My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
She was scared. She was standing over the sink holding a blade. So afraid. She couldn't do it. She was too weak. But she had to. She couldn't go on any longer.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Why? He wasn't there physically. He wasn't there in the flesh. But he still haunted her. She hated him for being halfway there. She wished she could sleep peacefully without thinking about him.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
She remembered seeing his figure on the edge of the bed when she woke up. She remembered feeling as if he was watching over her. But he taunted her. She could never speak to him, listen to him, smell his scent, touch him. He was just out of reach, and she hated it.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
The blood poured into the sink as she wept. She willed him to come in and panic. To kiss her and bandage her wrists. To tell her it would be alright. But he didn't. It had been so long, and she could still recall everything. His perfect face, piercing eyes, and beautiful personality. It was too much to forget.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
Her memory revealed a vivid image of her cupping his face. Telling him to stop crying. Telling him she'd never leave. She saw herself holding onto him after he told her about her worst fears. And she promised to battle them with him.
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
She was there through everything. She was the one standing beside him, no matter where he went. She cried when they had to part. With him off at work and her left at home, she still managed to be there for him. But now there was no way. He was gone forever. But she wouldn't forget.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
She saw his halo. She saw the light around him. Now she was stuck. The consolation never helped. She saw bits of him everywhere. In his best friend, in his daughter, in herself.
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me
All of her dreams were consumed by thoughts of him. Hearing him call out to her, it killed her inside. It was enough to drive her insane. And again and again she asked, "Why?"
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
More blood found it's way to the sink. The white porcelain was stained with crimson. The pain numbed her broken soul.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
She cried. She cried for his friends. She cried for his family. She cried for herself. But mostly, she cried for herself.
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
She was there for him. She was the one holding his hand And she still thought of him, every day. Why couldn't she stop?
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Every day she reminded herselwas gone. That he would never return. But he was still there. She had never felt so lonely in her entire life.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
She felt everything. She felt his distress. She felt his terror. She felt a connection. But no touch. It was enough to make her do this. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Just one more cut and it will be over. I'm coming for you. And she picked up the knife again...
And I your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
...me, me, me.
And with that she slumped over the sink, never to miss him again.