We Are the Champions

By Natasha Shaitanova

Disclaimer: I don't own Queen lyrics and I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: Alright, this is a compilation of the best samples from "You Make Me Wanna Shout" - the original. I realize that many of the songfics in the original are not really that good anymore (or, at least, in retrospect I have been able to filter the successful ones from the sunken ships.)

New readers: feel free to check out the original for more variety.

Tom, the bartender of the Leaky Cauldron, was man with a sharp eye for business and opportunity. His advertisement campaign stopped just short of "Harry Potter Dines Here" (well, usually) and he never tired of pointing out over poker night that the Golden Trio were indeed his regulars.

This particular Friday night, Tom was already waiting in trepidation for the trio to come in, sure it would pull business faster as soon as they arrived. He wiped the bar glasses feverishly, feeling the same amount of excitement as one would attribute to an obsessed fangirl.

Of course, The Savior never failed to meet expectations and marched in at eight o'clock on the dot, Sir Weasley and Lady Granger in tow.

After a rambunctious dinner (courtesy of Ron, who deemed it necessary to treat every meal as a heated affair), the trio lingered for a few drinks. Harry seemed particularly eager to dull the pain that night—or perhaps he was proving his tolerance to Firewhiskey to his friends and, frankly, failing miserably at that…

Tom was just considering approaching the company and suggesting that a shot-glass pyramid was not the best idea, when the far from dulcet strains of Harry's voice resounded above the mumblings of the other occupants.

I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

He tried to raise his voice intp a shrill falsetto, but it cracked spectacularly as he hiccupped and raised his empty glass to compensate.

Hermione seemed to giggle at her friend a little, but the rosy blush that spread across her cheeks was undoubtedly not from any perceived embarrassment. Stifling a hiccup she grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him to his feet, leading them into the chorus.

Ron, looking blearily at the pair, struggled to stand, tipping his chair on its back in the process. Perhaps Ron was doomed with unlucky genetics or perhaps someone above was having a great laugh, but his drunken wavering inevitably resulting in the shot pyramid adding to the background dynamics of the performance.

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

Tom, who was standing in the middle of the bar (or was it restaurant?), opened and closed his mouth like a fish while groping around desperately for a chair. Finding one, he dragged it to himself and plopped down heavily. This gave a whole new meaning to attracting business. Maybe he could make flyers...?

A couple of the occupants had left during the first strains of singing, but it seemed that they had taken care to contribute to Tom's advertisement campaign and dropped a word or a whole Oh-My-Fuckin-Gawd-The-Chosen-One-Is-Singing-In-The-Leaky-Cauldron rant about the matter.

Whichever the case, people started to trickle in from Diagon Alley, the muggle street, the Floo network, and various unmentionable locations as the off-key warblers reached the next stanza.

Ron had taken that moment to attempt to climb the table they were formerly occupying and in the process slid dangerously among the remnants of the shot glasses. Heedless, he stood up and wobbled dangerously before pulling Hermione up after him. Unwilling to leave the verse unsung due to their antics, Harry continued solo.

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
-
I thank you all –

He was cut off as Ron grabbed his neck and tried to so yank him up on the table. Barely avoiding his looming fate of death by drunken chocking, Harry focused on complying quickly and scampering on top of the table as Hermione filled in for him in a screeching soprano.

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose –

The Trio teetered cautiously on top of the rickety table, but managed to stay standing as they ignored the growing crowd and prepared to launch into the second chorus. Mostly, the onlookers seemed stupefied, with exception of a few stifled giggles and a good deal of muttered remarks.

Tom was slowly rocking back and forth in his chair, nursing a bottle of ale, staring at the Trio in pure adoration. This must have been the most customers his pub has ever seen gathered at any one time. Perhaps Mr. Potter would discover a new hobby...?

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world –

Harry launched readily into the chorus, with Hermione singing along at a higher (excruciatingly-painful-pop-my-eardrums-now-soprano-high) pitch. Ron, grinning widely and heehawing in between hiccups, threw his arms around his friends and alternated between trying to get the words out and imitating guitar sounds (or an orangutan, no one was too sure).

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

And so they were. And so Tom saluted. And so the crowd cheered.

And so Colin Creevey anticipated hundreds of shiny galleons pouring in for the pictures he would be off developing deep into the night.

And so the legs of the table finally gave and spilled the Golden Trio, still giggling, onto the floor of the Leaky Cauldron, where they proceeded to give rise to their new single—crescendo of snores.

-

A/N: Ok, I got the idea when I searched through my iTunes but I was also very much reminded of a particular episode on a particular TV Show. Can you guess?

So, review if you are a closet addict of drunken singing (well, when it's not you, of course...)

-NS