As
Snape crouched down, a small huddled mass on the filthy floor, he
gazed
upon the letter. It was written in the hand he so longed to
see again. Large
curling letters filled the page in neat lines.
Her writing was always
beautiful, just like her. Severus blinked
back tears as memories of Lily
flooded his brain. Just make it
stop. But his thoughts refused to obey; he
saw her. Every smile
she gave him, every comforting word was replayed again
and again,
but much more frequently the horrible memories of her screaming
and
crying to him were revisited, the ones where she was pleading him to
leave the path he had begun to tread. As he recalled the
shimmering tears
streaking her cheeks as she handed him the last
note he ever received from
her, and the last words she ever spoke
to him, 'Goodbye, Sev.' his entire
body convulsed and he began to
shake and moan. And to his great surprise he
began to recite the
one muggle song he'd ever committed to memory. It was
Lily's
favourite and now seemed so fitting he could hardly help but to do
so. He began with his voice shaking,
"Empty
spaces
fill me up with holes
Distant faces
with no place
left to go
Without you within me
I can't find no rest
Where
I'm going
is anybody's guess,"
Snape paused a moment,
collecting himself and his wits. He had found himself
nearly in
tears again. Now he felt almost obligated to finish the song. It
was
nearly as if Lily herself was there, and he was begging her. Begging
her
for forgiveness.
"I tried to go on like I never
knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this
heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is
incomplete
Voices tell me
I should carry on
But I am
swimming
in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's
written on your face
You still wonder
if we made a big
mistake,"
Lily now stood right before him now her face
flushed with anger and pain.
She was crying as she held his hand
in hers, 'I can't love you anymore. Not
when you act this way; if
this is really what you've become, I can't follow
you. I can't
make excuses any longer. I'll miss you, but I miss you already.
I'm
lonely without the boy I knew. I think he might be gone.'
'Lily, no! I'm not like them I swear! I love you Lily, don't leave!'
Despite his endeavors, her hand slipped away from his
and he found himself
once again on the floor of Grimmauld Place
with his arms outstretched as if
to snatch her back from the
grave,
'My poor Lily, what have I done? What have I done to you?'
"I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm
awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be
unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I
don't mean to drag it on,
but I can't seem to let you go
I
don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go
I
tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without
you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I'm always going to be incomplete."
His heart broke again, falling to crumbling
bits of ash in his chest. Lily
shone in gold above him, this time
it was no memory he had never seen her
like this before. She
appeared to him fully grown, a beautiful woman. Light
encircled
her like a halo. She looked like an angel, but when she spoke it
was
the same crystal voice he had always heard,
"Me too. Do you remember
When we were only kids
And we were best of
friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest
I
heard, heard myself
Say things I take back
If I could, could
retell
And make these stories last
I see, see shadows
Of
who you'll always be
I drive, drive these roads
Made of
memories
When we were only kids
And we were best of
friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go from the
rest
Shadows and regrets
We let go from the rest
Everything
has changed
Faces stay the same
Everything has changed
Faces
stay the same
And we were only kids
And our time
couldn't end
And how tall did we stand
With the world in my
hands
And we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And
we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest
And shadows and
regrets
We let go of the rest
Shadows and Regrets
We let go
of the rest."
"I remember," there were no other
words to be spoken. She smiled and
disappeared though the scent
of her perfume lingered. He collected himself
and left the house,
taking the second page of the letter with him. Lots of
Love,
Lily. Yes, that's what he needed.