I don't own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 1

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: "I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher

"Mommy?"

"Not now, Henry.", JJ said sharply without looking up from preparing their dinner. "Don't you see that I'm busy!" Henry winced. Immediately JJ felt sorry for snapping at her son.

"Listen, sweetie, I'm sorry. Just a moment, okay?", JJ told him gently and ruffled the four-year-old boy through his blonde hair.

"How long is a moment?", Henry asked impatiently.

JJ sighed. "Okay, the moment is over. What did you want?"

Henry smiled. "I just wanted to tell you something."

"What is it, honey?", JJ asked, trying to sound at least a bit curious. She was just so tired.

"I love you.", Henry said softly. JJ looked at him lovingly and the first real smile today appeared on her face. She couldn't help the tears that arose in her eyes.

"Oh, Henry, you are the sweetest boy I've ever seen! I love you, too.", she told him. She kneeled down to be at eye level with him and hugged him tightly while Henry wrapped her arms around her neck.

When she let go of him again Henry looked up to the ceiling. "Daddy?"

"Henry…", JJ began, insecure of what to say.

Henry looked at her sadly. "You said he is in heaven and always looks down at us."

JJ smiled reassuringly at him. "Yes, he does."

Henry looked up again and said ingenuously: "Daddy? I love you, too!"

More tears arose in her eyes but JJ didn't want her son to see her cry. She had to show him that she was strong. She told him gently: "Now go playing, okay, sweetheart?"

Henry looked at her indignantly. "I'm not playing, I'm saving the world!", he beamed.

JJ laughed and adjusted the superman-cape he was wearing. "Sorry, superhero!" Henry put on his scary face - but it actually looked rather cute, JJ thought - and ran off, loudly screaming. JJ looked after him wistfully.

Suddenly the phone rang. JJ almost missed hearing it because of the noises Henry made, right now imitating the roar of a dinosaur.

"Jareau!", she bellowed into the hearer, definitely not in her best mood today. They had good days and bad days.

"Hey JJ, it's Hotch!", Hotch's voice sounded slightly muffled through the phone.

"Oh, hey Hotch, what's up?", JJ asked, honestly happy to hear his voice. Since Will died two months ago he and Jack had been a great help for her and Henry. It was good to have someone who knew what they were going through without having to tell them. Of course the whole team did everything they could to help her and her son, but it was when she was with Hotch and Jack that she felt the most like everything would be okay again in time.

"Since today is Friday I wondered if you and Henry would like to come around to watch a DVD or something.", Hotch explained hopefully.

"We would love to. But I'm already preparing dinner, so why don't you and Jack come to us?", JJ suggested happily. "I'm making spaghetti. I know Jack loves them!"

Hotch allowed himself a small smile. "That sounds great. Jack always tells me that you make the best spaghetti in the world!"

"Really?", JJ asked and impatiently brushed away a tear. God, she was really weeping easily today.

Hotch immediately noticed her too soft voice. "How is it going?", he simply asked, but JJ heard the deep compassion and understanding in his words. She hated it when the others treated her like she would be some weak, fragile victim. She was a strong and self-confident FBI-agent and could handle that. She didn't need their pity. But she knew they all just wanted to help her, be there for her. And in a way it was good to know that. It helped, at least a little bit, to refill the hole in her heart that Will left when he died.

"We're okay. But today is definitely not the best day.", JJ admitted weakly and sighed deeply. She knew it would be senseless to lie to Hotch. He knew her way too good.

Suddenly Henry ran into the kitchen towards JJ, loudly crying. "Mommy, Mommy! My knee hurts!" Big tears rolled down his soft red cheeks.

"Wait a moment, Hotch.", she told her friend, put the phone aside and picked her sobbing son up. "Oh, soon you will be to heavy for me to pick you up!"

But Henry didn't care and just cried even louder. "My knee! My knee!"

"It's okay, Henry.", she soothed her son and kissed lovingly his hair while he buried her face into the crook of her neck. JJ knew the knee wasn't really the problem. Henry was really clingy right now. But who could blame him? He just lost his father. "Even superheroes get hurt sometimes.", she told Henry gently and caringly rubbed his back. She sat down at the kitchen table, one arm around her son, placing him on her lap, the phone in the other hand. "Hotch, you still there?"

"Of course.", his steady, dark voice reassured her. "What…", he started but when hearing the voice Henry raised his head jealously. He was absolutely not happy about the fact that his mother would concentrate on someone else than him. Angrily he hit the phone out of her hand.

"Henry!", JJ scolded him when the phone fell to the ground. She jumped to her feet, set Henry down ungently and glared at him darkly. She hated it but again tears began to fill her eyes. "Why? Why do you have to that?", she shouted desperately and wearily.

Henry stood there glued to the spot, his big blue eyes staring at her, silently crying.

"JJ? JJ?", she heard Hotch's voice muffled through the phone.

JJ put the hearer to her ear. "Hotch.", she sobbed exhaustedly. "Please come. I can't go any longer. Please, I need you."

"JJ, calm down.", Hotch tried to sooth her. "Everything will be okay. Hang in there. I'm on my way.", he promised, really worried.

Suddenly feeling so weak and worn out JJ dropped the phone. When it hit the ground for the second time today it broke into pieces. Angrily JJ looked at her little son who stood in front of her, shocked and with red eyes from crying.

The little boy looked cautiously to the ground. "Mommy…", he whispered almost inaudibly. "Do you still love me?"

JJ gasped, eyes wide. Immediately all her anger disappeared and she felt absolutely miserable. What a mother was she when her son had to ask that?

"Of course, Henry, of course I still love you.", JJ reassured him vivaciously. More tears fell. "I'm so sorry, Henry. Whatever I do, never ever doubt that!"

"Mommy!", Henry sobbed as he jumped into his mother's opened arms.

"I love you, I love you, I love you.", JJ whispered again and again into his soft blonde curls while hugging him tightly.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving