A/N: Oh man…didn't you just want to hug Neal in that desk scene in 'Withdrawl'? Well, this isn't an exact reaction to that, but it was partially inspired by it, and by Peter and Mozzie's secret meetings, and by the song Unwell by Matchbox 20. Okay, mostly the song. What else is new. Enjoy! –pj
Disclaimer: I don't own White Collar or Matchbox 20 but…I'd totally take Matt Bomer…or Neal. Whichever is available…
All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Unwell by Matchbox20 (Selected Verses)
oooOOOooo
Neal's not crazy.
He talks to himself more than he used to and sometimes he zones out of reality when other people talk, which he never used to do.
But he's not crazy.
He supposes it's partially his own fault that people think that. If he wasn't always so put together and unruffled and fine maybe people wouldn't be so surprised by his lapses now.
Still, he doesn't worry about it.
He doesn't have the energy to worry about it.
Let any of them lose the love of their life, the love of a lifetime, in a fiery explosion fifty feet away and see how well they take it.
So what if his laugh isn't as easy nor his smile as genuine now? And if his words are tinged with a note of bitterness and a tad more bite than they used to be, who are they to judge.?
And if, sometimes, he doesn't sleep at all, not because he doesn't want to, and hecomes to work with bags under his red eyes, couldn't they do the polite thing and pretend not to notice? Would it kill them to pretend they don't know he drinks a little harder now and welcome in the dawn with open arms, ecstatic that the hell of a night is over?
It's not like he's crazy.
And yes, sometimes his knees buckle from the crushing weight of aloneforeveralwaysalone. And there are moments when he finds it hard to think and breathe because he was too late - so late - and she's gone.
Neal's not crazy.
But if he was…who could blame him?
END - Lemme know what you think?