A/N: This was co-written by LaLaLullaby.

Harry Potter woke up the following Thursday morning with a banging headache. He looked around the room he was in, he didn't like it. It seemed very posh. And then he looked at the bed he was laying in. Next to him, was a strange, little, pale man with red eyes and slits for nostrils. He screamed as he looked at him.

"What! What! What!" Voldemort shouted, jumping up and reaching for his wand.

The covers fell off, revealing something that looked like a stubby toenail.

"What?" Voldemort repeated, looking alarmed.

"Is that your thing?" Harry stuttered, looking disgusted.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Voldemort said, "It always happens this way, when I slept with Bellatrix she called me a stubby-toed freak with no pubes."

"B-b- but your a man, I'm a man too, this is wrong! What would Ginny say!" Harry said, getting up. "Where is Ginny?"

"Um, I could of shot her with my wand. And I don't mean my wooden wand.."

"You teabagged my wife?" Harry exclaimed with the covers falling off. He immediatly put his hands over his thing.

"Wow your big," Voldemort said, "Ginny's a lucky girl"

"She would be if you didn't kill her!"

At that moment, Ron sat up from under the bed.

"Are you two done yet? Oh bloody hell! Harry really? Voldemort?" Ron said.

"Someone must've spiked my drink" Harry said.

"Probably Ginny, she is one horny bitch"

Harry pulled his jeans up, but Voldemort pushed him back onto the bed.

"Now your vunerable, I CAN AVADA KEDEVRA YOUR ASS!" he roared.

"I have sensitive butt cheeks" Harry said.

"Well they put up a fight last night" Voldemort smirked, "now... AVADA-"

"Expelliarmus" Ron screamed! Voldemort's wand flew into Ron's hand "SUCK ON THAT STUBBY-TOED FREAK! C'mon Harry, let's get out of here."

"Wait one minute, have you got any crack left?" Harry said.

"Yeah, it's in the cupboard," Voldemort said, picking up what Harry hoped were eyeballs. (Balls! 'cuz he couldn't grow a pair. Yeah, we add puns into our stories. Watch out, or we'll get Voldy to steal your eyeballs. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?)

Harry went into Voldemort's walk in wardrobe, and looked at his clothes. There were brightly colour tutus, obviously from Claire's Accsessorys, and many hair bands, and a packet of glue on penis' (which said: Will impress the ladies/men). Also, there were many bags of crack.

"We're loaded!" Harry shouted as him and Ron shoved as many bags into their pockets as they could.

"Hey! Their mine!" Voldemort said.

"Were, my friend, were" And with that they ran out of the creepy house.