For Shiranai Atsune, who had requested a fic from me and prompted me to create possibly one of the most ridiculous piece of fiction I've ever written. I hope you enjoy it :)
"And we return with another episode of Phichit in the office! And behind here we clearly see Yuuri waving his love in our faces again," Phichit sang as he zoomed his phone's camera onto Yuuri who was animatedly talking on the phone to a certain special someone. "Oh would you look at that! He's blushing. Viktor must have said something."
"Like what?" Guang Hong looked over the walls separating the work spaces out of the sheer curiosity of a child.
"Somewhere along the lines of 'Can't wait to fuck you against the wall and make you scream so loud the neighbours will be sending us hate mails."
"Aren't you their neighbour?"
"No, I'm their ex-neighbour. Couldn't handle their love making sessions-oh god he's making the lovesick face again. How is it fair that he does that and we have to watch it?" the Thai man fake gagged.
"Because there's only one Viktor Nikiforov and Katsuki Yuuri and they're both taken by each other."
"Ugh! Why do you have to be right all the time, Guang Hong? God! Get yourself someone so they can prove you wrong!"
This made the man retreat back into his area exactly when Seung-gil the almighty decided to bless the office with his poker face as he rolled out, back straight, shirt and pants pristine from any coffee stains that should have occurred previously that morning, "Maybe you should get someone to shut you up."
(Phichit may or may not have unintentionally dumped a coffee cup onto Seung-gil. He reasoned that Seung-gil scared the hebegebees out of him and it was not his fault that gravity decided to pull the coffee cup down onto his co-worker.)
"Jeez, I SAID SORRY LEE!"
The Korean wheeled himself into his work space once more without a word to avoid anymore interactions. Phichit, noticing that the coast is clear, leans over to Guang Hong with eyes still watching where Seung-gil has just disappeared, "Is he with someone?"
"Seung-gil? Not that I know of." Guang Hong looked up from his screen curiously.
"I don't know, he just… never seems to go out? I mean everyone on this entire floor is single and miserable as fuck and are constantly whipping our dicks out every passing possible chance-"
"Who's whipping what now?"
"-and he's just never interested? I mean come on! He's twenty-two and looks like he gave up ever getting laid. Like… forever."
Guang Hong nodded in agreement, "I guess he does kind of look dead, internally."
"Or maybe down below." Phichit huffed in amusement. "Oh! I know!"
"What?"
"We're going to drag everyone to the club! Tonight because why not?"
"Tonight?"
"Yes! I'm inviting the entire floor, including Lee-"
A voice sounded from the distant, "No thanks."
"Lee Seung-gil! I will drag you to the club with your hands tied if I must!"
"I alrea-"
"I don't want to hear it! Ayayayyaayaya! You're going to get drunk and find someone or I swear to god I have failed in life!"
"Yuuri what the actual fuck are you doing?" Phichit panned his phone to Yuuri's hand where his phone was a stark difference to the black surroundings. Yuuri was the literal depiction of 'no life outside of work' at that moment with his tie slightly crooked his top button open and hair only slightly disheveled. It was roughly ten pm and Phichit has no idea how Yuuri's hair is still standing up like that when he has witnessed its droopiness that could rival Viktor in his deflated state.
Yuuri, who was very unexpectedly dragged away from work that evening, was deeply focused on his phone and typing away a message. "It's called avoiding real life interactions, Phichit-kun. You should try it sometimes, with a side of social anxiety," he commented.
Phichit stopped his snapchatting and looked around the table with a frown. His best friend was on the phone, the main reason why they're even at the club is missing, his wingman is somewhere on the dance floor, and everything seemed dead. With a hand on his hip and a drink in his hand, he stood up and plucked Yuuri's phone from his hands. "You are gonna drink this, he handed the cocktail over. "And this is gonna be put down or I will confiscate it from you for the rest of the night."
"Phichit, I was texting Viktor about coming ba-"
"Ohhhh heyyyy you guyys," Leo had decided then that he wanted to be included in the story in his very drunken state. And he also decided that Yuuri's iPhone was a Nokia E72. "Whose is this? God what is this? An abomination?" he laughed loudly over the music…
"Leo, don't eve-"
...then he dropped it into Yuuri's cocktail and carried the entire glass away.
Yuuri's shrieking can still be heard echoing in Phichit's snapchat story twenty-four hours later as the Thai man held up his phone to capture the moment.
"Hey Viktor, is it me or did I just hear the Yuuri Shriek?"
The silver haired man turned away from the bar to look around the club with mild confusion, "Is he here?"
And the full story is that, Christophe and his boyfriend also decided to ask his co-workers to join them at the club because it's Friday and they're ready to gross people out with their PDA. Viktor had texted his fiancé about this but apparently had heard no reply and naturally assumed he must have crashed into the bed ages ago. And Yuuri was obviously always very chill about Viktor hanging with Christophe (because Christophe probably ships Viktor and Yuuri with each other more than the couple themselves feel the need to eat each other's face out), so the Russian decided it was no harm done to just go get a drink.
"Yeah, I'm quite sure that I heard him screaming… somewhere," Christophe picked up the two beer bottle on the table and handed one to his boyfriend.
"LEO GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!"
"That is such a strange coincidence," Viktor's eyes widened.
From the table in the middle of the floor emerged a dark skinned man who looks as equally surprised as Viktor. "Oh my god, Christophe!"
"Phichit! No way!"
In that moment, Viktor realised that both him and Yuuri had somehow managed to land themselves with the Extra Best FriendsTM and the night was still very young. Eyeing Phichit's phone in hand, Viktor can at least be assured that he will know what he was doing when he wakes up tomorrow.
"Come on, Christophe! I KNOW VIKTOR IS HOT BUT YOU ARE FIRE SO CHUG THAT SHIT BOI!"
"Phichit-kun, I did not ask you to be my best man to encourage my fiancé and his best man to kill themselves with alcohol!"
"YUURI THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHETHER I'M YOUR FRIEND OR YOUR NEIGHBOUR. THIS IS ABOUT THE PRIDE OF BEST FRIENDS AND FOR ONCE I SUPPORT THE LESS ATTRACTIVE BEST FRIEND!"
"I'm glad you think I'm more attractive, Phichit!"
"Are you trying to encourage me or Viktor, huh, Phichit?"
"WELL IF YOU WOULD JUST DRINK THAT SHIT THEN I WOULD HAPPILY GIVE YOU A SLAP ON THE ASS!"
"OH my GOD GUYS THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND AND HIS FIANCE HITTING IT ON THE DANCEFLOOR!
"Look at those moves! Fun fact for y'all, Yuuri took ballet and pole dancing classes! Through college, so see that funky ass- YAS! Grind on dat ass, Yuuri! Those moves came from his education which paid off very well at the moment."
"And I rejected an invitation to this club for a reason."
"Brighten up, Lee! Let's go break some moves so you can actually make a name for yourself outside of work! Hold my phone, Guang Hong, snap these moves to prove to Seung-gil's future partner that he can dance."
"Chulanont, no… what aRE YOU DOING LET ME GO YOU IDIOT!"
"INTO A SPIN, SEUNG-GIL!"
"I'M GETTING...DIZZY… LET ME GO-WOAHHH WATCH OUT omfph.."
"HOLY SHIT AHAHAAHAHA JESUS, SEUNG-GIL!"
"I deeply apologize for that, Nishigori."
"Uh… It's fine… I guess?"
"LEE SEUNG-GIL DID I JUST SEE YOU KISSING MY HUSBAND!"
"It was entirely an accident, Yuuko, I had no intention to ruin-"
"OH EXCUSES! HOLD MY HEELS YUURI!"
"Yu-chan, no- oh my god she's drunk. RUN I'LL HOLD HER BACK!"
"LET ME GO YUURI I HAVE JEALOUS SHIT TO DO!"
"Hey Viktor."
"What?"
"Guess who's ready to challenge you to a round two on the dance floor."
"You?"
"Pfft, hell no! But Leo is."
"Who the fuck is-"
"LEO GET YO ASS HERE!"
"Sup, Phichit!"
"Guess who can prove that your sad ass can't handle his moves?"
"Oh no you didn't! Viktor, yeah? I'mma make you eat your words."
"Ohhh, what's this I see in the corner?
"Is that… Viktor it's your fiancé- wait where's Viktor? Oh, on the dancefloor. Nevermind!
"Wait a minute… who's that next to him? Seung-gil is that you? They seem to be… in a very… serious… conversation. Oh! Seung-gil just planted his face into the table. Yuuri seems to be trying to call him… he fell asleep AT A CLUB POOR GUY! He needs some real advice on how to go clubbing."
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phichit_privy Because the night out went down the drain along with my dinner, I had to go home early. And yes that is Yuuri and Viktor being 'responsible parent' friends behind me and offered to take Seung-gil 're making dirty jokes, guys. Yuuri is blushing like a poppy. Seung-gil looks very miserable from here.
23 MINUTES AGO
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phichit_privy Update: Seung-gil still looks miserable. Viktor and Yuuri has proceeded to phase two, which is eating each other's face out. I feel really bad for not dragging Seung-gil away right now but honestly I'm enjoying his mopey face too much.
3 MINUTES AGO
Phichit strode into his office with dragging feet as Monday rolled around, and his ever growing dull work. His brain was about to explode as he looked through the data piling up on all sides of his desk, and he finally decided it was time he passed whatever he had finished to Yuuri - who had become the unofficial group leader for the current project.
"Yuuri! I have some pa-" Phichit abruptly stopped himself as he saw Seung-gil sitting across from where Yuuri was on behind his desk and both looked at him surprised.
"Am I interrupting something? I can come back lat-"
The Korean stood up immediately, returned to his usual stoic expression, "It's fine. We were just finishing here anyways. Thank you, for your help, Katsuki."
As the man left, Phichit continued to stare at his back in vague curiosity until he turned a corner, then turned back to Yuuri, who was looking up at him expectantly for questions, "What was that about?"
Yuuri waved absentmindedly, "Nothing important. So? You were asking for something?"
"I think it's an affair."
Phichit almost spitted out his water, "WHAT!?"
Guang Hong, ever so subtle at speaking his opinions, dropped the slippery noodles back into the hot broth by accident, "Jesus! You scared me for a second there!"
"Well you don't just blurt something like that out and continue to blow on your noodles!"
"It's lunch break! You're supposed to talk and eat!"
"Who's having an affair?"
"Who else? Katsuki."
Phichit could honestly bang his head on the table now, "What? With who? Have you ever went out with him and his fiancé?"
"Well obviously not, but I mean come on? Secretive meetings and chats? They're spending lunch together and acting like they're hiding something." Guang Hong rolled his eyes.
"Maybe they are trying to hide from you."
"I'm serious!"
"Guang Hong, now you sound like a teenage girl."
"My arguments are legit," he hollered.
"Yes, and your deduction is on the level of Sherlock Holmes," the Thai deadpanned and stabbed a fork into his apple slices. "Seriously, I've never met anyone more smitten with each other than Yuuri and Viktor. And if anything, I would have known about it before you even would."
"Why? Because you know people?
"No. Because I'm on first name basis with Yuuri, and you're not. And let me tell you that Japanese people take those things very seriously."
Guang Hong challenged, "Then did he tell you what he talked about with Seung-gil?"
"Yes, he said it was nothing of importance, which signals to me that it's none of mine, or your business."
"Phichit, you know if it's an actual affair, then you're basically letting Katsuki possibly do something he'll regret."
"I know. And I know Yuuri's very aware of the things he does. I'm sure he'd freak himself out at the thought that he had accidentally flirted with someone."
"If that was the case, then maybe Seung-gil is the one hitting on Katsuki."
The tanned man almost screamed for a second time at the absurdity of his co-worker's suggestion. Until an idea, a very very sinister idea to do something that he hasn't done since his university years, "You know what? I'm going to investigate on it this weekend! Because I don't even think that Seung-gil was interested in anyone in this entire building,and Yuuri is much too smitten with his fiancé to even look at anyone else."
Two men rode up the elevator together. One radiated with excitement and was practically trying to hold back his smile, whilst the other sighed in boredom and a "so done with life" attitude. And for the third time that day, Seung-gil found himself wondering how on earth he was dragged outside by some guy from his workplace.
"Tell me again why did he ask for me to come over?"
Phichit sighed, turned to the man and placed both of his hands on the other's shoulder, "Yuuri thought it would be nice to invite me over for brunch. And since he also thought you need a better social life, he said I should take you with me, just so it won't feel like I'm third-wheeling because of Viktor, and you won't be a miserable ass by yourself at home."
"Is this supposed to be beneficial for you or for me?"
"Everyone wins in this situation, Seung-gil. Just go with it."
The pair approached their destination, where a simple elegant white door held the number 2306, indicating the residence of two people who were crowding themselves around the kitchen benchtop, enjoying their quiet morning with a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, and two bowls of oats.
And as the bell rang inside the apartment, Yuuri wondered, "Were we supposed to be expecting anyone today?"
"Not that I know of," Viktor shrugged.
When Yuuri opened the door, he was greeted by for unexplainable reasons, Phichit and-
"Lee? Phichit? What-? Umh, What can I do for you?"
From behind Yuuri, suddenly, a voice shouted, "DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE SAY LEE SEUNG-GIL?"
All the three figures at the door turned to the silver haired man whose face has developed a deep scowl, completely opposite to his previous demeanour.
Yuuri played safe, "Ah… no? Why do you ask?"
But Viktor remained his skeptical face as he approached and popped his head behind the door, "Yuuri, who's behind the do-"
There were two seconds of silence before the Russian decided to exploded.
"YOU!" he pointed accusingly at Seung-gil, who only retracted his neck back to avoid the finger and raised his eyebrow at the rude gesture.
"Yes?" Seung-gil said as he used his pointer finger to push Viktor's to the side, which swung back to its initial position like a spring.
"You're the one who's trying seduce my Yuuri!"
The three Asians turned to him, "WHAT?"
The feeling of being embarrassed by your family almost equals to Viktor's echoing shout down the hallway that must have filtered through every apartment door on that floor. And Yuuri restrained himself from burying his head into the ground. " Lee, I'm so sorry about this," he said to his co-worker, then turned to his fiancé, "Viktor, what on earth are you talking about? He's my co-worker! From work!"
"Who's simultaneously trying to take you away from me! Or maybe did he's trying to get to me through you?" Viktor raised an eyebrow.
"I assure you, Nikiforov, that I have no interest in your fiancé, or you!" the Korean glared in annoyance as Phichit stifled his laugh with his hands.
"Hmmm," Viktor glanced at him from top to toe. "I don't believe you! And I'm going to prove to Yuuri that I'm the better option. We're having a pole dance off!"
Once again, a resounding "WHAT?" was heard, but only from the very confused fiancé and permanently scowling face as the Best FriendTM was too busy hugging his stomach and laughing uncontrollably to the point that his laugh made no noise.
"Come on! We're going onto the roof! And also we're doing this naked to remind Yuuri of how good I look, even though he just saw it yesterday," Viktor shoved his way through and grabbed Seung-gil to head for the elevator.
"Viktor, no- Viktor! Let him go! Lee, I'm so sorry! I don't know what's gotten into everyone today!" Yuuri tried his best to remove the tight grip on Seung-gil's arm, but obviously the Russian man would not budge one bit.
Viktor turned back to see his struggling fiancé and the very confused Lee Seung-gil trying to ground themselves at the door, "Yuuri would you please stop. I'm trying to-"
Viktor suddenly quieted, causing Yuuri to look up, suspecting another arising problem. What he saw was Viktor seemingly deeply entranced at the sight of Seung-gil.
"Viktor? Hello?" Yuuri tries snapping his fingers in front of the man.
"Yuuri," the older man began. "I'm sorry."
"Huh? What for?"
"I think I'm in love with someone else."
It was in a blink of an eye that Seung-gil managed to free his arm, walk to the elevator and disappear without a trace.
When the week began again, Yuuri braced himself for a conversation that was long overdue.
"Lee-san, I am so so so sorry about my fiancé's behaviour last Saturday. I'm very sorry that he even accused you of trying to seduce me, and- wait. No, that's too awkward," Yuuri mumbled to himself as he scrolled through the endless data on his excel page.
"Yuuri, you're going to kill yourself trying to do that spreadsheet and think of an apology at the same time," Phichit whined from the chair opposite to Yuuri.
"Well I wouldn't have to apologise in the first place if someone would have been a bit less enthusiastic about that prank. You planned it with Viktor, no less!"
Phichit shrugged and gave an innocent smile at Yuuri's dagger glares from behind his glasses. Yuuri clears his throat, "Lee-san, I am very sorry about the thing the other day with my fiancé and-"
"For fucking up my weekend?"
Yuuri jumped at the voice and faced the man of the hour with a worried gaze, and Phichit almost fell out of his chair, "Ah… Lee-san… Hi. What… uh… what can I do for… you?"
Seung-gil leaned onto the wall of Yuuri's work space, "Take a guess."
"I'm guessing you wanted to talk about last Saturday?" Yuuri prayed he doesn't and was actually going to ask for other things, but Seung-gil gave no indications otherwise as he continued to stare at Yuuri, prompting him to continue.
"Right…" the Japanese man scratched his head. "So… I'm really sorry about that. It was really all Phichit's and Viktor's idea of a prank."
Phichit raised his hand and smiled, "Guilty!"
"Right, obviously that explains all the ridiculousness of the situation," Seung-gil nodded in understanding.
"Ahh! Actually, I only wanted Viktor to act a little jealous like those rom coms, but he totally exceeded my expectations. Which is absolutely hilarious, to be honest," the Thai gave them a toothy grin. "In all fairness, our initial intentions were to just get you to be more sociable, Lee. You just seem like the saddest view about life ever? So…"
"You decided to drag me out forcefully."
"More or less. But it did get you to go out… a little…"
Hearing that, Seung-gil stood up straight and turned on the ball of his feet and walked out. But right before leaving the two others' sight, he turned back to looked directly at Phichit, "You know I have a girlfriend right?"
It took a solid five seconds for everyone on the floor at the time, excluding Yuuri who had delved back into his paperwork, to digest the statement given and shouted in unison, "Wait… WHAT?!"
Yeah so if anyone is confused, Seung-gil was asking for relationship advice or smth from Yuuri. Which is why Yuuri's so chill.