Blaine heard the steady beeping of his alarm and groaned. Ever since the break-up a month ago, Blaine hadn't felt the need to do anything but stay in bed. He rolled over and hit the snooze button, opening his eyes and staring up at the ceiling for a few moments before sitting up and stretching his arms.
He climbed out of bed and walked to the kitchen, flicking on the light switch. He had hoped that he was still dreaming and that Kurt would be standing there with roses and a silly, unbroken smile on his face – but this wasn't a dream and the room was empty and suddenly very uninviting.
Blaine flicked the light back off and drug himself back into his room. He crawled into a ball on the bed and sighed, clenching onto his stomach. He had been under-eating lately, but it's not like he cared. No one saw him anymore.
He stared off into the blackness of his room for a short moment before slipping his eyes closed again. He wasn't going to school again today. He was almost asleep when he heard his phone buzz. And buzz. And buzz.
He reached behind him, knocking over a few things before he finally found his phone and answered, pressing it to his ear and letting out a groggy greeting; "Hello?"
Rachel was on the other line. Blaine could faintly hear sirens wailing in the background and he opened his eyes quickly as Rachel began to speak. "Blaine? Kurt just tried to commit suicide."
He shot up, eyes wide in horror. "Wh- what do you mean?"
"I- I don't know," She cried, her voice sounding more and more frantic with every word. "I came home and he was just.. He was justhanging there. I- I called 911 and they're pulling him out of the house right now, and I didn't know who else to call.
Blaine rushed into Rachel and Kurt's apartment the next day. "I got here as quick as I could," He panted, rushing to sit down before the blood went to his head. "Do you.. Do you know why Kurt – y'know?"
Rachel sighed and shook her head slightly as she sat down beside Blaine and buried her head into his shoulder. "I can't say for sure. I know lately," She started, her voice lowering to a soft whisper. "He had been just lying around. There were lapses of time when he wouldn't talk, eat, or move. He even refused to go to work. He'd just lay." She let out a heavy sob and Blaine patted her on the back before she continued.
"And I know last week, he was complaining about being a.. What did he say?.. Oh. He kept calling himself useless and a.. a fuck-up. I kept telling him that he wasn't, and that he shouldn't think that, but he would just keep telling me that he ruined the most important thing in his life."
Blaine's breath hitched as she said that last sentence and he shook his head, sniffling softly as Rachel finished. "I.. I don't want to say for sure, but I think he was talking about you.. Well.. Cheating on- you."
Blaine and Rachel spent a few minutes just trying to console each other, until Blaine finally suggested they go to the hospital to see Kurt. Rachel was hesitant at first, but she gave in at Blaine's puppy-dog eyes, and she drove both of them quickly to NYU Langone Medical Center – the hospital Kurt was being held.
Blaine was the first inside, and he began to trip over his words as he requested to see Kurt. The nurse at the front desk managed to calm him down, and told him to have a seat. Ten hellish minutes passed until a different nurse came out and led Blaine and Rachel down a long hallway into a small room.
Kurt was asleep on the bed, and Blaine's heart dropped at the sight. "Can I?" He asked, gesturing into the room over by Kurt. The small woman nodded, and Blaine took a couple steps in slowly, making his way over to Kurt. He pulled up the chair by the bed a little closer before taking a seat.
He scanned over Kurt like he was a stranger, and every part of him was almost as flawless as he could remember, but once he finally got down to Kurt's neck, he felt the knots in his stomach once again. There were red cuts from where the rope had been digging into his flesh, and Blaine instinctively lifted his hand up and brushed two fingers across the marks. He could feel the steady beat of Kurt's pulse as his fingers ran across the part of the scar's path where Kurt's vein was, and he felt a tear fall down his cheek. Rachel stepped behind him and rested a hand on Blaine's shoulder with a sigh. Blaine dropped his hand into Kurt's, interlacing their fingers with a light squeeze.
He let his head rest against the bed as he felt the tremors that he always got before he started to cry kick in. He sobbed into the sheets quietly as Rachel rubbed circles into Blaine's back, feeling her eyes well up with tears.
Blaine silenced himself as he felt Kurt's hand twitch and he looked up, searching for any more signs of movement. He let out a sigh of relief as Kurt's eyes slowly flickered open, grimacing at the sudden intrusion of light.
"Blaine?" He choked out, straining to find his voice. Blaine was shocked to hear how raspy his voice was, but he nodded and gave Kurt's hand a soft squeeze, letting him know he was there.
"Yeah, Kurt," Blaine whispered, flashing a Kurt a small smile. "It's me.. Rachel's here, too." Kurt didn't smile back. He closed his eyes again and his bottom lip quivered before he bit into it to still it. He visibly swallowed a the lump in his throat before he tried speaking again.
"I thought you hated me." Kurt said, and Blaine could hear the insecurity in his voice. He had never heard Kurt so helpless, and it tore him to shreds. Even after what happened, Blaine still loved him and this.. This was too much.
"I could never h- hate you.." Blaine stammered out, feeling very choked up again. He felt Rachel grip his shoulder tightly and he assumed it was supposed to be a reassuring gesture. Kurt faintly smiled, but Blaine picked up on it, and smiled back, lifting Kurt's hand up and pressing a small kiss to the back of it.
"But- But I did a terrible thing.." Blaine shook his head at Kurt and sighed, feeling another tear roll down his cheek. He couldn't speak, he knew his voice would betray him, so he just nuzzled his cheek into the place he kissed on Kurt's hand.
"That's a part of life, Kurt," Rachel finally spoke softly, startling Blaine and causing him to jump a little – making Kurt chuckle gently. "You're going to make mistakes, but that's just what we're supposed to do.. Even in relationships.. Blaine knows you're sorry for what you did. And that's why he came all the way out here. He was worried about you."
And at that point, Kurt was crying. The monitor's slow, quiet beeps turned into louder, faster one's and Blaine turned to see a nurse walk in, looking around to see what was going on. Kurt shook his head slightly and took a deep breath in and out before telling the nurse he was fine. She nodded and stepped out, leaving the door open.
Kurt bit back down on his lip and opened his now puffy eyes and looked up and down Blaine's face, not once making contact with his eyes. "I- I just thought-"
"You thought wrong," Blaine said, cutting Kurt off. "There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't think of you, Kurt. Everyday I would wish that things could just go back to how they were before you moved. I never stopped loving you, and I certainly never hated you. And when Rachel called me, I was scared that I was actually, literally losingyou. I thought I would never be able to see you or hold you, or tell you I loved you again. And the only thing that could go through my mind was that if you were dead by the time I got here, I wouldn't be able to keep myself together anymore."
Kurt gripped Blaine's hand tightly. "I'm so sorry." He sobbed, rolling over to his side enough to bury his head into the pillow. Blaine stood up and rolled Kurt back over before taking Kurt's cheek in his hand.
"Hey," He whispered, looking into Kurt's watery eyes and shaking his head softly. "Quit it. Don't be sorry." He leaned down and pressed a very soft, chaste kiss against Kurt's lips, pulling away slowly. He wiped a few tears from Kurt's cheek before he sat beside Kurt on the bed, not once breaking his eye's from Kurt's.
Rachel leaned twords Blaine and whispered something into his ear that Kurt couldn't hear and Blaine nodded, turning his attention back to Kurt. "There's something I want to do, okay?"
Kurt nodded, seemingly unsure. Blaine smiled down at him as Rachel began humming, Blaine taking over soon after.
It all goes back to the first kiss
It was the one I thought I'd never miss
Maybe we were one of the lucky ones
Maybe I'm just not quite strong enough
This was supposed to be the easy part
But breaking down is what I found hard
Now I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in
Inside I feel like screaming
Kurt smiled at Blaine's voice, feeling his eyes water up again. He blinked back a couple of tears as Blaine continued, tightening his grip on Kurt's hand.
He gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one
But my doubts somehow they sold me out
I'm bruised and scarred
Save me from this broken heart
All my love will slowly fade and fall apart
Someone please sing this lovesick melody
Call my name if you're afraid
I'm just a kiss away
Blaine cut it off there, leaning back down and resting his head onto Kurt's chest. He sighed and closed his eyes, listening to Kurt's heart beat. It was moments like this he missed.
Kurt sighed back and ran a hand through Blaine's curls. "That's a sad song," Kurt mumbled, frowning softly. Blaine nodded at him before speaking again.
"It was how I felt when you we're gone."
"Me too."
They sat in silence for a few long minutes before Kurt finally broke the silence. "Blaine, I promise I'll never do anything like that again-" Blaine cut him off again with another small kiss, nuzzling into his neck after he broke away.
"I'm never leaving you, Kurt." Blaine hummed, his breath warm against Kurt's neck. He pressed a soft kiss against the mark underneath Kurt's jaw and wrapped an arm around his waist, tugging himself closer to him. "Not again."
Thanks for reading guys! Reviews would be greatly welcomed! C: -Molli