Please, pardon my spelling and punctuation (On the other hand, if my grammar is off, feel free to comment).
And finally, feel free to make fun of this/me when you review it. I love hearing all about your various problems...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Play Celebrity Death Match theme)
{Announcer booth}
>Announcer 1: Hi! I'm Jonny Gomez!
>Announcer 2:And I'm Nick Diamond!
>J: And have we got a show for you tonight.
>N: You bet, Jonny!
>J: In our search for the best battles of all time, we've always been restricted to reality. But no longer! We are currently based in Crossover City, the final Plane of Existence! From here, we can run any fight ever dreamed of!
>N: An without legal worries, either, Jonny!
>J: That's right, Nick! Tonight's matches are based in the Starwars universe. This how we find the ultimate answer to one of the most important questions ever asked in a Internet chatroom.....Who's the greatest Sith Lord of all time! We go now to Stacy Cornbread, who is interviewing the competitors of this great battle.
{Backstage}
>Stacy: Thanks, Jonny! I'm standing here with the competitors .... Darth Maul and Darth Vader! So tell me, Mr. Vader, why do you think you deserve this title?
>Vader: The power of my "competitor" is nothing compared to the true power of the dark side of the force.
>S: UUUUhhh hhhuuuuhhhh, right. And what do you have to say to this, Maul?
>Maul: [Does a few poses with his lightsaber, then growls at Vader]
>S: Thanks, I guess? Back to you, Jonny.
{Announcer Booth}
>Jonny: Thanks Stacy. And it looks like our competitors are approaching the ring.
{Ringside}
>Nick: First, THE dark lord of the sith, the destroyer of Alderann, choker of underlings, and extremely evil, Darth Vader!
[Play Imperial March]
[Vader steps into ring between top & bottom rope, then raises fists to the air. Crowd cheers. Show stands with people wearing helmets and waving red lightsabers around]
>Jonny: And in the other corner, we have the slayer of Qui-Gon, the tracker of Naboo queens, and Mister Cardboard personality himself.... Darth Maul!
[Play Duel of Fates]
[Maul jumps onto turnbuckle, poses a lot, Sneers, and ignites one side of his lightsaber. Show crowd with face paint & waving double-lightsabers around. Show vendor selling lightsabers]
>J: And here's our referee, Mils Lane, to explain the rules!
[Mills steps out to the emperor's theme, wearing a large black robe]
>Mills: Their are to be no weird force powers or fancy spinning until I say so. In this ring, I'm the emperor, so my word is the law, and don't you forget it. Now lets get it on!
[Maul lets out a primal scream and attacks Vader. they fence for a while, when maul starts kicking Vader around the ring]
>Maul: [Squeaky, high-pitched voice] Prepare to die, Vader!
{Booth}
[Both staring in shock]
>J: Did you hear that, Nick?!
>N: I think so!
>J: It's amazing! Darth Maul actually talked! And without any voice-over!
{Ring}
[Maul fights Vader for a while more & kicks him into a turnbuckle]
{Booth}
>N: Wow, Jonny, looks like Vader is out of shape.
>J: I would think so, Nick, considering his age. And Having to breath through an air filter probably isn't helping, either.
[Both laugh]
{Ringside}
>Mills: You may now use your force abilities!
[Vader starts choking Maul, but stops when Maul throws some of the plastic lightsabers at him. One of them goes through vader's left eye]
{Booth}
>J: Oh, that's got to hurt!
>N: You know, Jonny, those little lightsaber toys can be very dangerous. They shouldn't sell them to small children, they could put an eye out!
[Show kids acting out fight in stands. They start killing each other]
{Ring}
>Vader: Your powers are weak, Darth Maul. I will crush you like the cardboard you're made of.
[Maul sneers and lunges for Vader. Vader cuts him into pieces, which land all over the crowd]
>Mills: [stepping around the pieces] I declare Darth Vader the winner! [Raises Vaders fists up]
{Booth}
>Nick: Could this be the end of Cardboard Jedi?!
>Jonny: Lets hope so, Nick. [Both laugh]
>N: Darn right, Jonny! You know, I once believed I had force powers. I thought I killed a guy I hated by choking him to death.
>J: What happened?
>N: It turned out, he saw me at a restaurant, and when he inhaled to say hello to me, he swallowed and choked on his prime rib!
>J: What a shameful waste.
>N: Yeah, the prime rib there was great!
>J: [Staring at Nick] You have no clue, do you, Nick?
>N: [Looking shocked] What did I say?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Commercial)
{Shows a can of Yoda Soda, with Vader right behind it}
>Vader: You want to be powerful like me? Try this. Dump out a can of Yoda Soda, or drink it if you must. Then, crush it to bits. [Crushes can with the force] That's right, crush some light side goodness. Also, now you can crush some rebellion, too. [Pulls out a can of Rebellion Red fruit juice and crushes it in fist]
>Announcer: [Rushed] NOW AVAILABLE AT LOCAL SUPERMARKETS!!! BUY NOW!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
{Booth}
>J: Welcome back!
>N: Darn right! With a lot of cost, we managed to get most of the matches you wanted.
>J: Next, we have the battle for the title "Best of the Bounty Hunters". After the elimination rounds, we found that only Boba Fett survived. However, Greedo, who showed up late, has been chosen to stand in for the others. Here's the stats for each of em.
{Zoom out ringside}
[Picture of Boba Fett fills half screen. As Jonny talks, the sentence appears on the other side]
>J: Fett has killed many high officials for many planets. However, he has only one stain on his record; his failure in killing Han Solo.
[Pic of Greedo fills other side of screen, doing the same thing as fett's pic did]
>N: Greedo, on the other hand, is nothing BUT stain. He has never gotten a single bounty outside his first, which he had help with. He is, however, filled with dumb luck, which might save him in this match!
{Booth}
[Jonny and Nick look at each other and burst out laughing]
>J: Good one, Nick!
>N: [wiping tear away] Thanks, Jonny. As a guest announcer, we have yet again called upon our friend, Stone Cold Steve Austin!
[Stone cold sits down and turns to the others]
>SC: Thanks, Jonny, Nick. I'll tell you one thing, this Boba Fett guy is no joke. I wouldn't want to run into him under any circumstances. I don't know who Greedo is, but I've already bet a thousand bucks on Fett!
>Qui-gon: [steps on screen] I'll take that bet.
>SC: [stares] ....Never mind....
>J: I think the match is about to start!
{ringside}
>J: Flying into the left side, the master hunter, Boba Fett!
[Fett flies into ring]
>N: And trying to climb into the right side, the ultimate failure, the laughing stock, Greedo!
[Greedo tries several times to climb into the ring, then falls in]
>J: And here's Mills lane to explain the rules.
>M: You know the rules. No blasters and [looks at Fett] no disintigrations. Now lets get it on!
[Fett launches a missile at Greedo, who falls over, causing it to blow apart some of the stands. Greedo says something to Mills]
>M: [thinks for a moment] ...I'll allow it!
[Fett than shoots a snare, which goes between Greedo's legs and hits Kenny McCormick between the eyes]
{booth}
>J: Oh my god, you killed Kenny!
>SC: You bastard!
{Ring}
[Greedo sticks his toung out at Fett, than trips on the snare, saving him from Fett's flame-thrower]
{Booth}
>SC: It looks like Fett is showing off. How very unprofessional of him. .... Incoming! [all three duck, and just miss a rocket] No offense!
>N: And it looks like he's out of ammo. Now it's time for some real fighting!
{Ring}
[Fett jumps/flys onto Greedo. He swings his head at Greedo, and cuts him hisantenna]
>SC: I knew that thing on his head could be useful for something!
[He's choking Greedo, when Greedo hits a red button on his pack labeled clearly "self destruct". Fett looks up, than goes "Uh oh" and explodes. As everyone looks in shock, Greedo throws fett's lower half off him, than stands up and starts dancing. Suddenly, fett's head falls on Greedo, killing him. All the others keep staring]
>Mills: Your both disqualified! I declare no winners!
{Booth}
[All staring]
>SC: well, I guess I don't have to worry anymore about Fett's revenge.
>J: [wiping a tear from his eye] Good bye, Boba Fett. We'll miss you.
-------------------------------------------------
(commercial)
[Show Emperor Palpitine sitting in front of a curtain. Play Emperor's theme]
>EP: Hello. Do you have a problem like I do? Do you have a need to crush all opposition to your iron-fisted will? Do you feel the need for absolute rulership of the known universe? Then call M-EGL-OMA-NIAC (6-345-662-6422), and get some help. Remember, I'm not only the president, I'm also a client [lifts up picture of himself sitting on his throne].
-----------------------------------------------------------
{Booth} >J: We're back! Next, we have the fight that almost every major Star Wars fan want's to see; if Obi-wan didn't need to sacrifice himself, who would have won? Stone Cold?
>SC: I think Obi-Wan. That guy was one fairly tough Jedi. He's got the Force, the moves, and a kick-ass lightsaber.
>Qui-Gon: [Steps into screen] I'll take your bet!
>SC: What the hell is wrong with you!?
>QG: C'mon, are ya chicken?
>SC: [Stands & folds arms] All right, that's it, you're dead.
[SC steps offscreen. you hear smashing sounds, and a few screams. Announcers cringe. Stone Cold steps back onscreen, dusting off his hands]
>SC: Kids, gambling is OK, but there is such thing as too much. DON'T DO IT! Now lets get to the fight.
{Ring}
[Vader and Obi-wan step into ring as the announcers talk]
>J: I think that Obi might have an advantage. Vader still hasn't fully healed from his battle with darth maul.
>Mills lane: [wearing an outfit like Luke's in A new hope] OK, you know the rules. No mystic mumbo jumbo until I give the word. Now lets get it on!
[both pull out their sabers, and begin to fight] >V: your powers are, weak, old man.
>O: You cant win, darth. If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.
[obi-wan takes his sacrifice pose]
>Nick: Oh no! He's giving up!
[Vader winds up for the swing. He slashes at Obi-wan, who steps back. Vader misses, and Obi-wan does an overhand chop, slicing Vader in two]
>Mills: I would call you the winner, but because you have broken the Jedi code, You are disqualified!
>O: .... Awww....
[Obi walks out of the ring as the cleaning crew picks up vader's parts]
{Booth}
[Both announcers look at the ring in shock]
>SC: [in shock] I diden't think I'd ever see a Jedi do THAT!
>J: ..... Well, that's our show for tonight. I'm Jonny Gomez
>N: ..... I'm Nick diamond....
>SC: And I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin!
>J: Good fight, good night!
{play closeing song, overimposed by images of the fights}