Tsunade says you will be waiting for me at the gates and I can only hope that's true, I want nothing more than to be with you now." Sobs tore through Naruto's throat, leaving him feeling weak. Naruto reached out and touched Sasuke's cheek hating that Sasuke was now even paler than he ever had been.
"I want you back angel so bad" Naruto cried out and Itachi wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist, holding him up. "I want your arms to be around me, holding me when I don't feel well. I miss you so much."
"It's okay" Itachi whispered into Naruto's ear, his heart breaking at the pained cries coming from Naruto. He hoped that Naruto didn't have to suffer too much before meeting up with Sasuke again.
"I want my angel back with me again." Naruto sobbed, turning away from Sasuke and burying his face in Itachi's chest. Itachi held Naruto tightly against him, fearing that Naruto wouldn't be able to handle the funeral.
"I know you do, but he's in a better place now" Itachi whispered "And he's waiting for you to join him but he doesn't want you to join him too soon" Itachi led Naruto to a seat in the front row and helped him sit down, his heart break with each soft sob that he heard escape from Naruto's mouth. The sounds caused his own tears to run down his face, making him miss his little brother and hurt for the one that only wanted to be with Sasuke again.
"It's my fault he's here." Naruto sobbed to Itachi "you should hate me and never speak to me again."
"I can never hate you" Itachi said holding Naruto close. "and none of this was your fault, it's the fault of the driver that decided he was good to drive when he clearly wasn't. I can never blame you and hate you, you made Sasuke's world so much brighter, you made him happier than he's been since we lost our parents. You done so much for Sasuke more than I could ever do, and I love you for it kiddo." Itachi wasn't sure how but they managed to get through the service, Naruto quietly sobbing into Itachi's side as people came up to give him their condolences. Itachi kept a tight grip on Naruto, knowing the other teen needed to feel his touch to reassure him that Itachi hadn't left him.
Once the funeral was over, Itachi wasn't certain that Naruto could handle the graveside service. The teen was exhausted from all the emotion that he'd had to handle during the funeral. Itachi wasn't sure that Naruto would benefit from being there, it would only hurt him more to see Sasuke being buried.
"Do you want to go to the graveside service?" Itachi asked knowing that despite his exhaustion that Naruto wouldn't refuse, even if Itachi suggested otherwise.
"Yes," Naruto answered softly "if he's watching, I want him to know that I managed to send him off."
"He wouldn't blame you for going back and getting some rest. It's been an emotionally exhausting day." Itachi said softly "more so for you."
"I know" Naruto said "but I feel like I am somehow letting him down."
"Not possible." Itachi replied as he helped Naruto into the car, knowing that he would end up taking Naruto to the grave service anyhow. For the reminder of the drive, Naruto remained silent, lost in the memories of Sasuke. They hadn't gotten off on a good start but had ended up becoming best friends. It wasn't until last year that they had became more than just friends. Tears filled Naruto's eyes he hadn't gotten enough time with Sasuke as his boyfriend, nowhere enough time with him as a person either.
"I know you are tired." Itachi interrupted Naruto's thoughts. "how about you staying the car and I'll leave the window down?"
"I would rather be there" Naruto said softly "I know you want me to rest but this is the final goodbye, and I have to be there."
"Fair enough." Itachi said softly. Hoping that Naruto would be able to get through it, the funeral had been hard on Naruto, this wouldn't be any easier. Itachi himself dreaded it, he couldn't stand the thought of leaving Sasuke there. He wanted his little brother to be at home waiting for him or somewhere running around with a healthy Naruto.
Itachi was grateful that the graveside service only lasted about twenty minutes, Naruto wasn't holding up well and he probably needed to be back in the hospital. Itachi didn't want Tsunade to get angry at him for making Naruto's health worse.
Once everyone left, Naruto kneels in front of Sasuke's grave, his heart ached terribly at being separated.
"It doesn't seem right leaving you here." Naruto spoke softly "My angel belongs by my side, not in some grave covered with dirt."
"Its not right" Itachi said softly "and I am going to make sure that the man that hit him pays for what he done."
"I want my angel back" Naruto said for what must have been the millionth time. "I want nothing more than to be able to hold him in my arms and feel his lips on my own, my arms and my heart fill so empty without him."
"I feel empty without him too" Itachi admitted, placing his hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Nothing will ever be the same but we are both going to have to learn to move on."
"Not me" Naruto said "Physically I don't think I have much longer, I can feel the cancer eating away at my strength." Naruto looked up at Itachi seeing the other man's tears, his own heart still aching.
"What about you?" Naruto asked softly, pushing himself to his feet, stumbling and forcing Itachi to reach out and grab his arm.
"It might take a while, but I will be alright." Itachi said softly, feeling the chill of Naruto's skin.
"I think it's time to get you back to the hospital." Itachi suggested.
"I don't want to go back to the hospital." Naruto said "take me home instead, I'm sure that Tsunade won't mind coming to the house." Naruto had lived with Itachi and Sasuke for the last two years after the orphanage had tossed him out because apparently he was unadoptable, no one wanted a kid with cancer.
"If that's what you want, I'll make it happen." Itachi said softly, knowing that Naruto really just wanted to be among Sasuke's things, trying to feel close to him again.
"Please do" Naruto mumbled, as Itachi helped Naruto into the car. He closed his eyes and lay his head against the headrest, his body completely exhausted from the day's events. Itachi sat down beside Naruto and allowed his eyes to close, to be honest he didn't know how he wasn't about to keel over from the grief that he was feeling. It was easy to make Naruto think that he was doing okay in the face of the tragedy but in all honestly he felt like falling apart. How could he not be when he had just left his little brother in a hole in the ground next to their parents. Sasuke was only 15 years old, much too young to have been killed by a drunk driver. Itachi could still hear his own words ringing in his head as he had told Sasuke to stop being an ass and to apologize to Naruto for being a dick. Would Itachi ever stop feeling guilty? Tears flooded Itachi's vision as he thought about going home to an empty house that would no longer be filled with Sasuke's voice. And soon it wouldn't be filled with Naruto's voice either. Itachi was just as afraid of losing Naruto as he was of losing Sasuke.
"I miss angel too" Naruto whispered opening his eyes to see the tears flooding Itachi's eyes. His heart was beyond broken and knowing that he was only going to end up hurting Itachi more. "Maybe I should go back to the hospital."
"No, you don't like it there. I would much rather you be somewhere close by." Itachi said looking over at Naruto, before wiping his eyes on his sleeves. "It's just hard to accept that Sasuke won't be roaming the halls when I get home." Itachi gave him a weak smile. "I can still remember Sasuke running after me when he was still wearing diapers."
"Sasuke loved his brother" Naruto said softly "there was never any doubt of that. He practically worshiped the ground that you walked on."
"I would have done anything for him." Itachi said "he didn't deserve to die so young."
"No one does." Naruto said "but we hardly ever get the choice."
"Your right" Itachi said "no one gets to decide when its their time to go."
When they arrived at the Uchiha Mansion, Itachi helped Naruto out of the car and into the house, where he led Naruto to Sasuke's room. It hurt walking into it and seeing his books still spread out on his desk, the clothes he had changed out of still lying in the floor. Everywhere he looked he could almost sense Sasuke's presence and it hurt. Itachi couldn't help but wonder how Naruto would be able to sleep in here surrounded by Sasuke's things. It would be like having a ghost watching over you. Itachi couldn't do it, he helped Naruto over to Sasuke's bed, where Naruto grabbed one of Sasuke's shirts off of the floor and laid down on the bed with it. Soft sobs filled Itachi's ears as he headed towards the door.
"Sasuke, why now?" Itachi asked exited the room. Right outside the door, Itachi stood against the wall briefly before sliding down. Sobs tearing through his own throat and he longed to hear Sasuke's voice just one more time. "why did you have to die? We still need you little brother." Itachi buried his head in his arms, as his grief poured out in the cries that threatened to choke him. He almost wanted to go bury himself next to his brother, but he knew that Sasuke expected him to care for Naruto. Itachi knew that grief would probably end up killing Naruto faster than the cancer would and while Itachi would be glad that Naruto wasn't suffering anymore he would hurt for the boy he claimed as his brother.
After the funeral Naruto's health began to do downhill faster than Itachi expected. Naruto was completely bedridden and could no longer move without help, Tsunade had practically moved in to help care for Naruto in his final days and Itachi somehow found the strength to sit by Naruto's side in Sasuke's room. It hurt knowing that his brother wouldn't ever come through the door again, but he knew that Naruto didn't want to be alone in his final moment and Itachi was determined that Naruto wouldn't be alone.
"Do you see him Itachi?" Naruto asked one night.
"See who?" Itachi asked looking up at Tsunade who sadly shook her head. Naruto's time was slowly coming to an heartbreaking end.
"Sasuke" Naruto breathed staring up at the ceiling. "Sasuke is waiting for me with my parents."
Tears dropped from Itachi's eyes as he reached out and took Naruto's hand in his own.
"He's coming for me." Naruto grinned weakly, joy filling the boy's eyes. "I missed you my angel" Naruto spoke to someone only he could see, breaking the hearts of those sitting with him. Tears dropped from Naruto's eyes as he reached out towards the ceiling. After a few minutes, Naruto's eyes dropped to Itachi's tear stained face and he frowned and reached out to touch Itachi's cheek.
"Don't cry" Naruto whispered, seemingly back in the present. Itachi reached up and held Naruto's hand against his cheek.
"I love you like you were my own little brother." Itachi murmured knowing that from here on out Naruto's condition would only worsen until he finally passed away.
"I'm going to miss you." Itachi said softly, not wanting to let Naruto go but knowing that Naruto was ready to be free from the pain that he was living in. "Go find my little brother and bug the shit out of him."
"I missed my angel." Naruto whispered allowing his hand to drop back to the bed.
"I know you have." Itachi whispered unable to stop more tears from falling. "Go be with your angel again. I'll be okay." Naruto gave him a weak smile and drifted off to sleep.
"He's probably not going to wake up again." a teary eyed Tsunade said as she checked his pain medicine. "He's so close to going home for good."
"I don't know how I am going to do this." Itachi said "I haven't even fully grieved for Sasuke and now I am losing Naruto."
"He would want you to be okay with him dying." Tsunade said "It's time to let Naruto go, we've been losing him for a long time now, he deserves to be free."
"I know" Itachi whispered, as he returned his attention back to Naruto, whose breathing had began to slow, reminding Itachi of how little time they had left with the boy, who eye's shined brighter than the sun and whose laugh could make any day brighter. The fifteen year old had brought a lot of joy and laughter to Itachi's life and he would somehow find a way to use those memories to heal from Naruto's loss.
"Go be with your angel." Itachi whispered softly as he watched Naruto's breathing slowly come to a stop, his heart monitor sending off a loud beeping sound. Indicating that Naruto no longer had a heartbeat.
Naruto's Pov
"About time you got here." Naruto opened his eyes and found himself staring up at a smirking Sasuke.
"Angel!" Naruto cried out, leaping up from what he had been lying on and jumping into Sasuke's arms. "I've missed you."
"I know" Sasuke said softly enjoying the feel of Naruto in his arms once more. "I've missed you too but now that we are together again, we can have the life that we've always wanted." Naruto smiled before turning to face his parents who stood patiently while waiting for Naruto to finish greeting Sasuke.
"Mom and Dad" Naruto murmured, joy overfilling him at the things that he had gained once his life had been lost. He couldn't even describe the joy he felt at being reunited with the people whom he had lost. He hugged his parents tightly for several minutes before returning to Sasuke's side, and softly pinching his side make Sasuke squirm.
"Itachi told me to bug the shit out of you." Naruto said grinning. He would never be separated from those that he loved again. That was the moment that Naruto discovered that there could indeed be tears in heaven, they were tears of joy.
This story didn't come out the way I wanted it too (it came out better, I think) I loved writing it. Let me tell you I bawled writing it. Hope you enjoy it, thanks for reading and reviewing.