The One With… the eggplant
"Holy shit!" Alfred fell out of his chair in shock at the large purple mass that was shoved in his face. "What the hell!" Standing over him was Russia, giving him a smart smirk.
"So amusing, Amerika. Look what I found at your grocery store." Alfred scrambled to a standing position, feeling entirely too vulnerable on the floor. Fixing Texas that was skewed on his face he gave a weary look at the eggplant that the Russian was now rolling between his hands in what could only be a lewd manner.
"S-so? It's an eggplant, weirdo!" His arms crossed over his chest defiantly; he would not give the commie bastard what he wanted!
"Da. An eggplant." Ivan nodded. He leaned forward, "but, do you know what we can do with it?" Alfred's eyes widened in horror and he back up as far away from the Russian as he could manage in the small space of his kitchen.
"There's no way in hell you're gonna stick that thing in me!" Alfred blurted out. His mind was being overloaded with visions of the Russian holding him down while he forced the eggplant up his ass. A shiver shot up his spine, "NO!"
Ivan took a step forwards, grinning at his American. "Nyet, Alfred, I wasn't assuming such a dirty fate for this vegetable." Alfred suddenly stopped, his face going blank in surprise.
"Y-you weren't?" His voice came out small, weak. Suddenly he straightened up and pulled down at his jacket to smooth it out, "R-right, course you weren't. Cuz if you did, I'd kick your ass into next month…" He trailed off. Russia smiled and nuzzled Alfred's neck.
"Nyet. With this I planned to make dinner a thousand times better than those disgusting burgers of yours." He placed the eggplant on the table and slid his hands around Alfred's waist. "I would not waste the eggplant like that… Besides, that is what all the carrots are for."
"Oh, right, ok- WHAT?"
Ha ha! Da, I do love a little post cold war lovin. ;) R & R