A Satirical Inuyasha Romance

Aislin Oriel

"Kagome! Run!" Inuyasha commanded frantically, gesturing for her to go.

"No, I can't leave without you!" she insisted passionately, staying put. He was always telling her to run!

Inuyasha looked around the bleachers at the confused faces, uneasily. "Damn it Kagome, it's just your school track meet! You run around in a circle! You'll see me on the way around!" he insisted. Trying to blend in with a baseball cap and a giant multi-layered bright-red kimono with your strangely long unnatural-looking silver hair cascading around you is no easy feat, may I add.

"I'm not going to leave you behind!" she remained determined, eyes welling with tears.

"My god woman, you sure are a crazy bitch..." he mumbled to himself, earning a few strange glares from those around him. He stood up and joined her side, and grabbed her hand, taking off at a slow running pace trying to catch up with the others ahead of them. (Picture Inuyasha running in his usual style – with his sleeves flying at his sides like an airplane – that always cracks me up.)

"You know Inuyasha," she began offhandedly as they rounded a turn (keep in mind that the other runners are on the other side of the track by now), "We should really find you some more fitting clothes for when you're here... I mean, like a t-shirt and blue jeans... and dare I say, shoes?"

"Feh! I don't even know what those are, and NEVER will I wear shoes!" His eyes bulged as he emphasized the word.

"But you'd look so cute – and you'd fit in much better, c'mon, for me?" she gave him a pleading smile, bringing her hands up to clasp in front of her.

He cringed.

"I think we should go shopping after track," she looked deep in thought (and bubbles and swirls drifted around her) as they came to the half-way mark, and continued talking, comparing to herself and weighing the options of what colour pants and shirts they should buy, shoes, and of course a new hat.

That was until, of course, she realized that he wasn't running by her side any more. She looked behind her to see that he had stopped about 5 minutes ago and was standing there, eyes closed, and hands in his enormous kimono sleeves.

She jogged back over to him, noticed his left eyebrow was twitching along with the side of his mouth. So she did the only thing she could think of (aside from "sit" him).

"Please Inuyasha? If you do what I ask we'll go back early. Pleeeeeeeaaaase?" she begged, turning on the charm, as if it would work on him.

But it seemed it did as he "Feh"-ed and blinked his eyes open.

"Damn it, will you get off my back, woman!"

"But this is the best mode of transportation!" Kagome insisted, as she clung on for dear life.

They began running again, but this time so fast that they were a blur of mostly red with some white and black here and there. After about 60 dizzy-inducing laps, which when they ended they found themselves on the roof of the school, Inuyasha put her down.

"I guess I get a little over-zealous," Inuyasha admitted (and yes – he knows a big word!).

After Kagome's world stopped spinning and she puked over the edge of the building, onto some poor guy's head, she turned around and linked arms with Inuyasha.

"Alright, now let's go! Shopping trip date – I mean, shopping trip adventure!" She shouted excitedly.

Inuyasha, not knowing what she was talking about, and having gone on only one 'shopping trip' before, didn't know how one could be an adventure. But, hell, he followed her, because obviously she knew more about what was going on, and Inuyasha's brain had checked out a while ago.

So as they leapt off the roof, landing in a dumpster, and drawing much attention to themselves, Kagome chatted relentlessly about what other great things they should buy. She managed to weave her grocery list and random essentials in there also.

"Sandals would do good for you, I'd say..." Kagome mentioned; trying to make a compromise between shoes and bare feet.

"Eh! I don't like things in between my toes!" Inuyasha flinched in annoyance as they walked towards the shopping sector of town.

"Don't worry, they have ones that don't go between your toes," she assured.

"And what the hell are boxers!"

A random group of girls who were walking by, giggled at his outburst.

"Uh, like underwear..." Kagome blushed as she explained it to him under her breath.

"You mean like those things I found in your drawer and you yelled at me? I don't want to wear those frilly, lacy things! And I don't like things going in between my-"

Kagome clamped her hand over his mouth and her face almost exploded in embarrassment.

"No, not panties or thongs..." she was almost crying as she said the words, it was killing her. "Boxers are like pants that go under your pants... How can I explain this...?"

"Oh. Well, I wear those. You sure do have strange words here... What does tampons mean?" Inuyasha asked, reading the sale flyer in a pharmacy window.

"I... can't... believe... this... is... happening..." Kagome's face ignited with an insane flush, and she dragged Inuyasha away from the window, but not before he could read off some more products on the list that he wasn't familiar with.

"Condoms..." He trailed his list off, confused. "Kagome?"

"Uhhh... let's go!" she ignored his questions, and crossed the street, towing a very confounded hanyou.

AN: What will they do in the next chapter? What will they buy – and further more, will Kagome actually be able to get Inuyasha to wear any of it? Find out in the next exciting instalment - that is if you review and say that you want one! Thanks! AO