A/N: Random-ness. I swear, this came out of nowhere. But I do know that I've fallen in love with these two. Don't ask me to explain it, because I won't have an answer. I'm trying to broaden my horizons when it comes to writing other couples. And really, these two are fun to write and their tragic-ness intrigues me.
Reviews are love.
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
time after time.
All he knows is that he misses her.
He misses her like a doe misses its fawn and he can't decide if this is a good thing or not.
He knows it is.
i.
He sees her at Leo and Betty's wedding and feels a pang in his chest when she talks to Ben and not him.
She leaves with Ben and heads up to his room and Ricky doesn't miss the way he holds her hand when they think no one's looking.
ii.
Ricky doesn't see the way Amy's looking at him or the way she's smiling at him more.
All he can see is a solemn Latina not looking his way anymore.
iii.
John is the only bright spot in his world right now and everyone knows it. He excels at his job and his boss and Bunny love him, but Ben doesn't notice because Adrian's just texted him names for the girl she hopes she's having.
Ricky asks why he's smiling the way he does and all Ben can reply with is how happy Grace makes him.
They both know he's bullshitting and spending time and time again with the majorette.
(Ricky only knows this because Amy gives him updates on her neighbours and he only asked because Adrian is John's neighbour as well.)
iv.
Word gets round the school that the curvy majorette might be getting more curves very soon and Ricky's left confused and left asking around what the hell that might mean.
Joe offers his services to Ricky to look into the matter but only if Ricky can get him a date with Amy.
Ricky's all but ready to agree with his proposal, but then Adrian walks through the hall, swaying her hips as she does.
He walks away from Joe without a word and is just about to catch up to Adrian, but then he sees Ben give her a hug and her smiling an infectious smile and he tells himself that he doesn't want to know.
v.
It's the beginning of his weekend with John and he has Saturday off for once since Leo is still high on his new bride and just such a good guy.
So Amy's over and he genuinely likes having her over because she tidies up his apartment and John giggles when both his parents bicker and she bakes these amazing chocolate chip cookies.
They're watching Sandra Bullock: Revealed and Ricky would never let her know that it's not the first times he's seen it.
It's around noon when she gets really hungry. So he's a nice guy and offers to buy some wings from downstairs and she thanks him with a flirty smile and a kiss to his cheek.
He smiles as he pulls away because he knows he has her and has for a while. She blushes profusely and turns back toward the tv as a Kendra commercial comes on.
Ricky finds that he's feels okay and good for the first time in a while.
vi.
He walks down the stairs and sees Ben there and he's about to ask what the hell that shriek was he heard just a second ago, but then he sees her.
She sitting there, on the counter, Ben between her legs, her hands on his shoulders, a smile spread across her perfectly made up face.
"Stop it, stop! No, no, no stop! You could have customers!" Adrian squeals.
Ricky frowns as he rolls his eyes. He used to make her sound like that.
But Ricky knows he always used to make her scream.
vii.
He trudges back up the stairs and goes through the door and sits beside Amy.
She asks where the wings are and he replies with, "They were out."
She pouts, but then he says they can go out and get some. He knows he couldn't be any more whipped.
But then she bumps his knee with her own, and he seems to forget what he saw downstairs.
It doesn't linger.
viii.
They're leaving the butcher shop and Amy's holding John and he's following behind her (they'll find that it's a recurring theme in their relationship).
When they reach the main floor, Amy hears a shriek and she rushes down the stairs to discover what the fuck that was even though Ricky's more than 100 percent sure he knows what that was.
He's right.
But this time, Adrian's standing, only barely, as Ben's tickling her. Amy's eyes harden and Ricky figures his can if hers do.
"Hey", Amy says uncertainly as she looks them over.
Ben looks her way. "Amy, hi."
Ricky looks at Adrian and she looks at him and he sees sadness in her eyes. He doesn't want to know why.
(Okay, he so does, but he doesn't want to want to make sure she's okay)
ix.
Him and Amy walk toward his car and Amy secures John in the back and Ricky's holding John's blanket that he takes everywhere and hands it to her when John's all buckled in.
"Thanks"
"No problem."
She looks at the butcher shop once more before her gaze lands on him.
"So, are they like dating or something?"
Ricky shrugs. "I don't know."
She nods.
"Not sure I really want to." He murmurs.
Amy's about to hop in the front seat when Ricky stops her.
"What?"
"Look, we're both over them, right?"
She nods and smiles a little and before he can remember that she's kind of forbidden territory, he kisses her. Like, kisses her, kisses her. It's desperation and lust, her hands in his hair, and his at her waist.
It's good and comfortable and fun, but it's also reckless and careless and nothing they were expecting.
It's her lips moving against his and a silent liar that they both agree with.
It's also messy and tragic and not as good as before and breaks their hearts.
When they part, Amy's smiling and so is Ricky.
(Though the fact that they both caught Ben and Adrian gaping had nothing to do with their joy. Yeah, right.)
x.
They walk the halls of Grant the next week with their hands entwined and their hearts twisted and turned.
They became a full-fledged couple in the car after their kiss.
It consisted of stuttering (Amy) and smirking (Ricky) and a string of lies from both of them.
Perfection.
xi.
Ben's smile falters when he sees them.
He's standing next to Adrian at her locker and he knows hers does as well.
They both agree out loud that it's a good thing and that this is how everything was supposed to be.
On the inside, their chests are aching and their hearts are breaking and the smiles they wear give absolutely nothing away.
xii.
About a week after him and Amy became whatever they are, he sees Adrian walking his way as he talks to Amy at her locker.
She turns away when she sees him and he tells Amy he needs to ask her something. She's skeptical but gives him a quick kiss before going to the band room to retrieve her instrument.
He finds Adrian getting a bottle of multi-v vitamin water from the cafeteria and once she sees him, she walks away.
Ricky walks after her and grabs her arm before pulling her into the library. She curses and yells, but nobody seems to care.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"I need to talk to you."
She tries to pull away, but with half an effort and he smirks because she used to love this. She still does.
He goes far into the stacks. Then he settles both his hands on either side of her on the case.
"You've been avoiding me." He remarks.
"Oh, really? What gives you that impression?"
He smirks. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
She angles her head away from him and her smirk is matching his, but he can see an underlying sadness in her toffee eyes. There's a plead for acceptance and why didn't you rescue me? and a longing for forever.
He hates what he did to her and how he treated her, but she's the one that did something to break them up and she's the one that broke his heart.
He also knows that he's been breaking her heart for as long as he's known what love really is.
He knows now that love is acceptance and happiness and promises of forever.
And he knows he had all that with her.
He's known that all along.
But he had to start the ball rolling toward their downfall. He thinks his subconscious did it on purpose, so they could end up where they are right now.
Because being miserable (which he's not, by the way) is so much easier than being happy and content.
He had that once, easiness and patience and a person to call home.
She turns toward him, her face hardening. "What do you want? Ben's waiting for me."
Ricky's eyes search hers. She looks lonely, empty, sad.
She's… different. Her hair isn't as bouncy, her lips no longer ridiculously glossy. He misses it. (He misses her.)
He lets her go, just like that. His arms return to his sides and he watches her go wordlessly.
She sways her hips and he smiles (yes really smiles) because he's never wanted her to be someone she's not. It's just not her.
He makes his way out of the library and shuffles his feet as he does. The librarian shoots him a nasty look when his phone rings and he flips her off when she turns around to help some freshman find a book.
Ricky opens his phone and answers the call. It's Amy.
She's already in his car, adjusting the radio to the station he loathes. He tells her that he'll be there soon and to turn off that shit and she gives him a huff before hanging up.
xiii.
Amy's pissed when he gets in the driver's seat. He turns the key in the ignition and starts the car.
When he gets to a red light, he puts in the mix cd she made him and kisses her until her breath runs short.
He knows he's forgiven.
xiv.
They pick John up from the nursery and he takes them home.
Ricky parks in the driveway and pretends he doesn't see Ben's car parked in the neighbour's driveway.
He never really appreciates what he has until she's gone.
She sends him a look through the window. He returns the look.
There's this moment, a moment that Ricky doesn't know what's happening and he's not sure he wants to know. It's just him and her and the world doesn't exist. There's nobody else and time stands still.
But then, a moment later, it's over. Amy's calling him into her house and Ben's kissing her.
Everything's back to how it was. Not how it was meant to be.
.fin.