Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
Just Fluff
A Digimon Tamers story by: Crazyeight
The house was quiet when Rika got home. Dropping her bag on the floor of her room broke the silence, but its echo only made her even more aware of the absence of life in the household. Her grandmother was presently out, a message on her cellphone informing her that the elder matriarch had gone to the theater with a friend. Her mother, Rumiko, remained at work as well for the time being, leaving the house entirely empty and void, save for herself, and only herself.
It's been over a year now, she thought distractedly, shrugging out of her school uniform and tossing it to the side in favor of her usual t-shirt – a light, blue-sleeved affair with a full-heart emblazoned on the center of the chest – and jeans, eager to get back into something that was more her style. After pulling on her shirt, she fingered the full-heart symbol – a reconciliation gift from her mother some months ago to replace her broken-heart one that had been her icon for so long – before smoothing it out.
She thought about what to do, but as she stood there, alone with her thoughts and the silence, she drew her hands up into tight fists. Finally, unable to take it anymore, she hurried over to her table and snatched up her headphones and music player. After quickly texting a message out to her family, letting them know she was going to be out for a bit, she promptly settled her headphones over her ears and headed out without even looking back.
She relaxed a little as she hit play on her Walkman, the silence that hung over her ears vanishing at the push of the button. Silence she didn't mind much, especially in the past, preferring it over much of the noise around her, save for her playlist of selected songs, but the absence of presence needled her.
More accurately, it was the absence of one presence. A memory of golden fur and dark-blue eyes shining with moon-lit mirth normally hidden tickled at the corners of her mind. Renamon… Rika thought, hands curling once more into tight fists. To give them something to do, she thrust them into her pockets. It didn't quite stop her train of thought however. The memory of her digimon partner hung just within reach, just as it always had. Just as she had always been present during her stay in her life before being abruptly taken from her, to return back to the world that birthed her.
Did she ever get my message? she wondered. The digital world is so huge. It's…It's almost impossible for her or the others to find it by chance…
The old fear that she had voiced all those months ago when her friend Henry proposed sending messages to their digimon partners rose up once more, and she felt a sharp pain in her heart. She clenched her eyes shut for a brief moment, taking a slow, deep breath, counting to five before releasing it. A trick she learned from Henry. She couldn't say that she felt better, but…it did help. It helped the most during those moments when she wanted desperately to hear Renamon's voice again.
That foolish hope – the Goggleheaded hope, as she called it – of seeing her partner again one day sat wrong with her, even as she clung to it as though it were driftwood and she cast upon the ocean's mercy.
I don't know how Takato does that, she thought, thinking of one of her closest friends and his seemingly bottomless well of hope, even as she conceived of asking him. She didn't want to do that, and yet…
Well, it's been a while since we last saw each other. Chewing her lower lip, she considered it for a moment before finally making her decision.
Well, it's not like I have to ask him anything…
Her hands clenching once more in her pockets, she began to steadily move in the direction of her friend's home.
###
"Ow!"
Takato snatched his hand back from the needle point half-threaded through yellow cloth, wincing as he spotted a small bubble of red swelling up from his index finger. Scowling at it, he popped the injured appendage in his mouth, sucking away the blood before withdrawing it with an agitated sigh.
"I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea after all," he said aloud to himself before reaching over to his side to pick up a box of Band-Aids. His hands already had a couple such bandages wrapped around his fingers, victims of his clumsiness and inexperience with needlework.
Jeri said that this was supposed to be fun, he thought, inspecting his work for spots of blood as he wrapped up his injury. But so far this is turning out to be more me hurting myself than anything else. If it were Kazu, I would have sworn that this was meant to be a prank or something.
A small smile crossed his face, thinking about the amber-eyed girl, Jeri Katou, wondering how she was doing. Business at her father's tavern was presently booming, making it difficult for the two of them to see each other outside of school. Feeling a touch of worry for her, he took hold of the needle once more, just as she showed him during one of their rare gettogethers, adjusting his grip slightly to compensate for the awkwardness of the bandage, and proceeded to push the needle all the way through the yellow cloth, tying the string off before repeating the process, taking care to aim the point away from vulnerable skin.
I'll have to give her a call sometime. Man, I've really been out of touch with people lately. I mean, besides school, I just haven't seen much of anyone, especially Rika. His expression fell at how little contact he had with the fire-haired girl that was one of his closest friends. Two weeks had passed since he last saw her or even exchanged a word. That she went to a different school was no excuse. No excuse at all where their friendship was concerned.
Well, hopefully she'll be fine with this as an apology gift, he commiserated before yelping quietly, snatching his hand away once more from an accidental prick from the needle, taking advantage of his attention slipping away.
Man… If I didn't know any better, I'd say this is more than making up for my not talking much with anyone lately.
Making a heavy sigh, he took up the box of Band-Aids again and began to remove another one.
I wonder if I'm even going to have any fingers left before I finish…
After bandaging himself up once more, he set about to work again, throwing all of his concentration into it. Taking up some black cloth now, cut at sharp, triangular angles, he applied them over a yellow, fluff-filled stump and set the needle to it.
Now for the claws… he thought, applying pressure.
A knock came at the door just then, and while low and soft, it was surprising enough for the boy to jerk in his seat and push the needle all the way through the cloth. As though it had a mind of its own it twisted and sought out bare skin, the tip plunging in, causing the boy to yelp loudly with pain.
"Jeez, Takato," came the voice of Rika on the other end of the door just as it began to slide open. "Momentai already before you have a heart at…"
The girl's voice trailed off as the door slid all the way open now, giving her a clear view of Takato holding his hand with a needle sticking out of it, blood bubbling up around the corners. With an anxious look, she hurried on over and took hold of his hand, dismissing the stuffed piece of cloth he was working on; her friend being of greater importance.
"Rika! What are you doing here?" Takato exclaimed, face flushing in one mad rush as he tried to process what was happening, all the while feeling a peculiar sense of cruel irony that he managed to prick himself again with his needlework because Rika – the very person he felt guilty about not seeing much of lately – had shown up just in that very moment. Oh, he was certain now that the universe was making him pay for his lack of diligence.
"Apparently to see you making a mess of yourself," the girl grumbled, taking out the needle quickly and scowling at the injury, as though she were daring it to start bleeding. A small bubble rose up tentatively, only to swell and pop under her baleful glare. Squeezing his hand tightly to close the wound up, she noticed his numerous bandages already wrapped around his fingers and cast her eyes about for their source, quickly locating the box on his desk.
"For goodness sake," she grumbled, snatching it up. "You need to take better care of yourself. What are you doing anyway?"
"Um…" Takato's face blushed madly as the girl tore open a package and proceeded to ply the latest Band-Aid to his hand. "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise…"
"Your surprise involved stabbing yourself with a needle?" Rika asked, her scowling, violet eyes lifting up to his crimson ones quizzically. "Takato, if you make me worry about you because you're being a stupid Gogglehead, I'm going to…"
"No! No!" Takato exclaimed quickly with a sharp shake of his head. "No, I was just…making something, and I'm…well…" Looking away evasively toward his desk, he swallowed, feeling the heat baking away on his face. He was not at all ready for such an unexpected intrusion when he wasn't even finished with his work. "I'm not very good with needles yet."
Somehow, this made even less sense to Rika, but she followed his gaze to his work area, and quickly found a ball of stuffed yellow cloth with four stubby legs, what looked like a foxlike tail attached to one end, and blue buttons for eyes. The needlework was, admittedly messy, even by her standards, and she didn't even sew, zigzagging together haphazardly in what was, in her estimation, typical 'Takato' fashion.
Yet, she quickly lost sight of this Frankenstein roughness, seeing only instead the yellow ball, and what it was meant to represent.
"Is…that…?"
"Yeah," Takato nodded. "I kind of wanted to come up with something for everyone since our partners are still in the digital world. I guess…to remember that we're not alone and that a part of them will always be with us."
Scratching the back of his head, a little embarrassed now that he heard his own thoughts on the matter out loud, he continued.
"It's probably kind of weird. I mean, a part of them is always with us anyway, but…I guess…after we sent out the messages, and how everyone was then…" He paused, not sure how to continue. Rika, however, didn't respond, so caught up by the plush toy, that Takato might as well not have been there.
Smoothing out the Band-Aid, Rika reached out for the plus toy that looked like a clawed version – or the beginnings of one – of Viximon, Renamon's In-training level form. The form she had been forced to return to the digital world in. Running a hand along the smooth, yellow face, she imagined Renamon's golden fur beneath her fingertips, like silk to the touch and warm.
But not this. There was no warmth save for whatever she imparted to it.
A part of them will always be with us, huh? Because of this? But Renamon… She doesn't have a part of me with her.
"Doesn't have a part of you with her?" Takato asked, tilting his head to one side questioningly. "What do you mean, Rika?"
Closing her eyes, Rika didn't answer right away, and instead bit her lower lip as she felt a hot lump growing in her throat. She hadn't realized that she had spoken out loud.
Her voice… she thought before wiping at her eyes, realizing that they were stinging with unshed tears. The old wound had been torn open once more, and she knotted her face up, trying to keep it all in. She didn't want to cry. Not least of all in front of Takato.
The boy, for his part, looked at her uncertainly, his own heart cracking a little upon seeing that his attempt at helping his friends feel better only seemed to be doing the exact opposite.
Is that…all I do? he wondered, thinking back on Jeri and how badly he had dropped the ball in comforting her after Leomon's death. He lifted a hand toward Rika, and hesitated…briefly. Memories of his lack of action with Jeri blazed a trail through his mind, and determination roared up in his mind. He set his hand on Rika's shoulder, giving it a soft, comforting squeeze.
I won't hesitate anymore, even with Rika. I've got to make things right somehow.
"Are you okay?" he asked. It was a terrible question, he knew, but he had to start somewhere if he was to be of any help. Rika might not want to talk, but he wanted to at least let her know that she had friends there to help her get through her difficulties.
Rika on the other hand swatted his hand away, and at once turned a baleful glare on the hapless boy.
"Do you really think this can replace her?" she asked, her voice swollen with grief that she still refused to let out. Picking up the stuffed toy, she shook it at him accusingly. "That this will help me feel better?"
"Whoa, hey!" Takato began, taken aback by the anger being directed squarely at him. "I just wanted to…"
"What about Renamon?" she interrupted, continuing to berate him as she took a menacing step towards him, causing Takato to back up. "Are you going to make one of me to send to her so she doesn't feel…lonely either?" She all but spat the word at him venomously. "Are you going to send it to her? We don't have a portal! The only one we had was buried in cement by Yamaki, and it's gone now!"
"Rika!" Takato began, trying to get a word in edgewise as his mind continued whirling about over this outburst. "I just wanted…!"
"You could have thought!"
With that cry, Rika hurled the plush toy to the floor, and it bounced, landing atop Takato's feet, blue-button eyes staring right up at her. Rika felt a small gasp escape her lips at the sight and her hands balled up into tight fists. Her body was shaking violently and she clenched her eyes shut, desperately attempting to regain some measure of control. In the black behind her eyes, she heard Takato shift. Opening her eyes, she saw him bending over as he picked the toy back up and set it on his desk. The look on his face… All at once she saw a flicker of emotional exhaustion behind his red-eyes, and something that lay deeper behind them. The hopeful warmth of his, now greatly diminished.
Takato… she thought, feeling the heart beneath the one on her shirt crack a little at the sight and she looked away guiltily, not wanting to see him like this, knowing that she was responsible.
I…don't want to be here anymore…
"This is stupid," she muttered, turning away and storming off. She heard Takato start after her, and she quickened her pace in response.
"Rika! What…?"
"Don't follow me!" she snapped upon reaching the stairs, but the boy only hesitated for half a second before resuming his pace.
"But I…" he began, but Rika didn't give him a chance to continue. Skipping steps now, she reached the bottom in record time and broke into a run. Running from Takato. That was a new thing for her, but she just felt so…angry just now. The toy Renamon had been bad enough, but yelling at one of her best friends undeservedly only made things even worse. She heard a surprised exclamation from him behind her, and the brush of his fingers on her arm, but she pulled away.
Within seconds, she was out the door of Takato's home and already lost in the crowd, leaving a panting Takato behind her, looking around in confusion.
Man, she sure can run, he thought in bewilderment, wiping at his forehead. Looking into the crowd again, he found himself only shaking his head, amazed that for someone with such distinctive hair, she had completely and utterly vanished.
"Everything okay there, son?" came the voice of his father, Takehiro as he approached from behind, a quizzical expression on his face.
"No," Takato replied, his shoulders sagging. "I…kind of hit a sore spot with Renamon. I didn't mean to, but…"
He trailed off, hating himself now. He hurt her. Even without meaning to, he still hurt her.
Can I do anything right?
"Might be a good idea to let her cool off then before trying to talk to her," Takehiro advised, laying a hand on his son's shoulder. He understood just how deep his son's separation from his partner, Guilmon, had cut and knew from observation that it was the same for all of his friends. "I know how it feels, wanting to get in there and try and make things right as quickly as possible, but…sometimes the only thing that can do it is time."
Takato dropped his head before nodding in resignation to his father's wisdom. Turning, he headed back into the bakery. Starting back toward the stairs, he paused to look at the phone hanging on the wall. A part of him wanted desperately to call Rika on her cell phone, but given the mood she was in, he doubted it would make any difference except to make her even madder.
What am I going to do? he thought, making his way up the stairs to his room and quickly ducking inside. The crude Renamon plush sat on his desk, blue-button eyes staring back at him, causing him to wrinkle his nose, his overactive imagination feeling as though it had moved just so it could do just that.
My imagination is such a curse, he thought, pulling back his chair and settling himself down in it so that he and the plush were at eye level.
"What would you do?" he asked the plush. In his mind's eye, he envisioned Renamon, and of course she advised as his father did. Leave Rika be until she cooled down. He hated the idea. He just had to do something!
But…sometimes it's a good idea to leave things be for a little while when they get like this…isn't it?
He closed his eyes. All of a sudden, he didn't want to be here either. Taking the Renamon-plush and his tools, he began to pile them into his school bag.
"Well, if I'm going to do anything, I might as well just go out and clear my head," he muttered under his breath. Pushing away from his desk, he started off, pausing only a moment to pick up his digivice along the way, the last proof in the world of humans that the digimon had existed and weren't just a figment of his imagination.
###
Rika dashed through the streets of the city, the bakery behind her rapidly vanishing from sight. She didn't slow down though, and continued to charge forward, hearing only the pounding of her feet on pavement as they beat in time with her heart. She didn't stop until she was well inside the park, and when she did, she found herself shaking still, the lump of pain in her throat burning within.
"Stupid…" she muttered, wiping at her eyes. "Stupid Gogglehead… Use your head for a change. What made you think that would make me happy?"
She kicked at the dirt, plodding back on.
"I don't want a fake…"
In her mind, she reached out for that old connection she had shared with Renamon, only to come up with nothing but the shadow of herself. Alone, once more, just as she had been for the last year, but she remembered Renamon well enough to know what she would have done in this situation.
Probably just show up next to me and look at me, like she wanted to know why I did that when he was just trying to be nice. Rika sniffed and scowled, hating herself for being so upset. I get that he wanted to do something nice, but…
She sniffed again and clenched her hands together tightly.
Gogglehead… You're horrible sometimes.
In her mind's eye, she envisioned Renamon standing there, watching her with what she felt to be disapproval in her azure eyes. Reproachful, and asking her if that was truly the case.
"No… I'm the one who was horrible back there," she said finally, remembering her message to Renamon; how she had called her partner horrible for something she didn't intend to do. It hadn't been her fault that she had found a place in the girl's heart, only to be yanked away by Hypnos and the Monster Makers, just as it hadn't been Takato's fault that he accidently pressed the wrong button in his attempt to help her feel better.
He didn't deserve to get kicked into the dirt for that, she thought. At best, he deserved a light scolding and things would have gone on like usual.
A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she envisioned an alternate path the encounter could have taken. Takato blushing and apologizing profusely while she stood there, arms folded across her chest as she informed him of his wrongdoing calmly, but sternly. That was the nature of their friendship. He would do something stupid, and she would course correct him.
Her smile slipped, remembering what actually happened.
I really messed up back there, didn't I? she thought, remembering the Renamon-plush staring up at her, and Takato's own hurt, exhausted eyes. Not for the first time did she wonder why the boy bothered to stay her friend. She was like a rose. Nice from a distance, but lots of thorns that pricked the hand of whoever came too close, and of all her friends, she pricked him the worst. Yet, he stuck by her; on more than one occasion even before they were friends looking happy and elated upon seeing her.
At least after I stopped trying to kill Dinoboy…
Her hand brushed against her pocket, wherein her cellphone lay, and hesitated. She scowled, remembering once more her message to Renamon.
"I'm sick of thinking hesitantly every day."
Reaching into her pocket, she dug out her phone and scrolled down to Takato's home phone. Hitting the call button, she swallowed anxiously. She hated apologizing, but she felt she needed to do this. Her friendship with Takato demanded she do no less.
"Hello, Matsuki Bakery," came the voice of Mie – Takato's mother – as the phoneline picked up. "How can we help you?"
"Hi, Mrs. Matsuki," she greeted, cursing the nervous twitter in her voice. "It's Rika. Is Takato there?"
"Oh, hi. I'm sorry, he left a little while ago after you did to go to the park. Do you want me to leave a message for him?"
"No thanks," Rika replied, feeling depressed that he wasn't there right away, and she silently cursed his lack of a cellphone. "Thank you for letting me know."
With that, she bid Mie goodbye and hung up. Glancing around, she considered her options.
Going to the park, huh? she mused. Well, at least I'm in the right area still. And I'm pretty sure I know where he's going…
###
The familiar paths of the park greeted him as the sun dipped lower in the sky toward the awaiting horizon, and Takato made a bee-line in the direction of a set of stairs that led up a tall, foliage-heavy hill. As he raced up it, he felt his heartbeat quicken, a spark of hope flaring in his chest. It almost always did during that first year without the digimon. Now, it was considerably less, having become used to being crushed with every time he came up here. The mess of concrete that buried Guilmon's old home – itself a concrete bunker as well before being buried beneath the new barrier – greeted him upon reaching the top, and he paused there, looking for some sign of his old partner, perhaps digging his way out.
"Of course, there isn't any," he said regretfully, another crack spanning the length of his heart. Approaching the concrete, he sat himself down and leaned his back against it. Memories from those days gone by pervaded his mind and thoughts, and he remembered that last day with the digimon, as they were being pulled away, back into the digital world.
"Remember Takato, you promised! You promised! Takatooo!"
Takato felt tears well up in his eyes and he clenched them shut. After several moments, he took a shuddering breath.
"Oh Guilmon… I…I don't know if I can keep my promise. How can I?"
He looked up at the sky. The blue was fading into gold. Somewhere in there, in that vast expanse of blazing color, was the digital world, caught up in the Earth's very own communication network.
"It's so far away. I don't know how to get there. Henry says his dad and his friends are making a better Ark, but he doesn't know how long it will take for them."
He felt the pressure of his schoolbag pressing against his back and he shifted forward a little, giving some breathing room to the Renamon-plushy within.
"I want to see you again, Guilmon. I want to see everyone together again and happy." The memory of Rika's hurt face flashed through his mind, and he shuddered. He wanted to help her feel better, but so far as he could see, it had blown up rather spectacularly in his face. "I wish…I wish I knew what to do. I can't bring you home by wishing it. It feels like all I can do is wait, but…sometimes waiting is hard. So hard."
Silence fell over the concrete bunker, and Takato sat there, gazing up at the sky, losing himself in the quiet. After a few minutes, words came to his lips; a fragment of a song he heard from Rika's Walkman once upon a time. Words that now felt rather appropriate.
We'll be together forever, forever, because we promised that setting sun.
Even if we are far away, we'll still feel that same orange.
"It will be okay" Because that setting sun connects us.
Don't cry anymore, in the light of the love in our hearts.
In the light of the love in our hearts.
Tapering off, he wiped at his eyes, tears stinging once more at their edges.
"Someday, Guilmon," he said in a hushed whisper.
The sound of shoes scuffing along the concrete of the stairs broke across the quiet, and he looked up just in time to see Rika coming up the stairs, as though the song had summoned her. Climbing to his feet in astonishment, he wiped at his eyes again, both to clear them of his remaining tears and to make sure that he wasn't dreaming about her again.
"Rika?! What…" He floundered, still amazed upon seeing her before his mouth twitched, forming a quirky smile. "Um…Hey!"
Their eyes met, and at once Rika frowned slightly. Again, he was happy to see her in spite of how she treated him earlier.
Why is he like this? Is it just a cover?
No. She could see that he was genuinely happy to see her, and a bit relieved as well. Nervous and uncertainty flickered in his eyes, but the first two emotions dominated his crimson gaze. That was the one thing she liked best about him. She always knew where she stood with him, and didn't have to go through as much guesswork. Takato didn't always say what he thought out loud, but his eyes always spoke the truth. He couldn't lie if his life depended on it.
I need to be more honest with him too, she thought, coming to a halt in front of him, crossing her arms together as she often did when educating him.
"Sometimes you really need to get angry with me, Takato," she said sternly. "You don't need to baby me because you're afraid of hurting my feelings." She paused and fixed him with a hard look. "No one can do their best if you're halfhearted about everything."
Takato blinked, a bit confused by her words for half a second before realizing that she was apologizing for earlier. Relief flooded his heart and he smiled softly in acknowledgement, eager to put the painful past behind them.
"I'll do my best then, just like you always do."
Rika blushed lightly at that and found it suddenly hard to meet his gaze. Tightening her arms around each other, she continued.
"Why do you stick around me?" she asked, her voice taking on a quieter tone now. "I sure hurt you a lot."
Once more, Takato gave her a quizzical look.
"Because you're my friend," he said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Rika, however, was not satisfied with this answer.
"But why?"
Takato paused for a moment and then smiled his usual, big, goofy smile.
"I…don't think I can put it into words. You just are. You're important to me, thorns and all."
Rika blushed lightly once again as she processed his words, and she shifted. She wasn't happy with that response either, but she supposed she couldn't blame him. Takato had never been much for forming coherent thoughts, and often stumbled over them in much the same way he would were his shoes untied. But…she supposed that was fine for now. She could read him like a book after all.
She returned her gaze to his, searching his red, warm eyes, seeing how deep his feelings for her ran.
After a moment, she dropped her arms to reveal the full-heart of her T-shirt, a small, playful smirk touched the corners of her lips.
"So that's how much you like me, huh?"
"It's what makes you, you," he replied, not quite understanding the added meaning to her words. "I wouldn't trade any of that for the world."
"Don't say corny stuff like that," she chided before tossing her head over her shoulder, indicating that she wanted him to walk with her. "Come on. I'm guessing that you have that sorry excuse for a plush toy with you. Mom and Grandma should be home now. I'm sure they can give you some pointers so you're not hurting yourself so much."
Takato's eyes lit up at that, giving her all the answer she needed, and with that, the two left the concrete bunker behind them, their hearts, intertwined, a bit freer in the light of the setting sun.
9