Inspired by Aqualung + Lucy Schwartz song, "Cold."
Listed some lyrics below, no copyright infringement intended.
Naruto et al. © Masashi Kishimoto. Characters on loan for fanfiction use. I do not claim rights.
…
If you have not heard the song, it has a haunting kind of beauty. My main inspiration came from that first line listed here, and the sound of the repeated verse also listed after. ("Held between heaven and hell… What you are given, can't be forgotten, and never forsaken.") The quote I found appropriate and almost symbolic for the scene after thinking on it a while. Let me know what you think.
…
"Yet each man kills the thing he loves.
By each let this be heard:
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword."
-Oscar Wilde
Deserter
Cold.
Awareness trickled back into the darkness of her mind with the recognition. A strange heat radiated just above her shoulder, setting the skin there aflame, alerting her to the deep chill that had settled into the rest of her body from the cold stone bench. It took unusual effort to shake off the chill that had seized her body and to open her eyes. Her eyelashes fluttered, an unshed tear briefly caught in the lashes before falling away to the stone below her head. She had been crying? She didn't remember crying, only...
Red eyes and a familiar face framed by dark hair.
Pain seared through her chest, shriveling her lungs and driving the breath from her as she wrenched her body upright off the stone, wildly throwing out her hands to catch herself. Hot nausea rolled in her stomach but it went unnoticed in the wake of the pain in her chest. One hand clenched the edge of the bench by her shaking knees as the other curled in her fabric of her shirt. She was surprised that her heart beat was so ferocious beneath her hand when it felt like an empty cavity. She still hadn't drawn a breath. Suddenly her ribs felt unbearably tight against her heart. A muffled buzzing briefly broke through her horror and her eyes flickered toward the noise, startling her into drawing a breath. Blue. All she could see was sapphire blue. The edges of her vision started to fade, darkness creeping in over her eyes. The hand that had been hovering over her shoulder landed heavily, gripping tightly and gently shaking. Her ears were filled with the buzzing again; this time it processed through her brain. Oh...
"Sakura! Breathe, Sakura!"
Obediently she did, her body slumping without the tension she hadn't realized she was holding. The warm hand on her shoulder was the only support to prevent her from collapsing. More buzzing. Another delay.
"Just breathe, Sakura, it's okay. I'm here and I can get help and-"
Sakura's head felt so heavy on her neck. It took too much effort to tilt her neck back, bringing Naruto's bright blue eyes back into sharp focus, the rest of his face only a hazy silhouette. No. He didn't understand. He didn't know. Nothing was okay.
Red eyes.
Sakura felt her stomach drop and her heavy head rolled down. Sakura felt her body curve in on itself as her head dropped to hang between her knees. Naruto's hand loosened in shock then tightened almost painfully. His nervous chatter took a panicked edge. Sakura's hand on the bench fell loose and slowly she dragged it up to cover her face. Tears fell from under her hands and fell to hit the pavement between her feet
"Oh God, he's gone..."
...
Naruto kicked a pebble, watching it bounce wildly down the pathway, bringing up puffs of dust as it hit. He lazily followed after it, thrusting his hands deeper into his pockets to ward off the slight chill that touched at his exposed skin. Night still cloaked the village as Naruto wandered through buildings, down empty roads. A soft breath of wind ruffled his hair and tugged at his clothes, moving the flowers in the window gardens as he passed through the last neighborhood on the edge of the village toward his favorite training ground in the denser forest. Shifting his rucksack, filled to the brim with kunai, shuriken, wires and a bento lunch, Naruto absentmindedly kicked the pebble again. He didn't see it bounce down and into the grass on the side of the path. A familiar startling shade of pink had caught his attention. Sakura? His teammate was curled on the stone bench, oblivious to the world. Naruto glanced up, then down the path. No one. So why was Sakura out here alone? Had she come early for practice too? A strange instinct thought that she had been out here all night drifted through his mind and made him start out of his confusion. Quickly he jogged over to Sakura, his bag slipping out of his hands to land with a thump in the middle of the path. Sakura didn't move.
"Sakura?"
She didn't react to his soft question, and Naruto swept a quick glance over her. She didn't seem hurt. She only appeared to be asleep. Hesitantly he reached out, vaguely mesmerized by how instantly he could see her skin react with gooseflesh to the subtle warmth of his hand, drawing her from the depths of her sleep. He left his hand off her anticipating her mortification to have him leaning over her as she woke up. What he wasn't ready for was the reaction of seeing her eyes open slowly and then her sudden overwhelming panic. Wrenching up with a gasp, Sakura's failing arm knocked his hand, but she didn't even notice the contact. He subconsciously rocked back on his heels out of harm's way from getting hit. Something was wrong. Immediately he sidestepped in closer with his hip closest to her, unconsciously angling to become less of an accidental target, reaching for her nonetheless. His hand hovered near Sakura's shoulder again as he watched her intently, terrified she might collapse or fly into a violent fit. Her eyes were glazed and every muscle in her slight body was tensed and trembling.
"Sakura?"
He meant to sound strong, to snap her from her state, but the word came out broken, confused. Her body was unsteady, partly in shock from the violent start and the cold, but she had stopped breathing, instead clutching the front of her shirt like it was strangling her.
"Sakura! Breathe, Sakura!" He ordered sharply, shaking her shoulder. Naruto breathed his own sigh of relief as she obeyed.
"Just breathe, Sakura, it's okay. I'm here and I can get help and you don't need to worry anymore. We can fix it..." He didn't even know what "it" was. He was rambling. He knew he was rambling, but still he couldn't get his mouth to shut up. Sakura was scaring him. Her bright green eyes met his and his breath caught in his chest. It was a moment Naruto would never forget in his life. The instant where the hazy, bewildered look in her emerald eyes turn to anguish. And just like that he watched her break. Her body collapsed, falling out of his startled grasp.
"Sakura! Sakura, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He was outright panicking now, reaching for her, but scared to hurt her by holding on to any more than her shoulder. Sakura's shoulder shuddered beneath his hand; tears were streaming down her face. He barely caught her whisper as another chilled breeze swept over them.
"Oh God, he's gone..."
Naruto felt a cold settle over his heart before it dropped into his stomach. "What...?"
...
Hatake Kakashi sat on the rooftop, watching the sun rising further over the horizon. The sprawled out below him was waking up. People milled about on the streets, leaving home and opening shops, while newspaper delivery boys ran from house to house. The daily routine of life was beginning to gain speed. Kakashi could watch for hours.
There were a few theories on why Kakashi was always so late. One was he simply liked to be mysterious and unpredictable; another was that he was simply a lazy bastard, which wasn't helped by his choice of leisure reading material… But while these two might be slightly true, the theory where one believed his lateness to be borne from guilt and lingering at the cenotaph or the fourth theory that his lateness stemmed from an odd habitual tribute to his former young Uchiha teammate that was perpetually late while young Kakashi was always punctual, were closer to the heart of it than Kakashi would ever admit. Yet the biggest cause of his lateness was this: his quiet shadowing. It was actually here where Kakashi lost himself. Because only in being completely absorbed by the quiet bustle could he feel less of himself and therefore feel less of his burdens. It was the same age-old routines that he watched every morning, but something was slightly different every day. Nothing was ever quite the same. That in itself was compelling, and in a small way, comforting to Kakashi after all these years.
Easing himself to his feet, Kakashi stood for a moment to drink in the peace that always seemed to elude his own mind. If only he could breathe it from the quiet like he breathed in air…
With a wistful sigh and an unconscious nod in farewell, Kakashi flashed from the rooftop to the ground. Landing soundlessly, he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and started his walk to the training grounds with long, easy strides. Naruto would be out early as usual and Kakashi liked to watch his creativity in trying to train himself. What he lacked in finesse, Naruto made up for in effort and plain brute force.
Opposite of his father.
Kakashi froze in the street. The growing movement continued on around him, but he was no longer aware of the present, now wandering through his memory in the Konoha of years past. Minato-sensei. He liked to train early in the morning as well, how could Kakashi forget? He would watch his sensei much like he watches the son now. From a distance in the early hours. Minato had the finesse and a massive strength under control. Kakashi found himself thinking about his sensei more often now. No surprise with Naruto on his team as he was. It was impossible not to compare the two. Wistful nostalgia of what he now realized were happier times hit Kakashi hard. At almost the same moment, guilt and remorse raised their ugly twinned heads within him.
Tilting his head slightly, Kakashi tried to let the thoughts slide from his head as well. It would not due to be lost in the past today, time to watch Naruto as Naruto only. Maybe later, much later, they could have a talk about his father… no matter what the Third decided, it was what was due to Naruto. With another mental shake, Kakashi simply started on his way again, overlooking the strange glances and stares sent his way.
Kakashi ambled down the path that forked to the farthest training fields. Naruto's favorite. Maybe Naruto liked them because they were the least used; then he could do some damage when he was practicing with his Shadow clones and not get in trouble. Maybe it was that Naruto was self conscious of his technique and picked the furthest training fields where he was least likely to have anyone watch him struggle. Kakashi made it a point to watch him anyway. The boy was figuring more out on his own and was beginning to apply the whole, "Watch and Learn" lesson every other child understood by age five.
As he came to the sharp bend in the path, Kakashi carefully scuffed his foot against a pebble. It skipped down the path toward the bend, flew off into the trees nearby, ricocheted off no less than three trees before righting its angle and skipping down the path now around the bend. A tiny smirk barely touched Kakashi's lips beneath his mask before it slipped from memory like it had never happened as he watched the pebble bounce off of a pack dropped in the pathway.
Kakashi heard the panic in Naruto's voice before he processed the words. His blood ran cold in his veins.
"Sakura! Breathe, Sakura!"
Kakashi found himself listening to Naruto as well and sucked in a slight breath. His presence on the path went unnoticed, but he could see Naruto gripping Sakura in a way that the girl would never allow. She was clutching her heart…
Her heart…
She didn't really have one, wasn't that what she always said? It belonged to Sasuke, she said. Never to Kakashi of course, but he overheard many things that was never meant for his ears. Inane teenage gossip and love struck confessions were something he wasn't particularly interested in anyway.
"Sakura! Sakura, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
For Sakura to be clutching at her chest like she just had her heart ripped out…
"Oh God, he's gone..."
Kakashi was rooted to the ground, his feet would not move, could not move. The Earth would turn on without him as he stood petrified. The darkest fears that lingered in the deepest corners of his mind for this new team were confirmed in his waking life. How could he have missed the signs? Where they really there at all? He knew this storyline, he lived it himself: The one looking only to better himself, which lead to the other to die for righteousness, and the girl to fade from life…
No! Not this team as well! It couldn't be happening again. But it was if the sobs now shuddering through Sakura's body were any indication.
Those few words condemned Kakashi to live his past again.
His team…
Team Seven was now split.
Forever.