Author's Note: I had a horrible nightmare that somewhere in between disattached from my head and bled into Kuroshitsuji. I was glad for it.
It's the second time this happens with a Kuroshitsuji fic. And because reality is more troublesome than nightmares, an awaken event led me to come here and type this down. Cleansing.
Again, a beautiful and perfect soundtrack to inspire me - Igorrr album "Savage Sinusoid", specially the tracks 'Opus Brain', 'Problème d'émotion', 'Spaghetti Forever' and 'Au Revoir'.
Disclaimer: I don't know own Kuroshitsuji and I'm very glad to Toboso Yana. I do own my nightmare though.
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"My Lord."
"Earl."
..
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He was used to nightmares. Dreams had always been the nuisance.
Dreams held that annoying distortion of logic, where everything is ridiculous but it only dawns on your brain after you've open your eyes. Borderline embarrassing in its stupidity, where nothing made sense, but only minutes before you could have swore it did.
His nightmares rarely did that. Given one or the other to choose, he would always prefer the nightmares. As horrible, suffocating as they were.
Normally they made sense. Even if events were tangled, enhanced in their brutality and dread, they had a logic behind them. They didn't bore secrets. Not to him. They held painful truths, terrifying memories, suffocating fears.
All those truths he couldn't bare to face or reveal.
The nightmares didn't have answers to his questions, the reasons why it happened, and yet he kept drifting in them, to all those unpleasant times his mind couldn't let go.
Making it worse than it...
...could be?
Now everything was burning.
"Earl."
Ciel couldn't breathe.
He couldn't breathe.
How many times had he been here again, in his mansion, as it burned? Hell set loose, burning his lungs, his eyes tearing from the panic and the flames. The hallways so big and so tall, infinite, a labyrinth to trap him and burn him to the bones.
"Ciel!"
He held his hand, tightly, painfully, running and pulling and pushing for an exit that seemed gone, screams and shattering glass echoing and disorienting.
He was going to die, and nothing...
"Ciel...!"
Ciel turned, panting and scared. The panic made it so, so hard to breathe, there was no escape, and if there was, everything was gone. Everyone was d-
Tears fell down his face, heavy, cold, trails of moisture soaking locks of hair. A soothing hand touched his skin, very softly.
But hell roared and everything was yellow, orange, red, flaming and burning, cracking and weeping.
Nightmares distorted reality too, but this... this was real.
It was this horrible, this scary, this... he was alone, they were alone.
He tried to breathe, but there was no escape and everyone was going to die.
He tried, he...
"Shhh..."
Ciel dragged or was dragged, stopped and ran, halted harshly. Amidst the panic and the fear, if he could just... if everything could be alright once more, he didn't want to be scared.
If there was only one way to make something alright, even if for one moment...
Ciel could do it.
His hand hurt from holding on so hard. But Ciel wouldn't give up, even if the mansion burned to the ground, or their blood-
Blood.
He could see him holding on, not a hand anymore, but something on his hand, a flash of blue. So quickly there and so quickly gone. A smile, a reassurance that at least something would be alright.
It would be alright, but...
The blood. Red wasn't fire anymore, it was blood.
He looked at Ciel, looked at himself. Hands holding, hands ripped apart, hand covering mouth and swallowing, his hand, my hand, hand drenched drippingsoakeddrenchedanddripping in blood and now holding-
"You shouldn't be afraid, Earl."
No...
No.
Sebas-
-bastian?
"Shh. It's alright."
The tears trailed silently, and this time the hand was more tangible, just as soft and soothing as before, drying the tear away with care. It was there. Real. The touch was so foreign, the fondness so foreign, something he hadn't been given in a lifetime; but it was so familiar, so present and grounding, Ciel had been cared after for longer than he knew. The tips of fingernails grazed his face as a thumb drew calm circles on his cheek, like so many other times, so calmly and caring.
"You shouldn't be afraid of nightmares anymore, Earl."
Nightmares will be over?
What if it's worse when I'm awaken?
"It's about time you'll face them with open eyes. And overcome your nightmares."
Sebas-
-Sebastian?
Sebastian!
-I know that name.
Sebast-!
"Shh~ it will be alright. It's almost time now."
Who are you talking to?
Undertaker smiled softly, brushing a lock of hair back to place. The touch was kind.
"You, Earl."
Earl.
Phantomhive.
-The ring.
My ring.
My ring.
.
..
No, Ci-!
It's alright. It's just like candy.
Ciel!
..
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The scream echoed and jolted him up and Ciel hoped against hope everything had been a nightmare but wasn't sure anymore.
Had the nightmare ended? No - Ciel!
The sounds shook him in his bones, the screams resonated on the very walls of the manor and if the fire-
Something was so wrong-
Was he awaken, or-
"My Lord."
Ciel jumped abruptly, eyes wide and unfocused, suddenly blinded and confused. The shapes and forms of his bedroom regained sense painfully slow, as did the weight of his body, slowly reawaken. His throat felt like rough sand had been poured into his mouth -like before, no- , hoarse and dried like so many other times when he awoke from so many other previous nightmares.
So I'm awaken now.
Am I?
His head hovered dangerously, spinning and throbbing, and he felt sick. Even though he was sitting down on his bed, he felt his body waver and lose balance.
Sebastian secured a hand on his shoulder, holding Ciel up and grounding him on the bedroom, on his surroundings, on Sebastian.
Ciel locked his own hand around Sebastian's arm, his grip shaking but clasping like his life depended on it, hurting the butler. Sebastian didn't react, but his brow flinched however slightly.
His butler waited until Ciel's breathing steadied. It seemed to take longer than usual. Longer than the previous times.
"Your nightmares are returning again."
"It's nothing." Ciel didn't so much as hesitate, but it was a mechanical, instintictive reply, branded so deep in his mind that it didn't require conscious thinking. His breathing was still ragged, and both Ciel and Sebastian knew his words were a lie.
Another one.
"This has been upsetting your rest. It'll start to affect your health soon enough."
"I've always had nightmares. Shut up."
"Indeed. But these have become reoccuring without trigger."
Ciel wanted to shot Sebastian a glare, but couldn't. A tingling on the side his face made him stirr, but he was wary to let go of Sebastian. He was still holding the butler like a lifeline - which he was right now. He was real, palpable.
So was ... him.
He moved his hand to his face, finding his sudden thought was correct; tears had creeped through his nightmare, trailed to the sides of his face into his hair. His cheeks and hair were damp. His fingertip touching the skin, felt...
...real.
He was... again, that was...
He had dreamed with Undertaker before. Like he was right here in his room. The nightmares had become reoccuring, and yet...
They had to be nightmares. Undertaker wasn't here. He never had been.
"Sebastian."
"My Lord?"
"For how long have you been here?"
"Some minutes. I was trying to wake you up."
"You didn't."
"I called you. You were awfully agitated. Even when you screamed, you weren't fully conscious."
"I called for you."
"You mumbled, my Lord, but I could not wake you."
But he replied to me. He - Undertaker. I called Sebastian - didn't I? He shushed me...
Undertaker. What in name of God is he doing...?
No. He could not be doing anything.
Ciel was dreaming. A nightmare. This... No matter how real it felt, it wasn't. No one had touched his face or his hair, same way he hadn't been in the burning mansion just moments prior.
Ciel eyed the demon, who looked back at him in concern. Or as much concern as he could feel. If he asked Sebastian to touch his face, would it feel as caring as that...
No. The thought was wrong all together. Ciel shivered just from it. That care was part of his delusional nightmare. It had felt familiar, like it was something frequent, a caring like a parent would demonstrate, and it could not be so. Undertaker wasn't here, and never had been. Sebastian looked over him at night, not Undertaker. It was a nightmare.
He wasn't afraid of nightmares anymore. Facing nightmares with open eyes... he would do it too. He already did. He prefered to face nightmares with open eyes, after all.
Undertaker didn't have anything to do with it. His words were redundant, and Ciel's mind ought to create new nightmares.
What if it's worse when I'm awaken?
It would never be worse. Even with his eyes open, it wouldn't be worse. Those words his nightmare-Undertaker said... redundant. It would be alright. Of course.
It could never be worse. Everything he saw with his open eyes would be overcomed.
His worst nightmare was that hell.
The blood.
The red.
Ciel.
And he wouldn't face none of that with open eyes again.
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おわり
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Author's Note: Both twins are having the same nightmare, so their thoughts are overlapping. That's where the italics come to play at a certain point, and each line belongs to one twin, but you have to understand which is which in the actual nightmare.
And Undertaker is talking to both.
I purposefully want it to be confusing, but on the previous 'narrator' part, He and Ciel is where the distinction is clearer. Specially I intended with Ciel couldn't breathe. / He couldn't breathe. Both are having the nightmare.
Thanks for reading, please point out mistakes and leave review if you want to.