The Wheel That Turns

By rese

Summary: Anders learns a lot about love and life in his new role as a Warden.

Pairings: Anders/f!Tabris, Alistair/f!Tabris

A/N: This is basically what my nanowrimo was for 2010. unfortunately I didn't finish in time, mostly 'cause it was finals month. I'm trying to finish and upload before the release of DA2 mostly because that game might screw all of this up…

Warnings: This gets pretty smutty at times so, yeah, look out for that. It's a mature-rated game anyway, but there's a LOT of smut in this to look forward to. No kiddies.

Spoilers: Only mild ones for DA2 – in that we know what companions are returning and the love interests. I've tried to avoid any and all others until the game actually comes out here in oz. Spoilers for DA:A, obviously.

…

A fifth wheel to a cart is but a hindrance

Spanish Proverb

Prologue

He cradles the warm clay mug in his hands and stares unseeing across the tavern. For a moment Anders thinks of Oghren and wishes he'd kept in touch with the dwarf. Well, probably not 'in touch' but at least left the door open for the bloke to get him stinking drunk again.

It's not even ale he's drinking. It's warm milk.

Anders sits further back in his chair and closes his eyes. He needs a bit of comfort after all. It might not be very tough, or mighty, or Warden of him to admit it, but after the two years he's had, he's man enough to know when he's beat.

And Maker, it feels like he's been beaten into the ground.

The letter he's been trying to write for the past hour lays forgotten, tucked half under the sleeve of his robe. He doesn't know how to say everything he wants to say, and a part of him thinks maybe it's best he says nothing at all. After everything they've done to each other, maybe everything's already been said. She still doesn't want him, not really, and he still wants her too much.

A serving girl comes past and asks if he needs anything. Anders opens his eyes and watches the way her eyes follow the long line of his body as he lounges in his horribly rough chair. If he'd ask her, he knows she'd say yes. Maybe a bit of tumble is all he needs to get her out of his system.

But he smiles and shakes his head. He doesn't miss her look of disappointment.

He didn't come here to wallow and cradle his regrets, Anders tells himself and returns to watching the door. It's not something he's honestly ever been good at. Besides, someone he knew is coming, someone he hasn't really thought about in a year, and someone who needs his help in a way she never needed him.

So he can still be bitter. He can still resign himself to thinking hopelessly about her until that man comes through that door. There's something in the air, he doesn't know what. But his old friend - older in more ways than one - will bring him news.

There's something that tells him his new life is about to begin. It feels like now is as good a time as any to dwell on his old one. Anders lifts the mug to his lips and slides his eyes shut, tapping his left hand against the grain of the hardwood table.