What if I Need You?
Ch. 1 Pt. 1 (I Would Let Your Darkness Invade Me)
Shane walked into Jenny's room that night with no idea of what was in store for her. Jenny was lying on her bed curled up in a ball in tears clutching the phone to her. "Hey, what happened?" Shane asked in her husky voice.
"Carmen, she won't forgive me for not trusting her and believing her when she said I was the one instead of you."
Shane felt a pang at Jenny's words about her and Carmen. Carmen had been the only girl to beat her to the break up point and the only girl who had ever made her jealous. Still she had hoped the best for Jenny and Carmen. "I'm sorry," she said rubbing Jenny's back.
Jenny sat up and looked at Shane with her blue eyes brimming and her mascara running. "You can have her now you know," Jenny said with an air of defeat.
Shane looked confused and turned her head from Jenny out of shame, "You should know I didn't want that to happen."
Jenny sighed, "Of course I do. You wouldn't have stayed with her anyway, love 'em and leave 'em ya know?"
"Yeah, I know," answered Shane distracted by the thoughts running through her head. If she could have loved Carmen would she have left her? She wasn't sure what could make her stay with someone.
Jenny looked at Shane quizzically. "Hey, you in there?"
"Yeah," Shane whispered. She looked at Jenny. She'd never noticed how innocent she seemed. Her short hair held back with a clip from her face with her dimpled chin and high cheek bones. Shane held back a smile as she noticed her attractive clean cut features for the first time.
Jenny was staring off into space when she looked at Shane and asked, "Am I not gay enough?"
Shane thought it seemed an odd question considering that this was a girl who had considered herself straight most of her life. "Well you aren't very gay," Shane teased smiling at her, "But ya know some girls like that." Shane smiled her flirty smile at Jenny in the most encouraging way she could muster.
"Really," Jenny answered amusedly, "Do I know any?" She asked moving closer to Shane who was on the opposite side of the bed.
"Maybe," Shane answered closing the rest of the distance between them. She wanted Jenny to make the first move so she could be sure it was ok. The last thing she needed to worry about was a roommate with whom there was awkwardness.
Jenny allowed her leg to touch Shane's as she leaned in slowly. Jenny closed her eyes as her lips gently grazed Shane's. Shane then took over, her masculine need to dominate taking hold. She put her hand behind Jenny's head and kissed her again, more deeply while moving Jenny into a position under her. As she kissed Jenny's neck and moved her hands beneath the back of Jenny's shirt Jenny gasped and pushed Shane away. "What?" Shane panicked, "Did I do something?"
"No, no it's just…" Jenny hesitated.
"What?" Shane asked seriously.
"I don't think I can do this again."
"Do what again?" Asked a confused Shane.
"Have the girl I want leave me after I've found her." Jenny turned her face from Shane and said as if to herself, "After all this time I know who I am and what I want but now it seems that every time I find her, she goes. Just slips away from me."
Shane stared at Jenny hard and understood why it was she didn't want her. She was afraid of Shane's lack of commitment, her lack of emotion, and her insatiable lust. "Ok I get it," Shane said with disappointment hidden in the cracks of her voice, "I'll just go." In the back of Shane's head Bette's words echoed, 'You ever notice that whenever Shane walks in the room, someone runs out crying?'
Shane was determined to go on as if nothing happened, as if Jenny hadn't made her analyze herself, hadn't seeped into the back of her mind. Shane had for the first time been denied access from a girl she'd wanted. She tried to sleep but started to think so much her head was spinning. 'I'm here to have fun.' 'I don't do relationships.' She heard herself say over and over in her head. Jenny had brought up a question she rarely asked herself… why?
The next morning Shane made a nice breakfast of eggs and toast for the girl she'd thought of and dreamt about all night. Half a pack of cigarettes later Jenny entered the kitchen. She was wearing a cute white tank top and Shane could clearly see her erect nipples from the cold of the open door. She was also wearing baggy sweatpants. "What's the occasion?" Jenny asked curiously.
"You," Shane answered, taking another drag off her cigarette.
"I'm not gonna sleep with you just cause you made me breakfast ya know," Jenny stated.
"I know," Shane replied, "But have you thought maybe Jenny Schiecter that I want more than sex from you?" Shane stood up and slowly walked towards her room.
Jenny gaped in disbelief, "So what are you saying Shane?"
Shane walked back towards Jenny coming close to her. "Well you made me ask myself why I can't commit so now I have a question for you, why can't you go after the things you want? All those women you want something with, why don't you take control and put some effort into keeping them with you instead of giving." With that Shane walked into her room.
Jenny just thought about things while she stared at her cold breakfast and finished the pack of cigarettes Shane had left. Maybe she had given up on Carmen too easily, still all she could see when she closed her eyes was Shane. Her choppy cropped hair, her sad, dark eyes and her lank, masculine figure. She wondered if Shane thought of her naked as she was now imagining Shane's predictably small breasts in her hands.
Jenny shook herself out of these thoughts. She decided to take this chance to go after Shane. She got up off the chair and stubbed out a cigarette harshly in the ashtray. She stopped outside Shane's door and took a deep breath. "What took you so long?" Shane smiled as Jenny stepped through the door. Jenny walked to where Shane was sitting on the edge of the bed and jumped on her. Shane fell back with her and laughed. Then she took Jenny in her arms and held her tightly around the waist against herself.
A/N: This is sorta OOC but it's more so far a what-if about what-if Jenny had opened Shane up to a relationship instead of Carmen.