Dream

I woke to pain.

Everywhere hurt. My head, my chest, my limbs.

Every breath sent a streak of lightening pain through me.

It took me a moment to realize I was being carried on someone else's back.

Every step sent a jolt of pain through my stomach.

Suddenly, I was jolted upwards and I heard the person carrying me pant "Levi... captain, finally I caught up. Erwin is in danger, his stomach... all the intestines were damaged... he doesn't have enough blood..."

Is that it?

Am I going to die?

"Captain?" Eren's voice.

Thank god he's still alive. Humanity still has hope.

"He is still breathing..." That was Levi.

I felt nothing but relief. Levi never broke a promise. If he was still alive, then the beast titan was as good as dead.

And if I don't survive, at least humanity will.

"He is still alive... this injection will be used on Erwin."

There was a note of finality in his voice, as if there was a choice of giving the injection to someone else.

Who else?

Who else is injured because of my decisions?

Eren's voice trembled with barely-contained rage "You said you would use it on Armin..."

Armin needs the injection?

"I will use it on the one who can save the world."

But I can't...

How many have died under my orders?

I tried to tell him. Tell Levi to give the choice of life to Armin.

I have failed, but Armin is cleverer than I could ever hope to be.

He is the one who can save the world, not me.

But my body would not respond, and I could only lie there like a block of dead wood.

"You two... do you two even realize, what you're doing?" That was the person who had carried me. "You're saying we should just let Erwin, the commander of the Survey Corps, die?"

"we don't have time for this," growled Levi "Get out of the way."

Silence.

"Eren," I could hear the warning in his voice "Don't let your personal feelings get in the way."

"My personal feelings...?" Eren's voice in volume "You're the one who hesitated to give me the injection just a few minutes ago. What was that about?"

Don't fight, please. Just give it to Armin.

I don't deserve to live.

That was my last thought before I blacked out.

I was in a brightly lit wooden room.

...I know this place ...this was my father's classroom.

A few blinks and everything came into focus.

"Teacher..." That's my voice. Or rather, my voice when I was small.

"You said there weren't any, if so, how do we know that?"

I remembered this day like it was yesterday.

This was the day my life changed.

When we got home, my father told me what he wouldn't say in front of the other students.

The truth of the world.

And I, the foolish boy I was back then, went and told others about it.

The story reached the ears of soldiers and they took father away for questioning.

He never came back.

Because of me, my father was dead.

Because of that day, I realised the horrifying truth of what happened to those that just spoke their minds.

The leash around all our necks.

The cage our home actually was.

A cage disguised as a shelter.

And because of that day, I decided that I would be the one to uncover the truth.

I would be the one to save and protect humanity.

To lead it to victory.

I woke again, this time to a roar of a titan.

Run, I tried to scream, a titan is here.

"Why did you...?" asked a voice.

"Please," whispered Levi, next to me "Forgive him."

So he gave the injection to Armin then.

I was relieved, but some part of me cried out.

A small, selfish voice in the back of my head wanted to live.

But I crushed that voice.

Armin is the one who can save Humanity, not me.

Thousands of others had died for Humanity's cause, now it's my turn.

My turn to die.

"He had no choice but to become a demon, and we were the ones who wished tat upon him... and just when he was finally freed from this hell of a world, we tried to drag him back into it. We intended to do the same as you. But that's enough, we must let him rest now."

Thank you, Levi.

I was right to trust you.

"Erwin... I promised you I'd take out the beast titan, but it seems it'll take a while longer..."

Thank you.

For finally freeing me.

Once, I had a dream.

A dream of a world where people wouldn't have to cower behind walls.

A world where we do not live in fear.

A world of peace and joy and hope.

A world of freedom and equality.

I tried to make that dream come true.

And hundreds and thousands died for it.

So many, so many died for a mere dream, a thread of hope.

Of a world better than the one we live in.

I have done my part in this.

Now I leave this dream to you.

A world I saw once in my father's book.

So much to explore.

So much to see.

Burning water.

Crimson and amber and saffron, the colours of fire, yet flowing like water.

Lands of ice.

Ice everywhere, for miles and miles. Covered in white.

Snowy fields of sand.

Whole fields of snow and sand.

The oceans.

Beautiful, blue pools of salt and water.

Thank you, Levi.

For letting me escape from this nightmare.

Thank you for saving me.

So I let go of the thread of consciousness I was clinging to.

And I dream.